Wow. So. Okay.
Re: I Lost 10 Pounds in 24 Hours!! Ask Me How!!!1!

Monkey On My Back (oh, don't worry, I've still got a zillion monkey-puns left)

(I've typed this out twice in the comments but just to make it totally Crystal-Pepsi-Clear: when I said "strong opinions" I did NOT mean "asshole opinions." I meant it more like, HOLY SHIT, there were close to 300 comments on what I thought was a REALLY BORING TOPIC. There was no draaaaahmaaa, other than a couple obvious trolls who got themselves deleted because they were obvious trolls who made no sense because trolls never make sense because they live under bridges and probably don't qualify for library cards.

There were comments I agreed with and a couple I didn't but even the most assvice-y of the comments were written respectfully and coherently. I was definitely more interested in your personal stories, but I am aware that "hey, tell me what YOU did" often gets mistranslated out here as "hey, tell me what YOU think I should do" and the conflicting advice starts flowing like wine and honestly in the end all that wine makes me sleepy.)

(HOWEVER!)

(THE IRONY STARTS HERE!)

So I was carrying Noah out to the car earlier today when my foot slipped on the edge of the sidewalk leading up to our house and my ankle twisted and I fell down and over the concrete steps and I dropped Noah on his back and his head hit the pavement and and my knees skidded on the pavement and he is fine and I am fine except that I look like this:

Knees

If they were LOLegs, I bet the caption would be something like: HAR HAR IMPECKABLE TIMING! or NOM NOM NOM GRAVEL! or MY POETIC JUSTICE: LET ME SHOW U IT.

Comments

Aimee

Yikes!

I didn't comment the other day b/c you had way too many and well my advice was more of the same. William, who just turned two and is supposed to be napping right now, sometimes walks and sometimes doesn't. Today he said "Up Now" and I said "No Up Now." He got over it, but sometimes he DOES NOT. Then I have a crazy child on my hands and well I'm once again THAT MOM. So, basically I have no advice. Just keep trying different things until something clicks.

Starbuck

That is one sad looking boo-boo. Maybe Noah will now think that carried=dropped and decide he safer on his own 2 feet! I hope you don't have too much pain. If you do, I'm sure you have adequate amounts of wine to dull it.

Lumpyheadsmom

So . . . are you just clumsy, or drunk already?

b

Oh NO! I skinned my knees when I was six months pregnant with my last daughter and I forgot how much that shit hurts! They sting and you can't really bend them. I whined for days. Heal up soon!

Luba

Ouch! That looks painful. We have 2 sets of stairs in my house and I am ALWAYS afraid of tumbling down them while carrying my 6 month old (because I have fallen on my butt going down those stairs, just not yet while carrying a 20 lb monkey - yes, a 6 month old). Hope all boo boos are okay.

Kelly J

Owie! I HATE skinned knees above all other boo-boos! But scrapes aside, you have lovely-looking knees!

Shari

Did you cry?

I think skinned knees as a adult are 100x more painful!

Shari

Did you cry?

I think skinned knees as a adult are 100x more painful!

mswas

well if you were looking to stop carrying him now you have a good explanation - it gives mommy boo-boos!

sheilah

Yep. Lots of wine will take your mind off of skinned knees.

Liana

OWWWwww! MAN I'm so sorry- I mean, I know you're fine now but that must have been a pretty scary moment- and those knees look PAINful! Make sure Jason rubs the ankle you twisted ;)

kristi

Umm....where are the cool Curious George Band-aids? Didn't you hear? All the hip moms are wearing them these days!

Crazy J

Wow- that sucks.

My mother-in-law had an absolute rule that she would NOT carry a child that was over 2, because she had two friends that carried their large children (read 2.1 months) around and fell and broke an elbow or something.
I disagree strongly, but could see how painful tht might be. However, it was a risk I was willing to take, and continued to carry my daughter until she was almost 3, but I have a runner, so I never felt comfortable letting her walk. At Target and the grocery store, we immediately go from the car to the cart and she was never allowed to get out because she is CRAZY and has NO SENSE. Much like her mother.

andrea

Ouch! My husband is often scared to let me hold our son when we go on walks (yes we carry him most all of the time) because I am such a klutz and fall over non-existent cracks in the sidewalk all the time, and I have the scars to prove it.

Glad you were both okay!

Spring

Ugh. It is SO MUCH more painful to fall down as a grown-up than it was as a child, isn't it? Every minor fall becomes an ordeal, and we end up writhing around like that lady on that commercial screaming for help because I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP!

Just me?

Maybe it's the ego bruising that hurts the most, though.

Your blood is pretty.

