With Friends Like These
August 26, 2008
Let me tell you something about Sweetney. Okay, a few things. You know how I am.
Internet friendships get a bad rap sometimes. They burn fast and bright, but are ultimately, kind of disposable, if you want them to be. Someone can be your bestest friend that you've ever bested one day -- and then suddenly it's been six months since you emailed them and Jesus, you can't just email them NOW because what are you going to say you've been DOING for the past six months? They read your blog. They know your email has probably been working at least 50% of that time and YOU SPECIFICALLY TWITTERED THAT YOU WERE DOING EXACTLY DIDDLY SQUAT ON MULTIPLE OCCASIONS so you can't even be like, "Oh, GEE, I've just been so busy! What with the...blog! And the...thing. With the place."
And it's not like you're mad at them or stopped caring or reading their blog or anything...it's just flat-out easier to neglect friendships based around the Verdana typeface. Particularly if you have the attention span of a gnat.
...look! I bought a new fruit basket at Target. It's just like the other fruit basket we have, except oval instead of round which will be better for bananas and...
Right. I may mostly only be talking about myself here, and my horrific flame-out track record with keeping in touch with Internet friends.
And then there's Sweetney. You know...we FIGHT. We've actually gotten FUCKING PISSED OFF AS ALL HELL at each other. We've both looked at the other person and informed her that dude, you are being a ridiculous jackass here, knock it off. And then the other person is like, yeah, you're right, I know. And we never, ever fail to make up, hug it out, lay down some sappy sentences over email to thank the other person for both 100% having our back and 100% not putting up with our shit.
And that's what makes it, honestly, one of the healthiest and most normal friendships I've made out here on the ol' series of tubes.
All this is to say, of course, that Sweetney scares the crap out of me and after trying to ignore her subtle and not-so-subtle hints about a baby shower ("A shower for a second baby?" I'd say, clutching my pearls and smoothing my gingham apron, "That's just NOT DONE, you know." And then she'd be all, "Fuck that! Fuck the rules! Let's have a baby shower and worship SATAN!"), she finally threatened to come to my house and yell at me in person if I didn't comply and offer up a registry.
And I don't want her to come to my house. The last time she was here we drank three bottles of wine and I fell off the couch.
So fine, she's throwing me a baby shower. For both Internet friends AND real-life friends AND really, anyone in the MD/DC/VA area who would like to come to the Sleep is for the Weak book signing on September 27th at Vinoteca in Washington, DC. She's hijacked the event for her own purpose. Which is: WITTLE ITTY BITTY CUTIE PRESHUS BAYBEEEE THINGS. She's got all the details on her site -- I'm posting about it here because she ordered me to, and again. The yelling. I fear it.
>>The Amalah Baby Shower Extravaganza 2008<<
(That would be the link, since I know my stylesheet doesn't underline links and make them super-prominent or anything. You don't have to click if you don't want to. I'm just like, you know, whatever, baby gifts, no baby gifts, totally not expecting anything from anyone, oh God, this is embarassing, I bet Tracey did this JUST TO WITNESS THE DELICIOUS AWKWARD on my part. That whore.)
(Also, because Miss Manners is indeed one of those Imaginary Authority Figures whose rebuke I also fear mightily, let me say that the "registry" is really an Amazon wish list that Jason and I were mostly using as a shopping list for our own purposes, and up until a week ago it contained exactly four items. Then Tracey was all, dude, come ON, so that's how it went from containing the Ergo carrier and a box of diaper sacks to "Well, GEE, if you're buying lunch, I'll have a double turkey sandwich on rye, a large knockwurt, three bags of potato chips, a chocolate milk and two beers. You want one? Three beers.")
(Are you getting the sense that I do pretty much whatever Tracey tells me to do? Hmm. Perhaps "healthiest" is not the word for this friendship. However, I really do want some extra-cute socks for the baby.)
(Anyway, if you are local and will be around on September 27th, we would totally love and appreciate it if you came to the little book event thing. [Click here for the eVite.] You SO. DO. NOT. need to bring a baby gift -- just your lovely, fabulous-smelling presence will be enough, since I have this image of Tracey, Rita and I sitting there with the books and sad little Sharpie pens all by ourselves, and THEY can at least drink wine to cope with the mortification.)
