Not Perfect
September 02, 2008
I was just scolded by a Borders' employee for taking my stroller on the escalator -- he spotted me absentmindedly getting on after him (him and his HANDTRUCK, by the way, but let's not split hairs about escalator-approved wheelie devices) and then proceeded to wait for his chance to school me on escalator safety at the top. I saw him, I saw what was coming, I debated clobbering him with my non-skid-proof wedge heel, but of course I just apologized instead and tried to rapidly putter away while he FOLLOWED ME to make sure I understood what a "really, really bad idea" that was, the taking of my little umbrella stroller on the escalator, and did I see those yellow bumpers there? Did I know what those yellow bumpers were for? EATING CHILDREN FROM THE ANKLES UP, THAT'S WHAT, also triggering the emergency stop, because I know, I triggered it once, back when I had a bigger stroller and less experience breaking the no-stroller rule, but dude, I'm older, taller and infinitely more pregnant than you and can't I just ride one little escalator to the Young Adult section to buy some embarassing goth vampire romance novels in peace? Confiscate my Borders Rewards Card if you must, I MUST BUY THE ENTIRE TWILIGHT SERIES RIGHT NOW! EDWAAAAARD! EITHER THIS GUY IS A VAMPIRE OR JUST DOESN'T LEAVE THE STOCKROOM MUCH SAVE ME EDWAAAAAARD!
***
After my brush with the Aqua Teen Escalator Safety Patrol Force, I took Noah to McDonald's for lunch. He enjoys the occasional meal of chocolate milk and hamburger bun (technically just the top layer of hamburger bun, the part that doesn't have ketchup or mustard or came within a few atoms of contact with the actual hamburger), and pregnancy makes me crave deep-fried sodium mccruelty nuggets. I always feel like I'm being judged there too, although I haven't a clue why, or by whom, what with the place always being packed with other people who Also Did Not Come For The Market-Fresh Salads.
So, yes. I take Noah to fast-food restaurants every once in a while. Our home is a bastion of saint-like eating, all organic and healthy and purchased directly from the farmer whenever possible. Partially-hydrogenated oils and high-fructose corn syrup never pass through our front door, and I think even our peanut butter is free-range.
I vividly remember eating at two particular places as a little kid -- Wendy's and Friendly's. Friendly's meant clown head ice cream sundaes with Reeses Pieces on the bottom. Wendy's meant chocolate frostys and sitting at tables covered in funny old newspaper advertisements, and I would only choose my seat after I had successfully located this one particular ad for a dentist. It had a sketch of a pretty woman labeled "With My Teeth In," and then another sketch of the same woman "With My Teeth Out." And her teeth! Were indeed out! I got a huge kick out of this.
And of course, kids meals! TOYS! PRIZES! I've been fairly baffled by the toys Noah's gotten -- we keep getting these strange Star Wars bobblehead-type things that are absolutely terrifying to me, and some Indiana Jones pyramid that is supposed to be a Temple of Mystery. We have two of them now. There's some sand and a plastic skull and the Mystery appears to be how a grown woman like myself can read the enclosed instructions and still have no idea how this stupid toy is supposed to work, or maybe it's Why We Never, Ever Get The Toddler Toy We Actually Ask For.
I wonder what Noah will remember sometimes, whether he'll remember sitting next to me at a booth, oohing and aahing while I open his chocolate milk and scribble shapes and letters on the back of the tray liner for him. Whether he'll know how bored I sometimes got watching him eat a hamburger bun bit by bit by bit, or timidly trying a french fry for the dozenth time -- nope, still don't like it, okay, good trying, spit it out in Mama's hand, not on your shirt...oh, buddy, that's so gross.
***
Jason and I are both getting oddly desperate to do things with Noah lately -- I know it's because the countdown to Baby Brother / Operation Blow Everybody's Lives The Fuck Up is really and truly down to the final weeks. On Sunday Jason spent 45 minutes hunched over in a small plastic house at a playground while Noah pretended they were riding on a choo-choo -- he wouldn't say where they were going, but NO, DADA, WE NOT THERE YET. NO GET OFF. RIDE CHOO-CHOO. We're going back to the beach this weekend. There have been extra bedtime stories, a few nights up late watching movies, impromptu trips out for ice cream. At 7:30 pm. On a Tuesday!
