Previous month:
March 2008
Next month:
May 2008


...uh. ...well. Ok, so...the truth is we just. don't. know. We really and truly don't, and my confidence in my own guess yesterday is pretty much non-existent right now, and hey! Guess what! We go back in eight weeks for another ultrasound. We will...hold off on all the shopping until then. Yes. I wasn't letting the guessing game continue to mean, honest -- in fact I wish I had time to update yesterday and throw up my hands and admit that hell, you could ALL BE RIGHT at this point, especially when some of the comments starting getting a tad...graphic with the descriptions of my poor child's bizness, oh my heavens to betsy ross, and then I felt bad because everybody thought I was holding back on Some Definitive Answer and... ...uh. We don't know what it is. At all. I am sad that I am still calling it an it, because for a couple hours yesterday it was a he, my new baby boy, my second son, oh my goodness I am going to have a house chock full of boys. And while I did feel this tiny twinge of "oh, wow, so no daughter for me," within five... Read more →

You Tell Me.

Well? So I made a guess, and my doctor made a guess, and they were indeed the same guess, but after an unhealthy amount of time examining the blurry genitals on random strangers' ultrasounds on Google I am now second-guessing that guess. Maybe. A little. Eh, I think I'm right. Dear Baby, Thank you for being all alive and perfect and stuff. I really really love you a lot, like, wow, Mama PS LITTLE KICKING LEGS WANT TO CHOMP NOM. Read more →

All This PLUS Free Super Saver Shipping!

The Hi Bebe BT-200 Fetal Doppler/Heartrate Monitor Product Description: Do you need this? OF COURSE YOU NEED THIS. Your next OB appointment isn't until WHEN? You haven't had visual and/or audio confirmation of your baby's continued survival in HOW LONG? Oh Jesus. We don't want to alarm you or anything, but we hear there's some legislation pending in a few states regarding fetal neglect, or something. You are terrible, terrible mother unless you buy this right now. I mean, you had one for your FIRST BABY, right? What, do you not LOVE this baby as much? Are you like, fucking UNGRATEFUL, or something? You think $115 is expensive, or something? But can you really put a price on PEACE OF MIND? I mean, GOD. Product Features: Spend hours at a time MARVELING at the sound of your own digestive tract! EAVESDROP on nearby cellular telephone conversations! Actually RESENT the presence of your own stupid 90 bpm heartbeat which can be picked up in 2,349 different areas of your abdomen! PANIC! At the disco, in your bedroom, on your living room couch -- the stylish travel case and detachable shoulder strap makes this doppler completely PORTABLE! OBSESS over your recent lack... Read more →

He Calls Them Veedy-Ohs

Things We Have Learned This Week: 1) We've got a LOT of chronically incontinent, publicly flatulent, oops-I-crapped-my-pants, weird and wonky-boobed bitches up in here, and I love y'all for it. 2) Breastfeeding. Is a touchy subject. Still. Noted, and moving on. Things We Are Not Talking About Today: 1) Breastfeeding, and thank God. 2) How UPS held my new fetal doppler hostage all week, and yes, I know I said I wasn't allowed to rent one this time, but nobody said anything about BUYING ONE. So I bought one. And then UPS wouldn't give it to me. 3) And then UPS finally gave it to me, but I haven't really been able to find the heartbeat yet but we are not talking about that today, LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAAAohshit. On that ominous note, allow me to present the Tonedeaf Family Sunshine Singers and their rendition of "You Are My Sunshine." This is, admittedly, not their best work, but SOMEBODY forgot to actually hit the "record" button during an earlier and far-superior take, and then SOMEBODY ELSE refused to perform like the little performing monkey that he is and frankly, I don't think they're going to get it together enough in time... Read more →

My Boobs. Did You Miss Them?

So I'm dreaming about the baby pretty regularly now -- shockingly nice, normal dreams where he (he is always a boy, apologies to the hair-bow hopefuls) is indeed of the human variety, although I did have one dream where he was born with a full set of teeth -- and weirdly, every dream eventually includes breastfeeding. I say weirdly, because breastfeeding always seems to be really easy in these dreams. DING DING DING! BIZARRO WORLD! (I know the loyal, long-time readers hate it when I spend half an entry recapping three-year-old plot points, but I cannot help it! It's something of a compulsion with this pregnancy, to neatly file everything into Then and Now columns, and I'm entirely too lazy to dig through the archives for links.) (Plus every time I go into the archives I get delete-happy because can you honestly BELIEVE what a fucking longwinded know-it-all neurotic twit I was back then? God.) (BACK THEN! HAR HAR HAR HAAAAAAAR COUGH.) Anyway, the Cliff's Notes version of Mah Boobs: I have fibrocystic breast disease. It's been relatively quiet lately, but during my early 20s it was a constant source of annoyance and cancer scares. The cysts would occasionally fill... Read more →