Hair Today
July 10, 2008
We interrupt all this fancy Hollywood talk to bring you a good old-fashioned hysterical mommyblogger moment of complete and total overreaction:
OH MY FREAKING GOD LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO MY BABY.
Compare that with a photo taken last week -- right after I attempted to take him for a haircut but chickened out because there was kind of a long wait down at the local kiddie salon, OH WELL! NO HAIRCUT TODAY, let's get us some tacos instead.
I know little boys with long hair are not everybody's cup of styling gel, but oh. I love Noah's curls. I love his shaggy little moptop and while I try to keep his bangs trimmed up and the back from getting too mullet-y at home, there does come a point where I have to admit that he needs a real and actual haircut. Usually around the time that other kids start mistaking him for a girl at the playground, or when I find myself playing with his hair and subconsciously pulling it into pigtails.
Fine, I said. I'll take him for a haircut.
I've actually been That Person and taken him to see MY stylist -- piggybacking on my own appointment, all innocent and oh! Look! Here's my husband and my adorable child! I bet they brought cash! Hey, while you've got your scissors out and everything, would you mind giving my son back the gift of unobscured sight? Thnx.
But then my stylist moved to Utah and I have lived in fairly blissful denial since that ANYONE in this house needs a haircut, myself included. And oh yeah, there's that whole sensory THING, meaning Noah freaks the fuck out over haircuts and I feel guilty taking him to any salon that doesn't 1) regularly deal with freaking-the-fuck-out toddlers, or 2) have the mighty mighty power of Thomas the Tank Engine videos on little televisions. Also, hair-covered lollipops.
Fine, I said. I'll take him to the kiddie kut-n-kry.
The first sign that this was a Mistake came right as Noah's name was called and my phone rang and oh, dear, jesus, lord, it was my NEW salon calling to cancel my own desperately-needed pre-Blogher hair appointment this weekend. I hoisted Noah onto the booster seat while begging and pleading for Sunday? Monday? TUESDAY? You can't DO THIS TO ME, MAAAAAN.
Noah concurred, maaaan, and took a flying boneless slither-leap off the chair and started running for the door.
"Shit!" I said.
"Coughahemshhh!" the mother of the four-year-old at the next station said.
Noah ended up on my lap for his haircut, completely disinterested in Elmo on the TV, while I tried to hold still in a full-body lock and hissed to the stylist that it would be great if she could switch the television over to T-H-O-M-A-S or maybe D-O-R-A.
"Thomas?" she barked. "I don't think we have any Thomas. Is that the one with the train?"
"THOMMMMMMASSS!" Noah wailed. "I WAANNA THOMASSSS!"
"M-O-T-H-E-R-F-U-C-K-E-R." I hissed.
I asked her for a trim. "We like it pretty long and curly. He just needs a little cleaning up is all, around the ears and neck, mostly."
I don't know whether this woman was in the midst of a personal tragedy that was, in fact, interfering with her ability to do good hair, or was maybe just a robot whose styling programming was limited to:
If [GIRL] Then
[consider listening to words coming out of mother's mouth]
Else [BOY] Then
[chop hair to hell]
End If
But she started cutting and like, 14 seconds later Noah's curls were covering every inch of my stupid black leggings (I am pregnant and I have developed a passionate dislike of pants, okay? lay off). I sat there blinking in shock over this...child...who did not look like my child anymore and I realized we needed to get the hell out of there before I had a complete hormonal meltdown over a couple stupid inches of hair that would grow back, I know it will grow back, but...but...oh my God. I need a burrito right this instant.
After lunch, Noah accidentally let go of the balloon he'd gotten post-haircut and was weeping again. When we got to our car he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the window. His hands went up to his head and his brow furrowed as he tried to make sense of what he was seeing.
"Oh Shelby," I sighed. "Your hair. Is so short."
"I a big boy," he informed me.
I suddenly had a vision of a day when Noah comes home with a military buzzcut he'll have gotten out of rebellion from his hippie hipster parents who are always on his case to leave his hair long, and concurred that yes, he was, while silently swearing that scissors are not going near that child for the next six months, and I don't care that I am being ridiculous or if it gets long enough for a French braid, I am so not ready for the big boy hair.
He looks so much older with his haircut!
I take all 3 of my boys (ages 2, 3 and 5) to my hairstylist because she doesn't do the Lloyd Christmas haircut from Dumb & Dumber like I've seen on so many kids.
Noah looks sharp, an older and very much big brotherish.
He looks so adorable, though. Both ways.
Would that "Shelby" bit happen to be a reference to Steel Magnolias. If so, excellent work.
It is in the air. We had the exact same problem, and it left me sobbing "Mah Baaabeee!"
my account of the horror is here:
http://www.thehuckablog.com/2008/06/27/to-whom-it-may-concern-you-get-what-you-pay-for/
OK, long time lurker, first time commenter. BUT! I perked up when you said your stylist went to Utah. I am normally the happiest in a very monogamous relationship with my stylist, but have been desperately seeking stylist since I moved here three years ago. FYI, I am originally from the DC area. If you are willing to share...I would love to try him/her out. THX.
