Last Hurrah
September 16, 2008
Oh, right. We went away for a few days right there.
It was great. Until everybody got sick. Noah threw up purple Tylenol on Jason's aunt and uncle's guest bed, and then on his uncle.
(For any rookie parent who might see "Children's Tylenol Meltaways" on the shelf at CVS and think, "Oh! I bet those are easier than the liquids," let me just tell you that "MELTAWAY" does not necessarily mean the same thing to Tylenol as it does to you and me. For example, that it melts. Away. In a reasonable amount of time before your child can work himself up into a royal state over OMG THERE IS SOMETHING PURPLE IN MY MOUTH THAT TASTES LIKE SUGAR BUT I AM SICK AND PISSED OFF AND I SPIT OUT YOUR PURPLE SUGAR TABLET REPEATEDLY UNTIL THERE IS PURPLE SUGAR SLIME EVERYWHERE AND THEN I SHALL VOMIT ON PURPOSE JUST IN CASE I MANAGED TO ABSORB A SINGLE ATOM OF MEDICINE.)
(Oh, and then you'll look at the bottle and realize that the dosage is TWO TABLETS, and even if you wise up enough to mash and/or dissolve the second tablet in a sippy cup, your child is SO ON TO YOU NOW, so...have some paper towels nearby, is all I'm saying.)
He's fine now, more or less. He woke up the next morning fever-free and clamoring for da beach! da BEACH! GO TO DA BEACH RIGHT NOW! But still, our last vacation as a family of three was a little less than the magical special time we'd planned for.
At least I didn't go into labor, other than the six or seven body-shatteringly painful contractions I had late on Saturday night while Jason slept obliviously nearby, dead to the world from Theraflu. I think my uterus was tired of being overshadowed by other people's head colds and got a little uppity about it.
HOWEVER, I did learn that I do still, in fact, have it going ON, as I got catcalled at from some drunkish dude who said, and I quote, "HEY BABY, I KNOW LAMAZE" as I waddled by.
I opted to ignore him with grace and dignity and extra chins.
Well, isn't it just nice to know that a stand-in labor coach was nearby in case of emergency!
"Hey Baby, I know Lamaze!" ROFL. Possibly the best pickup line ever.
OMG at Hey Baby I know Lamaze!
"Hey baby I know Lamaze"??? Oh. My. God. I can totally believe it, though.
I stopped at a convenience store one day for some Combos and Sprite when I was hugely pregnant with my son, and this little kid (couldn't have been more than eight or nine) opened the sliding door of his minivan and shouted "Hey, you're HOT!" I looked at him like OMFG but then he said it again!
I know it's kinda creepy and all, but it made me feel better about my big-ass self.
there are some people that REALLY like third trimester women. When I was eight months pregnant some guy pulled out his wanker in front of me at the Dollar Store of all places. Now I pay $1.29 for paper plates.
Glad everyone is feeling better.
HA! Lamaze, HA! I needed that this morning. Sorry the vacation didn't go as planned. Good to hear he is feeling better.
OH DUDE - that is one AWESOME bump.
And I too am just surfacing from trying to get some white liquid antibiotic into the one year old who discovered he could just blow raspberries to jettison the medicine out. Nice.
Vacations as a family of four are going to rock!! I promise!! (Twice the kid vomit -- woo hoo!)
Oh, poor Noah. Glad he's feeling better.
Also, HA HA HA - "Hey baby I know Lamaze" - that is AWESOME. Lucky you.
I actually had a guy holler "Hey Baby!" at me from the other side of the street when I was 8 months pregnant.
I stopped, looked at him, and said, "OH COME ON MAN!" and kept walking.
Noah (and his parents, too) looks very happy and vacation-y at Da Beach. Where I wish I could be. Right now.
I'm glad you guys had some fun and that no one was sick the whole time!
And, yeah, echoing the wows and laughter at that drunk dude who knows lamaze. ;) Just, wow.
Vacation sickness sucks. Glad you were able to enjoy some of it.
That drunk dude is too funny with his special pick up line. You do look hot though. :-)
Agreed. Best pick-up line. Ever.
You got nothing on the six chins I am currently sporting. First time in my life I've ever requested that pictures be snapped only below the shoulders.
Trying to pull together a last get-away here before baby b shows up. Is it terrible I may prefer to do it without husband and child in tow?
I just snorted hot coffee through my nose. Thank you, and thank you wandering drunk lamaze coach.
xo
b.
