They're Two, They're Four, They're $64.50
May 05, 2008
We arrived at the Thomas & Friends Presents: Day Out With Thomas: Great Discovery Tour 2008, Brought to You By LEGO/DUPLO, the Choice for Exxxtreme Plastic Interlocking Block Building, just as the life-sized Thomas engine pulled into the station. Noah managed to catch about a half-second glimpse and promptly lost his mind.
"THOMAS!" he screamed. "THOMAS! THOMAS!"
I thought for a second he was about to plum pass out from the excitement. Even the will-call ticketing folk, whom I imagine are sick to death of Thomas and Percy and Sir Topham Fucking Hatt after the 17th consecutive weekend of dealing with this nonsense, smiled at Noah's Beatlemania-level enthusiasm. Jason and I smiled like big old dweebs, because WE RULE. MAXIMUM MAGICAL SPECIALNESS ACHIEVED! GREATEST. PARENTS. EVER.
By the time we got closer to Thomas, Noah was speaking in tongues.
And. That's probably when we should have turned around and gone home.
Note to the Greatest. Parents. Ever: when your child says no, he does not want to ride on the train, don't fucking make him ride on the train. Oh my God.
Then again, I'd ordered the tickets weeks ago for $18 each. Plus $3.50 in processing fees! Each! You are riding that train, child, and it will be MAGIC and SPECIAL and we will talk about the memories of that MAGIC and SPECIAL time we paid $64.50 to ride on an old MARC train for 25 minutes through some fields in Baltimore while a tinny Thomas singalong CD was pumped through the loudspeakers and the brakes on our car made a non-stop disconcerting grindy sound, and we will talk about these memories for YEARS, dammit. YEARS.
Noah's been doing so well with his little sensitive sensory quirky issues lately -- he's actually about to get kicked out of Early Intervention, the little smartypants valedictorian -- but oh, the train drove him batshit. He screamed and panicked and kicked and wept and he did not CARE that we were riding a train that was tangentially connected to a big blue Thomas engine, although technically Thomas was up THAT way and the train was moving in the OTHER way so...hmm. I am beginning to suspect that the Day Out With Thomas Great Discovery Thrash Metal Rock n' Roll Tour 2008 is possibly kind of a racket.
REST OF THE WORLD: Welcome, Amy! So glad you could join us.
Since we were 1) surrounded by families with toddlers, so like, eff them, right? and 2) $64.50! Sixty-four-fifty!, we did not get off the train during Noah's freakout but gritted our teeth and kept muttering that he'd be fine once the train started moving, oh God, just MOVE ALREADY. It was at this point that a elderly woman walking by felt the need to inform us that our child was "not happy."
What?! Not happy? For real? Why...that means we've been doing this entire parenting thing COMPLETELY BACKWARDS this whole time? Dude, we're such BONEHEADS. And here I thought this was just laughter through tears.
Noah did settle down once the train started moving (slowly, without any realistic chugga chugga woo woos, and yes, I WAS looking forward to some realistic chugga chugga woo woos), so much so that he laid down on our laps and tried to go to sleep.
Back at the station, the gift shop was sold out of the preshus little conductor caps that we'd had our hearts set on for our non-hat-abiding toddler, the concessions were closed so I couldn't spend $5 on bottled water and when Jason went to inspect the family photos we'd had taken in front of Thomas post-train-ride he happily told me that they were ABYSMAL and we all looked LIKE ASS, and therefore he DIDN'T BUY ONE. Then we high-fived because SUCK IT, Thomas & Friends. We done outsmarted you in the end, we did.
Of course, Noah did have fun. He climbed on a Thomas made out of LEGO/DUPLO BRAND INTERLOCKING BUILDING BLOCKS! and got walloped by a 12-year-old on the moonbounce got involved in a turf-war/choo-choo-hoarding incident at the train table -- you know, the same train table WE HAVE AT OUR HOUSE -- and did you know that antique trains come with built-in Naughty Steps for overstimulated toddlers?
Woe.
