Metadog
The Baddest Mommy on the Block

My TiVo Suggests Tylenol PM

Whenever a great big natural disaster or big tragedy-laden news story hits a blogger's general area, they inevitably get worried comments and emails from readers -- particularly if they haven't updated in a few days -- emails of  the "are you okay? is your house okay? is it on fire? washed away by molten lava? and I saw on the news that someone was shot at a mall that I think is near your house and they didn't give any names and omg, YOU WEREN'T SHOT AT HOT TOPIC, WERE YOU?" variety.

So let me just put your minds at ease: Yes, I have stayed at the Mayflower Hotel in the past, but I am in no way connected to the recent bust of the high-class prostitution ring here in DC. Thank you all very much for your concern.

MY ALIBI IS STILL PRETTY HEAVY ON THE SHAME, HOWEVER

So Friday night rolls around. We put Noah to bed, Jason is starting a fire and I'm settling in on the couch, ready to be a giant pain in the ass re: what DVD we will watch, because I hate everything in our queue and especially the three DVDs that came in the mail this week and I don't want to waaaaaatch theeeeem, I want to watch something difffffffferent, preferably something that isn't even out on DVD yeeeeetttt.

This is when I notice that the TV is already on.

"Oh GOD," I say, "is this The Ghost Whisperer?"

Jason turns away from the fireplace and says something like, "Oh, is that what this is? It's just what was...you know...on."

"Eh, let's watch last night's Lost before we pick a movie to argue about." I slowly aim the remote the TV, and...

"Wait! Uh. I don't...I mean...I'm not sure I feel like watching Lost right now."

By this point my own prime-time detective-show-worthy wheels were spinning, and I remember turning off the TV before dinner, and that the TV was firmly locked in NOGGIN toddler mode, so if Jason just turned it back on and left it on whatever channel it was on LIKE HE CLAIMED, we'd be watching Wow Wow Wubbzy right now.

"YOU WANT TO WATCH THE GHOST WHISPERER! YOU WANT TO WATCH IT ON PURPOSE!"

Jason vaguely threatens me with the giant tube of Duraflame matches but concedes the point, and that's how we ended up watching Jennifer Love Hewitt's three-foot-long hair and eyelash extensions on Friday night.

"Why is this show shot like a daytime soap opera, with the smeary Vaseline lens and everything?"

"My lands, man. We certainly are learning A LOT about your TV viewing habits tonight, aren't we?"

"Wait...are you crying?"

"Shut up. My eyes are watering. It's a pregnancy thing."

"You're totally crying."

"WELL? THE MOM GHOST IS REALLY PROUD OF HER DAUGHTER, OKAY? AND SHE COULD TOTALLY SENSE HER MOM GHOST'S PRESENCE RIGHT THEN AND THAT WAS A NICE BIT OF CLOSURE FOR HER."

"This is a pretty terrible show."

"I know. We should totally record next week's episode."

AND THEN! IT WAS SATURDAY!

Saturday night I did not sleep. At all. I stayed up for awhile obsessively listing the Things We Need To Buy For The Baby Before October OMG October! -- sample items include plain white onesies, pacifiers, an infant tub, bottles and holy crap bottles are different now because of the leeching plastic and I know we sort-of knew about the leeching plastic with Noah but stopped caring after I broke all the glass bottles we bought but now we totally have to care about the leeching plastic with this one and do you realize how fucked we are if it's a girl? we have nothing for a girl! everything is blue! the carseat is blue! the extra sheets for the Pack-N-Play are blue! I might be forced to put lacy headbands on her and YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT LACY HEADBANDS.

After realizing that Jason was asleep and not listening, I went downstairs and watched the Grindhouse double feature until four five in the morning, and was overly interested in seeing when the cable would made the switch for daylight savings time. At 1:59 am the clock and channel guide jumped forward to 3:00 am and I sat up and fucking CLAPPED FOR THE CABLE BOX, like I was celebrating my own special little New Year's Eve, or something.

SUNDAY WAS PREDICTABLY BLEAK

I sat on the couch all day and watched 13 straight hours of Hell's Kitchen reruns while bemoaning my lack of sleep. At one point Jason turned to me and asked, "Did I hear you refer to this baby as a do-over last night?" 

