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« April 2008 | Main | June 2008 »

May 07, 2008

I Know Everybody Hates Those "Now Go Click Here" Posts...

...but seriously, go click here and marvel at my baby's impeccable sense of timing.

(OB appointment this morning. Check. Baby sounds good, genetic blood tests passed with flying colors, round ligament pain blamed soundly on our excursion to see a certain simpering in-need-of-a-punchin' train, advised to lie down a lot more than am currently doing, which means you can peel my ass off the couch sometime in January, weight gain non-existent, belly possibly filled with helium, Big Ultrasound in four weeks, the end.)

Posted at 04:39 PM in pregnancy | Permalink | Comments (21)

May 06, 2008

And His Favorite Thing in the World is a Treble Clef I Made Him Out of a Twist Tie

The other night we had the TV on and a promo spot for Law & Order: SVU came on -- the one with Robin Williams playing some sort of unhinged psycho,which is only vaguely more terrifying to me than Patch Adams -- and at one point he bellows, "You don't know what I've suffered!"

Noah rounded the corner at this precise moment, and without missing a beat, pointed a chubby finger at us and shouted, "YOU DON KNOW WHA I SUFFER!"

Needless to say, we aren't really dealing with much of a "speech delay" anymore.

He still goes to his little mock special-ed preschool class, and he gets speech therapy twice a month at home, but next month those services will drop back even further when he starts a very mainstream summer camp program at the very mainstream preschool he will be attending in the fall. I've been told that all county-run preschool programs are off the table for him at this point, and while they will test to see if he'll qualify for itinerant speech therapy, it's been strongly hinted to me that I shouldn't hold my breath on that one either.

The only "concern" at this point is his articulation, which (as you heard on the video yesterday) gets pretty unintelligible whenever he's excited or stringing more than two or three words together. Still, however, this falls solidly into the realm of "normal" speech, especially for a child who just started using two-word phrases for the first time a couple months ago. His brain is moving faster than his mouth, which has always been the problem. The difference is that he no longer lets that stop him from TRYING to get his thoughts out, whereas before he seemed to clam up mostly out of frustration that we couldn't understand him, or that the list of sounds he couldn't reproduce was so long and daunting so you know what? Let's just talk more about aballs today.

He's even figured out how to use our non-stop translating against us -- we pretty much run on auto-pilot now when it comes to repeating the stuff he says, you know, to demonstrate the proper pronunciation or to give him two words when he supplies one -- so we have a LOT of conversations that go something like this:

NOAH: (very quietly) eye keem cone?

MAMA: Uh...ice cream cone?

NOAH: OKAY! GOOD IDEA, MAMA! ICE CREAM CONE! YAY!

He outsmarts me with this same trick at least 14 times a day, people. 

Early Intervention has also completely dropped the SPD diagnosis -- there's no doubt he HAD some rather profound difficulties, but as his speech improves and we doggedly continue giving him repeated (yet low-pressure) exposure to the wig-out triggers, it's all become much less of a "problem" and more of a "quirk."

That's pretty much how all his therapists and teachers refer to him now.

"He's quirky."

"He marches to his own drummer."

Independent, but not overly willful. Spirited, but unbelievably sensitive and gentle and kind. Shares well. Extremely aware of other's moods and feelings. Dislikes fingerpaints and transitions, but is the only kid in his class who will eat oatmeal with gusto.

"He's a special one, that's for sure." his teacher says, laughingly shaking her head after class.

He still uses sign language, along with the words, although sometimes he will revert to signs-only when he's shy or scared. He remembers every single one he ever learned, sometimes sending me back to the DVDs for a refresher course.

He can sing all the words to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Old MacDonald. He will tell you that "you can do anything that you want to do" and then tell you what Blue's dream was about ("A leotard dream! Blue rolllled!"). He will not say his name, preferring to call himself Baby. We've talked about the baby in Mama's belly a couple times but it's not really making much sense, although one time he did lift up my shirt and shouted "ALLLLO BABY! WHA YOU DOIN IN DER? DON WORRY, BABY! I COMING!"

It's funny. When we first started using Early Intervention and speech therapy and sign language, a few people did not hide their opinion that we were overreacting. He was too young, he was just a late talker, God, what is WITH parents and doctors today with their "labels" and their "therapy" and in our day kids didn't talk until the second grade because they were too busy shoveling all the snow off that hill. Okay, maybe that isn't very funny.

