Well, At Least I'm Not In Newark
28 Weeks & No -Ish

The Princess & the Pantyhose (aka Blogher '08)

I lugged about 10 pounds worth of camera and lenses to Blogher, and the only photos I have in my possession to share with y'all are these two, taken with Kristen's iPhone. During our impromptu Floor Party in the pantyhose department at Macy's:

Photo3

Photo

After realizing that I was simply not getting nearly enough attention, I decided to have a dramatic fainting spell en route to the shoe department portion of the Blogher cocktail party. (For anyone who wasn't there and is thinking...Macy's? Shoe department? Cocktail party? What? Yeah, I don't really understand either, and I was both THERE and SOBER.)

The party started out in Handbags, and I started out very horrified by the sight of hummus and various hors d'oeurves plates perilously close to the Marc Jacobs, I was soon distracted by this vague feeling that Oh Shit, I've Possibly Gone And Overdone It, and started meekly asking people if they knew where I could get some water. Various people went on a search mission for me, but returned with the news that champagne appeared to be the only option available. (Pregnant traveling ladies, I highly recommend you get yourself a whole posse of Danas and Catherines and Traceys and and Isabels and a couple Laid-Off and/or Backpacking Dads, who will ignore your protestations that you are FINE, stop FUSSING, and bring you chairs and shake down cocktail waitresses on your behalf.)

And then, while walking through the aisles of pantyhose, I found myself grabbing the nearest elbow and hissing that I needed someone to GET ME ON THE FLOOR, RIGHT NOW, and...I remember spinning, high-kicking, thigh-highed mannequin legs and very cold marble and Catherine rushing off to find water and returning with a little thimble of a Starbucks cup and wailing that it was all they'd give her, and then I laughed so hard I thought I would puke, and that's when I noticed pretty much every conference attendee filing by and staring at me strangely. After awhile a nice group of people joined me on the floor, where we accepted bottles of water and Luna bars from anyone who could scrounge one up for me, like some kind of really fucked-up Nativity scene.

(TANGENT! For anyone who has been to Blogher, you know how you go with a List? That List of bloggers you're just really jazzed about and hoping to meet, and you possibly rehearse what you'll say when you meet them [because OF COURSE you'll recognize them, being so excellent with names and faces already] just so you don't do something lame like SCREAM DIRECTLY INTO THEIR FACE [sorry, Cecily] or otherwise make a fangirl ass out of yourself? It was at this moment, there on the floor of the pantyhose department, that Jenny the Bloggess sat down next to me. All I can say is that I'm very happy I was having some kind of horrific Blood Sugar incident at the time because at least I am not forced to live with very detailed memories of what a spastic dork I was -- it's all lost in a glorious haze of dizzy spells and those weird spots that cloud your vision. Ahh.)

(TANGENT, PART TWO! I missed all the drama, is all I can say about all the drama. I was TRYING to rest up and take care of my delicate little self and missed the keynote.)

THEN the party moved up to Furniture, where I at least got to recline on a sofa while signing books with Cagey and Kristen (the Non-Dramatic Pregnant Lady) and...oh God, everybody else, until I 1) kicked over somebody else's glass of red wine all over the rug, and 2) really really really really really had to pee and had to take an ELEVATOR to another floor and it was like I was back at the airport and once I found the bathroom I was completely baffled by the stall doors (they didn't look like doors! and you couldn't tell if they were occupied unless you hurled your body at them and after slamming myself into the third locked door I turned around and randomly screamed to the heavens and scared a lovely group of young 20-something non-mommybloggers before spotting a slightly open door and peeing for oh, about the entire running time of Juno.

On Sunday my friend Julie (some of you may remember her as Bunny. Met her in Gymboree, bonded over our hatred of everyone else at Gymboree, moved to California in February, broke my heart, is total whore) picked me up at the hotel and whisked me off to her house/decompression chamber, since she knows about my blog but doesn't read my blog, doesn't read ANY blogs and if I dared spend one second trying to rehash some kind of OMG DRAMZZ! moment from the conference she'd...she'd...well, probably just call me an asshole and change the subject. Perfect.

Now I'm home, surrounded by the dozens and dozens of business cards I picked up, marveling at how many new people I met, old friends and whores I reconnected with however briefly, and then there were the people I technically met for the first time who already felt like old friends, in that weird Internet way.  And that's just culled from my memory (haaaaa) and the cards I stashed in my camera bag (well, I had to use that bitch for SOMETHING)...I'm pretty sure I have about a hundred more in my actual suitcase, but opening that one means I would have to do laundry. And...it is not time for laundry yet, I don't think.

