Not Perfect

34 Weeks

Yes, yes, I know, I know. I'm getting dangerously close to the point where I simply cannot go a day without at least posting that yes, there is no baby yet and all is well with my womb. I'm sorry. It's just that the baby's sock drawer is not going to repeatedly arrange and rearrange itself, y'all.

I've also been blowing my writerly load via dozens of long emails to my husband, since we've learned that we are only allowed to argue about politics via electronic methods. Otherwise we get a tad...shrill with each other, as during major election years our usually happy existence as independents ends, and we retreat to our separate party corners and hiss and spit and furiously send each other links that SO TOTALLY prove that the other person is a complete fucking idiot.

And while I usually just end up defaulting to the surefire "I am never sleeping with you again unless you pull your head at least PARTWAY out of your ass," I'm thinking that's not going to be particularly effective this time.

I mean, check OUT this slammin' physique. Wouldn't YOU be okay with letting the Bush tax cuts expire as planned in 2010 for a chance at that ass?



That's what I thought, suckahs. (And that IS a maternity tank. Those extra four inches of visible fishbelly are so fierce.)

If current "plans" hold -- and oh, I do so love using the word "plans" in regard to ANYTHING birth-related, since it makes me think of "birth plans" and how all the pregnancy books list that as something one should pack for the hospital ("darling, can you please fetch me my chapstick, Yanni CD and seven-page birth plan from the suitcase? It's in the front pocket. No, that's the back-up copy, I mean the one I had laminated.") --  I'll be having this baby in about five weeks.

And...we feel ready, more or less. Oh sure, we still haven't gotten all the various baby gear down from the attic yet and I'm still only assuming that the car seat is where I think I left it, and a full inventory of Noah's infant hand-me-downs reveals a horrifying shortage of 3-6 month sized feetie jammies We're ready. We've been gripped with crazy baby fever over the past few weeks, which is convenient! What timing!

Whenever we see someone out and about with an infant, our conversations go something like this:



Then we nod and go back to gnawing on bones and bitching about Geico ads. (And short- vs. long-term solutions to the energy crisis and Iraq timetables and OH MY GOD SARAH PALIN.)

I'm not sure when it happened -- the 3D ultrasound, the crazy visible kicks and rolls and undulations of mah belleh, the discovery of baby socks that look like shoes, the temporary threat that things might in fact NOT be as perfect and surefire as we thought? I don't know. But here we are, at 34 weeks, and we are finally able to have a conversation about The Baby that doesn't involve a heaping hot dose of TERROR and WHAT HAVE WE DONE? Undo! Ctrl-Z!

My only frustration is that we don't have a name. (Jason changed his mind. Don't even get me started. He changed his mind but has not offered a single usable alternative and WOW, YOU MIGHT EVEN SAY HE FLIP-FLOPPED, MUCH LIKE A CERTAIN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE.) (Okay, I'll stop now.) Jason wants to name the baby after he's here, in the hospital. Which is fine, except that I secretly continue to use "the name" in my head and I seriously doubt I'll be able to think of him as anything else, but I have decided to exert my energy elsewhere. The aforementioned sock drawer. The search for the perfect coming-home outfit, which is driving Jason crazy because I think I have rejected every pair of blue feetie jammies in the tri-state area as being either 1) Not special enough, 2) Too frou-frou, 3) Not boyish enough, 4) Too boyish, oh my God, my newborn is not coming home clad in MONSTER TRUCKS, and 5) I dunno, I just don't think raccoons are the statement I'd like to make on the birth announcements. Don't you have something in a teddy bear motif?

And...Jesus, I should stop before I make our household sound ANY MORE INSANE.

Quick! Look! Pet photos!



Way to keep it classy there, everybody.



adorable belly :]
i dread the day i have to fight with someone over baby names. because i will win, & it doesn't matter what you say, He Who Helped Create This Life. it is sure to get ugly.

The Muse

I want a cute baby-belly like that! (And yes, I said cute - not "fishbelly" - CUTE. Say it with me now, Amalah... "Cuuuuuuuuuute.")