"Probably. Sort of. At least in terms of the leeching plastic."

The time change effed Noah up completely, as he refused to nap all day, but then did a faceplant into his dinner and fell sound asleep at 5:30 6:30 I don't even know what time it was either. There were four contestants left on Hell's Kitchen at the time, though, if that helps.

HEY, LOOK AT THE TIME! MONDAY WAS OFFICIALLY YESTERDAY

Once again, I cannot sleep. I start to doze off, then wake up to pee. My skin itches and all my limbs keep falling asleep. And the thinking! God. I cannot turn off the goddamned thinking.

Noah is getting a cold, however, and keeps demanding that I go in and wipe his nose.

I am happy to oblige. There is just nothing good on TV right now.

Comments

LisaMarie

First?

LisaMarie

I have a two-month old little girl after having 2 boys. The pink shopping is fun, and baby girls don't care if they get a little hand-me-down blue stuff. But avoid the lacy headbands and big bows, please! I have become addicted to cute homemade knit hats. Not that I can knit, but you can buy them on Etsy from crafty type-people. Late-night online shopping gives me something to do at 2 am other than reading your blog obsessively.

creative-type dad

I can never find anything good on TV.

Usually I end up watching some weird reality show about some guys launching pumpkins into the air and shooting them or some backyard makover.

Nikki

IT'S LIKE YOU'RE IN MY HEAD!

I can't sleep either.

Sam

Just to let you know, you can still use plastic bootles; just check the label to make sure that they don't contain pthalates or bisphenol-A (same thing with bath books)(and I might have misspelled those). Those are the doozies that are getting banned. Not that I work for citizen lobbies or anything ::coughcough:: But avoid those and you should be alright.

caleal

I'm seriously weirded out if people actually e-mailed you to see if you were involved in a prostitution ring...

Linda

Can we send the "first" people back to X17 online so they can keep stalking Britney Spears or something? Not that this was so relevant of a comment, but still.
On Sunday there were a lot of little girls, maybe 5 or 6 year old,wearing some very long, frilly prairie skirts in the playground. I don't have kids so don't know the fashion, but that surprised me.

honeybecke

Oh yeah, the leeching plastic bottle thingy problem. Our first babe (2.5) was subjected to the leechy avent bottles and we're holding out hope that nothings'amatter there with that. Probably not. When I was expecting our second baby I read some articles/research type stuff about Bisphenol A and came out confused and with more questions. One side says they are safe and one side says NOT safe. Doh! Blah blah. How the heck are we supposed to know what to do? V. frustrating.

Well, better safe than sorry we figured. My second is 8 months old now and sometimes I do feel like he's a do-over, seeing as how he gets medela bottles (they dont leeeeeeeech). My baby did not like the weird shaped nipple that came with the medela bottles, so I had to conduct my own research on which ring/nipples would work well on the standard sized medela bottles. After spending (wasting) way too much money on bad nipple/ring combos, I came up with the winning combo (meaning everything fits together and you and baby don't get a shower of stinky formula) of Wal-evil-Mart brand Nuby rings. Though I hated the nuby nipples cause they were really fast even though they said sloooow. Oh, and the bottles they come with is in the leech family, so I tossed those.
So, for what it's worth here's the recap of what we went with and works well for us: -Medela bottles (ebay!)
-Nuby rings
-Dr. Brown level one slow flow nips.

MY GAWD this was long and involved sorry, but you mentioned it and since I was so there when I was pregnant with no. 2 and I didn't know what to do either and maybe this will help you or someone and you can save some money on buying rings/nipples that result in stinky formula baths.
Hope you sleep soon. And congratulations!


Christine

Girls can wear blue. They don't care.

The general public, however, seems to care a lot. They also care if you don't use those headband things on. They will yell at you.

Which is why I lie a lot and say she's a boy and avoid the question if they ask about the name.

Emily

OMG, I was soooooooooo fundamentally opposed to lacy headbands and big bows for baby girls. And then I had one. She's three months old, and I cannot let her leave the house without a goddamn lacy headband. I mean, it's like SQUUEEEEEE!!! Also, she looks more girl-like with a headband.