(I will also be as big as a motherfucking brick house by then. You should come see, just for the freak SPECTACLE of the thing. Behold! The world's rolliest pregnant woman! Who continues to walk upright! The human Jenga tower! Smelling salts will be provided for our sensitive patrons!)
:) Just wanted to say hi.
EEEEKKKK. I jump at any chance to touch itty baby things.
If I wasn't a whole continent (and country!) away, I would SO BE THERE.
I already have a signed copy of the book, but I could get you guys to sign my chest or something.
I so wich I was going to be in the area.
Of course you will be as big as a brick house, that's what happens when you grow 11+lb. babies, right? :-)
I think a second shower is okay for second babies. It isn't as if you had Noah last year. Three years is a long time.
Amy: I was interested in the book and had to search around on Sweetney's site to find a link- It looks great! Set up a link and show it off! Have fun at the shower.
ohhh so wish I could come, but being that I am up in Canada and kinda far away, I will sadly have to pass. But pictures of the event would be appreciated!
happy baby shower :)
Ah! Can't you, I don't know, change the date to October 11th since that is when my lovely family will be traveling to DC to visit IL's? Please? No? Ok I understand.
Yay for 2nd shower! Fun stuff :)
Maybe I will come just to make you feel better by being way, way bigger than you will be. You will be totally cute and petite, and I will be well past "brick house" and more like "block of post-war apartments" by then.
I might be too afraid of going into labor on the metro by then, though, so...
Oh no you didn't just quote Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. No. You. Didn't. Made my day.
I was sad when you took down your last wish list. And I have checked target periodically for a wish list. So i am happy you posted one. And I am sad -- really sad that I won't be in DC for the signing. I WAS in DC on Aug. 5 at 7AM on my way to NJ for my grandma's funeral. I actually considered begging you to meet me a IAD but didn't . Now I wish I had. Because I am a freak.
Anyway, you deserve a shower and props to Tracey for scaring you into having one!!
I would come. Honestly, I would make the drive from Montco, PA to DCareaish just because I think ya'll are that fucking cool. But that's just it. Ya'll are THAT fucking cool, and I am WAY too awkward to be put in that position and seriously, what would I talk about? THAT ONE TIME AMALAH ANSWERED A SMACKDOWN QUESTION FOR ME? Cuz..you know. I think that one might be getting old. A little. BUT DID YOU HEAR ABOUT IT?
My husband just pointed out to me that Amazon is having a special where if you have an Amazon baby registry and people buy you stuff, Amazon will send you six months of free diapers. So, if you didn't already know about that, you should, you know, try and score the free diapers.
All babies (and Ladies too) need a party. You have to learn them real good. Congrats!
Wish I could go. :(
Sweetie, you know with Sweetney's minions at work, you may need to have another baby just to make use of the OODLES of baby things that will be coming your way! (I'm off to look at link and sigh in complete jealousy now.)
So shameless..... ;}
I'm not in your area, but if I was, I would totally come, just because I think you. are. hilarious.
"Oh, GEE, I've just been so busy! What with the...blog! And the...thing. With the place."
THIS is exactly how I sound. Awkward. Happy baby shower!
I had a shower for #2. I had one for #3. I will have one for #4. also, if I ever have #4, and hence the shower, please punch me in the face.
I bet Sweetney can throw a kick ass baby shower.
WAAAH! YOU MADE SWEETNEY CRY YOU WHORE!
Well, now this officially bites.
I was Rita's project editor on this book! I let out actual, verbal squees upon finding out you were in it, Amy. And I'm coming to DC for Labor Day weekend.
I fly in Thursday.
This SO bites.
Dude, do you know HOW MANY socks you're going to get now?
Ok so I totally had to steal a bunch of items off of your registry and add them to mine,
THANKS!
Ok. If I wasn't on the complete opposite side of VA and sick as a dog with morning sickness AND broke, I would totally be there. Damn, I wish gas was not so expensive.
Oh, I would totally love to come. Alas, Texas is not exactly in the MD/DC/VA area. Have fun!!
The hell with what's right. What second baby doesn't deserve new things?
Man, I wish I still lived in Frederick, because I would be there in a heartbeat!
So bummed I'm out of town for the real shower. Of course, Noah's b-day party is probably that weekend and I'll be gone again. Annual girls weekend.
(I know what you mean about Internet friends. My best tube friend and I have spent the past day calling each other strumpet and other variations of the word "whore.")
(It's fabulous.)