I loves me some pregnant bellies... but not in a stalkerish way. It just makes me want one of my own.


I can't WAIT to find out this kid's name! Wee!

And if either of you need some political ammo, check out this opinion piece from Gloria Steinem if you've not yet seen it:,0,1290251.story


Pat pat pat. That's a gorgeous belly! The right name will reveal itself after you meet the little guy and you'll both love it. Can't wait to see pictures of him - it won't be long now!

Pat pat pat. Sorry, I can't help myself. Those last couple weeks were so uncomfortable, but I always marveled at the crazy size of my belly! (ok, I had twins) Still - you look TERRIFIC. Pat pat pat.


okay, this is a response to your last post, but have you read Waiting for Birdy? by blogger Catherine Newman; she describes second child angst so well! It IS so different than waiting for your first! Congrats on making it to the home stretch!


Yes, political arguing! Others do that!? My boyfriend actually works for Palin and I am holding him personally responsible for all this mess. Seriously? WTF? Not sure what I would do with myself this week if i was pregnant and couldn't drown the sorrows a bit.

jive turkey

Holy shit, peace be with you. I don't think I could sleep at home if my husband and I had conflicting views on this election. Because I am diplomatic and mature.

In other news, I suddenly became terrified that the boy name you want will be the EXACT same one I have my heart set on. Even though I don't know if I am having a boy yet. And I'm not sure when baby names became akin to the Highlander for me. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!


As long as you're not naming the baby after his candidate, then you're okay!


Suzanne - He did turn to me last night and say, "Trig? That's kinda cool."

And then I killed him. The end!


Oh my God, the name mess. THE NAME MESS. Adam and I agreed on a name like, TEN YEARS AGO, and I'd forgotten all about it, until today when he announced, "Well, at least the names are all sewn up! Perfect!"



Is Trig short for trigger? Tell me it's not. Not that that would make it okay.
Super cute pregnant belly btw.


Gorgeous belly.

Speaking of pets, I would love to know where you placed decal Max when you moved.


If voting is allowed I'd vote for Gymboree's Monkey stuff right now. He'll be a little monkey, you know it!

ginevra (typepad community manager)

oh my, the political arguments. My husband and I have both volunteered for Obama and we still have arguments about the finer points, and especially the sexism leveraged here there and everywhere.

also, Chris Matthews' hair. What is it? Not a toupee but not hair either.


you pregos have got to get over the idea that you body at 34 weeks is repulsive... it simply is not true.

I am not a pregnant lady fetish guy, but my wife pregnant was soooo hot! We had some great last pre-baby ... intimacy!

I wouldn't rely on your figure turning off you hubby! It probably won't work!


I had been wondering how the kitty was!


You look great! Regarding the name thing, do what I did the third time around and plead the case for your name pick in the delivery room between the delivery of the baby and the delivery of the placenta, while he's still in awe of you and the terrible, wonderful work it took for you to push his baby out of your body. Take it from me, it works...


See, the response you have to give when someone is stupid enough to say "You mean the baby's not here yet." is "Of course the baby is here. I just adore carrying the extra weight around so I strapped a 12 pound bowling ball to my belly."

This must be delivered in a totally dead-panned manner.

I found your blog through Cecily's interview and I love what I've read so far.


Does it really matter if he helped create the baby?
His contribution was 30 seconds, your contribution is 10 months (40 weeks, whatever!).
Everyone do the math. She who does the pushing or faces the knife has the final say!


Wow, so close!!! Exciting! Of course my little girl stunned us all by arriving at 34 weeks - I didn't even have the nursery painted yet. Still don't, in fact (5 months old this week...).

I'm pretty sure the birth plan should just be "convert 'inside baby' to 'outside baby'" - Good Luck!


I am so totally dying to know what the name is/isn't.

Obviously you get absolute power of veto on Palin-style names. You're carrying this bad boy.


"Maximillian Thunderdome!! Hi Max! Hi!" -- My Siamese, Tarot.

"What a fabulous belleh." -- Me.

"Sarah Palin? Huh. Yeah. About that..." -- Also me.