Of course you still have it going ON! And aren't you just a bit MORE relieved that you won't be in need of any lamaze coaches?
Glad the vacation ended better than it began!
"HEY BABY, I KNOW LAMAZE"
oh my. laughing aloud. thanks for that.
chrys
Oh that is hilarious! Not the sick little guy but the catcall... that is just too much.
Dom is pretty good with the meltaways. He thinks they are like Tums and he LOVES tums. He also loves Prune juice and hates peanut butter & jelly and any other easy thing for kids, so I think my child is just very strange.
Wahoo for the beach ;) And share where you got your bathing suit. :P
Between the drunken lamaze coach, purple goop and Noah looking more and more like a big boy-it may not have been as magical as you had planned but it sure was memorable!
Best. Pickup line. EVAR
omg that catcall is fabo! haha.
Poor Noah! My Noah spent all of Thursday, Friday, and part of Saturday throwing up, too!
When I was pregnant with my first kid, I was shopping for bread at the store. The guy stocking the bread looked up right at my face (I know, a guy looking at a face) and said, "hey, how's it going?"
Then he looked down at my ginormous belly and said, in a much more professional tone, "is there anything I can help you with, ma'am?"
I went home and told my husband he'd better be even nicer to me since I could still work it!
awe poor family! Ok when I first saw that pic at the top I thought that must be one from a few years ago, cause
a. you do not look 35 weeks pregnant there
b. Noah looks so small and infant like wrapped up in your arms like that!
Sorry about all the sickness and contractions on your vacation, but the beach looked fun!
OMG - Best.pickup.line.ever. Love it.
Noah is adorable, as are you. Glad he's feeling better!
Cracked. Me. Up.
What a poor little sick guy... At least you made the attempt, right?
I hear you on the meltaways. I brought Benedryl meltaway strips as my emergency back up on a recent airplane trip and my two-year-old would have nothing to do with it. It crumbled into the seat as he thrashed about and passengers across the aisle wondered what poison I was trying to force down my child.
And in my 8th month, I walked by some guy who said, "I'll see you...later." That's planning ahead.
"HEY BABY, I KNOW LAMAZE"...ROFL...bet that was some welcome comic relief after everybody being sick.
The Lamaze line is instantly classic!
That is so going to be the name of my new garage band.
That right there is quite possibly the best pick up line in the history of pick up lines.
I'm glad Noah is feeling better. At least he got his cold out of the way before Baby Tivo arrives, rather than the day after you bring him home.
Tylenol gullibles is more like it. It's a busload easier to slip some liquid into a sippy cup. I'll take medication through deception any time. Sorry about the vacation but at least you got the Lamaze line out of it.
The drunk guy's comment made me LOL!
Hope all is well now!
Oh hell yeah, I know what you're talking about with the Tylenol meltaways. My four year old had his tonsils out in the spring and I figured they'd be better than having to swallow medicine after surgery. WRONG! It was worse and so traumatic and I'm still cursing them months later.
I work downtown and walk through a somewhat shady area to get my lunch. Every since I've been waddling-pregnant I get hit on a LOT. Like in a "DAMN, girl. Yeah!" way. It cracks me up.
Noah is so adorable. Glad you guys got one last hurrah in. I have eight weeks left and I think I'm all out of energy.
Hey! You go on and work it sexy mama! :D
OMG! I know lamaze! You DO have it going ON b/c no way in hell anyone ever catcalled me during any of my pregnancies! Thanks for the laugh!
I can relate to the vomit too. I think our oldest uses it as his special weapon. He can call out The Vomit whenever need be. We've gotten so used to it, we just hand him a bowl now when he starts gagging and tell him that if he makes a mess, he's cleaning it up. It has severely limited the amount of vomiting episodes, which is always a good thing in my book!
So, for the record, I recall throwing up the purple kids' Tylenol myself. My parents got me the grape because I liked purple, but what they apparently did not know (since I was c. 4) is that grape (or "grape") is sickening under the best of circumstances. I did better with the pink ("cherry"). Mine were chewables, but maybe something to consider?
They also let me brush my teeth with coca-cola to help get it down and not barf. Perhaps related: I'm 23 and have had two root canals and more fillings than I can count. Seriously. Probably around two dozen.
I swear, the day I learned to take a pill was one of the best days of my life.
Yeah, Hot Mama! Still got it!
There are just some people that stuff as funny as this happens to, and I'm glad you are one of them because you can spin it and make the world smile. Well, perhaps "world" is a bit too all encompassing...