He looks like a different child. It actually looks like you took the first picture (curls) over a year ago.
My son just had his first hair cut too. No more curls.
ME again. Loved ALL the references to Steel Magnolias. I often try to incorporate..."the nicest thing that I can say about her is that all her tattoos were spelled correctly."
Oh, dear God. That's shorter, right enough! He has such an adorable little face that I don't think the scissor-wielding robot could seriously detract from him, no matter how much she lopped off. But the 'before' pic is the clear winner of the baby-cute!
you are on a steel magnolias kick aren't you?
He sure is cute though...
Shelby! Hilarious!
D'oh! I'm sorry, BD. I spaced out and mistyped -- he's in Lake Tahoe now, not Utah. I got Utah from...oh, God, it's a long boring story involving Jason mixing up Lake Tahoe and Salt Lake City once and it's become a running joke between us...except that clearly we need to stop it because now I'M mixing the two up.
and angela, I am ALWAYS on a Steel Magnolias kick. I probably quote that movie more than the Simpsons, Seinfeld and the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy COMBINED.
/thus endeth my entire catalog of pop culture references
Still adorable. But I know what you mean about the preciousness of those curls. Curls!
He's still a super cutie-pie, though. Take heart! Little boy hair grows incredibly fast! And at least you don't have to deal with a mother-in-law who attempts to cut his hair HERSELF, every TWO WEEKS, and all the CRYING... uh, sorry, personal issues there.
I would have freaked. And given the Internet the salon location. Grrr. Those cuuuuurrrllllls.
Great reference to Steel Magnolias :) hehe You're my hero!
I think he looks adorable either way. You make gorgeous babies, I can't wait to see the next one!!
Noah is ready to be a big boy and big brother!! So cute.
He REALLY REALLY looks like his Daddy now!
It's okay to cry, you know. I always do.
I love my son's hair kinda longish and curly. I think it makes him look like some sort of 1950's doofussy kid when it is fresh-cut short.
By day 4 or 5 I get used to it, but I love those three or four weeks when he "really needs a haircut".
the same thing happened to us last summer after 2 women in one morning told my husband how beautiful his "girls" were. that broke the camel's back and HE rushed off to supercuts without maternal say so and butchered the one who wasn't technically a girl. once i was done being pissed (ok, i'm still a little pissed) i had to admit it looks better, but the curls! where are the curls!?
Oh, wow, yeah. Not exactly what you asked for. BUT! Noah still looks absolutely adorable, and I'll echo a commenter before me that the short hair makes him look like tiny Jason clone. It will grow back, don't worry.
*sob* Gah, I feel your pain! My son is a few months younger than Noah and has curls as well, soft golden brown surfer curls that I adore. He needs a haircut because he can't see anymore, and I'm freaking right the fuck on out about who to take him to. Yes, they'll grow back, but that doesn't do much for THE PAIN you're feeling NOW. *sob*
I think we should have a Favorite Steel Magnolias Quote Commentathon.
I'll start.
"I don't like her. I don't trust anyone who does their own hair. I don't think it's natural."
p.s. - Noah is ALWAYS adorable, but I would have cut that woman.
Delurking to let you know I've been seeing my stylist over on Capitol Hill for several years and love her, and I know she does kids as well. And, she usually keeps a few spots for last minute appointments. Shoot me an email if your interested.
And I would have let the sylist have it if she wacked my babies curls.
It's really striking how much he looks like you with longer hair and how he's a dead ringer for Jason when it's short.
And, for what it's worth, I'm really fighting my son's first haircut (which he desperately needs) for fear that it'll be cut too short and he'll suddenly look more like a little boy than a baby.
I love the side by side comparison at the end of the post. In the first picture, he's all "Yo, moms, pass the salsa" and in the second, he's all "Mother, if it wouldn't burden you terribly, would you please pass the salsa." The cut made him look YEARS older.
Not helping? Ok, well he looks adorable both ways (I do love those curls, though)
Hair or not, he's still adorable.
And I have to say that I too, quote Steel Magnolias more than any other TV show or movie (although I'm starting to say "aboot" instead of "about" from a Degrassi binge) too.
If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit bah me.
Loved the references!
I'm having the same haircut issues with my daughter, her back is finally starting to grow, but her front is so thick and in her eyes and I don't want to cut it since I'm trying to let it grow out a bit more so I can pull it all up, but she takes out every band I put in her hair and now she's probably going to have a permanent crick in her neck from having to angle her head up to see anything and my husband is starting to bring it up and I just AAAAAHHHHH!...
Thanks for doing it first and showing it on the Internet. I feel a little more calm now. :-)
I am weeping for his curly blonde hair.