First, the sign language flipped a switch for Noah -- the first of many. He understood WHY communication was good. Expressing your needs! Getting those needs met! You could almost see the exact moment the light bulb went on and the signs poured out.

Then came the speech therapy -- which was as much for me as it was for Noah. It was humbling, honestly, to have someone come to your house and tell you how to talk your kid. I've met parents who resist it, for whatever reasons -- they smile and nod during our Hanen sessions and then roll their eyes afterwards and admit that no, they don't really go for a lot of "that stuff" at home. But we did. We slowed down, we made stupid noises and faces and gestures out in public, we signed and talked and listened and pauuuuuused and repeated and then we did it all over again. And it worked. It just worked.

Then came the social therapy -- the tears at Lunch Bunch from us both, picking up the red-faced tear-stained toddler after Kids at Play, feeling like my heart was going to break because THIS was too much, too hard. And now I get glowing reports every week. He stays in the class because they like a few well-behaved "example" kids to help the newer additions...and because he just loves it so much that I asked his service coordinator that as long as we aren't taking a spot away from a kid who really needs it, could he please just keep going until summer camp starts?

Now when I tick down this list of victories for some people -- victories that came much sooner than we expected, but were hard-fought all the same -- I still sometimes get that dismissive wave of a hand. "And you were sooooo worried," they say with a bemused smile. Silly neurotic first-time mother.

Yeah. You know what? I was worried. And so I did something about it. And I would do it all again.

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Posted at 06:43 PM in Noah, SPD, speech delays | Permalink | Comments (94)

May 05, 2008

They're Two, They're Four, They're $64.50

We arrived at the Thomas & Friends Presents: Day Out With Thomas: Great Discovery Tour 2008, Brought to You By LEGO/DUPLO, the Choice for Exxxtreme Plastic Interlocking Block Building, just as the life-sized Thomas engine pulled into the station. Noah managed to catch about a half-second glimpse and promptly lost his mind.

"THOMAS!" he screamed. "THOMAS! THOMAS!"

I thought for a second he was about to plum pass out from the excitement. Even the will-call ticketing folk, whom I imagine are sick to death of Thomas and Percy and Sir Topham Fucking Hatt after the 17th consecutive weekend of dealing with this nonsense, smiled at Noah's Beatlemania-level enthusiasm. Jason and I smiled like big old dweebs, because WE RULE. MAXIMUM MAGICAL SPECIALNESS ACHIEVED! GREATEST. PARENTS. EVER.

By the time we got closer to Thomas, Noah was speaking in tongues.


Thomas! from amalah on Vimeo.

And. That's probably when we should have turned around and gone home.

Note to the Greatest. Parents. Ever: when your child says no, he does not want to ride on the train, don't fucking make him ride on the train. Oh my God.

Then again, I'd ordered the tickets weeks ago for $18 each. Plus $3.50 in processing fees! Each! You are riding that train, child, and it will be MAGIC and SPECIAL and we will talk about the memories of that MAGIC and SPECIAL time we paid $64.50 to ride on an old MARC train for 25 minutes through some fields in Baltimore while a tinny Thomas singalong CD was pumped through the loudspeakers and the brakes on our car made a non-stop disconcerting grindy sound, and we will talk about these memories for YEARS, dammit. YEARS.

Noah's been doing so well with his little sensitive sensory quirky issues lately -- he's actually about to get kicked out of Early Intervention, the little smartypants valedictorian -- but oh, the train drove him batshit. He screamed and panicked and kicked and wept and he did not CARE that we were riding a train that was tangentially connected to a big blue Thomas engine, although technically Thomas was up THAT way and the train was moving in the OTHER way so...hmm. I am beginning to suspect that the Day Out With Thomas Great Discovery Thrash Metal Rock n' Roll Tour 2008 is possibly kind of a racket.

REST OF THE WORLD: Welcome, Amy! So glad you could join us.

Since we were 1) surrounded by families with toddlers, so like, eff them, right? and 2) $64.50! Sixty-four-fifty!, we did not get off the train during Noah's freakout but gritted our teeth and kept muttering that he'd be fine once the train started moving, oh God, just MOVE ALREADY. It was at this point that a elderly woman walking by felt the need to inform us that our child was "not happy."