Tay

Hey, I can't sleep either. Although, I'm not pregnant, just a college freshman with malfunctioning ADHD medication.

BUT I FEEL AT LEAST A SMIDGEN OF YOUR PAIN.

Maria

I clapped for my cable box too when it sprang forward. I have chronic insomnia and don't wish it on any one. When I can't sleep (read always) on the weekends and there is nothing good on TV and none of my 3,000 books appeal to me, I cook and/or bake. I made awesome red velvet cupcakes this weekend.

amykatrina

You post in the wee hours and this is what you'll get! Those of us with nothing better to do come out of the woodwork (actually, it's 4:30 in the afternoon for me in Shanghai, I just wanted to feel like I fit in the club).

shannymar

DON'T LIE!! WE ALL KNOW YOU WERE INVOLVED IN THAT PROSTITUTION RING!!! Haha.

Hi, My name is Shannon. I have been lurking for a while. Way to intoduce myself right after calling you a liar, teehee.

Michelle

I too had my first taste of the Ghost Whisperer a couple weeks ago. I knew it was horrible, and yet, I couldn't change the channel...

Sally

What - Ghost Whisperer is not officially counted as "a quality televisual experience" in your house? Shame on you both!

I beg you, no lacy bands of any kind, head or otherwise. Girls look fabulous in navy and the pseudo-law of the world and his wife buying only pink gifts for a newborn girl must end immediately! I have to say that I took back and swapped as many of the pink outfits as possible that we received when our daughter was born (15yrs ago)!

Carrie

I...uh...also, on occasion, might well up at Ghost Whisperer. Not that I would ever admit this to actual people I know in my life. It is strangely addictive, if only for the 'what is she going to wear this time?' amusement.

And, although internet people don't care about my well-being, my mum still rings me whenever ANYTHING happens in London, no matter that it's miles away from where I am. Bless her.

Treena

You need to post more often in the wee hours as it's 9pm here in Sydney and the only way i can be in the top 20 posters even though i have nothing of value to add.

And join the club, i'm 13 weeks along and can't sleep either.

megan

yeah! what is with the limbs falling asleep all of the time? is all of my blood in my still small-ish uterus?

Z

Glad to know it wasn't you bringing down my guvnor (aka Client #9) - I was *really* worried there ;)

Heather B.

Thank God! I was so worried yesterday up here in Albany that you and Eliot were BFFE. I'm glad you put those rumors to rest.

If you are looking for something good from Netflix, No Country for Old Men comes out today. I've heard from some people that it is good.

Jezer

Dude, you shoulda called me (I mean, if you actually knew me and stuff). For some reason, my brain thinks that 2am is the absolute best time to jump into high gear. But I don't have a new baby to blame it on.

Amy

Last week I organized our basement playroom until nearly 5 in the morning. I SO feel ya.

jonniker

Honestly, and this is hard for me to admit, but when I watch the Ghost Whisperer, I find myself ... entertained. I kind of LIKE it. Not that I would seek it out on PURPOSE or anything (uh, not me! Nope!), but there's something riveting about the supernatural themes intermingled with Jennifer Love Hewitt's ever-present boobs (My God! THE BOOBS! They are truly amazing, I'm sorry).

Also, you clapped for the cable box. I can't stop giggling, honestly. You CLAPPED FOR THE CABLE BOX. I love it.

Brooks

So glad to hear that you weren't not "sleeping" in room 871 at the Mayflower! Is it just me, or can any one else figure out what $5500/hr get you, and do you do better than that blogging?

Elizabeth

It must be going around, because I was up until 4 am (or 3 am?) on Saturday night (no, Sunday morning). I can never turn off the thinking.

I did flip by Ghost Whisperer last week, and the lighting was making her eyelashes cast shadows on her cheeks. And all I could think was why didn't the lighting guy catch that, and maybe she should BACK AWAY FROM THE FAKE EYELASHES already.

P.S. Noah! No getting sick! Mama needs to REST.

jive turkey

Oh my Lord, please hold your ground with the lacy headbands. PLEASE.

mandy

I very nearly wrote to you asking if you were alright. Then I got distracted by your zero to 40 post and forgot. Sorry. I seriously missed your posts. I am a sad sad individual. But, in my defense, I have been reading you for nearly 3 years and am kind of addicted. I felt like I was in detox or something (not that I know what that feels like). It was bad. Now I am better. Thx

jessica

So - what did you think of the Grindhouse double feature? M yhusband fell asleep, bored, during the kurt russell one and refuses to watch the other one. I kinda liked them both.