Ashley

owww that looks like it hurt.

though...that IS ironic.

Crazy J

Wow- that sucks.

My mother-in-law had an absolute rule that she would NOT carry a child that was over 2, because she had two friends that carried their large children (read 2.1 months) around and fell and broke an elbow or something.
I disagree strongly, but could see how painful tht might be. However, it was a risk I was willing to take, and continued to carry my daughter until she was almost 3, but I have a runner, so I never felt comfortable letting her walk. At Target and the grocery store, we immediately go from the car to the cart and she was never allowed to get out because she is CRAZY and has NO SENSE. Much like her mother.

gwendomama

nice use of irony, that!

sorry for the owies. just think, if you were forcing him to walk against his will, you could have ended up slipping on the ice and landing ON TOP of him. FAR more embarrassing. and precisely why i cannot live in a cold climate with my children.
i am a superklutz.

NicolefromAZ

Awww that sucks. I know that hurt. Make your husband kiss your booboos.

Georgia

I LOVE when shit like that happens! Life makes me giggle sometimes...and it also makes me bleed sometimes, too.

skyzi

You can borrow my neosporin, but I will be needing it back since I can't stop injuring myself.

Andrea

Of course. How fitting.

But seriously, that is crazy. Feel better--it hurts when you wash skinned knees :(

Kelly

Wow. I used to have knees like that all the time (when I was 7)! Good news is that knees like that totally don't scar. Like totally.

Bensmommie

I stopped carrying my son when I started having neck and shoulder pain. The doctor asked me if I had been doing heavy lifting and when I said, no, just carrying my son, he asked how old he was. My baby was nearly five at the time. And 45 pounds.

One of the reasons why I did it for so long was that I loved carrying him. And it really bothered me that everytime we went somewhere and had to stand in line (Disneyworld, the movies, etc.) his face was level with everyone's asses. So I carried him.

He loved being carried I told him the doctor said I couldn't carry him anymore he ws so okay with it it kind of stung. Although I got over it pretty quickly when I realized how much easier it was to walk without someone's feet banging against your knees!

Noah will become Mr. Independent sooner than you would like so I say, as long as you're not in pain (although your poor knees look pretty ouchy!) and you're not still lugging around a twelve year old, enjoy carrying your beautiful baby boy!

anne nahm

Ouch!

If you squint really hard, the blood on your knees kind of make them look like they have faces. Knee puppets! Mr. Oh Noez is there on the left, and the ghost of Grims McGee on the right.

mtngray

But the real question is, were there people around to see you fall? Because that always makes everything worse.
My husband tripped on a curb while carrying our...2 year-old at the time...I think. It was at his company picnic, so everyone saw him! He took one for the team and sacrificed his elbows for the sake of our son. He's a good man.
The only real bummer was that I wasn't there to see it!

Ginny

Yikes! That was always my worst nightmare--still is actually. There are two separate families in the neighborhood who walk babies around without strollers. One is a young couple, (spry like you-ha!)but the other is the grandparent/caregivers and I worry every time I see them. I'm an uber-paranoid Gladys Kravitz. Hope you and Noah are ok!

Kim

You can has cooky. Nom nom -cooky makes boo-boos all better.

heels

Those kind STING! Youch!

Someone Being Me

Oh, no. That qualifies for wine. Lots of wine. And some juice for Noah. I am always afraid of that. Especially when navigating the concrete steps in heels at the front of the church holding Bear. Gives me chills just thinking about it. Glad you are both relatively ok.

Sarah

yowza!Do you at least have some cool Thomas the train band-aids for those boo boo's?

cheri

ouch! carry him. i carried mine whenever...i got places quicker rather than toddler walking. my kids stopped wanting me to hold regularly by the time they were 3. occasionally i get the "hold me! hold me!" from my almost 4 year old, and i love those moments seeing as how she runs away faster now.

Ninotchka

I almost hate to say it because it seems sort of inappropriate and perhaps even creepy but what lovely legs you have my dear!

(Sorry about the fall. Anna Sofia ran into a wall at warp speed yesterday - really as if it wasn't even there - and well, it was just pitiful)

(And I wacked my leg a la Nancy Kerrigan with one of those dog toy, Chuck It! ball thrower things because I'm a fucking moron who doesn't know how to play fetch with her dog without injuring herself and now have a nice goose-egg just below my knee that hurts like hell. "Why me? Aaahhhhh! Why me?" heh)

Jennifer

Doh! I did the same thing - I was carrying my 2 year old niece & my foot twisted sideways and I fell flat down onto the cement. The whole time I was going down all I could think of was the best way to fall so she wouldn't touch the ground. I managed to turn onto my side mid-fall & she wasn't hurt - just scared. :) The only thing that was broken was my cellphone in my pocket - and a tear in my favorite pants!