Lindsay Ballard

Do I need to make Noah a tee like I made for my son? "My Mama is for Obama." LOL

I have forgotten to send that baby gift to Sweetney for you (doh! stupid brain!), so maybe Noah will get a little something something, too.


I don't have anything exciting to say except that, Wow! You sure are looking pregnant these days! This 34 week shot puts the 33 week shot to shame.


Man, I am ready for this election to be finished. I love politics, but I am so worried that the side I don't want to win will and I just want to get the whole thing finished. It is driving me bonkers. I constantly check websites to see if the new Gallup poll and if Palin is gaining among independents and/or Hillary supporters. I wonder if the American people are just stupid enough to let McCain win (sorry, I'm not sure if you are the McCain person in your family). I am a basket case!

And on the pregnancy looks like you sort of popped this week! I am sure you don't love it when you read that since you probably have felt popped for several weeks. It's exciting the new baby is so close!


Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper & Trig?? WTF kind of baby name book did Sarah Palin use?


Yippee! Almost here! I'm so excited for you, and in honor of you and Baby Tivo I may just have to go but my daughter some socks that look like shoes, because seriously? They are way too cute.


One of the many things I love about Josh is that he immediately agreed on every single baby name I threw at him. So now we're going to have kids named Lamp Shade and Dip Shit.


Has Ceiba lost weight?

Jill (CDJ)

Oh the naming. I had a name all picked out. It was his name. Hubbz disagreed and we decided to table the final decision until after the baby was born, when, I thought, I would get my way because who's going to argue with the woman who just birthed his son. I'll tell you who? My husband is who! So now our son has a name, but it's not his right name and even though I am used to the name and it suits him fine, I still can't help but think that it's not his right name and that pisses me off. The moral of the story. Jason, if you're reading this, let her have her name because it is the right name, you just dont' know it yet (we live with these little people inside of us for 10 months, so believe it or not we know a thing or two about them before they are born), and also you don't need the simmering resentment that will come if you make her go with a back up name. Really.

Carry on...


awe!! i havent' seen the pets in soo long!! they are so cute! and so is that belly! ahh so excited for you


Urgh! My husband has done the same thing about the name we picked out forever ago! Granted I am only 22 weeks and not as close as you are to D-Day but that just means there are so many more weeks left to argue and be frustrated about this situation! MEN!


Matt and I have the baby name thing deciding based on sex. If it is a boy, Matt gets 51% of the vote, if it is a girl, I get 51%. And whoever "loses" this time, gets 51% next time, no matter what kind of baby.


And you've got outlet covers! I'm so proud...that's've got outlet covers, you're officially ready.


I take it Jason is voting for McCain? But I'm pretty sure your not. You got to talk him out of that, STAT.

Doug pulled the same nonsense with the babies name. Why Michael got named on the way to the hospital.

I liked your name choice. Not that I'm telling. I'll call the baby that anyway.


We didn't have a name picked out until our son was born. Actually, we told my parents we were naming him Banjo. We waited until we saw him so he was nameless for at least a couple of hours.:)
I think you look great for 34 weeks!


Is the dog licking the cat's butt?


Mu husband tried to pull that changing name crap yesterday. He'll be let out of the closet once I've signed the birth certificate.

You look amazing by the way.


What is Trig short for? Trigger? Trigonometry? WTF?

We also have a house divided. We probaby won't speak for about ten days just before and after the election. Oy.


I know you feel enormous, but you look great! You're all belly! You look enviably slender everywhere else. I, on the other hand have decided at 29 weeks that:(1) pregnancy is a manufacturing process for equal amounts of pure cellulite and pure baby; and (2) my doctor's scale yesterday HAD to be at least 4 pounds off because my husband's fancy digital scale at home says so.


WOW! Am I going to sound that insane when I'm 34 weeks?? phewww.. i need to catch my breath. I read that whole entry like an episode of Gilmore girls.. you know how they just talk so fast and never breath? Yea.. that was me.. reading you.. Is that how you were writting??

Um..and.. what is the deal with the maximillion thunderdome tag? I dont get it...