Jason and Noah met me at the airport last night, and Noah pointed and screamed (he gets that from me -- he'll be a huge hit at business conferences!) and came barreling at me for a huge hug, and then pulled back and said (for the first time ever), "I love you, Mama."

(That one goes out to all my peeps at the Blogging About Special-Needs Kids panel, who both refrain from playing the Pain Olympics AND are okay with me cornering them at parties to talk about SPD Manifestations in Poop without batting an eye. All we need is a gang sign that somehow incorporates what Miralax dosage we use.)

(Regarding Every Other Photo Of Me Out There: Look, I forgot lipstick, AND I brought sample-sized everything, including foundation, which I guess was a TAD PALE, bordering on TRANSLUCENT REFLECTIVE POSSIBLY UNDEAD. The persistent double-chin, however, I have no excuses for.)

Comments

starrynite

Well, you look pretty good in the pics considering you had just passed out!!

Glad you had a good time (and made it there!).

Assertagirl

It was really awesome to meet you, Amy! (This is the Amy who met you at the lobby bar and then again at the Six Apart suite. The brunette Amy. Because there were fifty bazillion Amys at BlogHer.)

Maria

Oh, you two look great in these photos.

LurkyMcLurkenstein

Well your hair looks GREAT!

Nothing But Bonfires

Ah, just whispering the phrase "Take a left at the Lactation Lounge" makes me miss you. What fun.

Wa

U B funny.

Starbuck

"I love you, Mama" -- Did you not just burst into tears when he said that? I almost did just reading it.

Your posse is awesome.

Backpacking Dad

Ha! I'm always going to remember meeting you for the first time and Screwing Up the Handshake.

It's not like I was out of practice with handshakes.

:}

jenB

It was so great to talk with you I can barely even articulate it properly. You are one fantastic lady. Can't wait to chat again.

Love,

jenB

Tootsie Farklepants

This is the best Blogher recap I've read yet. And you're the cutest pregnant woman ever. And a party in a Macy's sounds like my version of heaven.

verybadcat

As a proud "young 20-something non-mommyblogger", I can only tell you this....

If I had been able to go to BlogHer, and if I had witnessed said bathroom scene, I would have totally embarrassed myself with the fan girl routine, which may or may not have included roosting people out of stalls for you.

Just sayin'. :)

Wendy

I really really wish I could have been there! I think I've said that on every BlogHer post I've read. But I didn't go because I've only been doing this for 3 weeks and didn't know about it. nd even if I had I couldn't have afforded it anyway.

Sounds like you had fun despite it all. I'm glad you're back.

http://notesfromthesleepdeprived.blogspot.com

ali

Oh. Mah. Gah. Amalah meets The Bloggess. It's like the perfect mushroom trip.

MMM

Glad you're OK, and YAY for Noah! What a homecoming!!!

Heather B.

I love that I get to be "whores". But you know who really is one? That Julie woman. I am now going to work on Project Get Julie to DC. After the baby of course. Then you won't be so fainty and overdramatic. And we can get drunk.

(P.S. I miss you like crazy)

Mom101

How did I not even know that you had passed out in Macy's mere moment before signing like 80 million books? You need to start looking pastier and sweatier or something. We should really work on that.

Am kissing your belly from afar.

Yet Another

here's another pic of you cutie: http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g240/lizcoolmompicks/Mom101%2008/DSC00217.jpg

Jen

Please tell me you at least scored some free swag from the handbag department for that!
Baby Tivo must have wanted some attention. And Noah's comment at the end? Sigh!

Mrs. Flinger

I'm so glad to have met (and licked) you. You're as adorable and sweet in person as you are here. And funny. And maybe I was a little all shy like OHMYGODAMMAYYYY and maybe I should've been WAY more drunk so I wouldn't have to remember the fuzzy details about my deranged look as I licked you or how all shy and tongue tied I got.

Christina

Sorry I missed the fainting spell. I think I was cowering near the cutesy Japanese handbags trying to avoid the crush of people. I had water in my purse - just ask Mom101, I have everything in that purse, including a brownie.

It was awesome getting to chat with you. And Noah's "I love you, Mama"? My eyes are moist reading that.

supertiff

dude! i feel like such a rockstar now. thanks for remembering me!

i'm still in california, and thus fully unprepared to write any sort of post-blogher post...maybe thursday?

p.s.
i, too, am in love with the bloggess.

mothergoosemouse

Wonderful to see you again - at Isabel's, nakedly blogging, and especially on the floor at Macy's. I'll email you the pic of you and Jenny ASAP.