Noah called this one "Mommy Thomas," and now all his trains at home are "Baby Thomas." That would be freaking adorable except for the fact that I just want to punch all the Thomases in the face right now.
Don't worry, she doesn't mean it. I still love you, Creepy Pixelated Uncle-Sized Thomas.
Fading...
Fading...
Done
After the World's Longest Nap I tried to get Noah to tell us about everything he'd seen that day, like Mommy Thomas and all the Big Trains and the Bouncy Slide and That Train Ride That Wasn't Really Death on Grindy Wheels After All. He seemed to be drawing a blank on it all. Except, of course, for the windmills. The windmills were AWESOME.
This is a windmill. It's...probably best if you don't argue with him on this one.
Similar story at the movies. Everyone said we should take our four-year-old to see Enchantment. Thirty-one dollars and fifty cents later, we had three tickets. He freaked out so badly in the first scene -- where the ogre chases the princess -- that we had to leave the theater. The only satisfaction: it was so early in the show they gave us our money back.
We did Thomaspolooza last September for my nephew's birthday. Ours was replete with a petting zoo and magic show as well. And it was hot as balls. BUT, my nephew had a great time--sitting down and getting excited about going to Sodour, spying Cranky and Bertie all along the way. His meltdown came later that day--when his new Thomas goggles were "TOO TIGHT."
That video just made me pee my pants a little..Noah is SO funny with the yelling.
You really should have known by the tone of his "no" that he really wasn't gonna fall for your reindeer games..but you tried and that's all that counts..isn't it?? Please god, say yes, I don't have kids yet and your answer could save their future lives..ha!
I love your line at the end, all "We'll talk about this later."
Noah speaking in tongues is the cutest thing ever. He's so emphatic!
You're story reminded me of the one time we took our son on a train ride that had a cowboys and Indians theme going on. Half way thru the train ride it was taken over by the bad cowboys and they robbed us of our fake money we had been given. Talk about freak out city. We tried to tell him it was a game but no luck. At least he laughs about it now. Bad, bad Mommy, I was crying watching him crying.
Ahhh...brings back memories of last year when we went. And said we'd NEVER GO AGAIN.
Dylan almost lost his shit when Thomas pulled up though. It was the cutest thing I've ever seen. Didn't get it on video, damnit.
Oh, man. I think it's a requirement of first time parents to do this to their kids at some point. We have a similar tale involving Storyland. Yes, little overstimulated child, you will go on spinning rides and a rollercoaster and have FUN DAMMMIT!
Good thing kids are so elastic, they bounce back :-)
Oh, man. I think it's a requirement of first time parents to do this to their kids at some point. We have a similar tale involving Storyland. Yes, little overstimulated child, you will go on spinning rides and a rollercoaster and have FUN DAMMMIT!
Good thing kids are so elastic, they bounce back :-)
what train? i can't get past those curls. so glad they're back.
I have spent far too much on so many things and what they remember is feeding stale bread to the ducks at the pond RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY HOUSE! Oh well, live and learn.
Regarding ikate's comment....
We have two major rail lines running through our town and we go to watch the trains running by about every other day. My kid still goes spastic every single time we see a train coming through - even if it is the 5th one he has seen that day. Roaming the aisles of Toys R Us absolutely does NOT garner the same reaction as actually seeing a REAL train.
OH! So this explains why my mom and dad didn't take me to stuff like this when I was little! I don't have kids of my own, so sometimes I have to be reminded. :)
Wow, ikate has forgotten how to play. why would you go to a concert or a play or any experience that isn't in front of a tv? b/c
When we took our (then) 3 year old son to see Thomas, he peed his pants....literally. He absolutely loved it. The riding the train part was boring but we only paid for one parent to go along - ha Ha - you'll figure out the money saving tricks, esp once #2 comes along.
Amy - There is a great discussion concerning sensory integration and the problems kids have in this area at babyshrink.com. (Got her website from Dad Gone Mad and she's GREAT!).
Might have some new/interesting info for you! :)
I love that look on Jason's face after he asks Noah if he wants to go for a ride on Thomas and Noah says "no". Jason's all, the HELL?
