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April 2008
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June 2008

I Know Everybody Hates Those "Now Go Click Here" Posts...

...but seriously, go click here and marvel at my baby's impeccable sense of timing. (OB appointment this morning. Check. Baby sounds good, genetic blood tests passed with flying colors, round ligament pain blamed soundly on our excursion to see a certain simpering in-need-of-a-punchin' train, advised to lie down a lot more than am currently doing, which means you can peel my ass off the couch sometime in January, weight gain non-existent, belly possibly filled with helium, Big Ultrasound in four weeks, the end.) Read more →


And His Favorite Thing in the World is a Treble Clef I Made Him Out of a Twist Tie

The other night we had the TV on and a promo spot for Law & Order: SVU came on -- the one with Robin Williams playing some sort of unhinged psycho,which is only vaguely more terrifying to me than Patch Adams -- and at one point he bellows, "You don't know what I've suffered!" Noah rounded the corner at this precise moment, and without missing a beat, pointed a chubby finger at us and shouted, "YOU DON KNOW WHA I SUFFER!" Needless to say, we aren't really dealing with much of a "speech delay" anymore. He still goes to his little mock special-ed preschool class, and he gets speech therapy twice a month at home, but next month those services will drop back even further when he starts a very mainstream summer camp program at the very mainstream preschool he will be attending in the fall. I've been told that all county-run preschool programs are off the table for him at this point, and while they will test to see if he'll qualify for itinerant speech therapy, it's been strongly hinted to me that I shouldn't hold my breath on that one either. The only "concern" at this point is... Read more →


They're Two, They're Four, They're $64.50

We arrived at the Thomas & Friends Presents: Day Out With Thomas: Great Discovery Tour 2008, Brought to You By LEGO/DUPLO, the Choice for Exxxtreme Plastic Interlocking Block Building, just as the life-sized Thomas engine pulled into the station. Noah managed to catch about a half-second glimpse and promptly lost his mind. "THOMAS!" he screamed. "THOMAS! THOMAS!" I thought for a second he was about to plum pass out from the excitement. Even the will-call ticketing folk, whom I imagine are sick to death of Thomas and Percy and Sir Topham Fucking Hatt after the 17th consecutive weekend of dealing with this nonsense, smiled at Noah's Beatlemania-level enthusiasm. Jason and I smiled like big old dweebs, because WE RULE. MAXIMUM MAGICAL SPECIALNESS ACHIEVED! GREATEST. PARENTS. EVER. By the time we got closer to Thomas, Noah was speaking in tongues. Thomas! from amalah on Vimeo. And. That's probably when we should have turned around and gone home. Note to the Greatest. Parents. Ever: when your child says no, he does not want to ride on the train, don't fucking make him ride on the train. Oh my God. Then again, I'd ordered the tickets weeks ago for $18 each. Plus $3.50... Read more →


Neverending High Drama & Nonstop Blog Excitement

Dear Ceiba, STOP EATING CHOCOLATE THINGS YOU FIND IN THE GARBAGE. Love, Amy *** Dear Self, STOP THROWING PERFECTLY GOOD CHOCOLATE THINGS IN THE GARBAGE. Love, Amy *** Dear Amy, DON'T YOU TRY TO BLAME THIS ON ME, THAT WAS NOAH'S CHOCOLATE BUNNY AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN GIVE HIM ONE BITE. Love, Self *** Dear Self, I HOPE THE DOG IS SITTING ON YOUR LAP WHEN THE DIARRHEA HITS. Love, Amy *** Dear Jason, STOP LEAVING BAGS OF GARBAGE BY THE BACK DOOR. WHAT, YOU THOUGHT I WOULD TAKE IT OUTSIDE? DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT IT IS VERY FAR ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE LAWN AND THE GRASS IS ALL WET AND I CAN'T FIND MY SHOES AND I THINK YOU SCOOPED SOME CAT POOP IN THERE WHICH MEANS IF I TOUCH THAT BAG THE BABY WILL DIE SO THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T TAKE THE GARBAGE OUT BEFORE THE DOG RIPPED THE BAG OPEN AND ATE THE LAST REMAINING BITES OF CHOCOLATE EASTER BUNNY THAT I THREW OUT THE OTHER NIGHT, BECAUSE I JUST LOVE OUR CHILDREN TOO MUCH. Love, Amy PS I THREW OUT THE LAST REMAINING BITES OF CHOCOLATE EASTER BUNNY BECAUSE I WANT TO LOOK PRETTY... Read more →