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August 2008
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October 2008

35 Weeks, 35 Days To Go

So...moving on. How's October 15th sound for having a baby? Thanks to some big new initiative to bring down c-section rates, my hospital refused to let my doctor schedule the surgery/birth/gutting/whatever on the date we'd originally planned for (October 10th). All scheduled sections must be LESS than a week before your due date, and apparently they'll even fight you on anything more than a couple DAYS ahead of time. This means I've been scheduled a mere three days before a due date that I do not even agree with (October 18th). (My wildly wonky cycle and wildly inconsistent early ultrasounds gave us dates spanning over a week apart, my doctor picked one from somewhere in the middle.) My math puts my due date somewhere around the 13th or the 14th. Which means... I may very well end up going into labor anyway. *tosses up hands and laughs, panics at the realization that oh fuck, I have not done nearly enough kegels* I don't think this baby is as big as Noah. I really don't. I have no real reason to think this, other than a vague sort of smallish vibe-feeling. I think he's head down. I THINK he's face down,... Read more →

My Patented Formula: Post a Half-Assed Tantrum Then Frantically Backpedal When I Get Called on the Half-Assed Tantrum

Thank you, everybody, for your comments yesterday, and for indulging my moment of triumphant self-pity. I came very close to not even mentioning the situation at all, both because I thought some stiff-upper-lipitude would make it easier for my mom (I think, in fact, she was relieved to see that I actually DID want them down, since I guess I'd been a little TOO quick to assure her that I was fine! Fine with this! Don't you dare worry about me, because I am FINE!) and because I Know How Posts Like That Sound. Get some perspective! Things could be worse! Quit whining! Which. Of course. A couple of you pointed that out. In SUCH a nice way too. My intention is not to win gold medals at the Pain Olympics. My intention is to...I don't know. Throw words at the Internet to see what sticks, and yesterday I was very, very sad and things were hitting me in a bizarre delayed-reaction style -- my poor dad! my poor mom! what if this doesn't get better? who is going to take care of them? I'm not ready to take care of them because I still need someone to take care... Read more →

And the Village Burned to the Ground

I talked to my mom yesterday. My dad is not doing well. He's unsteady, dizzy, forgetful. A heart monitor found an arrhythmia. Everything keeps getting worse instead of better. The doctors think his symptoms are the results of his fall this past June and not the reason for his fall. They don't actually have any real clue why he fell but the fact remains that he might very well fall again. My mom stands helplessly by, knowing that she can't leave him, even though she can't catch him, either. My head spun off in a million directions -- a million questions for the doctors, potential solutions to their living situation that would grant them the luxury of being able to leave the house, lamenting the lack of family near them, rehashing the conversation Jason and I had over the weekend wondering whether we should confront the inevitable and move back to Pennsylvania because clearly no one else will -- even though I could really only stammer my sympathies and a suggestion that Peapod might be have cheaper delivery fees for groceries than Acme. Mostly I just tried to dismissively wave off the real reason my mom had called. I understand.... Read more →

This Post Took 75 Hours To Type

Today's Internet connection: up, down, down. Down again. Typing this from my iPhone, which is a whole heap of fun and fussy little tap tap taps. But I soldier on! To inform the Internet! That I am still pregnant and well! Although I appear to no longer have any appetite for burritos, as I learned first-hand today when I could only stare in disgust at the one food source that has sustained me and Baby Tivo lo these past eight months. (Eight. I could have typed 8. My ingrained devotion to the AP Stylebook apparently knows no bounds.) Noah and I both came down with colds this weekend, but I'm happy to report that my cold mysteriously healed itself first thing Sunday morning when Jason turned to me and suggested we take a trip to the Outlets (you know, Outlets as Proper Noun, because the bargains are just that hardcore) to look for that elusive coming-home outfit. I found it at the Carter's outlet, after rejecting at least 15 other options for various really very insane reasons that even sounded insane to me as I was saying them out loud. Jason wanted a brown and green outfit that had a... Read more →


I just wrote an entire post about a brownie. A brownie that I artfully swiped from Noah's kiddie combo meal lunch, a brownie that he did not even know existed, and that I just ate in three bites within 30 seconds of putting him down for a nap. And then it occurred to me that really, that one sentence right there? Was STILL more words than one should really write about a brownie, no matter how sad one is that the brownie is now gone and there are no more brownies. So I deleted the first post about the brownie, only to then write this post about the brownie. I'm really good at this blogging thing, sometimes. Also, I have now have brownie crumbs in my cleavage, and I appear to have spilled salsa on my belly in three different places. And... Um... My cat is real pretty? One time this happened? And then one time Noah and I found a ladybug in the house and Noah really, really loved that ladybug and then I said it was time to send the ladybug home and I opened the window to put the ladybug out on the sill but then accidentally... Read more →

34 Weeks

Yes, yes, I know, I know. I'm getting dangerously close to the point where I simply cannot go a day without at least posting that yes, there is no baby yet and all is well with my womb. I'm sorry. It's just that the baby's sock drawer is not going to repeatedly arrange and rearrange itself, y'all. I've also been blowing my writerly load via dozens of long emails to my husband, since we've learned that we are only allowed to argue about politics via electronic methods. Otherwise we get a tad...shrill with each other, as during major election years our usually happy existence as independents ends, and we retreat to our separate party corners and hiss and spit and furiously send each other links that SO TOTALLY prove that the other person is a complete fucking idiot. And while I usually just end up defaulting to the surefire "I am never sleeping with you again unless you pull your head at least PARTWAY out of your ass," I'm thinking that's not going to be particularly effective this time. I mean, check OUT this slammin' physique. Wouldn't YOU be okay with letting the Bush tax cuts expire as planned in... Read more →

Not Perfect

I was just scolded by a Borders' employee for taking my stroller on the escalator -- he spotted me absentmindedly getting on after him (him and his HANDTRUCK, by the way, but let's not split hairs about escalator-approved wheelie devices) and then proceeded to wait for his chance to school me on escalator safety at the top. I saw him, I saw what was coming, I debated clobbering him with my non-skid-proof wedge heel, but of course I just apologized instead and tried to rapidly putter away while he FOLLOWED ME to make sure I understood what a "really, really bad idea" that was, the taking of my little umbrella stroller on the escalator, and did I see those yellow bumpers there? Did I know what those yellow bumpers were for? EATING CHILDREN FROM THE ANKLES UP, THAT'S WHAT, also triggering the emergency stop, because I know, I triggered it once, back when I had a bigger stroller and less experience breaking the no-stroller rule, but dude, I'm older, taller and infinitely more pregnant than you and can't I just ride one little escalator to the Young Adult section to buy some embarassing goth vampire romance novels in peace? Confiscate... Read more →