Jamie

hahah I was one of those 20somethings in the bathroom! Even though you were screaming and I was fangirling, it was awesome meeting you!

Next time we can talk outside of the bathroom, okay?

katelin

haha i'm with jamie. we were in the bathroom and weren't really scared, more like having fangirl excitement. and it was so fun meeting you, even if it was in the trippiest bathrooms ever.

Missy

I am so glad I got to meet everyone on my List (which was freaking huge), including you and the Bloggess, who were both just awesome people, so thank you.

Sundry

Can't believe I missed you there, or more specifically, missed the chance to mock you for being all WHERE'S MAH SALTS and shit.

(I'm glad you were okay.)

sarah

I didn't know you had a faintin spell...Must have been distracted by all the shoes that cost more than my tuition. My friend Katie introduced herself to you..I was chicken but I watched from afar and was so proud of her. You seemed really nice and like you were really listening. Thanks for being so great! Maybe next year I will say hi!

ali

um..yeah...we already had this conversation about the ridiculous floor-to-ceiling bathroom stalls in the most confusing bathroom ever at Macy's...but SERIOUSLY? w.t.f.

Jenny, Bloggess

Remember when we were sitting on the floor and I was all being elegant and not looking like hell and I was relaying charming stories and totally didn't start blurting out weird shit about waking up on the floor with my shirt ripped open and a bunch of dogs and strangers looking down at me? Because if you remember it any other way I blame your passing-outy-ness and not the fact that I just shouldn't allowed to go to parties or visit with normal people.

PS. I emailed you at totally the wrong address so you'll probably get the email in like 70 years and then you'll be like "Who the hell sent me this? Nurse! Pass me the jello!"

whoorl

I can't believe I never saw you.

(Well, technically, I SAW you, but you were VERY FAR AWAY AND SURROUNDED.)

*weeping*

Kia

"like some kind of really fucked-up Nativity scene. "

That HAS to be my favorite line from all the BH '08 stuff I've read this week so far. That's EXACTLY what I was picturing in my head while reading that bit. LOL

Kyla

Viva la Miralax! *pumping fist in air*

It was nice seeing you again.

Mama Melba: The Dumbest Smart Girl You Know

The first "I love you!" I'm gonna lie, I teared up. :)

ster

dude. it is pretty awesome that i took a picture of you WHEN YOU JUST ARRIVED and i was all WHORED up and i seriously look like you just purchased me off the street for a night of oh so scandelous and raunchy... something or other. dirty pregnant girl.
AND! i have lots of pics of you signing those fucking books. remember? yes, you remember. flickr baby. eff to the licker.

motherbumper

Can I just say how wonderful it was to corner you, I mean meet you in the elevator at BlogHer and the fact that you didn't scream and run away when meeting me (yah for elevators) made me feel all fuzzy and special-like.

Dana

I'm a huggy person and when we first met you gave me a hug unprompted and I was all SHE SPEAKS MY LANGUAGE. I loved meeting you in 3-D. Sorry I was all mother hen and stole Macy's water and shit. It happens around pregnant women and kids. (The hen-ning. Not stealing.)

Elizabeth

http://flickr.com/photos/table4five/2690332907/ you, me, and Tracey at the Six Apart party, http://flickr.com/photos/table4five/2691139244/in/photostream/ you in the elevator. You look lovely! And I was standing in front of you when you knocked over the glass, and really, it was just a few drops of red wine on the beige carpet :)

Yay for Noah saying I Love You Mama! *sniff*

Her Bad Mother

I'm still disappointed that you didn't pee in that cup. Because, you know, public urination always makes a party.

Robyn

Dude, BlogHer sounds awesome... maybe in another 5 years or so I'll work up the courage to go (will I have missed all the fun by then?). I feel I could have been a rockstar at the Special Needs Kids Panel as I yelled, "Miralax is so 5 minutes ago! We've moved on to Lactulose now. All the cool kids have."

Seriously, though, I will cherish our special meeting at BlogHer that never happened. Also - do I need to get myself some business cards?!

HouseofJules

When you were going down did you ask for someone to bring you water and Marc Jacobs? :) Glad you're okay!
Jules
House of Jules

Alicia

I agree you hair does look great! What a crazy time you had, all while sober, impressive!