I realize he probably won't really ever remember his time as an only child, just like he doesn't remember our old house with the room we painted for him and the hours we spent trudging up and down the stairs of our building while he attempted to master crawling. Or our afternoons at the pool or laying on a blanket in the small grassy courtyard between condo buildings. I wonder if he'll remember Max, his playdate friend who moved to California. Or the house we made him out of a cardboard box, or the Sunday mornings spent running through the ice-cold fountain near the place where we always go for pancakes. Or the days here when I was too busy to do anything with him, too many errands to run and no time to wait for stupid old elevators, when the most fun thing I could offer him was a trip out for hamburger buns and chocolate milk.
Oh, no! You're succumbing to Twilight too? (Sigh. Mine is on the way from Amazon as we speak.)
I remember trying to squeeze in a bunch of specialness for our daughter, too, in the week and a half AFTER bedrest and BEFORE her little brother finally popped out. We went to farmer's markets and the toy store and of course McDonalds. I will always remember that bittersweet feeling of knowing that these were her last days: last days of being the center of our world, but also her last days of being without a sibling to accompany her in the adventure of childhood.
PS, All Noah has to do is look back on this blog and see how much his mama and dada love him and did everything for him.
I guess I should probably read these books everyone is talking about.
He probably won't remember much, but he'll remember snippets. And they'll be good ones.
It's a crazy-weird thing to try and imagine what Noah or any child will remember of these early years. I remember my Grandpa's kind, old hands and packets of ketchup from McDonald's.
And also, I've found Borders employees think way too much of themselves.
"Aqua Teen Escalator Safety Patrol Force". HAAAA.
He may not remember specific events, but he'll remember the feelings and he'll know that you love him.
Yay! Another Twilight convert!
Very sweet post. And I also feel judged at McDonald's. But, you know, I'm kind of past caring at this point. Or I'm too tired to care. One of those two. Or both.
I ride escalators holding the hand of the two year old AND holding the stroller with the special needs 10 year old behind me. TAKE THAT STUPID BORDERS GUY MODELLING HIS LIFE OFF BRODY IN MALLRATS.
These weeks are precious. I'm so pleased you and Jason are treasuring them.
I wonder what our kids will remember too - hopefully the good bits and not the days where I spent way too much time on the computer reading blogs because I was just so tired all the time and the idea of having to play playdoh or build sandcastles in the sandpit one more time was making my neck itch beyond tolerable.
OMG, I totally tried one of those McDonald's salads for the first time this morning, and it sucked! Totally wished I'd gotten the double cheeseburger meal instead of my Asian salad with crispy chicken. Stupid diet.
And most Borders employees seem to be a-holes, but that kid takes the cake.
You should tell the escalator nazi that strollers on escalators is SOP in Europe. And in Europe, there's no safety warnings or anything, just common sense.
I do it all the time now.
Yeah, my oldest (who is leaving for college in two weeks, holy sh*t batman) distinctly remembers being 18 months old when we brought home her sister. I still remember the look of suspicion on her face peering over the end of the bassinet. I recall hearing the Locutus-of-Borg voiceover in my head going "YOUR LIFE. AS YOU HAVE KNOWN IT. IS OVER."
When I headed to the hospital, in labor, to deliver my second, I whispered an apology in the ear of my sleeping first -- apologizing for perhaps ruining his life. Guess what? I made his life better than it ever was and he agrees. My kids are 13 and 8 and even with them beint different genders, the connection is real and strong and resiliant and the most important thing in their lives. Your urge to cram only-child experiences into Noah is more than understandable, but find a small place in your heart where you can suspend disbelief and KNOW it will be better with two. Soon enough, it will fill your heart!
I just can't wait to see Noah as an older sibling - he'll be a rockstar.
OMG - EDWARD
I can't believe I fell in love with that damn series of HOT TEENAGE VAMPIRE.
Sheesh.
I am 3 and a half years older than my younger brother, and I don't remember being an only child. BUT, I do have memories from that time. I just can't remember how old I was in the memories. But then my parents will say "Oh, that's before Erik was born," and I'll feel smug about knowing I was an only child once. I'm sure Noah, too, will remember feelings and incidents, whether he realizes they are from when he was an only child or not.
I find it hard to believe that Border's wouldn't have some gargantuan Twilight table set-up at the main entrance, like most smart bookstores currently do. Don't worry, you're not alone in the shame-reading of teenage supernatural "lit."
Nope, he won't. Mine won't remember me spending hours playing "horses" (not that I have any idea what I'm playing exactly) with them. But one day, i hope they'll sit with their kids, playing some made up game and think of me; that once, a million years ago maybe I played on the floor with them. And they'll call me and tell me. Dam I'm a sentimental freak this week. Sorry it's pregnancy hormones...which I'm sure you understand.
