16 Weeks, Take Two
They're Two, They're Four, They're $64.50

Neverending High Drama & Nonstop Blog Excitement

Dear Ceiba,

STOP EATING CHOCOLATE THINGS YOU FIND IN THE GARBAGE.

Love,
Amy

***

Dear Self,

STOP THROWING PERFECTLY GOOD CHOCOLATE THINGS IN THE GARBAGE.

Love,
Amy

***

Dear Amy,

DON'T YOU TRY TO BLAME THIS ON ME, THAT WAS NOAH'S CHOCOLATE BUNNY AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN GIVE HIM ONE BITE.

Love,
Self

***

Dear Self,

I HOPE THE DOG IS SITTING ON YOUR LAP WHEN THE DIARRHEA HITS.

Love,
Amy

***

Dear Jason,

STOP LEAVING BAGS OF GARBAGE BY THE BACK DOOR. WHAT, YOU THOUGHT I WOULD TAKE IT OUTSIDE? DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT IT IS VERY FAR ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE LAWN AND THE GRASS IS ALL WET AND I CAN'T FIND MY SHOES AND I THINK YOU SCOOPED SOME CAT POOP IN THERE WHICH MEANS IF I TOUCH THAT BAG THE BABY WILL DIE SO THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T TAKE THE GARBAGE OUT BEFORE THE DOG RIPPED THE BAG OPEN AND ATE THE LAST REMAINING BITES OF CHOCOLATE EASTER BUNNY THAT I THREW OUT THE OTHER NIGHT, BECAUSE I JUST LOVE OUR CHILDREN TOO MUCH.

Love,
Amy

PS I THREW OUT THE LAST REMAINING BITES OF CHOCOLATE EASTER BUNNY BECAUSE I WANT TO LOOK PRETTY FOR YOU.  *SNIFF!*

***

Dear Everybody,

I ARE FINE. EAT CHOCKOLATE ALL THE TIME. MAKES EARS GO A LITTLE HUMMINGBIRDIE BUT THATS IT. I HATE THAT DIET DOG FOOD, ARE COMFORTABLE WITH BODY IMAGE, THINK U CAN ALL BITE ME, BYE.

Love,
Ceiba!

Dsc00162_2

PS ALSO ATE SEVERAL WRAPPERS FROM STICKS OF BUTTER.

Comments

JuneBlossom

Yay! First comment of day!

You make me LAUGH, woman!

I heart you (in that non-scary way)!!

Nicole Kindschi

Hi Amalah - regarding the Blue's Clues clef: There's a site I've used several times for my nephews. Alas, no clef - but some fun stuff for kids. http://www.webundies.com/blues_clues_kids.htm

Atenly

*snorfl* Hummingbird dog ears.

Julie

That soda almost almost got spewed all over my keyboard when I read the word "HUMMINGBIRDIE". Ha!

Hope

I feel you, Ceiba, chocolate makes my ears all hummingbirdy as well. I get some funny looks for it. ;)

Kimberly C

Dear Ceiba,

I love when you blog, I think the pudge is cute. That's all.

((((laughing my *ss off))))

Kim

Jennifer

All hail Lard Ass dog!

Vickie

Ceiba, you are beautfiul just the way you are.

Kirsty

Dear Ceiba,
I am a French cat who sinks you are ze most beeyootifool dog in ze world. I also like to eat much, much things, but not chocolate, I am preferring ze tuna fish and whipped cream. But ze silly 'umans in zis house don't want to understand. Zey just give me ze crunchy, boring, boring cat food. As if anyone would want to eat that.
Eat ze chocolate if you likes it! I am with you all ze way on zis one!
Canine and Feline International Food-Lovers Unite (CAFIFLU)

jive turkey

Haaaaa! That picture of Ceiba and her hummingbird ears is KILLING ME.

Jenn

"makes ears go a little hummingbirdie" is the only thing that's made me laugh all day!

Ashley

seriously, throwing out a perfectly good chocolate bunny? that takes some willpower woman.

kristin

Did you know that if your dog eats something that will make it sick, you can make it throw up by making it swallow hydrogen peroxide? And then you make the dog run around to shake up its stomach, so the hydrogen peroxide gets all foamy, and then it will puke. Yes. Having a vet for a sister sometimes results in very fun information. I have not yet had to do this, though the concept is pretty cool.

Heather

I'm jealous because Kristin took my hydrogen peroxide bit of usefull information but still I can top that because I know about hydrogen peroxide from the dog eating chocolate covered blueberries where the chocolate was also died blue which made the hydrogen peroxide bubble barf blue as well.