I know you're going to take offense to this and there's really not any other was to say this. If you want to have a baby shower, go ahead, it's a baby and it's a beautiful thing. But Traci's take on it is TACKY and pushy. Basically she's asking you to guilt, pressure whatever you want to call it people who read your blog into getting you something. I mean do you give them all baby gifts too when they’ve had or have babies? This goes for Traci as well. Huh do you? Do you leave comments on their blogs, like they do on yours? Also the thing about bringing a gift to the book signing well that just broke the straw. I mean it’s so tacky you’ll be walking around with dust bunnies, books, and people stuck to you it’s soooooo tacky. People are already shelling out money for the book but the pressure to show up with a baby gift too. What buying your book isn’t enough? Seriously maybe you and Tracy aren't affected by this recession, gas prices, economy etc but a lot of people are. We spend $550 a month in gas. $550 fucking dollars on gas for my husband who commutes and me running around town with the kids. Groceries cost more, everything cost more. But bring a baby gift or you'll be an outcast, and stand out in the crowd.
Traci comes across very, very, VERY much like a hedonist bully. And but letting her do this, you’re saying, you’re totally fine with that.
btw I'm a long time reader and even though I can more than afford to buy you something, it's clear that you and Jason can afford things and your RL friends and family will fill in the rest.
shocked @your comments Michele. Sure you are entitled to your opinion but...just wrong. wow.
Maa-aan! I wish I lived in the area! I'm sure there will be tons of people. Sending you well wishes instead.
http://notesfromthesleepdeprived.blogspot.com
Is it sad that this get together is one of the only reasons I wish I still lived in NoVA?
Oh, man. We lived an hour from D.C. for three years, and just moved to San Diego a couple of months ago. I am so sad I won't be able to come! I would have loved to meet you and give you adorable socks. I hope the shower/book-signing (I bet those are two events that don't get combined into one very often) is a blast and not as awkward as you fear.
You are, as always, freaking hilarious!! I hope you have a blast and completely rack up.
Squeal!!!! I have already alerted Tracey to expect a package from me!
And seriously? Michele. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but what you just said is by far the one of the TACKIEST things I've ever seen.
"You SO. DO. NOT. need to bring a baby gift -- just your lovely, fabulous-smelling presence will be enough..." Um... Michele, I think you might have missed something. And also, it is possible that readers might actually WANT to buy something for the new baby, and they might have even asked how to go about doing that. I'm really not sure where you got the impression that people were being put upon buy Amy offering a registry, because the comments don't seem to indicate that.
Michele....get a grip. I am pretty sure Amy said at least 3 or 4 times to NOT bring a gift...but to definitely come to the book signing. (She wasn't the only author of the book, either)
Your opinion of course....but aimed at a hormonal AND repentant pregnant woman? Come on.
Your comments would have been better suited to Sweetney's blog...since she was the "bully" to Amy, here.
(Hormonal and NOT repentant pregnant woman here.
I am sorry that you have to pay over 500 dollars in gas each month, though. That really does suck. :( )
Amy...I do live in VA...and perhaps can worm my way to "Vinoteca." Although going into DC goes against my better judgement this close to November.
I'm a fan of your writing, but this strikes me as tacky as well. I think maybe you know this, and that is why you doth protest a bit too much.
@Michele - I'm more than a little in shock, and I really don't want to lend any attention to what I feel are really incredibly misguided and thoughtless comments about both amy and myself, but let me just point to my statements on my post that I am merely providing people who *want* to give gifts *the option*. I also note that while gifts are a part of baby showers (and who could deny that?), they are not the most important part. ring a bell at all? yes? no?
But then I know that if people want to be awful they will be, so I don't know why I even bother. And why am I still so surpised when people are awful? I don't know. sigh.
Anyhoo, now that I'm totally and completely mortified, I'll leave those who try to spread negativity and bring others down to their fermenting bitterness and self-perpetuating misery. Enjoy.
PS: for the record, I have now added to my post the following:
"(**Let it be bluntly stated, for those who need things underscored and set in bold: THERE IS NO REQUIREMENT TO GIVE A GIFT. This is about celebrating Amy and her baby, not consumerism. I am providing information and the option, not demanding gifts be given. Please, check yourself, people. Thank you.)"
I also know that in spite of this, people will still be sniping and awful (about a baby shower! How awesome of you!). This is, after all, the internet, and I suppose I should expect no less. But again, for the record, and the sake of clarity. Thanks, kids.