Just know, he'll never remember being an only child. Mine are best friends; having a second kid was the best thing we ever did for our first.
George and I are the same way with S. It's like some insane race to drown him in Quality Time before we destroy his world with a Baby Brother.
Maybe he won't remember anything, but isn't he so lucky you've kept this blog. Because really, so much of it is about him - it will be so wonderful for him later on.
Two things:
1. Kids DO remember the oddest thing. My oldest son (now 9) clearly remembers an incident that happened when he was 2, in the botanical gardens in the city we used to live in. He tugged on his grandpa's arm and kept asking him to take him to the "banana bread" (banana trees). He asked me the other day what was that banana place we were at. So funny. :-)
2. Er. I forgot. Blah. And I'm not even pregnant. Will comment later again when I remember haha.
Oh yeah. I totally do the stroller-on-the escalator thing too. I have the whole technique perfected. Enjoy it while you can because it's nearly impossible to do with a double stroller.
And yeah, who REALLY wants to eat one of those mealy salads when there are McDonald fries around?
Yeah....the first baby turns your life upside down, the second one turns your kid's life upside down. Poor Noah. I did it to my oldest one earlier this year too. He hated me for like a month.
Dude, I LOVED those old-timey newspaper tables at Wendy's.
And Noah will have plenty of fond memories - probably of stuff you won't even remember yourself. Kids are neat that way.
My house is a mess, I'm due Oct 15 but the baby's room isn't ready- along with seven other projects I'd like to finish before this kid shows up. But I did manage to finish Breaking Dawn a good two weeks ago. Yep, priorities. And, thanks for bring my secret, teenage, vampire shame out into the light. (By the way, Breaking Dawn was the best of all of them!)
I have two types of memories from early childhood - random snippets my parents can't place and shared memories of the stories they told and the photos they took. I expect Noah will 'remember' because you remember and consider it important enough to tell him about.
I have absolutely no evidence to back this statement up, but I think kids remember impressions more than specifics. Love, time, and attention (or not) stick with them. He won't remember that he was at Borders with to get your books or at McDonalds eating a bun. He'll remember that he was with you.
I know. We're working on #2 now and I'm so afraid I won't love #1 as much or something. I'm OBSESSED with him and could give you a word-for-word account of everything he's said at the end of the day, and that's just not going to happen with #2, is it?
As for Twilight, it's CRAP so don't read it!!!! Teenagers don't "chuckle," although if they did they could surely make a drinking game by taking a swig every time Meyers writes it. Not to mention all the glaring and gaping that goes on. It's just too much.
It's strange the things they DO remember, sweeter memories than you think they are capable of having.
Enjoy these next few weeks.
don't feel bad about the Mcdonald's thing. Random fact for you, I did a reserach project on fast food marketing class last semester. Turns out the average 3-5 year old eats fast food at least 2x a week!
is it worng i crave Chicken McNuggets all the time? and not pregant or ever going to be.
Hmmm, got to check out these twilight books, right after i finish re-watching gossip girl from last night.
You must read the Twilight series. ALL OF IT. Team Edward :)
I have a brother who is three years my junior, and another who is a decade younger. I have very few - if any - actual memories of my life before siblings. I think the only memories I have of that time are recollections of stories my parents told me. And they are all perfect, charming, and happy childhood "memories." For example,
- My parents told me about my first birthday party, which was obviously more for them than for me. I've seen pictures and heard their stories enough to believe that I actually remember my first birthday party. (I don't!)
- My Mom used to tell me about how I was the perfect first child and was completely potty-trained and weaned from my bottle...until baby brother #1 came into my life. I went back to diapers (temporarily, of course), and started demanding liquids in a bottle. The jealousy didn't last long though!
So, just make sure you tell Noah about all the great times he had with you and Jason (and all the people who love him), and casually omit the "bad" days when you were busy and got yelled at by the stupid Borders escalator police. He'll never know the difference.
Well, until he learns how to read and finds Mama's blog. :)
P.S. I remember everything about the baby in the family - my mom being pregnant, waiting at the hospital for her to deliver the sister I wanted (and the disappointment I felt in getting another cootie-filled brother), his first words, his first steps...his first kiss, his first speeding ticket. You should have another one in 7 years. Baby baby-brothers are THE BEST!