Maybe this is the kind of haircut where like, in half an inch of growth you think it's the best thing ever?
Ok, he's adorable. He looks like the big brother he's about to be!
P.S. I live in Louisiana. We talk like M'Lynn, but not like Shelby. For the record. No one talks like Shelby here.
It never fails to amaze me. When he's rocking the curls, he looks so much like the masthead picture of little Amalah. With the curls cut off, he looks just like a mini-Jason!
"Oh Shelby," I sighed. "Your hair. Is so short."
LMFAO!!!!
He looks adorable....and the curls WILL grow back, I promise. I went through the same thing with my son, until he was about 7 and insisted that he just wanted a buzz cut. Now that he is almost 12, I am constantly begging him to get a freakin haircut instead of walking around looking like a bum. It never ends.
He's so cute! But I know what you mean. Yesterday my mother in law took my husband and Nicky in for hair cuts. Then they all came to pick me up from work.
I just managed not to swallow my tongue when I saw my boy with a military style high and tight haircut.
Oh, he's precious still and stuff, but ... my baby! I'll have to post the movie I took at dinner last night on my blog tonight. Sigh. At least we know it does grow back.
He's adorable either way, but damn! What kind of crazy "stylist" would cut off those beautiful curls?!
The thing about boy haircuts is that it DOES change the way they look. It makes them look older and less like a baby and that is very bittersweet.
My son is lucky enough that his father used to do hair (don't get all excited for me, you know how they say a plumbers faucets are always leaking? Yeah, something like that), so he's only ever had haircuts from his dad. His first one was on his first birthday. The good thing about SHORT SHORT SHORT is that it needs to be cut much less frequently.
Noah looks adorable with both hair-do's!
they are both cute, but I am with you, the curls are soo wonderful! and he really does look older with the new one!
Vicki beat me to it. "If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me" is one of my favorite lines.
Do you think Steel Magnolias is on demand?
He is beautiful! My son had a head FULL of curls. I about died when they were laying on the floor. It must have showed too because everytime I take my son now the haircut goes very slowly and the curls stay!
*weep* Look what they did to your Bayybeeee!!!
*sigh*
Um, I'm not pregnant but for some reason I had the SAME reaction as you.
Good thing he's adorable and cute and slays anyone in sight with those dimples and brown eyes no matter HOW short his hair is. :)
(but...but...the CUUURRRRLLLLSSSSSSS *sob*)
"I a big boy". Breaks your heart doesn't it?!?
Oh my goodness! It can be a bit of a shock when your little boy suddenly looks like such a big boy! Good job holding it together in the salon though.
I think Noah is the second cutest boy ever (next to my nephew), but the curls were so cute! And I'm not usually a fan of shaggy-haired boys.
You are consistent aren't you? Same restaurant, same seat. I'm more of a Qdoba girl myself.
I have to chime in here. As a child, I was too often mistaken for a girl. (Also because of long, wavy/curly hair.) It probably didn't happen often, but often enough that I remember it and as a result had a definite chip on my shoulder about it. (I've grown out of it. I think.) (But I still don't like my hair getting long and curly.) I'm not saying you have to cut it more often, but don't think he doesn't notice people mistaking him for a girl - and he might not be okay with that.
And I have that same little flip-up curl as Noah has on his right. Either have to get all of it way too short to get that gone, or I can never get it to behave. Give him a week or so and it will look better.
And yeah, he does look "a big boy."
My hair does the same flip thing whenever I have bangs--there's an Advice Smackdown column for you.
My son has sensory issues too, but each haircut has gotten a little better. For the last one, we went to a kiddie place near my sister's; she really didn't get us when we asked her not to use the electric clippers--and ended up scratching him behind the ear. We don't know where we're going next since we moved away from the place he was used to.
On the bright side... you had Baja Fresh twice! :D
I totally heart the Steel Magnolias references in here.
Hate to say: big boy hair comes whether we want it to or not. Oh, and NEVER let him go to a school of any kind because I let mine go to preschool and now he's EIGHT. I don't know, it creates a sort of time warp. Just DON'T DO IT, MAN!
Until maybe 6 months ago, my 4 year old refused to get his hair cut too - and by refused I mean slipped into an exorcist-like wrath. We tried the salon once when he was 1 1/2, didn't return until he was 4. I bought a pair of clippers and cut it as short as possible so as to lengthen the amount of time between absolute meltdowns. I finally had to bribe him with a special trip with grandpa (not big enough to go with grandpa if you're not big enough to get your hair cut @ Kids-hair). Nothing has made me feel like a bigger asshole than the hair cut fiascos.
You two really like tacos. Yum.
It's a shock, ok? I'm not going to lie.
But it will grow back. And if Noah likes it ... then that's what counts. As much as an almost three year old can like anything, that is.
My 3-year-old son just got that same crap haircut. With the straight-across bangs? Who the hell are these kiddie stylist people?