Ryley - Maximillian Thunderdome is my cat's name. But you can just call him Max, if you want.


I have those shorts. And they look better on you all cute and pregnant. Must go get pregnant.


welcome to my house.


I love your belleh! Absolutely preshus. (and I'm starting to get jealous; yes the baby fever is fierce).
So, was political affiliation as part of marrying criteria a bad idea? I certainly don't know how I'd survive if I couldn't giddily talk politics with my husband. He'd seriously be on the couch if he enjoyed that RNC last night. For serious.
and I'm DYING to know 'the name'. Will you reveal after he's born? (the actual name and the name picked out first? Please? or reveal now? PLZ?)
Yes, I'm a baby-naming junkie. For stranger's babies. For names they have decided not to us. Don't judge me.


not to USE. obviously. Not to us makes no sense. Pretty much like the rest of my comment.

Carry on.


Classy indeed! Good thing the hoo-ha wasn't showing in the mirror, Brit! Congrats on only 5 weeks left.


adorable belly!!!


Dude you are totally making me want to have another baby.
Dang it.


My husband wants to name our son at the hospital too. We did this with S, but it was REALLY, REALLY STRESSFUL thanks to sleep deprivation and vicodin. So I'm not sure it's the best idea.

I don't even have a name in my head though. Nada.


Ah yes, I could have written everything you wrote (no-name-baby, stuff still in the attic, etc) but I'm still only 24 weeks. I am not going to say I will be more prepared at 34 weeks... not at all.
And I had the same issue with maternity shirts with my first. Damn long torsos!!!


Wow, your belly is amazing! I don't think I was that big (read: adorable--I always wanted a big, round perfect pregnant belly with the popping belly button) at 41 weeks! Hang in there, Mama. I am feeling tired just looking at it!


I'm a first time mom of a 4 month old little boy and I've been reading your blog prior to even getting pregnant, although I'm a lurker--this is the first time I've commented. You are HYSTERICAL. Laugh out loud funny because you're so relevant. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!


Unless you guys make over 250K where if you do then I'm way impressed you should tell Jason he'll get a bigger tax cut under McCain. Plus after all the religious trauma you two have been through growing up why would you want to put the country through that at a national level.


Oh my! Ceiba is looking quite fit these days. She's all ready to pose for the Hot Purse Dogs yearly calendar.


Wait, Amy, you have to answer a question I've been wondering ever since your last blog on baby names: What was the girl's name you two had in mind? That question is STILL driving me crazy. (I have a life, I promise).


1) cute cute belly
2) whenever I'm in the States one of my biggest pet peeves is the proliferation of Geico ads on the radio. yuck.


OMG, names, when my son was born, I was insitant that we would name him what I WANTED becasue he came out of MY vagina and so clearly, he was mine and mine alone. Thankfully, we agreed on Oakleys name, but while pregnant, I had come up for names for the second child (who never came) and they were as follows and YES I am completely serious:


Ahem. Yeah. Anyway...

Politics. Can't go there, I get too angry. Sarah Palin.. really? REALLY????



shelly b.

adorable blue teddy bear take home outfit:



I'm not going to assume which candidate you're talking about (I have a hunch, but I've been wrong before), but it would definitely work for either one, as they have BOTH changed their positions on various topics. I DO hope you realize that.

Neither candidate is perfect, so let's not crucify one and praise the other, mmk?

Anyway. Your belly = totally adorable. My uterus knocks on my heart a little bit louder with anything baby-related I see.


so, you didn't tell us the rejected name because you're still hoping that the kid will show up and jason will realize that said name is perfect, after all...right?
because, if not, i think we demand to know the rejected name right away. there are babies being born every minute, lady. someone might need that name!

i cannot believe there are only five weeks left. i hope...i just tried to think of what i wanted to say here. what is it that i hope for you? and i couldn't find the right word. so, i'll say this: i hope EVERYTHING for you. every happiness that you've ever dreamed of.

i'd say you're nearly there.


As much as I love to see you and Noah and Jason, I WAS going through a bit of a Ceiba and Max's so good to see them! That being said, your belly is adorable. Prepare for what I am sure will be a barrage of 3-6 month feetie pajamas.