Oh wait ... I hope your stomach is feeling better these days or you may hate me forever. IZ SORY

hillary

milk chocolate is so non-chocolatey that your dog would have to eat an assload of it before getting really ill

dark chocolate and cocoa, however, are baaaad for pups

Ceiba's hummingbirdie ears made my day

DiaryofWhy

Dear Ceiba,

Good for you. Everyone knows all the vitamins are in the wrappers.

barnmouse

Hee hee...just the cutest little dog thing ever! The hummingbirdie ears just pushed her to the top of the list! :)

Cyn

Ceiba, my dog Jack once ate a bag of M&Ms, but he barfed it all up on the way to the vet. It was very colorful.

Amy, I just found you thanks to the groovy new Amazon Kindle--so glad I did! I love your work, please keep it up--we all need at least one good laugh a day. It's a rule.

~~~Cyn

Jen

Nothing to comment except I love it!

heidi

i love ceiba stories. i can haz more ceiba stories?

ImpostorMom

why oh why must you be so damn funny?

AmyM

I love writing letters to self and everyone else. Great for venting. Or for giving the internet a window into your insanity. (For me, it's definitely the latter.)

AmyM

I love writing letters to self and everyone else. Great for venting. Or for giving the internet a window into your insanity. (For me, it's definitely the latter.)

Kathryn

Ceiba---is butter paper as good as cheese paper?

jay

Ceiba, haz u lost weight?

...maybe the hummingbirdie ears are burning off calories.

Or something.

Wonder if I can get my cat to do that...

Christina

Oh my gawd, this made me laugh until I almost peed my pregnant self (okay that may not be very hard when I think about it but whatever...) Ah thanks for the entertainment. That dog should have his own blog ;)

Colleen

OMG those ears are hilarious!

and the real question is who at the sticks of butter?

Leah

The ears!

Chris

omg the hummingbirdie ears *snork*

chris

bwhahahahaah! crack me up!

Jennifer H

You make me laugh like no one else on the internet can. And when Ceiba speaks, nothing but magic comes out.

Priscilla

Ha! Glad she tolerates it so well. The last time my wee dog ate a box o chocolates, she puked 17 times all over the house and then spent a week at the vet's. Does something funky to their heart rythmn? Did I spell that right?

vanessa

Hate to get all morose but had a family member who had a boxer pup that got into Easter stash and actually died from eating the chocolate.Apparently chocolate is toxic to a dogs blood system.Sure glad Ceiba only got the hummingbirdie ears! :)

Liana

Hoo boy. That really made me laugh out loud a lot and my husband got all curious. So I read it out loud to him and made him comer over to look at the hummingbirdie ears.
OH the fabulousness. Thank you so much for that refreshing laugh!! :)
And-- I was just recently hankering for a new Ceiba picture and message. Yay!!

alison

My mom used to keep a dish of candy on the coffee table and whenever there were Hershey Kisses in it, my dog would eat the whole bowl full. Then I'd be picking up the dog crap a couple days later in the backyard and the little "Hershey Kiss" tags were sticking up out of all the piles. Good stuff! I love Ceiba!

Backpacking Dad

Dear Amy,

Jus plz don give me peanut buter bcuz I haet that "Get Melk" commershul.

Also, no toefu. S'boring.

Luv,
Ceiba

Nic

I love Ceiba letters. Can she write an advice column too please?!?

mtngray

My husband once called me from work and asked me to put out some frozen dinner rolls to thaw and rise. I stuck them on a baking sheet and left them on top of the stove.

When hubby came home, he asked, "Why didn't you thaw out the rolls?"

Seems one of the dogs, and you know who you are Cowboy, stole them. A half-dozen raw, partially frozen hunks of bread dough. Dogs have cast iron stomachs. I'm sure of it.

And besides, milk chocolate isn't as bad for dogs as dark chocolate or cocoa.

Man, and we are still eating our way through all the Easter candy!

1tiredmommy

My dog would skip the chocolate and go for the cat poop.

I asked the vet what we could feed the cat so the dog wouldn't want the poop so much (tried covered litter box, cat wants nothing of it). He told me there's nothing we can do, those things are like snickers to a dog.

So now we call them kitty snickers in our house. Or cat cookies. We also refer to the litter box as the dog's mini bar. When she starts following the cat around to sniff butts, we tell her to stop shaking the vending machine.

It's disgusting. It's my life.

Dallas

Hahaha! This cracked me up.

AmericnJewl

So, I read your blog through my Bloglines account... I finish reading this post (mental note: must recite "Dear Jason" post to husband ASAP) and the next post in line is this:

