THINGS I AM TERRIBLE AT:
1) Choosing the correct-sized plastic container for storing leftovers
2) The metric system
3) Closing dresser drawers all the way
4) Painting my own toenails
5) Anything involving the post office
THINGS THAT ARE CURRENTLY BUGGING ME A LOT:
1) That damn haircut
2) Our defective Wii
a) Which would scratch a ring onto every game we played after a few hours of use.
b) Which would render the game completely unplayable.
c) Usually right at some critical moment, like right when you were about to fight Darth Maul in Lego Star Wars.
d) Which you were totally kicking ass on, by the way.
f) And yeah, I know it's geared for 10-year-olds, I WAS STILL RULING AT IT.
g) Anyway, we'll probably get our repaired console back in about six weeks.
3) No one around here who is not gestating is willing to move furniture around and get the new baby's room set up.
a) Or help me with my plan to rearrange the dining room, which I also feel is an essential pre-baby endeavor.
4) This irrational feeling that our ultrasound wasn't completely definitive and we're actually having a girl.
5) Also ants. In the kitchen. I hate ants.
THINGS MY DOG HAS EATEN WITH NARY A SINGLE NEGATIVE EFFECT:
1) Chocolate cake
2) Chocolate Easter candy
3) Four paper towels
4) Seven butter wrappers
5) Approximately 428 crayons
6) A roach trap
7) Packing peanuts
8) Shoes of various materials and price points
9) An entire bag of baby spinach
PLACES I FOUND TRACES OF THAT ENTIRE BAG OF STALE HAMBURGER BUNS SHE ATE:
1) Laundry pile
2) Linen closet
3) Under decorative throw pillow
4) All over living room floor
5) Bottom of my foot
Bite me, Atkins.