Keely

Aww..... did I hurt your feelings? Sometimes the truth hurts!!!!!

Missie

So is the next topic going to be how long should Jason carry you?

wordnerd

Yikes. That oughta cure him. ;)

Sarah Marie

Irony? You can has it! Maybe ban-dayds too.

Nice LOLegs!

b

Now I'm going to refer to you as "Britney". Ha. Just kidding.

My four year old still tries to pull the carry me crap, but only while I'm holding the two year old and 9 month old. Sometimes I just let her hang on my neck. That should piss some people off, right?

Nichole

What the hell is with the mean-spirited comments? If they don't like what they are reading...then why are they here? It was their choice...
Sorry, no more ranting. People just irritate me sometimes. Though I second the someone up there (^) who said the next question was how long Jason should carry YOU.

Beth

Ditto Nichole regarding the mean-spirited comments!

Cindy

I still carry my six year old sometimes....just cause he lets me!

all things bd

Irony sucks donkey nuts, but it makes for a very enjoyable blog, so thanks for wiping out for my amusement. Glad the little man came out unscathed.

Get thee some Spiderman BandAids.

Jenn

Is it wrong that this picture made me LOL? Sorry. I took a tumble like that when our youngest was almost a year. I was never more thankful that he was wearing a helmet (what can I say, he had a REALLY flat head). I was definitely more traumatized and skinned up than he was. Thanks for sharing your karma!

tracey

Dude. Hope Noah's ok. Should we start calling you Grace?

WonderSpot

I would stick with the Nom Nom Nom caption. Never fails to crack my ass up.

Amanda

I didn't comment the other day, because I take my son to work everyday (at a preschool) and he hangs like a monkey on my head sometimes. He pulls my hair and sucks his thumb when he's tired and/or cranky. He's turning three this week. No advice from the "Mom of Monkey Boy".

Helen

Owie.....however, does Noah now scream and run at the idea that you might want to pick him up and carry him now? Poor knees, whever I fall over and get a hurt I am astounded at how little kids just get up and carry on while I am traumatised for hours, days even.

Helen

Laughing at Kims comment to have a cookie, my husband literally gets the shakes when he sees those cookies with the chocolate squiggly lines on, says his mom always gave him one when he fell over, never seemed to get them any other time but if he was hurt she would produce them from somewhere and now he can't stand to even walk past them in the store!

Christine

ok, Maybe this is God's way of telling you that it's time to let the little dude walk on his own..Not that you can't still carry him sometimes, but maybe encouraging him to be a "big boy"

Christine

Ouchies on the knee-knees. So sorry about that. BUT.

You're legs look as if you've been working out, YAY you!

Kate

Yikes! I didn't comment on the carrying thing because I don't think you'll be carrying your kid in kindergarten and honestly I don't think it's that big of a deal but this post did remind me of when I was carrying one of my twins (he was about two at the time), I slipped and fell and he ended up in the emergency room with six stitches.

If they fall on their own they have a lot less far to fall than if you fall while carrying them so if you're a klutz like me, don't carry him everywhere or you will have SERIOUS mommy-guilt to deal with every time you see the little white scar on his chin. Nine years later. Massive guilt. Really. :)

~Kate

AmyM

Uhhhh, ouch.

AmyM

Ok, sorry, got crazy with the post button...
That reminds me of when my oldest was 9 months old. I was carrying him down some porch steps and it was the middle of winter. I slipped on the step and flew forward, throwing my preshus baby like 10 feet ahead of me... face first into a snow pile.
My Mother of the Year award... let me show you it.

Heather

I am 22, 17 weeks pregnant, and I still carry my 7 year old nephew to bed if he falls asleep on the couch (which is, I kid you not, EVERY TIME I'm around. He LOVES it.)

guilty!

also, your son is so unbelievably adorable with his sweet grin, amazing blond curls, and long eyelashes that I'm no longer terrified to have a son myself.

Victoria

"Nom nom nom gravel" is my favourite, but um, OWW!

Alissa

i really hope my comment didn't come off as being ass-vicey...

carry him. or don't. but dang girl... get yourself a band-aid!

Stimey

My mom was carrying my middle child when he was under two and did the same thing. Except she twisted her ankle instead of skinned her knees. It took her something like a year to be brave enough to carry him again.