Yay for video of Noah!
To all who have had this and similar experiences, I can relate in 2 ways. 1st, taking a toddler to a fireworks show can cause the same instant and long term issues, as I found out.
But second, after being involved with Thomas events for many years, let me say that 1 in 500 kids react this way with Thomas and the train (of course higher numbers in the activity/toys area). But the hosts have little control of pricing for toys or tickets. There are 2 agenda's at work, the promoter's and the host's. And while you spend 3 hours in "hell", the hosts workers spend 12+ hours a day in it, times the number of days. And they try hard to make it as enjoyable as possible, and would like a little for their time and efforts. And inventory is expensive, so you do the best guess estimates you can, so you are not carrying a lot over for the rest of the year.
So folks, try it again some time. Each venue will differ in their approach to things, and you may find one more suited to your tastes. And really, once you're there, you are in control , no matter what the marketing is trying to convince you of. But there is usually a museum trying to raise funds with an event like this, and they try to make it enjoyable and pleasant for everyone. Maybe come back at a quieter time for a hat or toy or a different ride experience, its all up to you.
Just the flip side... Thanks
this post is hilarious. we recently spent a small fortune to see Diego Live! totally not worth it but yet I would do it again in a heartbeat to see the excitement on my son's face.
now i have that damn "their two, their four, their six, their eight" song stuck in my head. we were lucky enough to get out of the thomas day out with the oldest and there is no way i'm paying that much for the triplets so ha! i win. btw- weirdest thomas thing? why are peter fonda and alec baldwin in the movie? seriously? did they need the money that bad?
i watched that video about six times because noah is so cute and because you and jason didn't sound at all like what i thought you guys would sound like. (that's not a bad thing, i'm just sayin'.)
i ride the MARC train to work every day, and it does woo-woo, but not so much with the chugging.
We took my first son to Day with Thomas in Illinois when he was 2 and I was pregnant. It WAS extremely crowded and a bit drizzly, and the lines were horrendous, but we did have a good time, and found out about the train museum in Union Illinois. We went there on a NON Thomas day and had a BLAST. Hundreds of full size trains to climb in and through, take pictures of and NO ONE to bump into!! I recommend taking him back to the train yard on a Non-Thomas day. He'll probably enjoy it a lot more, and you'll save a bundle, too!
Not only am I a member of the B&O Museum, I'm also a railroader and major steam fan. (However, I want to add that I only speak for myself and nobody else.) I can't believe that as close as the B&O Museum is to Strasburg, PA that they didn't get the REAL live steam "Thomas" down there for Thomas Days. That is what I expect from one of the premiere railroad museums in the country, not the cheesy fake. I think you were ripped off. What was at the museum was one of about a dozen, non-operational Thomas representations. The "real" U. S. Thomas - rebuilt under license from the British company that owns the rights - is a converted U. S. steam switcher that used to work the docks in Brooklyn, NY. It and the non-operational representations are owned by the Strasburg Railroad and trucked around to museums and tourist railroads to be used as fund-raisers for those museums and tourist railroads.
Thomas Days are the largest fundraiser for the B&O museum, and I'm sure they saved a lot of money using the fake stand-in, but there is such a thing as prestige, and not using the real steam version just offends me.
If your son likes trains other than Thomas, might I suggest that you consider taking him to Washington Union Station this Saturday morning (May 10) for Amtrak's "National Train Day". Static displays of new and old trains and coaches, but it sounds like Noah would handle that better anyway. And the best part is IT'S FREE. I believe Amtrak has details of the event on their website.
P. S. Enjoy the Thomas era with your son while it lasts. I thought my nephew was going to be a major train fan, but he discovered Game Boy, and that's pretty much all he wants to do anymore.
I wanted to laugh and cry reading that post thinking of all that we do for our kids.My oldest now 17 loved Barney as well as Thomas and when Barney was Live at Radio City and sold out I thought how special that I was bringing him. He hated it kicking and screaming as we even entered the building.I only hope that my 2yr old does not have a melt down when we have our Day OUt With Thomas