You and Noah need a "snuggle day"! when Girl! is getting sick, or mommy is like, way super cranky adn tired, we hunker down in the big bed, my bed, for a day and rest. Most of the time, this seems to help her, and 100% of the time it helps me - even if we "only" end up spending a few hours there. I really do it for the excuse to lay in bed all day and sip juice from a box. Makes me feel fancy.

Christina

OH I SO hear you on the sleep issues and the TV situation.

We argue regularly about what to watch so we just end up in seperate rooms watching what we each want to watch - romantic, eh?

Sleep, meh - who in the wide world needs it??? I was awake at 3a last night (morning?) and said to myself "you promised for this pregnancy if you woke up in the middle of night you would not just lay there doing nothing and feeling sorry for yourself. You would get up and do something..." What did I do you ask? Laid there. Feeling sorry for myself.

I thought (worried) about everything a lot during the 1st trimester but after the ultrasound and with the baby moving more I am less worried thinking and more stupid pregnant lady. I just simply cannot think straight at all and my concentration... holy shit that is totally out the window. Woe is us :)

ollka

Um, so I was a tiny bit distracted when reading this, so it was more than a little WEIRD to read "Jason is starting a fire" right after the first paragraph with the molten lava and all:)

Audra

The really swell thing about babies is they don't care what color their stuff is. Of course I used a lot of my daughters pink blankets on my son and now he loves pink......

FishyGirl

I was so anti pink and frilly with my girls, but people give you that stuff anyway, and if you are cheap (like me) you don't want to get rid of free stuff, so you use it. But I never did headbands, they wore a lot of overalls purchased from the boy's dept. at the oshkosh outlet, and when they were old enough, one picked blue for her favorite color, and the other is a pinkie pie girly girl all the way. Gymboree has some adorable adorable not-pink girl stuff.

As for the insomnia, I can't help you. I would welcome some insomnia, I think, so that I could paint my house and get it ready to sell without 4 small people trying to "help" me.

Liana

My best friend had her first baby- a girl- in December. I went online and bought a cute classic-Pooh baby outfit for her. It only came in blue, but it was really adorable!
When we got the thank-you card (totally unexpected), she mentioned that her husband wanted us to know how glad he was that the outfit wasn't pink or mauve or dusty rose. :)
If you have a girl, she'll rock being unconventional- plus, you are guaranteed to receive as gifts plenty of pink/mauve/dusty rose clothing. It may end up being too much, and you'll be glad for some blue to shake things up a bit!

Jodi

Why don't you just breastfeed -- it's the best thing for the baby and you don't have to worry about the plastic.

Kimberly C

*note to Jodi @9:25 AM read the archives about when Noah was born, sometimes breastfeeding isn't easy and it really sucks for some people.
Continuing on- I had a girl baby with hair? and didn't do the lacy headband/ great big bow in the hair/ pierce her ears with out her consent thing. She mostly doesn't wear pink either. I run with purple, yellow and green- and we have had comments about how cute "he" is- but I just correct the assumption and move on. And wee babies don't care at all.

Andrea

I have the opposite problem. Driving down the highway at 60 mph? I'm ready to curl up in the passenger seat and hit snooze. Red lights have become cat nap opportunities for me. Standing over a hot stove frying hamburger for dinner? I'm lucky I don't add the secret ingredient of drool to our taco meat.

Now, for the assvice about bottles. Feel free to ignore.

I swear by Dr. Brown's because of that vent insert thingy. It helped my son tremendously with gas and spit up. Well, conveniently enough, Dr. Browns bottles will have bisphenol A free option coming out at the end of this month. They already have glass bottles out, but they're just as much money for the bad plastic kind of Dr. Brown's and there's one less bottle per package. That's a rip off, in my opinion. There's also a bottle called Born Free (don't know the web address or I'd pass it on) but if I remember correctly, they're horribly expensive. As for regular Playtex kind of bottles, I can never keep straight the ones that are supposed to be safe and the ones that are not. Is it the colored plastic that's bad? Or is that the good?

