The Toddlerese Phrasebook
11 Weeks

I Didn't Spare My Family Any Morning Sickness Details Either

Oh hi. I'm busy. Very busy. Very busy with various digestive quandaries, including: seriously, how hard is it to make a damn slice of toast in the morning, especially since you KNOW that's all it takes to stave off the vomiting, you frigging dumbass? and also: hmm, since I just threw up a still-eerily intact prenatal vitamin, does that mean I have to take another one?

That last question is actually rather complicated, since prenatal vitamins have gone ALL KINDS OF FANCY now, and I am now required to take TWO pills everyday. One being the run-of-the-mill multivitamin, and the other being a space-age omega-3 DHA capsule, and only the fishy-tasting DHA pill seemed to come up undigested but the two pills are sealed together in the little foil packets so I cant just take another DHA pill and aaaaahhhhhhh mah baby needs its brain pillz! Or could I maybe get away with a My First Flintstones? I do love the taste of purple.

I was describing the new generation of prenatal vitamins to my sister-in-law this weekend, and she was rather appalled. "So babies are already smarter than their parents by the time they're BORN?" she asked. "That's bullshit. I wouldn't stand for it. Mothers are entitled to being the smart ones for AT LEAST six extra months or so."

She's got a point. However, my family does have a lot of hopes and dreams riding on this next generation.

And how is that going, so far?

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(You know, I still vaguely feel like I belong more on that couch than behind the camera. None of those kids even bother calling me "Aunt Amy" because I was always the young and cool one. I got free passes to Sesame Place and never knew what the going rate for birthday cash was so I always overestimated and I'd totally let you use my head as the center support beam for your Ultimate Fort. But now I am just another Old Person Barking High-Pitched Commands At Toddlers While Teenagers Silently Wish For Death.)

In less bershon-y moments, here's a sequence I call "And Suddenly, There Was Cake."

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Oh, and PS:

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Was not included in grandbaby photo. Was not given any cake. Hate this family. Going to poop in sumbody's luggage.

Comments

Shelley

HA, I love how Noah is looking at the other kid screaming in the first picture like "Dude? Seriously?" before by the last picture he decides he can't take anymore and just bolts.

Fine For Now

Oh how I love that little dog. Interesting age gap in the kids :)

Paranoid

My god, but your kid is cute. Of course, I've been saying that since he was a newborn. Some things don't change, I guess.

Catherine

We seem to have grown up with the same couch.

Becca

Hahaha, "Going to go poop in sumbody's luggage."

Love the first in "And then there was cake". Noah's like "Cake is serious stuff!"

Tiffany

Love the excited expression in the cake series. That made me laugh for a good 20 seconds.

Liz

Re: the fishy pills, forget the ones in your prenatal set and get the Trader Joes' fish pills instead. They are seriously, magically, totally unfishy and mah baby is a GENIUS.

BaltimoreGal

Poor sweet puppy. I hope she got kisses later.

Someone Being Me

Ugh. I have been having digestive woes of my own of the stomach bug kind. I hope the morning sickness passes soon for you. Poor Ceiba, dogs need cake too right?

mtngray

Ha, that's funny. My mother-in-law tried to get some professional shots of all her grandsons a couple of years ago. Outside. Facing the sun. It was hot. My two year-old had fallen asleep half an hour before and was a mess. My nephews were bored/surly/trying to keep the baby from falling out of the little chair thingy. Only my baby was cute. She didn't end up buying any. Nor has she tried to do it again.

Now pictures of all the boys being pounded on the floor by my baby/now-two-year-old...I can totally hook her up with that.

Julie

OMG - pictures of Ceiba + your great captions = a whole lot of stifled laughing and watering eyes at my desk. They just crack me up every time.

Boozie

Um, that is the same face I make whenever a cake enters the room. I feel ya, Noah.

Katie Kat

The first picture after cake is introduced is GRAND!

And poor Ceiba... she's all "I can has sofa now? NOM NOM NOM"

Sarah

Oh how I love Ceiba!!

Lisa

I could never keep my prenatal vitamins down either. In fact I could rarely get them down - my gag reflex was so bad and those pills are huge. You can get chewable prenatal vitamins.
http://www.premesisrx.com/
My doc said Flintstone chewables were just fine as well.