As much as I love to see you and Noah and Jason, I WAS going through a bit of a Ceiba and Max's so good to see them! That being said, your belly is adorable. Prepare for what I am sure will be a barrage of 3-6 month feetie pajamas.

kim at allconsuming

Dude, is Ceiba on some inverse weight loss program to your foetal expansion? I think I could see cheekbones. Maybe even haunches.


Aww, you have a cute baby belly. My child decided to reside only in the front part of my belly so that from behind, I just appeared to be a fat lady with a flat butt. Then suddenly, "WOAAAAAH! There is a baby in there!!!"

Yeah, thanks. I have the stretch marks to prove all of that too. As for you, you have the ideal baby body!

Sue W.

Thanks gawd I'm not the only one who can't stand the Geico commercials! I thought the gecko was muuuuch cuter when he didn't speak!

We are a politically divided household too. Although for the first time in 20 years of being together, we both seems to be on the same side of the fence.So far anyway!

Trista Evans

Dude...that is one freakishly huge cat on your lap!

My son's name is Jayden the name Jayden from Will Smith about eight (oh my baby is 7..almost 8) years ago.

Now, thanks to Brittney Spears...every knocked up teenager names their son Jayden...and I thought we were being unique. I think we got it right with baby #2. We have yet to meet another Vivian Claire.

Good Luck!


Trista - Just you wait. Are you forgetting the names of Angelina and Brad's twins?


wow, it's getting close!

re: going home outfit. I picked out the cutest little outfit for our new bundle of joy and when i tried to put it on she screamed bloody murder. So the going home outfit became anything that doesn't make her scream (it was a gown with no legs or snaps to disturb her newborn sensibilities)

Lisa M

I was about to be all "OMG, your belly is so huge!" But then I realized it just looks big because you're so skinny. Home stretch, baby!


You look great!

Ah, the final weeks of pregnancy. Always loads of fun. By the way, all of those sound like Very Important Issues to me.


Wow, I think you're (already a "tad large") baby had a growth spurt this week! You're so cute!


That "you're" should be "your". Duh, 27 weeks pregnant here...


it is so refreshing to read about another couple that are polar opposites on the political spectrum. and neither of us are even american!

but there is an upcoming election in canada and the choices are just as stark. it is just a good thing that he cannot vote there (yet!).

Stephanie from Toronto

I always chime in when names are discussed.

I vote for Charlie!

My son whom we named Charles and goes by Charlie - is universally known around school and the playground because dammit who can resist a Charlie?

Noah and Charlie. Just like peanut butter and Jelly!

Katie Kat



Amy, I've been reading you off and on since 2004 when I lived in DC. I'm about to start Clomid, and I just did a search of your archives because I remembered that you had a stint with the dreaded drug. My search brought me to your post from 3/2/2004 called Wussified. In that post you talked about a dream you had about a delicious little boy. You woke up with an ache in your heart and I had to suck in my breath because I could actually feel what you must have felt upon waking up from that dream. But look at you now, with not one but soon to be TWO delicious little boys!! Isn't it amazing all that's happened to you since then? You give me such hope! Thanks!

Heather B.

I'm still firmly in the I love the name category. I use it when talking about him to you and um, in my head but I love that name. I even shorten it a bit and it's so perfect and that's HIM!

And if you name your kid "Trig Storch" I will have to spontaneously combust.


I thought I was the only one who couldn't get a maternity shirt to actually cover my belly when I was a good month away from giving birth! Most of the time I didn't even realize that my shirt had hiked up (still don't...).


I married a Republican. Last week, the DNC (he did not get laid). This week, the RNC (I did not get laid). Thank goodness these conventions are over. Maybe we can get laid tonight!

Kimberly C

I vote for Edward, after everyone's favorite teen vampire novel- anybody with me? Anybody?

Too cute with the belly photo- glad to see Max and Ceiba.


shelly b -- Holy crap, that was Noah's coming-home outfit! Ha!

Miss Britt

This is probably my favorite post I have ever read here. LOL

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