Anyway, Babies R Us is supposed to carry the good plastic bottles now, in multiple brands, so I bet if you just ask a salesperson, they can point you to the safe bottles.

Ashley

i choked on my coffee a little bit when i read about the clapping for the cable box.

i too watched the time change - on my cell phone - and was fascinated. glad i'm not the only one :)

Annie

I really need to slow down when I read because I read "My skin itches and all my limbs keep falling asleep." as "...And all my limbs keep falling OFF." Not once, but twice.

Then a flag went up in my mind saying that, though I am not well versed in pregnancy, you probably were not just some limbless torso.

Rachel

Why is it that Jennifer Love was/is a bra spokeswoman, but always seems to forget them when appearing in just about everything. She especially forgets when she has a tight white tee on. That's why my hubby would be watching the Ghostwhisperer.

jodi

I couldn't sleep either on Saturday. We should have chatted.

Olga

Funny: last Friday was the first time I watched Ghost Whisperer from start to finish. And the show COMPLETELY freaked me out! At some parts I was very tempted to just switch the channel, but there was nothing else on.

kalisa

there is something strangely captivating about Ghost Whisperer. I think it's the flowy nightgowns she's always wearing.

anne nahm

lulz - love this post.

Mel

Girls can totally wear blue. :D

Average Jane

That's how "The Ghost Whisperer" gets you! I've been watching for two seasons now, just because I happened to stop and watch it one time.

Momsmoo

You may actually be able to convince me that 2 kids is plenty. I seem to have forgotten all the bad pregnancy things - like exhausted topped with a huge helping of insomnia.

Sara

Insomnia during pregnancy is a cruel joke. We know we're not going to sleep once the baby comes, it would be nice if we could sleep in the months leading up to it! I've been an insomniac since about week 8, and now at 20 weeks, I've yet to get a full night's sleep. No wonder I'm always so exhausted!!

Amalah

Jodi - I have a breast condition that means while I can breastfeed (and I intend to), I don't generally produce enough breastmilk and have to supplement. (Aspirations for fibrocystic breast disease left me with a lot of scar tissue and duct damage.)

It could be different this time (I've read that the ducts can heal with subsequent lactations) but I'd rather not be completely unprepared and shocked by my baby's unacceptable weight loss and "failure to thrive" diagnosis, you know?

("Just breastfeed." Harrumph.)

Andrea -- We looooove Dr. Brown's bottles so much. They're all we ever used, so I am ecstatic to hear I can use them again. Woo! No turbo-barrfing, yay!

Tiffany

Wait wait wait . . . I am pregnant with my first. There are "bad" bottles and "good" bottles? I haven't read this in any of my books! Ah! There is so much information to know, my head is going to explode.

Kimba

I did that this morning, going over everything I need to purchase before November. Also, panicking over our lack of storage space in our tiny rental home, and freaking out about where in the world all the onesies will go......

Tessa

Leeching bottles? whaa? I have a 6 week old, and with low production, am supplementing out the wazoo. Now there's different types of bottles I have to worry about, too? After purchasing them already? #%^@

Someone should put a warning label in the delivery room "Birthing shall kick your Worry Gene into overdrive."

AmyC65

It positively drove me NUTS that, while pregnant, everything
I could find to complain to my OB about was met with a, "oh yea. That sometimes happens when pregnant." Itchy skin? "Oh, yeah. That sometimes happens when pregnant." Wobbly knees? "Yeah. That, too." Flaking toe nails? Bleeding gums? "Those, too." ergh. Being pregnant so totally messes with your system. Hopefully the new shows will start pumping out soon, post-strike. Then you can TiVo your heart out and catch up at night. By then, you'll be pooped and sleep all night.

Jamie AZ

It's funny you mention big-tragedy-news-stories and the calls people make to you. I thought my MIL was the only one who did it. And she appears geographically challenged, too, as most things she calls to ask if we're impacted by are usually in another part of the state.

We're in AZ, so no springing forward for us. We've lived here almost a year and I sorta miss the springing/falling...

Magnolia

Dude what is this about the plastic leeching?