I was so sick with my second pregnancy (think 7 months of IV feedings and intravenous Zofran) that I never took a prenatal vitamin after week 8. My son is just fine. He leeched every last bit of nutrition he could get out of me! I'll blame him for the osteoporosis later.

I'd be pissed if I didn't get any cake either.

Kim

I had a cousin who was 13 years older than me so she was like my cool Aunt Amy who always gave me fun stuff like makeup and cash and took me to the water park.

I can has cake too?

Ramona

Sorry to get off topic, but, EXCUSE ME, Amy?! Is that what I think it is in the second to last photo?! An old, wooden library card catalog thingy?! I have lusted after those thingies! I need one of those thingies! I look forward to warmer weather so that I may begin my flea market searches again.

Back on topic, the shot of Noah's reaction to the cake? Adorable. I have a similar reaction to gin and tonics and cheese plates.

Melanie

That is one seriously pissed off pursedog.

Marianne

That cake reaction is priceless - wonderful pictures.

Marianne

Katie

Ceiba makes a comeback! God, your dog is hilarious.

jenn

Noah is FREAKIN' adorable! His expressions are priceless, and appropriate as cake is very important. Aawww no cake for Ceiba...no wonder she’s poopin’ in the luggage.

Sarah

Amy,
Have you tried the nordic naturals DHA supplements? They are either unflavored or strawberry flavored. Also, Moxie, by way of Linda, says to keep them in the freezer and they are less likely to give your heartburn etc. I also take one with a digestive enzyme (bad heartburn is my lot in life).

Liz

My first time here, funny!

NicolefromAZ

I highly recommend taking the pills before bed, they will stay down that way and won't mess with your tummy. I am taking the same ones. Oh and ask your doctor for some Zofran for the nausea and vomitting. I did and it saved me big time!

heather

This may sound obnoxious, but I would have my husband make me toast when he left for work and leave it on the nightstand or I would wake up and eat it in bed. This helped tremendously.

tracey

That's one freakin cute kid ya got there... And a freakISH dog, but in a cute way....

Gretchen

Great pictures! Ceiba looks like she has doggy muffin top. I mean it in a good way!

DiaryofWhy

What a cute (and squirmy) family!

Sonja

Why is it that prenatal vitamins are so large? I could almosts swear I've driven cars that were smaller than the pill I take each night. Ugh.

sheilah

Dude! You go, Ceiba!

(Seriously? That last picture and comment made me spit all over my computer screen. Hopefully diet coke is good for computer keyboards.)

Jamie AZ

I've always had to take vitamins (prenatals and multis) at night before bed otherwise they would make me sick. And a pregnant girlfriend of mine is taking Flintstone's now as she couldn't keep the prenatals down at all. Love the cake and dog pics!

AA

Is that a rat or a dog?

Emily

OMG my parents totally used to have that sofa.

kristi

Ooohhhh...I had those prenatal vitamins. Everything tasted like fish for 9 months. I think not having to take them was my favorite part of finally giving birth. I found they did go down better after consuming an entire bag of Cheese Puffs, though. I guess the styrophomy goodness of my pregnancy craving somehow absorbed the fish taste...go with what works!

Beth

My secret...of not to THROW UP during my pregnancy

Believe or not...was drinking grapefruit juice.

Yes....she's four and smart! Good grief...she can count! AND I have to use the calculator to add or subtract!!

DebbieS

Poor little Ceiba! Nobody loves the granddog anymore...better keep your suitcase zipped shut!

I second the motion of taking your vitamins at night. Heck, I'm not even pregnant and I take them with dinner or before bed. Take the fishy ones with a little bagel and some schmear and pretend it's lox ;)

imagine community

I love how much that last picture of Noah looks like the picture of Little Amalah at the very top of the blog.

kristi

Brace yourself for unsolicited advice (although I give myself a pass, because I would have LOVED to have this unsolicited advice):

Take your prenatal the second before you go to bed. You will never puke it again. I was told this 6 months into my second pregnancy. After having a total of 15 months of SICK.

Good luck!

V

When stomachs are sensitive, ANY vitamin will make you sick on an empty stomach, which you are experiencing. I have bought normal vitamins that I tossed up 10 minutes later, they just tend to be harsh at times. Take them on food. If you have no food, seriously maybe forego the vitamin. Throwing up ain't healthy, either! If you feel the need for nutrition that isn't labeled 'pre-natal', because that label is just more of something than normal ones, just go with a Centrum Women's. They never, ever make me feel sick. But, hey, that's just me. I have gone off on so many vitamin with sensitive stomach or empty stomach tangents I can't count them. I truly believe that some vitamins should just say 'take with food'.