Kris

I was there this weekend, but just on vacation, not at BlogHer ... had no idea it was happening there, and I saw you in the lobby, but I didn't want to be a stalker and say hello. (Now that I'm home I'm really wishing I had!) Bloggers everywhere, it looked like you guys were having so much fun! Between seeing you and Heather Armstrong in the lobby and Chris March from Project Runway at dinner in North Beach Saturday night, huge celebrity weekend for me. (Did you know what a big celeb you are?)

linka72

That's it!! I'm going to pimp mah hubby out so that I can go to Blogher next year..we could faint together..trust me, it'll be great..or not.
I'm so glad you were okay though..nice hose.

Jessica (from It's my life...)

Meeting you at the People's Party was definitely the highlight of BlogHer for me. Oh, wait, maybe that was winning a new laptop, but it was still WAY cool. And I sure hope I didn't make too much of a fool of myself. (I'm the girl who said she tried to stalk you in Austin when you were at SXSW. Oh, man, I am a fool.)
Is it sad that I was too intimidated to give you my card? Yeah, I'm a dork like that!

Stephanie

Ha! I went to comment about how great your hair looks and LurkyMcLurkenstein took the words right out of my mouth.

Kimmers

Well, you look lovely in these pictures! That tiny Starbucks cup of water is hysterical, btw.

erin

I read exactly two blogs. Yours and Uppercase Woman. Cecily posted about meeting you too and I'm all GAH WORLDS COLLIDE!!!!

Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children

"That List of bloggers you're just really jazzed about and hoping to meet, and you possibly rehearse what you'll say when you meet them [because OF COURSE you'll recognize them, being so excellent with names and faces already] just so you don't do something lame like SCREAM DIRECTLY INTO THEIR FACE"

Um. Yeah. I know.

YOU were on MY list and when we met I suddenly turned into this awkward dork with nothing to say other than I had tweeted about your appearance on Throwdown. Blah, blah, blah. I'm not really a dork. Okay, I AM a dork, but not usually quite to that extent.

You were incredibly sweet and in the event we ever meet again, I'll be LESS dorky.

jodifur

You are just SUCH a drama queen attention whore.

(I kid, I kid).

Kristabella

Either you have GIANT hands or that is the smallest cup of water I've ever seen.

That was the stupidest place to have a party. I should not have to work that hard to find food and/or wine.

It was SO great to meet you! And thanks for the drink tickets! I put them to such good use!

citystreams

Loved the line about peeing the whole length of Juno. Too funny!

So I hope this means that you'll be merciful should I ever meet you in person and pull out the hyper-fan schtick. Because I totally would.

Amy

Ah, so you're the reason they stopped serving red wine in the furniture department.

I remember seeing you sitting in the pantyhose aisle. And yes, for some unknown reason we all were standing in line. They should have had the whole party in the furniture department, handbags and shoes were a mess.

xoxo, SG

Lori at Spinning Yellow

Nothing like bonding over poop stories! Hurray for Miralax!

And hurray for the first "I love you"!

So nice to have met you.

Angella

I did not take a single photo of you but I *did* lead you to Tower Salon A (after accosting you).

I thought you were all sorts of lovely.

I also slept with "Noah's Babysitter". That whole "Hey! You're Heather B! You're Noah's babysitter!" scenario cracked me up.

Kate C

I always feel like fainting in department stores, pregnant or not. They're overheated and stuffy. Just two days ago I took my three children to Old Navy at the local mall and after 15 miuntes had to hustle all of us to a cafe to get water, lest mummy drop to the floor.

Zandria

Oh, wow! Sorry to hear about your dizzy spell in Macy's. Too funny that you got your picture taken with pantyhose -- I seem to remember that mine was taken in a compromising position with some panties, but they were taken with somebody else's camera and I've yet to locate them!

It was nice finally getting to meet you after all this time. :)

Michelle

Sounds like an eventful... event. (I know, I'm so clever)

Lady M

Macy's was certainly an interesting place for a party. I hid behind a rack of shoes, stuffing my face with noodles until I was ready to face the world again.

Hope to meet you again someday when I'm not keeping you from the buffet!

lildb

dude. i had no freakin idea about the fainting. you appeared fresh as a pregnant daisy when i met you. with the cutest bump known to pregnant-kind. (which i raved about, dorkily, but what did you expect?, i'm a dork.)

(also, swear. we weren't tryin' ta steal yr ice cream scoopy dealy thing. just, my friend was certain it belonged to me because i had placed my bag sort of on top of it because i was a little on the tipsy-ish side. also, i was drunk. and really drunk. and very, very, very drunk. also, overwhelmed. etc.)

(you are adorable.)

the end.

T@SendChocolate

Glad you are ok, fainting sounds scary, especially when pregnant.You are feeling ok now, right?

