PrePreschool
August 18, 2008
Ages and ages ago, I remember reading someone else's blog post about their child starting preschool. And it was boring! Preschool! It happens! Your kid is too big to cuddle now anyway! Send 'em off, ship 'em out, I have no time for your hand-wringing and hair-biting!
Noah starts preschool on Monday.
*shoves hair in mouth*
We went to drop off another stack of forms and oh, I don't even know how many dollars today and were told we could go meet his teacher.
Noah shyly walked around the room, played with a toy cash register and some puzzles, eagerly selected a moon-shaped sticker from a proffered baggie and recited a fairly impressive soliloquy from Blue's Clues while investigating a toy baby bassinet. ("Cinnamon! He looks like a Cinnamon. What a great name! Paprika, you just named your baby brother!") (We've been watching "The Baby's Here!" episode quite a bit, for obvious reasons.)
Then Noah spotted a pile of posters on the floor -- shapes, colors, numbers, all waiting to be be hung up. "An octagon!" he shouted. "Stop sign is octagon."
He moved on to the next poster, which was about counting to four. "Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten!" he finished.
His teacher raised an eyebrow and looked at me. I jokingly thanked Noah for making me look good.
(Confidential to Steve from Blue's Clues: THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME LOOK GOOD.)
***
Just an hour or so before, we randomly bumped into one of the Early Intervention/Kids At Play moms at our pediatrician's office. We didn't have much time to talk -- she was there with her brand-new-as-of-THURSDAY baby, looking exhausted and overwhelmed. We promised to get back in touch and finally plan that playdate we've been talking about for months and months now. She headed off to meet with the lactation consultant, I went to go get my forms certifying that my child is not pulsing with lead and infectious diseases.
I'd dutifully filled out my required sections of the forms, occasionally stymied by the questions about Noah's development.
"THINGS I AM WORKING ON WITH MY CHILD."
"MY CHILD WILL NEED HELP WITH THE FOLLOWING ACTIVITIES."
I attended the panel at BlogHer for special-needs parents, although I almost skipped it, fearing that I would be viewed as some kind of tourist. Hadn't we gotten the all-clear from our EI program? Didn't I have a stack of test results proving that my child was speaking at a normal and age-appropriate level? Wasn't that chapter of our lives over and done with?
Well, yes. And no.
Noah graduated from EI on the basis of speech, and speech alone. I didn't realize that by dropping our (awful terrible grr hate smash) occupational therapist and opting to work on his sensory issues in a group setting only, I was essentially telling the county that I was no longer concerned with those "other" problems.
Noah still has a pretty pronounced oral aversion. He cannot use a fork or a spoon or drink from a cup. If he likes a food, he'll stuff his mouth until he chokes. If he dislikes something, he can't even bear to touch it to his lips. He is the most physically cautious almost-three-year-old boy you will ever meet. He will go down THAT kind of slide but not THAT kind. He hates messes and still lines up toys. The test scores indicate a child who is speaking and articulating appropriately. The average trip to the playground indicates the exact opposite. Sure, he's not silent. But his social language is still mostly roars and amusing sound effects. He's very, very hard to understand. Countless times people have looked to me for a translation and all I can offer is a shrug. Certain triggers send him into a frightened, overwhelmed state that I can only describe as a toddler-sized panic attack.
He is, to put it mildly and spare you a million other humdrum details, a quirky kid.
And I mentioned this to other bloggers who have kids in EI or on the spectrum or undergoing developmental assessments. And, bless them, they all GOT IT. The constant waffling between "he's fine, that's just who he is, embrace it already," and "will his life be made harder because of this, and should I be doing something about it?" And that's where we are, muddling through. Thrilled to be officially past the label stage of speech delays and SID/SPD, but also at a loss, because now how do we explain Noah and his needs without falling back on labels that maybe don't apply? "Child had speech delay, is all better now, hooray!"
I wrote a lot of neurotic-sounding nonsense on Noah's preschool forms. Overprotective and overused crap about "transitions" and "overwhelmed easily in noisy areas" and "dread fear of fingerpaints." I wrote it because I worried I'd be doing Noah a disservice to pretend that side of him didn't still exist.
His teacher will read all of that later this week, I guess.
But...I hope she mostly remembers that Noah is the kid who knew what an octagon was.