What?! Not happy?  For real? Why...that means we've been doing this entire parenting thing COMPLETELY BACKWARDS this whole time? Dude, we're such BONEHEADS. And here I thought this was just laughter through tears.

Noah did settle down once the train started moving (slowly, without any realistic chugga chugga woo woos, and yes, I WAS looking forward to some realistic chugga chugga woo woos), so much so that he laid down on our laps and tried to go to sleep.

Back at the station, the gift shop was sold out of the preshus little conductor caps that we'd had our hearts set on for our non-hat-abiding toddler, the concessions were closed so I couldn't spend $5 on bottled water and when Jason went to inspect the family photos we'd had taken in front of Thomas post-train-ride he happily told me that they were ABYSMAL and we all looked LIKE ASS, and therefore he DIDN'T BUY ONE. Then we high-fived because SUCK IT, Thomas & Friends. We done outsmarted you in the end, we did.

Of course, Noah did have fun. He climbed on a Thomas made out of LEGO/DUPLO BRAND INTERLOCKING BUILDING BLOCKS! and got walloped by a 12-year-old on the moonbounce got involved in a turf-war/choo-choo-hoarding incident at the train table -- you know, the same train table WE HAVE AT OUR HOUSE -- and did you know that antique trains come with built-in Naughty Steps for overstimulated toddlers?

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Woe.

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Noah called this one "Mommy Thomas," and now all his trains at home are "Baby Thomas." That would be freaking adorable except for the fact that I just want to punch all the Thomases in the face right now.

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Don't worry, she doesn't mean it. I still love you, Creepy Pixelated Uncle-Sized Thomas.

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Fading...

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Fading...

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Done

After the World's Longest Nap I tried to get Noah to tell us about everything he'd seen that day, like Mommy Thomas and all the Big Trains and the Bouncy Slide and That Train Ride That Wasn't Really Death on Grindy Wheels After All. He seemed to be drawing a blank on it all. Except, of course, for the windmills. The windmills were AWESOME.

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This is a windmill. It's...probably best if you don't argue with him on this one.

Posted at 02:18 PM in family, Jason, mcd, Noah | Permalink | Comments (72)

May 01, 2008

Neverending High Drama & Nonstop Blog Excitement

Dear Ceiba,

STOP EATING CHOCOLATE THINGS YOU FIND IN THE GARBAGE.

Love,
Amy

***

Dear Self,

STOP THROWING PERFECTLY GOOD CHOCOLATE THINGS IN THE GARBAGE.

Love,
Amy

***

Dear Amy,

DON'T YOU TRY TO BLAME THIS ON ME, THAT WAS NOAH'S CHOCOLATE BUNNY AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN GIVE HIM ONE BITE.

Love,
Self

***

Dear Self,

I HOPE THE DOG IS SITTING ON YOUR LAP WHEN THE DIARRHEA HITS.

Love,
Amy

***

Dear Jason,

STOP LEAVING BAGS OF GARBAGE BY THE BACK DOOR. WHAT, YOU THOUGHT I WOULD TAKE IT OUTSIDE? DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT IT IS VERY FAR ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE LAWN AND THE GRASS IS ALL WET AND I CAN'T FIND MY SHOES AND I THINK YOU SCOOPED SOME CAT POOP IN THERE WHICH MEANS IF I TOUCH THAT BAG THE BABY WILL DIE SO THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T TAKE THE GARBAGE OUT BEFORE THE DOG RIPPED THE BAG OPEN AND ATE THE LAST REMAINING BITES OF CHOCOLATE EASTER BUNNY THAT I THREW OUT THE OTHER NIGHT, BECAUSE I JUST LOVE OUR CHILDREN TOO MUCH.

Love,
Amy

PS I THREW OUT THE LAST REMAINING BITES OF CHOCOLATE EASTER BUNNY BECAUSE I WANT TO LOOK PRETTY FOR YOU.  *SNIFF!*

***

Dear Everybody,

I ARE FINE. EAT CHOCKOLATE ALL THE TIME. MAKES EARS GO A LITTLE HUMMINGBIRDIE BUT THATS IT. I HATE THAT DIET DOG FOOD, ARE COMFORTABLE WITH BODY IMAGE, THINK U CAN ALL BITE ME, BYE.

Love,
Ceiba!

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PS ALSO ATE SEVERAL WRAPPERS FROM STICKS OF BUTTER.

Posted at 03:35 PM in Ceiba | Permalink | Comments (83)

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