Hair Today
Deodorant Wars II: The Aluminator Strikes Back

Things. Lots of Things.


1) Choosing the correct-sized plastic container for storing leftovers

2) The metric system

3) Closing dresser drawers all the way

4) Painting my own toenails

5) Anything involving the post office


1) That damn haircut

2) Our defective Wii

    a) Which would scratch a ring onto every game we played after a few hours of use.

    b) Which would render the game completely unplayable.

    c) Usually right at some critical moment, like right when you were about to fight Darth Maul in Lego Star Wars.

    d) Which you were totally kicking ass on, by the way.

    f) And yeah, I know it's geared for 10-year-olds, I WAS STILL RULING AT IT.

    g) Anyway, we'll probably get our repaired console back in about six weeks.

3) No one around here who is not gestating is willing to move furniture around and get the new baby's room set up.

    a) Or help me with my plan to rearrange the dining room, which I also feel is an essential pre-baby endeavor.

4) This irrational feeling that our ultrasound wasn't completely definitive and we're actually having a girl.

5) Also ants. In the kitchen. I hate ants.


1) Chocolate cake

2) Chocolate Easter candy

3) Four paper towels

4) Seven butter wrappers

5) Approximately 428 crayons

6) A roach trap

7) Packing peanuts

8) Shoes of various materials and price points

9) An entire bag of baby spinach

10) Houseplants


1) Laundry pile

2) Linen closet

3) Under decorative throw pillow

4) All over living room floor

5) Bottom of my foot


Bite me, Atkins.



My dog eats crayons, too. I thought at first it was because she was half-blind, but no. What is up with that? Do dogs get a serious wax deficiency or something?


I don't close my dresser drawers either! Really, what's the point? I'm just going to open them again tomorrow.

Mark that one in the "will drive my husband CRAZY in a nano second."

I love Amalah!


Heh, I absolutely love this pic of the dog. Something about her ears.

p.s. you are funny.


The plastic container thing KILLED me! I can totally relate!!!!
House of Jules


My husband HATES when I don't shut the dresser drawers entirely! And I do it all the time! It's like a sickness. The non-gestating member(s) of my household also don't seem to have a sense of urgency when it comes to setting up the new baby's room. I may have to remind him that a newborn will be in the house in oh, about 12 WEEKS. Maybe less if she shows up earlier, OMG.


With a face like that, she can eat anything she wants. :-)

I also have a problem selecting the correct container.


how is your dog not more morbidly obese?!


I am horrible at estimating the correct size plastic container too. It irritates the shit out of my husband.

So what about the games your Wii has destroyed? Will those be replaced by Nintendo? Because if not, that totally sucks!


For ants buy some Borax and pour piles of it wherever the ants are coming in - they get all dehydrated by the powder and go die somewhere. But not in the house - thet LEAVE to die! Worth the $6 to try. And not even my piggy little pug will eat borax so you shouldn't have any problems with Ceiba.


My husband is constantly yelling at me because I don't coose the dresser drawers all the way either. You have to lift and push and, really, that is just too much effort.


"I can haz more cheep shoes?"

Tootsie Farklepants

My dog likes to tear into a bag of chips. She just doesn't like to eat them. She does digest underpants, however.


Sorry to laugh, but I'm so with you it's freaky.


We came home the other day to find only the empty bag from an almost full loaf of bread and and empty bag of croutons on the floor. My brother's dog was the culprit (though I'm sure my dog would have done it in a heatbeat if she hadn't been in her crate!!)


...okay fine, maybe i *won't* be getting a dog...

Veronica @ Toddled Dredge

I am in my seventh month of pregnancy, and am now too big to carry a laundry basket on my hip. This means it is HIS job to bring the laundry up from the basement. I'm sure you are familiar with how well that system works. I don't even bother asking him to move furniture.


Ahhh...I love Ceiba. She is such an uppity little bitch (meaning a female dog, of course...).

What happened to bullet point 2e under what's buggin you? Preggo brain made you forget the alphabet?


Well, once my dog ate an entire bologna. No, I do not mean an entire package of sliced bologna. I mean, an entire bologna sausage - complete with red casing. Miracle: bologna sausage apparently digested. red bologna casing appeared in my front yard a few days later.

Erika Jurney

Ha, my cat bob has that same pet bed!


We can haz more Ceiba story? Yes?
I think there's like 4 gallon containers in my fridge holding things like 1 hardboiled egg, a couple of grapes, 2 cups worth of rice, and maybe 3 or 4 cups of spinach. (Not all together though. That would be gross.)


Similar thing happened to my Xbox. I had to send it off to be fixed for 6 weeks. I was missing it - so I went to Best Buy. The sales person said "we have a no questions asked returns policy." (or at least something that sounded like that to me.) And I asked specifically- "Is it OK for me to buy this xbox and use it and then return it in a few weeks?" and she said yes. So I bought it. Then I returned it when the old fixed one got sent back to me. Just an idea.


Hey, remember when you were pregnant with Noah and y'all were completely remodeling your kitchen? Yeah, I don't think anything will ever be as bad as that. I could be wrong, though...