Noah and his very own photo of Baby Brother. He says he loves Baby Brother. He also says he loves windmills, chocolate, his SpongeBob soap dispenser, helichoppers and Olympic synchronized diving.
This was amazing to read because of your care, wisdom and powers of observation. Noah is so lucky. As a veteran of LD intervention, I have three thoughts (best at the bottom):
1. Progress is progress. And good. It's good to fill out those forms w/appropriate levels of neurosis, but one caveat:
Sometimes teachers choose to read the forms AFTER they've had time with the child, so they "aren't biased in advance." That Happened to us once w/our LD kid and it was not helpful. SO maybe you want to speak briefly with the teacher - ask if she has that "read later" philosophy and let her know there are things she may want to be aware of from the get-go, just so she knows to take a look at the forms before Noah returns.
2. Noah's accomplishments (and an Octagon is pretty damned accomplished for such a new person) are worthy of the pride you feel. To an outsider too. I'm sure you know that. Things that are still difficult or that may affect his social experience are tough to think about but you again, I think, from my experience w/LD offspring, are not wrong to be thinking about them. And struggling to decide how to manage them.
3. The way he entered the classroom on your visit and engaged with the tools and toys is a great sign. No guarantee but that confidence -- walking away from Mom into the new environment -- is an accomplishment for both of you. It took a long time in our family.
OH and this is a gorgeous child, by the way. Comes from mom, from what I saw at BH.
I vaguely remember preschool as being lots of free time for me to sit in a bean bag and play GeoSafari.
I hope it's as enjoyable for Noah!
Meh. My daughter could give you an oral dissertation of her doctoral thesis when she was three, and I STILL had to translate for her. No - really - late in her 3rd year she was very very vocal, and clear - but 2 and early 3, people were always looking to me to translate. And I only knew what she said about half the time. SO - don't get down about that. The other things...meh...they'll work themselves out!
*squee* He is soooooo cute! LOVE him hugging BabyTivo. OMG.
As for his oral sensitivity, I really hope it passes and maybe eating with other children in a school setting, seeing them eat might help him realize that it's not going to kill him if it passes his lips.
Like a previous commenter, my son has been found to be on the autism spectrum and no one that knows him can believe it (except me!). He started in a developmental preschool classroom this summer for an extended year and just started his school year last week.
Personally, (and this is just my experience) I think that kids that have speech delays have some ticky behavior as a result. I think sometimes the ticky behavior gets called PDD NOS SPD SID ASD, etc., etc., and it gets harder and harder to treat the original 'problem' of the speech delay. I think once we get back to the original problem, we will do better with our son and his issues.
BUT I am writing to say that he did so well in preschool, he had never been to anything like it before and he seems to really crave it. And also, his teacher and assistants this summer and this school year seem to really love him and want the best for him - just like his father and I do! So that has been a big relief. I tell them EVERYTHING about my son, I say that he only likes green beans from the can so he can drink the bean water. And that he likes mac and cheese but you have to shove the first forkful in his mouth to remind him that he likes it. I tell them all the weird things that he does and sometimes I say "I have no idea" when they ask me "What did he say?" I do not want to waste time judging myself or him when I could be making his life easier or better.
I hope it goes great for Noah, I know it will. Take lots of pictures! someone advised me and I was happy I did. It kept me busy and made a big fun deal of it and stopped me from crying!
Cynthia -- thank you for that great, practical advice. I did mention (in person) that Noah had received therapy and attended special classes for his speech delay to the teacher, who was sweet and pleased to hear that we'd tackled the problem early.
I mentioned some of the more pronounced quirks that his Kids at Play teachers/therapists had noted (i.e., he WILL join circle time, but ONLY if he is allowed to wait until EVERY OTHER KID has sat down. THEN he will come sit on his own, but if you try to encourage him to join before he makes the decision he will freak out and scream and hide), since that seemed like it would be helpful for her to know.
So we'll see. Noah really loved that classroom (he loves ANYTHING that is obviously geared for little kids) and she seemed really laid-back about her expectations for behavior -- these are really little kids and school should be fun and not overwhelming. I don't think she'll be putting many demands on the class for the first few weeks while they all adjust, which sounds PERFECT for him. Fingers crossed.