Sharri

So the real question is: Did you shave your legs before you took the picture? Because, please, do you actually shave your legs that perfectly in the winter? Come on. :-)

Catherine

I didn't leave any assvice on the last post, but here's mine - Noah is a sensitive and bright kid. Mine were too. When they got too heavy to carry everywhere, I told them so, nicely, and asked them to help me by walking and holding my hand. If you make up for it with chair cuddle time, they get the idea pretty quickly that they are too heavy for Mommy to lug around but cuddles are still available when she's sitting down.

Of course, dumping him on his ass and falling on your own has delivered a vivid, "You're too big to get carried everywhere, kid!" that no amount of delicacy could have provided. Now you can say, "Remember how we fell down? Let's walk together so we don't fall down again!"

Reluctant Housewife

I missed the bottom step on a staircase at my parent's house a few weeks ago when I was carrying my 3 year old. It was dark, early hours of the morning, we were half-asleep and I thought I was at the bottom. No such luck, I fell and landed hard on my knees. I ended with very badly bruised shins, but my little guy was unhurt.
There's not much scarier than falling down while carrying your child. Glad you're both okay.

Ree

But you still have cute knees.

janny226

So sorry!! Makes my Saturday boo-boo, from a poorly-thought-out run down the neighbor's driveway with Duckyboy on his trike beside me, pale by comparison. I've always been afraid I'll fall while carrying him. Now I just crash right next to him. And, oh yeah. In case it wasn't clear from my comment on previous post: I still carry my kindergartner. But not TO school. A girl's gotta have some standards...

Veggie

Yeah, you can ignore my assvice, because it was mostly smartassvice.

Nasty job on the knees. Ouch. Too bad it didn't happen at daycare, because then you can give them a serious hard time like I did.

Zandria

Yowza! Yikes! Ouch! :(

Amy Shepherd

Ouch! Sorry for your boo-boos. I'm glad Noah's okay. Isn't it scary how fast unexpected things happen?

Every time I find myself going at more than a quick walk (which is really, really rare) I flash back to being a kid and stumbling and skinning my knees and my palms (which was, um, pretty often). And even though it's a relatively minor pain in the grand scheme of things, I still consciously try to avoid it.

Nery

What.. are you giving Rockstar Mommy leg showing competition? ;)

kayak woman

Delurking to say "been there done that!" Going on 20 years ago. My whole knee was completely skinned. Er, not to one-up you on that, just remembering. The kid was okay but it took me 20 minutes or so to figure that out through all the [legitimate] crying, etc. Yikes.

Julia

thank god you wrote this and I read it because it made me remember what my son would say when he wanted to be picked up ~
upmm? upmm? upmm? UPMMMM!!!

He is now 21 and I haven't carried him in at least, hmmm, honestly about 11 years. he was very, very tiny and could be carried a long time. He is 6'1" now and hard to carry...and he stopped asking.

THE BEE

You poor thing ! I would rather suffer a paper cut than skinned knees. I am glad you are both ok.
My sister just took my 2 yr old niece to Egypt and her tiny feet never touched the ground reported my sister. Every picture has her and her husband carrying the very happy Chloe.
Your boy always looks so darn happy. You are doing all the right things I am sure.
His hair and eyelashes are adorable.

Fogspinner

Ouch! Double Ouch.

Only can compare to my mother who was closing a gate (across a road) and fell, the gate then crawled up the back of her leg since it didn't loose momentum when she did.

who me? you can't mean ME!

Sorry about your knees. Sorry if certain people (okay, ME) misinterpreted your request to "share" to mean "offer assvice." My bad. I just wanna help, girl! Is that so wrong? Knees though. Ooch. That's gotta hurt.

Candy

Those are some knobby knees lady. You need some TLC on those babies.

Katie Kat

OWWWWWWCH. Get some Neosporin on those things. Noah can kiss them and make them better - he SHOULD after all, you flew through the air clutching him tight, and then flung your body on the ground under him and sacrificed your own loverly knees to keep him from getting a concussion (at least that's what you'll tell him years from now).

OWWWWWCH. Can has cheezburger or cookie for painkiller.

teachbroeck

glad you are alright...although I thought maybe your hubby was just a very happy man =)

Hannah

Irony is a bitch, isn't it?

Ouch. And scary. Glad everyone's basically OK.

Elizabeth

Ouch!! I'm glad you're both okay.

Someone should totally start an LOLegs Flickr group, we can post our photos of our banged up shins and our toddlers bruised legs. You know someone will do that now, right? Because "My poetic justice, let me show u it" is BRILLIANT.

BOSSY

Amalah Can Has Bandaids?

Lisa M

Owww! I've wiped out on the ice several times this winter too! Noah might want to walk a little more now.....but really, Owwww! And kids' heads are tough. Just look at my boys...oh, wait...don't look...

