Capture the Phonetic Moment
July 16, 2008
THIS MORNING'S OB APPOINTMENT:
Glucose. Gluuuuuuuuuucose! Bzz! Slump. Zzzzzzz. Drool. Wha?
I am...exhausted, little Internet. Prepare for even more ellipses than usual as I am in real danger of falling asleep in between words. Goddamn orange glucose dreck drink. And...goddamn...other stuff. Like...zzzz...human rights violations and...shit.
God. So I actually had about half of an entry written yesterday about Blogher and how I keep reading entries about people's pre-travel packing flip-outs about what to wear and how pregnancy really solves this how mess, since I don't really have many options about what to wear. Essentially: I will pack what fits. Perhaps it will match, perhaps it will be vaguely cute. Perhaps not, but BY GOD, it will fit. See? Easy and flip-out free, and hey, I'll be the sober and sort-of round one who does a lot of sitting. Come sit next to me! Really. Allow me to engage you in an uncomfortable conversation about skin tags and c-section scars and then maybe glaze over and fall asleep on your hair.
I decided against posting this ultra-laid-back puff piece on How My Pregnancy Cured My Social Anxiety right around the time I realized that I'd only really written three sentences and yet had gotten up and gone to the kitchen to consume a chocolate pudding cup at the close of each of those three sentences. And now my face is breaking out, AND I have decided to do my own pedicure. So maybe I am not quite the cool cucumber I think I am.
And wait! Did I mention c-section scars? SCORE. Even in the wake of absolute blood sugar annihilation I am still rocking the segues.
Let's back up to my OB appointment again. We are, at this moment in time, leaning towards a scheduled c-section. (I know, I know. You totally thought I was going to go with the dolphins.) And my doctor mentioned that while we certainly have some time before we need to actually schedule anything, he would recommend that I deliver about a week before my due date, soooo sometime in the first full week of October. How's the 10th look?
Gluuuuuucossssssshit what what WHAT? Bzz..zzt?
I staggered out of the exam room where Jason and Noah were waiting, calmly made my next appointment and shuffled out to the car, where I proceeded to FLIP MY SHIT at Jason because we just lost a WEEK OF OUR LIVES, and that week CHANGES EVERYTHING, and we are now LESS THAN THREE MONTHS from having a baby and the way this pregnancy has been flying by I might as well go home and pack for Blogher AND the hospital at the same time. Quick, take me to Target so I can buy a bathrobe and some Soduku puzzles.
Jason stared straight ahead and handed me a paper bag he'd gotten at a nearby coffee shop. There was a donut inside. I stared at it, knowing that my body already contained enough sugar to bring down an oompa-loompa, and then ate it anyway and immediately fell asleep.