Having completed pre-school with my "quirky" child, I can say with a decent amount of confidence that the teachers will know the boy who identified the octagon. For every incident in which the teachers needed to account for a food aversion or a routine that must be performed (lest Lil Joe be forced to melt into a pile of shriekiness), there were plenty of times when the report at the end of the day was an account of how Joe managed to perfectly recreate every detail of the block sculpture that had collapsed, or how he recited everyone's birthday (after having asked for such information months earlier) or his stirring rendition of "Walking on Sunshine" during free play.
On behalf of preschool educators everywhere, thank you for your honesty. Hanging out with a bunch of other 3 year olds will probably help him a great deal - they are ALL quirky - we ALL have special needs. It is so much better for everyone when the parent opens up the discourse about what might and might not be going on with their own kid so we can work on common goals. I hope he has a blast!
Yay, for you guys making it this far! Having absolutely no experience with preschool, I will just say good luck. Even though I have a feeling that Noah will be just fine. Even with the quirky traits!
My speech delayed son also loves the synchro diving ... what is that?
I think he'll be fine. But it's scary to release him into the great unknown, isn't it?
I wanted to throw out another book suggestion - Hello Baby was a huge favorite around here.
Hi, I just started reading on your blog recently. I did not know you have a son who has speech delays too, same as mine until I read this post. My Vince started full day pre-school (childcare centre) when he turned 24-months-old but started calling us Mama, Papa and talking only when he turned 30-months-old!
I put him in full day childcare centre earlier because of his lack of speech development hoping he can pick up talking through interacting with teachers and other children. He is still on speech therapy but only goes once every few months to monitor his progress.
Sorry - did you say something? Bossy was eaten by the cute photos at the end.
As a teacher, I can tell you it's better to know all the information about each child. It's also really hard to assimilate all that information off of forms, so please don't be surprised or too overwhelmed if she needs to meet with you and talk it all out again at some point. Teachers have a really steep learning curve at the beginning of the year, we have to figure out a whole group of people in depth and with great insight and understanding and love while we also have to actually teach stuff to them AND get them to be kind to each other in our setting.
Also, I remember I had a quirky first grader once who was not quite as cute and adorable and cuddly looking as your son. In fact, he looked a bit pointy. And he had these thick glasses. And we weren't connecting at all. His mom came in to help me figure out his attention and communication issues a little more clearly, and within the course of our conversation, she shared about what an affectionate and loving child he was. She said it completely out of her adoration of her son, not with any big motive in mind, but it gave me a new image of the child to focus on and really challenged me to find that affectionate kid for myself. He was slow to warm up with me, but it wasn't too long after we spoke that he became one of my all time favorite kids. Teachers love to love their students. That is your son's teacher's goal. Help her with it if needed and it can really pay off. :D
totally not at all related to this post. Did you see what Sweetney did? You're even more famous, yo!
http://www.sweetney.com/sweetney/2008/08/my-top-ten-favo.html
It just clicked that I have a grandson just like Noah. He can tell you the names of very type of shark and parts of shark anatomy but can't tell you when he has to pee. He just started Montessori (he was 3 the beginning of Aug) and it has been the perfectly place for him.
As a former preschool teacher, I can tell you that they probably welcomed any extra info. about Noah. It's much harder to figure out that a child will have such a hard time with transitions,etc... on your own when you could have prepared the child ahead of time if you'd just known to do it.
The best part will be rejoicing with his teachers on how awesome he does and how much more he learns by the end of the year. Go Noah!
Every time I read your blog about Noah I feel like you are writing about my son, Will. He is 3 and has SPD and also has the oral aversion as well. Will started preschool on August 6 and I did the same thing as you did filling out all the forms and when I talked to his teacher I wondered, "Is she really hearing me or thinking I am just overprotective?" But he is doing great and has only had one major meltdown so far over Finger painting!! I pack his lunch each day so I know he will have things that don't send him into meltdown mode and that has worked well. It is so hard to let go of our quirky ones but they do better than we think they will. I fully expected to pick him up the first day and get a letter saying that he was not ready for this and try again next year but instead his teacher wrote me a whole page telling me how well he joined in and thanks for the tips regarding Will's quirks.
Good luck!!!
My oldest child doesn't have SPD but does have a diagnois that makes her very different from her peers. It's so hard...you're continually frustrated with your child and the diagnosis...but yet so protective 'cause you don't wanting anything to happen to them. You want to make life easier for them 'cause they struggle so much.
I can't tell you life will get better but I can say as the years go by...you find better coping skills or good medication for yourself. :)
Good luck to Noah!