I'm about to have my second one and now I'm all flipped out. Also..is this what I have to look forward for the second pregnancy? gack..I like sleep! I need sleep! come back sleep!!

Laura

I love everything about this blog but if you have a girl and put her in lacy headbands I will be forced to stop reading AND call CPS on you.

Those headbands are hideous.

Laura

I am re-reading my comment above and I have to add that this is totally a joke. I couldn't stop reading this blog.

Ellen

Itchy skin might be common in some pregnancies but is also a symptom of a condition called cholestasis. In cholestasis, the itching is especially pronounced on palms of the hands and soles of the feet.

Sarah

ha ha you clapped for the cable box...sounds like something I would do so I can't laugh that hard...

sheilah

Heh...can't believe someone told you to 'just breastfeed.' Drive-by mothering...

NO LACY HEADBANDS!!

sheilah

Heh...can't believe someone told you to 'just breastfeed.' Drive-by mothering...

NO LACY HEADBANDS!!

Danielle

I've been a Ghost Whisperer junkie for a couple seasons now. It's a good schmaltz fix.

Danielle

I've been a Ghost Whisperer junkie for a couple seasons now. It's a good schmaltz fix.

lisa

Some good cable shows for you amy that are eerily addictive
- intervention on a & e
- ice road truckers (history chan)
- ax men (a & e)

Ginny

I can't believe a "non-pregnant, college freshman, with ADHD medication problems" reads you, too! That's so cool. You bring all people together, Amy! I started watching 'Las Vegas' this year and they immediately cancelled it. I'll stay away from 'Ghost Whisperer.' My gift to you!

ali (Into the Rabbit Hole)

I'm right there with you, sister. What to Expect recommends (if you are having trouble with the sleeping) to NOT TAKE NAPS. This is very hard. And sucks monkeys balls. But last night - it kind of worked. Who knows about tonight, though. Each day is a different day.

Reluctant Housewife

Yuck. You must be exhausted. I hate not being able to sleep. I love hell's kitchen reruns, though. You DONKEY! heh. Anyway, hope you can sleep tonight.
I'm glad you and the cable box had a little celebration, you both deserved it.

chantale

I like Ghost Whisperer. Also Jericho. I like Lost, but hate every other popular show because they don't make you think. Which is probably why I didn't have cable for 6 years. I am also Lame.

Jeanelle

Oh my goodness - our Friday nights are identical, well, except for the Ghost Whisperer - he's right, that is a pretty lame show. When we can't decide what netflix movie to watch, we watch one of our DVR'd HGTV shows, which is completely unlame. It's our parents' Fri date night. And how is it I never feel like watching any of three movies that I personally picked out??

kym b

2 daughters ~ never used a lacy headband thingy. NEVER.

If you have a girl, I swear to you she will not care if you use a blue car seat or pack and play. Just throw some pink or purple on her every now and then and call it a day.

Amanda

I love getting sucked into bad television! You can pretend you are above it, but usually it is just too entertaining to ignore.

I also feel your pain with the reality show marathon. I've been sick the last two days and have probably taken in at least 12 hours of America's Next Top Model. If you can see what happens next right now, how can you stop watching?

(Oh, and Hi! I've been reading your blog for a little while now, but have never commented. I thought I should at some point...)

Velma

You know how people talk about the baby/toddler years as the "salad days?" I prefer to call them the "vegetable years."

Tina C.

yes, i take 1 tylenol PM every night and will do so until the baby comes. the doc said it was OK to do.

Deanna

My ex-husband always called her "Jennifer Love Huge-tits." That's why your husband wants to watch Ghost Whisperer.

glambertz

I read this article and I am shaking. I have left my sleeping baby within eyesight in the car a few times. Of course, with the car locked and not running. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080312/ap_on_re_us/mom_on_trial;_ylt=AkPuE9IX6elfkS7PIbTOeVkDW7oF

BOSSY

Bossy hears you about The Thinking. She hears you because she is always awake doing The Thinking.

Kelly

I'm a bad Mom apparently because until I read this latest post, I had never even heard of this bottle leaching situation! I have twin 2 year olds and am PG with #2 due in 6 weeks...thanks for throwing this info out there...one more thing to worry about but it's important!!!!

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