Jamie AZ

OUCH!!!

Scatteredmom

Ouch! Glad you're relatively okay...and Noah, too. :)

mama speak

Not offering asservice, just a little story to show you that there is no good answer. (And are you sure you didn’t photoshop those knees cause an irony post is kind of funny when you think of it. I’m sure you didn’t, but you know traffic!)

I have a very bad back (herniated disk pushing on my sciatica,) because I am old and decrepit. (Actually I herniated the disk carrying the 4 YO for two City blocks while wearing high heals; she was having tantrum, so that right there, good thing not to do w/the carrying of the kid.) The back issue limits the amount I can carry my kids w/out being knock on my arce for the rest of the day. But I do love carrying my babies, especially the youngest (21 months) cause she’s still in that clingy monkey phase. So I carry down stairs, and in parking lots, etc…Of course week before last we were walking to the neighbors house so the older DD could have a playdate & the baby tripped on her own feet smacking her head on the driveway. She ended up w/two stitches above her eye. So I carried one & herniated a disk, I let one walk & she got stitches; you can’t win on this one.

Also, my SIL fell exactly as you described last month (no child was in the vicinity it was just her being klutzy alone) only instead of skinned knees, she broke her leg!

My asservice: don’t walk anymore it’s too dangerous. Get a segway, it’s safer.

Zu

I didn't offer any assvice yesterday cos you seemed to be overflowing with it, also I can't remember when I stopped carrying my kids(sometime before graduation, I suppose). My friend carried her son on her shoulders for years. They were so comfortable with that arrangement, she wouldn't even remember he was up there. Once on a trip to the zoo she panicked because she couldn't find him and got angry when I just stood there laughing at her fear. Yeah, he was on her shoulders grinning like an insane monkey the whole time. He's in third grade now and totally walks on his own. Its become a favorite drinking story of ours(because its even funnier after a pitcher of margaritas). So don't sweat it, its really no big deal when you stop carrying him.

Zu

As for falling, I was on a field trip with my daughter's class wearing my "coolest Mom in school" shoes and managed to fall flat on my face in front of three buses full of kids and their parents. I twisted my ankle and got a hole in my pants. Sprawling on the ground in front of a crowd of people is just so much fun, all the cool Moms do it.

Maria

Aaargh!!! How is Noah? And your poor knees (and ankle!) OUCH!!! Lots of hugs to both you & Noah!!

Kari

I don't have any advice about carrying kids because, well, I don't have any kids and if I did, I would probably carry him until he didn't want to be carried or until I couldn't carry him.

But what I want to know is whether your ankle hurt like a motherfucker the next day. I did that on Superbowl Sunday and was actually laid up for the next two days with an ankle that looked like a ripe tomato.

Radish

I'm just impressed that they're clean-shaven. Me? I look loke a gorilla.

Leah

Bless you for knowing the difference between poetic justice and irony. There's a special place for you in heaven.

Miss Britt

Wait.

There was a big hullabaloohaha?

About CARRYING A TODDLER?

And I MISSED IT?

Damn it!

Next week do a poll on the election. Probably safer.

Shiz

Owie.

I'm reminded of when you fell in heels at a restaurant back when you were pregnant.

Don't worry, I fell down on a bus a few weeks back. It was pretty much awesome.

Megan

Ouch! I did the same thing, but wasn't as lucky. I was carrying my then 18 month-old and pushing the stroller since the car was just across the street. I stepped off the curb, twisted my ankle and we both went down and I landed hard on my knee with no hands to break the fall. I felt like an idiot ... until I couldn't stand up. Yup, broken leg. Couldn't carry her for the next 3 months -- or lift her into the highchair or bed. Ugh. Now she's addicted to the stroller and she's 3. At least I know where she is.

eva

Your knees bring sexy back. I'm sad in advance for when my baby doesn't want to be carried anymore, and I didn't read the 300 comments on this topic, but if carrying works for you, do it as long as possible because they grow up sooo fast.

NicolefromAZ

Ok did she mention Crystal Pepsi Clear... man i loved that soda...why did she have to go and mention that.

We need to campaign to bring that back.

Andrea

that picture is WHY i read your blog. I love that you are one of the only people i "know" who is as big of a klutz as me!

Donna

I have a friend who was carrying her 4 yr old down the stairs and fell backwards. She sat down hard with her daughter behind her... and broke the child's leg! Talk about mommy guilt!!

My 6 yr old son still loves to be carried. I am constantly telling him he needs to walk (at least in public!) He's getting heavy! But I love my cuddly little boy!

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