P.P.S. Sorry for the longest comment ever. I should just write my own blog ;)
ps- i'm the oldest of 4 and the oldest grandchild on all sides of my family by 2 years. Don't ever remember being the only child or only grandkid, which doesn't bother me at all. But i can tell am a bit of a diva when i'm not the center of attension and/or spoiled more than my brothers/cousins. Apperently i remember that part of being the only kid for 2 years.
You might think he won't remember, but he might.
One day, out of the blue, BubTar said, "Remember that day when I was SO HUNGRY and you wouldn't get me a snack? You just wanted to lay on the couch?!" And I said, "No, what was that?" He said, "When you were SO BIG with KayTar in your tummy." Ahhh, that explains it. I'm so glad he decided to hold on to THAT memory.
I am 4 years older than my twin younger brothers (Neena, I feel your pain!) and 11 years older than the baby brother.
I remember the only child days, enough to know how much my parents loved me and enough to throw at the twins that I have always been Dad's favorite. :) You'll be suprised what Noah will remember.
It's true too... You should have one in a decade. It's fun having a baby around when you are older. I picked the youngest up from his speeding ticket/breaking curfew on a provisional license a couple of months ago... It was great! Mom and Dad didn't even have to get up and yell at him cause I had already done it!
I don't even know what perfect is.
He'll remember the love and that is the most important part.
I am sure he will remeber some of those things! I can't wait to see how he is with the baby! so exciting!
I've triggered that escalator emergency stop doohickey. A couple times. I'm a winner.
I finished Breaking Dawn on Saturday... good stuff I tell ya! Couldn't put any of them down. In fact I just finished reading the first 12 chapters of her unfinished, on-hold indefinitely fifth book in the series.
For the naysayers: No, it's not deep literature... there are some cheesy bits. There is no Union Lake in Seattle, it's Lake Union, hello? But the whole story is just fun and good and I can't wait for the movie to come out in November.
He won't remember, but he'll be able to read all about it. Lucky boy!
Oh man. Do I really want to have children? It just sounds so PAINFUL! You end up loving them so much that it's all paaaainfuuul.
Gawd, how I love Edward and all his fictional vampirey-ness. Grrrrrrrr!
I am SO HAPPY that you understand the Twilight and the wonder that is Edward Cullen and OH MY GAH...so much love. Even though I know they are cheesy and terrible and I am far too old for them.
I miss wizard sundaes! With the Reese's Pieces face! I live in Indiana now, the place of no Friendly's. Sad.
Girl, you are killing me. First with sending him off to school, and now THIS post! What in the world did we get ourselves into when we had a baby?? Love hurts, I tell you!! It hurts!!!
Here's what he'll remember: the feeling of closeness, the warmth of you smiling into his eyes, the feeling of being all and everything in your world -- even if he doesn't remember the specific incidents, the feelings will lodge deep in his psyche, and he will always know he is loved. That's really what matters.
Who want's to be perfect, anyway? Perfection is boring!
I, too, am the oldest. My brother was born 2 years after me. I don't really remember not having a brother, but from pictures and memories passed down from my mom and dad, I know that I was a cherished girl! Noah will remember being loved and that's all that matters!
My toddler recently got a Star Wars toy of an alien girl bobble-head holding what looks like a green glow in the dark dildo. And the dildo can be turned on and off. Really.
Okay, so I have a freakishly detailed memory from a very, very young age. I remember A LOT from Noah's age on.
I remember McDonald's outings, and my toddler playdate buddy Matt DiFore. I remember the corkboard stuck with paper cutout holiday decorations and the curtains in my old bedroom in the house we moved out of when I was 4. I remember my mom playing "zookeeper" and catching her "escapee monkeys." I remember hiding my Lovey in a ceramic decorative turkey and being so excited when I found it again that I dropped the ceramic top on the floor. I remember my Dad painstakingly gluing it back together in 1981, and I remember hunting for Easter eggs in January when we were bored with cabin fever the winter I was 3.
I'm almost 30. I remember all the bad stuff, too, also in vivid detail, but mostly I remember all the love and effort my mom put into the earliest years of my life. I'm odd; it's true, but because I remember I can promise you how much it matters to Noah. It matters now, and it will matter in the future. Even if he doesn't remember.
My Evan is a Star Wars FREAK and we'd been waiting for the new toys with bated breath; however, he doesn't find them as creepy as I, but he did say they're "boring". Sounds like you're having fun! Hang in there!
My older daughter (almost 24 now) learned to climb stairs in the original Borders here in Ann Arbor. And we were regularly offered space to change diapers, etc., there.
Sorry you had that experience! Good luck with your new baby and thanks for the memory.