So my weblog stats inform me that this is my 1,000th post. Or more accurately, the 1,000th post as the archives stand today, not counting the many entries I've gone back and bahbleeted out of 1) shame, 2) post-chill-pill-calming-the-fuck-down, and 3) omg, I was like, sooo totally drunk.
Kind of a shame that the 1,000th post now falls on Halloween, when I am obligated to post nothing more substantial than CUTE WIDDLE BAYBEES IN COSTUMES NOM NOM.
Number Two on your Halloween Threatdown:
Number One on the Halloween Threatdown remains, as ever, BEARS.
NOT FEATURED in this year's Threatdown: mothers who only give enough of a shit to pull an orange-ish sweater from the bottom of the laundry hamper before attending their son's school party, trying to hide the fact that she outsourced her ONE JOB of providing enough paper plates and utensils for 15 three-year-olds to her husband, who originally came home with 60 plates, no utensils and one package of giant black Solo "no officer, we're just drinking grape juice over here"-style cups.
I originally ordered him a Dash-from-Da-Increbulls costume. I was quite pleased with myself. The Incredibles! He's going to be SO EXCITED! Mama, you are SO AWESOME.
Of course, when the cheap, hideous polyester-ish thing actually arrived, Noah took one look at it and simply said, "No." Any attempts to get the costume on, even over regular clothes, resulted in a sensory freak-out over the feel of the fabric. I can't say that I blame him.
Our next attempt put him in charge -- we led him to a costume display and told him to pick one out. He chose a plush blue monster suit. He wouldn't actually put it ON, but he seemed to at least be open to the IDEA of wearing it at a later date, so we went with it.
We talked about Halloween. We showed him pictures of last year's monkey suit. We tried WEARING last year's monkey suit. We practiced trick-or-treating and dear God, we've watched "Blue's Big Costume Party" over and over and over, trying to get him comfortable with the idea of putting a costume -- any damn costume at all -- on.
"NO," he said, every time. "No costume. I just Noah."
How do you argue with that?
You don't. You just resort to TRICKERY.
Of course, he opted not to carry Blue during his school's costume parade, so in the end he still pretty much looked like the kid who refused to wear a costume. But hey, in a sea of costumes where a good 65% of the wearers were crying their eyes out, MY KID was having a damn good time being Just Noah.