http://icanhascheezburger.com/2008/05/01/funny-pictures-all-in-favor-of-getting-rid-of-the-dog/

kara

Okay, I'll just go ahead and be the b**** here, because I know you purposely closed comments on the subject, and I so totally don't mind if you delete my comment. But just wanted to say that maybe some clarification might help any readers who are worried about you using a doppler so frequently. You said that it is a microphone, no ultrasound involved. So if you DID buy one of those baby listener things that truly are just a microphone, then just don't use the term doppler, because doppler fetal heart monitors ARE, in fact, ultrasound. They emit high frequency waves which use the Doppler Effect to detect blood flow. And while it's considered completely safe to have one at every prenatal appointment, that once a month is very different from several times a week. Medical professionals still warn that even though the at-home monitors are available, over-use is not wise and testing should only be done when necessary, for medical purposes.

Anyway. I know it's assvice you don't care to hear. Just thought if you're using a microphone, you could eliminate all the indignant finger-waggers by avoiding mis-use of the term Doppler.

Joy

So funny! A couple of weeks ago my dog ate an entire stick of butter including the wrapper. He was fine. Glad Ceiba is ok!

Jennifer H.

BEST POST EVER!!!! I laughed so hard my nose hurts...from the snorting. :)

Ceiba my dog Hexi would like to let you know that you are her Hero! She loooves to steal goodies from the garbage can, or eat entire 1lb bags of dark chocolate M&M's...nice. She also wants you to know that having to throw up 1lb bags of M&M's after your Mom makes you swallow peroxide is NOT fun.

Maria

Dear Ceiba:

I think you need more chocolate and butter. You're positively Nicole Richie-ish.

Much Love from NYC

Heather

Oh M Gee. That picture of Ceiba is sexy.

Kerry

Thanks for the giggle!

JuJuBee

Chocolate and butter...Ceiba is such a girl :)

BaltimoreGal

Ceiba and Truman writing a column together would make my YEAR.

And I have to say if there is one thing I hate more than assvice, it's assvice from a PREVIOUS blog that has closed comments. That is just asslicious.

Laziza

God, I love this site. You take just the silliest, everyday-life things and make me laugh out loud. Thank you!

Cole

Dogs are so funny, not only has mine eaten entire sticks of butter including the wrapper but he once swallowed a garden glove whole. Needless to say the peroxide trick wasn't going to work on that. He had to have surgery. He is not allowed to help with the weeding anymore.

Sylv

Delurking to thank you for the chuckle. That was hilarious!!

Lisa

Oh Ceiba you cutie pie! I love your hummingbirdie ears. If you lost a few lbs. (not that you NEED to; I think you're perfect!) I bet you could fly around like that cartoon character who had a beanie hat with a propeller on it! (Yes, I am showing my age...old enough to remember the cartoon, too old to remember which one.) And I will let you in on a little secret: I would rip into a bag of garbage for chocolate too!

Robyn

I would have commented but I'm still picturing the blue bubble barf.

AA

Dear Ceiba,

Exactly what genus of rodent are you?

Toodles,
AA

Martha

Good doggie!

ladybug

Laughing like this at work makes people wonder what I'm up to.

hummingbirdie ears = soda out the nose

I was able to control myself until I got to that. Gotta go clean up a mess now. You are too funny, woman (and hummingbirdie dog)!

beth

this cracks me up!

Michelle

I love Ceiba posts. And the hummingbirdie ears made me LMAO. That is one adorable dog.

warcrygirl

That's funny, coffee does the same thing to my ears.

Lioness

Oh the ears! "Hummingbirdie"! Very cute.

Now for the professional bit: I don't mean to sound bitchy at all, that's not my intention at all, but I am finishing vet school and well-formatted by now. There is also no doubt in my mind that you absoluteoly love your dog. That being said, chocolate is only one of the things that can kill a pet or make them very ill at the very least (others are grapes, raisins, avocado, onion, anti-inflammatories, house plants - the list is long), it has theobromine. It depends on the size of the dog and the quantity ingested but with a dog this small we have to be particularly careful. I know many people are not aware of it and I'd rather you think me a cow than risk not saying it when it could actually benefit a pet, specially since it's so hard to resist their begging.

Safiya Outlines

Was the last line a reference to a rather strange film called Taxidermy?

Julie