Sorry, Sweetney....I hope I didn't offend with my comment that she post on YOUR blog. The quotes around "Bully" were meant to show I find that observation a bit far fetched, as well. :)
I try to be nice.....rheaaallly I do!
Oh, you. I so wish I was going to be there.
Hmmm. So many comments written and erased as I try to find the perfect thing to say at this moment...
....
I'm buying you TWO presents. Because the fugly snark will not win.
How horrible that Michele and S.A are spreading their nastiness.
I think it is a lovely thing Tracey is doing for you. You are so blessed to have a friend like her. She's a wonderful gal.
And to anybody who thinks differently...about just how lovely you and Sweetney are...well they can just bite my ass.
I hope you enjoy your shower.
I wish I could be there in person. Just know I'll be rubbing your belly and leering at your boobs in my mind, up here in Canada.
Somebody really knows how to kill a room there, eh? I would personally bring a gift only because buying itty bitty baby things is like buying crack, you don't need it but YOU HAVE TO HAVE IT.
Damn baby stuff maker marketers.
I already have all sorts of excellent reasons to make it back to DC on 9/27 (oh, like getting married in DC on 9/27 eleven years ago...), but now I want to be there even more. Dammit.
Happy baby shower to you! And cheers to Tracey for fabulous event planning!
I wish you a lovely shower. I never had one in either pregnancy, and can't say I've been to one either, so I am imagining all sorts of lovely things happening in my head, which I'm sure are all going to happen.
Have a great day x
OH - THE INHUMANITY!! What and when the fuck did people start being so selfish in America!? Oh, yeah right - like from the beginning of time. That is what is so wrong here - the self-centeredness of some people. A gift for someone else doesn't mean you have to pay like $550... I mean a binky can be bought for like $3 bucks or a bib or even a pair of socks - you can get some gifts for the same amount as you would pay for a pop at the FREAKIN' GAS STATION!! OMG and again OMG!!! No, this isn't to negate the FACT that Amy said that gifts weren't manditory - which I think she was very clear, clear, clear about and felt a bit embarrassed about sharing her joy with others that her friend is giving her a HOPEFULLY KICK ASS baby shower. Anyway - you Joy Stealers need to grow a brain, get a life, stop wallowing in your self pity because the world doesn't love you enough to give your selfish ass a gift because you are so negative about life that you don't deserve one.
Amy - give me an address and I'd LOVE to send you and the little toot somethine!! :) I love your blog - check in everyday to see what's new!! Noah is adorable!!! Oh, Jason and Ceiba are pretty cool too.
I had a baby shower for my second child...let the horrified chest clutching begin...and it was a blast. I got all sort of fun stuff and I didn't even get to sign a freaking AWESOME book that contained my EXCELLENT essay. So shut up about the awkward and bask in the love.
Reality check- wasn't there a post not too long ago that was all freak-out about how they weren't sure how they were going to manage to bring a second baby into the world? This is obviously NOT for someone who is swimming in money either. This so called "recession" is hitting everyone. But you know, I bet that $550 is going into an SUV that you're also driving to see the latest movie that you read about on your IPhone. Because we all know what's important in life...
Be nice. No one said you had to go anyway.
The shower is not tacky. I have no problem with baby showers for the second, third, fourth....whatever child
Posting about your OWN shower on your blog is tacky. Let Sweetney and various friends spread the word. Have a separate shower. But the buy my book/come meet me/oh by the way I have a registry thing just does not sit well. And as a reader, and someone who did plan on buying the book,which I never would have heard of if not for my reading of this blog, this just strikes me as ick. Amalah is now a published author. This blog is not just a "come share my cute kid pics, grooming product reviews and whimsy!" site any longer, it is now clearly a money making, publicity seeking proposition. Which I am fine with. I am Amalah's public. I am sharing my opinion.
In spite of the fact that we have never met I find myself wishing I lived closer to DC. I LOVE BABY SHOWERS. And teeny,tiny baby things. I would so love to be there. I hope you get tons of wonderful gifts to celebrate the arrival of your new son.
Boys are AWESOME! I have two myself. And we are currently hoping for our third. When I do get pregnant? You can bet your sweet ass I will be having a third shower. I don't have anything so I will need one! Don't let them make you feel small. They don't deserve another thought.
Enjoy your Extravaganza!