MIP

Lol, poor Ceiba. Our dogs suffer the same indignity now that there is a "real" baby in town.

tracey in toronto

omigod! Ceiba! that photo and your caption made me laugh. i worry that she is plotting your death while you sleep.

andrea

OMG,Ceiba picture my favorite of him EVER!!!!!!!!!!! That looked my dog on easter when she didn't get cake either! LOVE IT!!!! hysterical!!!!!!!!

Maria

I want to scream with joy when I see cake too.

Psst, Ceiba. If you come visit me, I will give you cake and cookies.

Sarah

I hated those huge fish oil casuals too - gah. I found that Motherhood has a smaller DHA supplement that doesn't taste fishy to me at all... But then I gave up on the honking prenatal vitamin and just went with the ones I could get at Walgreens. They work just as well and are smaller thus easier on my stomach!

kim at allconsuming

Yep, and still looking chunky

Secha

The one in the middle looks like my boyfriends little brother. It's a little scary! Noah sure does look like a happy little camper. =)

Meg

Oh I remember being so sick I yakked up some vitamins. But I didnt' have to take 2 different kinds -- I guess I'll have a mediocre kid ;)

Hope you get to feeling better soon and I loved your pictures!

gemma

Try flaxseed oil pills. All of the omega whatsits and none of the fishy taste.

JP

Just read this this morning from the Wall Street Journal:
Pediatricians say there is evidence linking children with diets high in DHA to somewhat improved cognition and vision. However, some point out that the benefits have mostly been noted in premature babies, rather than older kids, and it's unclear how long the advantage lasts. Also, says Frank Greer, a professor of pediatric medicine at the University of Wisconsin and chairman of the Committee on Nutrition of the American Academy of Pediatrics, the body can make DHA on its own from what is naturally present in the diet -- even a diet that doesn't include lots of fish. When it comes to supplemental DHA, "there are no drawbacks, and some potential advantages, but a lot of it is marketing hype," he says.

Miss Britt

ACTUALLY...

My mid-wife recommended Flinstones to me when I couldn't keep my prenatal vitamins down.

So, yes. I think purple would do you just fine. ;-)

MMM

I quite enjoyed my CHEWABLE prenatal vitamins 6 yrs ago.

Candy

I have that exact same couch. Wow.

Andrea

There's a brand of those DHA pills you can buy over the counter. They're called Expecta and they run about $13 a box at Walgreens. Inside each box is an insert explaining the vast and multileveled ways those DHA pills are vital (though I'm with your sister, I want to be smarter for a few minutes) but in that insert is a coupon for a couple bucks off the next box. I think there's a month's supply in there, but that would take away the connundrum of the foil packets.

Also, they aren't fishy tasting. I would have barfed them up too if they had been.

Poor Ceiba. No cake makes doggy a dull girl.

Kim

Hi, Amy!
I just finished reading your ENTIRE archive(s?) and now I am sad. Because now I have to wait for you to post again in order to have something Amalicious to read. Wah! But let me tell you, it took me exactly one month to get through all your past entries and it was a lovely, entertaining month. So thank you.
And very BIG congratulations to you guys and sweet Noah!
*hugs!*

Victoria

Oh good GOD Ceiba looks hideously sad! Save the puppy, save the world!

Stephanie

Those pills... those horrid pills.

better you than me.

oh Lord, better you than me.

Lumpyheadsmom

Primacare makes a two-stage vitamin, which I got once by mistake. (Mistake because damn, keeping one vitamin down is hard enough, I'm not dumb enough to try it twice a day.)

Primacare also makes a one-shot dealie-o (and it's PURPLE!) with the omega-fish-brain-goop. The copay is eleventy bazillion dollars under my health plan, but what can I say, I'm a sheep.

Michelle

Adorable doggy.

I don't know a thing about prenatal vitamins. Is it really that bad to MISS one?

lata82

the primacare pretnatals come as a one a day as well. My trial pack was that stupid 2 pill one but when they wrote the script I got the one a day one and it is MUCH better.

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