Also, SEVEN butter wrappers? Whatever you made that required 3.5 cups of butter, I want some of it.


Our old cat once bit into every bun in a bag of hamburger buns. Through the plastic. And only one bite per bun, like she thought the next one would be better.


Oooh, ooh, I have a solution to the baby room thing! Start to do it yourself, when the non-gestation members of the family are nearby. Nonchalantly mention that you're about to do it ("Ok, I'm going to go rearrange the baby room. I'll be down in a few hours."). I can all but guarantee that it will suddenly get done, along with the ever-present excuse of "Honey, I was JUST about to do that!" with the direct insinuation that if you had simply waited 5 more minutes, it would have been done, you silly, impatient pregnant woman, you.

Mwahaha. (Although that last little bit might just be my hubby. I don't know.)

And also, is it wrong that I'm jealous that I don't have any 'my dog ate...' stories to share? I'd even put up a with a dog that eats dirty diapers if I could just have a dog. Pout.


psumommy! I have a dog that eats dirty diapers! He doesn't care for the wet ones, but the stinky ones are like Scooby Snacks for him! Trust me, there is nothing grosser than going into the baby's room to discover the dog has found the pail where you keep all the diapers.


Dude, Lego Star Wars is the greatest game EVAH. For real. And I only have it for PS2, although last weekend I DID purchase Lego Indiana Jones for the Wii, which kicks almost as much ass.


Terro ant killer. (I get it from Lowes) works pretty well. But keep it away from the pets--even though I think it's main ingrediant is Borax so most pets leave it alone. My cats won't look at it, but they don't look twice at anything.

She Likes Purple

I was just thinking about Ceiba the other day like, oh I wonder how her puppy is. I can see she's been busy.

We once found candy wrappers under our dog's bed like she was binging and trying to hide the evidence from her Weight Watchers group.


1) Choosing the correct-sized plastic container for storing leftovers

2) The metric system

3) Closing dresser drawers all the way

4) Painting my own toenails

5) Anything involving the post office

ditto to 1, 3 and 4. :D


Bite me, Atkins. HAHAHAHAHA! You are a genius. :)

The metric system? Move the decimal to the right each time you go from larger to smaller units and move it to the left each time you go from smaller to larger. Easy peasy lemon squeezy, as my 7th graders say. :)


If you need a good, and I do mean GOOD haircut person, although it isn't cheap, I highly suggest Lindsay at the Red Door in Wildwood Shopping Center. Also, Sue at the Gaithersburg location is my new gal and she isn't too bad, but have only had two cuts so far.


You make me roll, as always. Our bulldog always LOVED dirty or wet diapers, (gag), but the best was one day when I saw him waddling around the back yard with an intact paper towel hanging out his ass. Niiiice.

swirl girl

I am the world's worst present wrapper. Trust me ,that's why god invented gift bags.

Miss Britt

I don't know if there is a good way to tell you this without a) making you worry more and b) making me sound crazy - but...

I was actually JUST thinking about this boy/girl thing today while having lunch alone in a Subway. And I thought "wouldn't it be cool if she actually had a girl".

Hand to God, I do not normally spend my alone time contemplating the sex of your unborn children.


Once, my dog ate an entire loaf of break without disturbing the bag. I'm still not sure how he got the twist-tie off.

Then, a second time, he ate a bag containing eight or nine potatoes, and then spread the potatoes out on my bed without eating them.

He's weird.


You're good at list writing.
You write a good list.


Dude...I totally can't paint my own toenails I gave up and now I just do a big horizontal swipe across...then (much to the delight of my husband) I sit on the couch and pick off the excess while I watch TV. Sexy!


I love your dog! Wanna trade?
Mine is a 76 pound German Sheperd and has no more bladder control.

No?? Are you sure??
He is great with kids!!

However...if he eats a butter wrapper...I am sure it will have many an ill effects....all over your carpets. Totally.


Dude, that sucks.


1. my sisters corgi, Apocalypse, most recently ate a colored pencil. It was evidently delicious going down but has caused severe angst to all involved coming back out. Also numbering among the fallen:
a. resin chess peices
b. stuffed animals, innards and all
c. bits of backpack
d. my favorite pair of sexy shoes AND my favorite flip flops (last time he's invited over EVER)
2. At the impressionable and hormonal age of 12, I was given a mullet by the family hair stylist 45 minutes before our first, and only, professional family portraits were shot. These portraits were purchased, blown way out of proportion, beautifully framed, and are now stored in my attic. Facing the wall. Dignity takes a lot longer to grow back than hair does.
3. You need to post hourly.


The only people I know who play Lego Star Wars are adults.


We have a paper towel eating pooch. He looks so pained when he's trying to poop them out. Seriously, dog, just don't eat the weird stuff and you won't have problems! I wish he could understand all the words coming out of my mouth and not just "go" and "ride" and "food".

Mrs. Schmitty

Dogs will eat anything, won't they? Mine seems to like the snotty tissues out of the bathroom garbage!Go figure...dumb dog.