OK, I gotta ask: Is that a regular bathing suit or a maternity one?
And whoa, you look great--so much so that you make strange guys drop their inhibitions and offer some free labor coaching.
Probably wouldn't even need an epidural, what with the alcohol on that guy's breath.
Oh, Lordy. On the bright side, you now have up-to-the-minute proof that you are totally a MILF.
Being only a few weeks postpartum here, I can totally appreciate the little bit of strut the "i know lamaze" comment might has instilled - but OMG that is too funny.
Totally off-topic question - please forgive. I was wondering what beach / area you go to.
My sister lives in the DC area and last year we trekked from Ohio to Delaware to go to the beach with her. We weren't thrilled with the beach but loved combining the visit to my sister with the beach.
Thanks in advance! Beth
charlotte - DEFINITELY a maternity suit. A ruched tankini thing with a cover-up skirt. Super sexy, especially this visit, with the fabric stretched to the max in front so much it was a little see-through.
earlyduckie - Jason's aunt and uncle retired to Ocean City, MD so we usually go there and stay with them. It's not my favorite beach, but I love his aunt and uncle and hell: it's FREE.
now I'M just a little..ah...hot for Jason. There's nothing like a shirtless cuddling Daddy, is there?
OK, so here's my own personal Tylenol weapon - the acetaminophen suppository. Necessary to bring down the fever when vomiting is involved, and ever after you can say "If you don't want to drink this medicine, I can get out the suppositories." I have to add that my kids didn't have, um, ejection skills on that end, but your results may vary. And, no kidding, last year after my then-19-year-old had surgery I needed to use the darn acetaminophen suppositories as she couldn't keep any other pain medication down. That's unconditional love, baby.
In case you were wondering? Those thin strip dohickeys aren't exactly da bomb either. They take forever to melt, or at least plenty of time for a hysterical toddler to scrape them out of her mouth and hurl them at you in anger. You know, in case you wanted to know...
On an unrelated note, we tried that "last vacation of three" thing too and it wasn't nirvana either. I think the expectations are always too high.
Way to work the crowd!! Nice to know that you are still able to work the beachgoers into a frenzy.
Thanks for the lol. Having a tough week and needed it. :)
Wow, Lamaze catcall. That's something you aren't ever going to forget.
Almost as good as the line I heard in reference to my DEAD! hoodie: "Let me resurrect you baby!"
That's Ocean City for ya...
At least you got some Thrasher's though, right? ;)
That is totally effing awesome. Glad the three of you got one last vacation together! Hope everyone is over the colds now.
heh heh heh heh heh heh heh. What a line.
Sorry about the Tylenol. We've had the same experience here a couple of times.
Cannot stop laughing at that pick-up line.
"Hey baby, I know lamaze" I love it! I never got hit on while I was pregnant.
My kids are sick too. I have cleaned up vomit, diarrhea, and snot too many times to count since last Wednesday. Now I am getting sick. What is hubby doing now? Sleeping. What am I doing now? Sitting on the couch trying to comfort the kid.
I've taken my girls to the beach twice, once before the husband died, once since. Know where they wanted to spend most of their time? Yep, the resort pool.
New hubby, my parents and I took them to Disney World this summer and stayed at the most excellent Beach Club Villas. Know why they kept asking to leave the most excellent pool? Yep, to go walk in the sand. Cheez.
I just wanted to say that you look fantastic (I'm referring to your self-portraits from your last post). We're getting ready to start trying for our first and one of my big concerns is what pregnancy will do to my body. But I see how cute you look (even if you don't feel it) and think that maybe there's hope!
Glad you're feeling better.
Makes me remember the last fling we had before Baby 1 was born. It was August, it was hot, we didn't have air conditioning (in 1963 that was not standard in all houses) and I was flat out DYING because I'd gained 50 lb. and had pre-eclampsia and was a week overdue...
Only cool place we could think of was this cave about 100 miles from us. You know, one of the ones with pretty lights and guided tours and it's always 55 degrees inside and it sounded like HEAVEN so we ignored the warnings to not get more than 25 miles from home, and went there. It did feel good, heavenly coolness, although the traipsing through the cave didn't do much for my swollen feet. Then we came out...and we'd locked the keys in the car, and I started having strong Braxton Hickses which, for all I knew, were real labor or something. Not a great last hurrah.
Second that on Jason looking hot - nothing sexier than a good daddy, especially a partially nude good daddy.