We had this family friend who had a gigantic dog named Norton, he was probably about 100 lbs. And one Easter the family went to church and while they were gone Norton ate both girls foot-tall solid chocolate rabbits. They were still in the foil! He was fine.

Stacie from MN

I'm jealous...I am not physically able to through chocolate in the garbage because I MUST eat it! All of our chocolate bunnies are long gone...in my tummy.

dinia

Dear Ceiba,

Please be to coming to my house to eat all my chocolate. Since becoming pregnant again, the very sight of it makes me ill. And there is lots. And it must all go. Please come! Thank you.

Brittany

Ok, this hilarity has thrust me out of lurkerdom, and into the comment arena. So funny, thanks!

Lauren

First, I love, love, LOVE the way Ceiba "talks" as in, I are fine. LMAO!

Second, what kind of dog is she?

Mrs Hannigan

I'm going to eat chocolate and butter right now, Ceiba. Then my hair will be as shiny as yours. Thank you.

Amalah

Lioness - trust me, we know chocolate is toxic for dogs. We NEVER EVER give it to her, but unfortunately she's gotten into it via the garbage a couple times (there's actually a link in that first line to the last time it happened, although it glosses over the HOURS of AGONY we spent on the phone with the vet and debating how much she'd eaten and whether she'd be okay). We do not take this lightly, joking post-consumption blog posts aside.

LUCKILY, she's never come close to a toxic level of chocolate. (I was surprised to learn just how much it really takes -- I always thought it was a "one bite of candy and they're DEAD" thing.) As a vet, please do me a favor and let people know the specifics -- baking chocolate is the worst and SO dangerous, as are high percentage dark chocolates and pure cocoa, and I believe our vet said it's about 1 oz per pound of pet, so Ceiba would need to eat about 8 oz of pure chocolate for it to be really dangerous? Which is honestly quite a lot, not to say it couldn't happen with a poorly-supervised Easter basket.

Luckily, the chocolate bunny was just a 3.5 oz milk chocolate thing, and I did eat most of it. So Ceiba and her cast-iron tummy will live to eat garbage another day, and I've learned a lesson to just go ahead and gorge on those last couple bites, no matter how full I am.

Jane

sorry I could not find your email address anywhere... but I wanted to point out that the hi bebe BT-200 does, in fact, use ultrasound. Your readers should know this is not just a microphone.

Alice

Dude, I just thought it was funny that as I was reading this post, I looked up at the top and the ad (Overstock.com) was for a wireless vibrator. And the photo showed a giant red dong. Just sort of disconcerting to see when arriving at your site, but totally hilarious!

dani

Those ears are spectacular. I wonder if I can do that if I eat chocolate. I think I'll have to go get some chocolate and try

peanutsmama

delurking after years. my parents standard dachsund ate over 1000 mg of Dialantin (the cap fell off, bottle tilted over and out of nowhere the dog came and scarfed several pills). called the vet who said to watch the dog and to NOT let it go to sleep. the dog ran laps around the house for ten hours while we took turns making sure it did not fall asleep. the d*mn dog is now 17 years of age-they aren't supposed to live past 13. the dog has had multiple accidental encounters with easter chocoloates and gum drops. go cieba!

dani

Those ears are spectacular. I wonder if I can do that if I eat chocolate. I think I'll have to go get some chocolate and try

Missie

Dear Ceiba,

Just when I thought it wasn't possible for you to get any more adorable, there you go with the ears on crack.

Love,
Missie

Elizabeth

As usual, the next funniest thing to this post is the comments you're getting on it! But seriously, you still had Easter chocolate left? And you threw it out? You're a stronger woman than me.

mombshells

No kidding. I'm the one eating the chocolate bunny! Ceiba wouldn't find any chocolate in my garbage--there's stiff competition at my house :)

cate

haaaaaa! thanks for the huge laugh!

kim

Aw, what a great cute picture! Story reminds me of when my 3 month old 2 pound puppy ate 1 pound of almond m&ms, proving to me that yes she could jump up on the couch. She was fine but very round, and pooped almonds for about 2 weeks.

Dinia

I already commented, but I couldn't help myself:

There once was a dog named Ceiba
Who liked things with lots of flavah
The chocolate she ate,
And MAN she felt great
So her ears went all birdie a-quaver

Wicked Stepmom

*lmao*

I <3 Ceiba's hummingbirdie ears pic.

warcrygirl

OMG, Ceiba haiku! Dinia, you are my HERO.

Jen L.

HAAAAAAAA! Oh, please oh please post a video of hummingbird ears!

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