I didn't know you were in the Special Needs panel. I wish more time could have been spent getting to know the women there, or another way to meet up would have been found. Next year I am going to suggest something.

T.

Katie Kat

I love how you faint in the department store and STILL find a way to shop. *WHOMP* "Hey, these are really nice hose. I wonder if they have them in maternity size..."

You're still adorable (double chin or no)!

michellew

Wow, even that horror story beats staying home changing poopy diapers, which is what I did.
You look lovely and refreshed depite your fainting episode.

Vicky

I kept thinking the same thing! I am going to collapse if I don't get me some freakin' water! For us preggos at the party Macy's was like some hellish vortex.

BTW, I met you at the Reboot Room we both went to small schools and then got the hell out of there. Oh... I said hell.

Karianna

Yeah. Those two shots summarize the whole deal well. Like "Huh, pantyhose. Well, this is very cool." oh, now the whole experience is over. Quite surreal, but glad to have seen you again (although not on the floor, that is super-sad.)

sweetney

I'm going to be using those photos in my recap post too. the only ones that don't make me look like jabba the hut. (plus look at what a cute couple we make, baby!)

Cecily

Did you scream in my face? I thought that was just normal volume because it was so FUCKING loud in that place. Heh.

It was super sweet meeting you too. :)

BOSSY

So sorry to hear about your blood sugar dip. Bossy almost fainted at that party too, but it was due to Bizareness.

Daisy Duke

I love love your blog & read all the time...and I wouldn't put this in the "comments" section but I can't seem to find your email address on here (I. Is. Idiot.) so this was the next best thing.

Anyway, for whatever reason (and just today) your site is FREAKING out my security software. I can't come without flashing lights & messages and "Fraudulent!! Known Phishing site!!" and a lot of nonsense like that. Anyway, I just wanted you to know because I am most certain your site is *not* a phishing site, but maybe there is an ad on here that is causing problems? Or maybe it is just my software? No idea. Right now I have a flashing thing saying "Fraudulent Web Page Detected!!" Ahh.

Anyway. Glad you made it back in one piece.

Babybloomr

I witnessed the Macy's on-the-floor party but figured it was just some cool thing that cool bloggers did, had no idea it was in any way related to having the vapors. Dang, I'm from the South, I should have picked up on that. At any rate, I am one of the unfortunate few that DIDN'T hand you a (really cute and brand-squeaky-new Moo) card, though I was in close proximity to you during the afore-mentioned floor incident as well as the CheeseburgHer party. But in my heart I wanted to. I also thought you looked quite well put-together--- wan is the new black, you know.

Loralee

You were fabulous in person. I absolutely loved meeting you (embarrassing booger moment and all!) ;)

amanda

I wish I had bumped into you, I would have gingerly led you to the fresh boutique where they took one look at my ten week postpartum ass (face) and said, "Would you like concealer to make it seem like you have slept?" A free makeover that left me looking like San Francisco was a place that truly enjoyed the California reputation of warmth. Oh the cold, I bet your near fainting was due to the bracing cold of the streets vs the stifling stuffiness of the over-crowded $$$ parts of Macy's.

Hope you are feeling better!

Sheenah

Oh, Noah is so cute. I would have bawled immediately after hearing those words. I wish I could have gone to BlogHer and been all fan girl to you. Sigh. Maybe next year.

averil

you are simply too cool for school, amalah.

*grin*

Ashley

I found ya through a friend. Wow, I didn't make it to blogHer - and only found out about it after it was too late to scrape the cash together to fly across country - but, I can't wait to go!

And your blood-sugar issue sounds like me. *Note to self: When going to Blogher, buy a collapsible cup for my purse to refill with water.

Glad to "meet ya"!

Kerri Anne

I totally missed saying hello this year, so hectic was The Rampant Socializing, but (hello! and) the pantyhose pictures are quite fantastic.

Stimey

Yeah, that party was weird. I also took photos in that same pantyhose dept. because it was so surreal.

We use a half-cap of Miralax mixed into Nestle Quik everyday. (I loved that panel too.)

Janice (5 Minutes for Mom)

I totally missed your fainting spell! Glad people came to your rescue!

I ran into some friends leaving Macy's as I was about to go into the party and they were bailing to go to a restaurant for food. Hungry and tired myself, I opted for the restaurant option - even though we ended up at a lame greasy spoon - and totally missed the whole Macy's thing.

It was great seeing you again.

SweetnPantyhose

It is great to see someone promoting hosiery like I do 24/7, especially since I wear them all the time.

Katrisha

my 3 year old said that you looked bee-tif-ool. Own it!

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