My nine year old just got Lego
Star Wars and has explained, in excrutiationg detail, every level and every possible purchase in the Cantina. I can't play this game because I am already addicted to Guitar Hero and can't be wasting my time on silly things like collecting studs when I need a new outfit and guitar. Also - bay leaves work pretty well to repel ants. Having kids and cats I didn't want to put chemicals around (in my kitchen!) and gave them a shot. Still see one occassionally but then I still see the neighbor's cat in my yard sometimes, too. What are you gonna do?


Hi Amy! I just finished your archives. I feel sad. About as sad as I was when I finished the Harry Potter books. Now I will actually have to do WORK at WORK. Sad sad sad.

Thank you for your blog. You don't know how much it's helped me through the past few months. I won't write it all the details here...but just want to say THANK YOU.

(and I live in the Metro area, and will totally LOSE MY SHIT if I ever run into you. Because you are like a celebrity to me! Tables are turned!)


Hee! I always have trouble closing the dresser drawers, too. There's always a corner of a shirt or something sticking out.


I also can relate to the plastic containers. My biggest problem is that none of mine are the same size, so stacking in the refrigerator is almost impossible.

Your son is adorable either way, but at least it's hair and will grow back. :)


My dog once ate the stretchy net that comes around some pork roasts- I was sure that was the end for him. Later we found it hacked up in a peony bush.


just got done watching throwdown and just wanted to say you were adorable :) that little hand clappy thing you did when you sat down? i do that when i'm excited lol


I too am incapable of closing dresser drawers completely - kitchen drawers as well.

I also have a related affliction in which I cannot screw the lids onto jars completely. They always end up all catawumpus.

And I couldn't paint my own toenails cleanly if my life depended on it.

Clearly, it's good that I am not a surgeon.


Sorry about stepping on the masticated buns, ew. Oh man, I've been there. Mr.Fred ate half of my retainer including the metal parts. Rosebud has eaten: tons of paper towels; plastic hangers; a spool of thread ($2000 surgery); a blue hair scrunchy, sticks, rocks, and oleander blossoms/seeds ON THE SAME DAY($300 vet bill); and a pound of almond m&ms($150).


My cat found the box of condoms and proceeded to bit a hole in every package.

I think it was my punishment for not getting up at 4 am to feed him.

Heza Hekele

That was a good laugh at this crazy insane hour...why am I reading your blog at 1:24 in the morning? Why am I up at all at 1:24 in the morning?


Love your dog, he is so cute. BTW don't worry about the haircut -- it grows out in no time and once you let Noah use scissors he'll do more damage to his hair than you can imagine. I think all kid love to cut their hair.


At 31+ weeks, we JUST set up the nursery...... :-)


I have a tall cupboard in my house that I had to install a lock on so my dog wouldn't eat all of the carbs stored inside it.


Isn't Lego Star Wars the best? We'll be updating our Xbox because I can't bear to be limited to the original 3 episodes.

And your dog's culinary tastes? Might actually give my sister's dog a run for her money. That's an impressive list! Though our dog is pretty good at eating essentials like insulin or medications, along with lots of plactic-wrapped breads and chocolates. Must be a canine thing.


Saw you and Jason on Thowndown last night. I just happened to catch the very end when you guys were introduced as the judges and well, did the judging. I can't really remember what you were judging - I was all "OMG, that's AMY!" instead of really paying attention. Glad you all picked the local boy - I hate it when Bobby wins!


yeah, my little monster Boston Terrier, Ginger, has a stomach-o-steel as well.

Mary Jo Roberts

3) Closing dresser drawers all the way
4) Painting my own toenails

SO MUCH WORD. These are two of my worst!

My dog (a beagle) once ate an entire LARGE loaf of bread that I had thrown out cuz it was a week old and we hadn't touched it. It was bigger then he is. He also has eaten enough chocolate that he should rightfully be dead. LOL

Fearless Mom

With my dogs, I've never worried about what goes in. I'm just concerned about how and where it comes out.


OK, did that change the throw pillow into a throw-UP pillow?


I know, I'm funny...


Ceiba's ears look like Sr. Bertrille's hat in The Flying Nun!


Feel better soon ceiba!!! Poor thing.

And poor Amy too.


I would die without my wii! there would be no exercise for me ever, cause all my exercise is done on wii fit! I hope it is fixed soon, are they replacing all your games too? I am also in love with the lego games, have you tried the indian jones one yet? so fun!


Ugh... my dog eats used... ahem feminine products. My best friend came over for a bbq and my dog came out with her tampon proudly displayed in her mouth for all my 20+ guests to see. My dog is a Min Pin also... damn dog.

bad penguin

I am battling ants in my kitchen too. Stupid ants. I hate them.

Not only am I bad at the metric system -- I think I am also bad at regular measurements. Does the normal system even have a name? Non-metric. We were tying to figure out the square footage of our house this weekend, and it was way harder than it should have been.


What I want to know is this: What were you doing so that you dog was able to get his paws on seven butter wrappers all at once?

PS Saw you on "Throwdown" and you rocked. I was waiting to see Bobby Flay roll his eyes when you mentioned curry, but either I missed it or it was edited out.

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