Five Days
October 10, 2008
I know that I am not exactly the perfect picture of grace and sunshine and joy right now, but I think, in light of everything going on in the world and our economy and financial infrastructure coming down around our ears, that even I was NOT enormously pregnant and scared out of my mind about my now multiple children's futures, I would still really want to punch these people.
Although there's something in their super! excited! yaaaaaay banking! faces and their desperately clenched-up pile of hands that suggests that:
1) The guy on the far left knows, deep down, that he is straight-up FUCKED,
2) The woman next to him has already snapped like a damn rubber band,
3) The guy next to her is thinking very seriously about that window ledge outside of the conference room,
4) The woman on the far right has been medicating her terror with a steady shitload of Red Bulls.
I am just saying. If there were ever a time to switch the stock photography to something more generically somber and banky -- a calculator and a spreadsheet, perhaps, or the all-purpose Dude In A Suit On A Cell Phone -- now would probably be that time.
(Please note Jason's disapproving profile watching me snap this picture, begging me not to make dumb jokes on my website about the financial crisis.)
(I've said it a million times already but I'm saying it again: I am really very glad that I don't work in financial publishing anymore, spending my days looking for ways to spin the daily news into something other than WE ARE ALL SO TOTALLY SCREWED. I'd probably end up hitting the thesaurus and writing something like WE ARE ALL SO TOTALLY WITNESSING AN UNPRECEDENTED AND HISTORIC BUYING OPPORTUNITY, THANKS TO SHORT-SELLERS AND OVERLEVERAGED COMPANIES, AT LEAST WE ARE IF YOU STILL HAVE ANY MONEY LEFT, WHICH, HEY, SORRY ABOUT THAT.)
(Hmm. I may be a little rustier than I thought. Blogging has officially left me with no marketable skills.)
(Beyond, say, posting yet another variation on the same damn entry and photo for the fourth day in a row.)
WE ARE ALL SO TOTALLY SCREWED! YAAAAAAY!
Ummmmm yeah... I'm going to agree with you on this one. That is a POOR choice of stock photography.
Does your couch have really wide arms? I think we have the same one. It is HUGE, isn't it? I'm just talking about this to avoid talking about the scary financial crisis. Good luck with the birth!!
Maybe those are the faces of "yeah! we got your money!" or something equally uplifting? hehe.
But yeah for a baby to look forward to, right? :)
Haaaa! This post made me laugh. You're right! So totally screwed! Yay! Lets go out and spend all our money on Happy Hour (t-minus five days, for you...sorry).
Yippee! We're all screwed!
I just have to step in and suggest that short-sellers are NOT to blame for this clusterfuck. Short sellers are a little like the tumor that's growing in a lung because someone didn't quit smoking 20 years ago. I mean, it's not the tumor's fault it exists and is snatching opportunity where it may.
Something about the visual of a very pregnant (and radiantly beautiful - of course) woman with the caption "Totally Screwed" is very funny to me.
Kind of like that, "you can unscrew a light bulb" joke.
Well let jason know you made me smile!
At least you're still blogging despite the situation. I'm too busy eating oreos and downing Frappachinos I can't afford to write. If something doesn't give soon, I'll be 500 pounds and bankrupt. My damn hips have taken out their own zip code, for Crap's sake!
Good luck next week, Cookie!
WE ARE ALL SO TOTALLY SCREWED! YAAAAAAY!
And you're walking proof!
Wow, thanks so much for the total belly laugh (I really needed it, for no $$$ reasons. And you know that guy on the left is swallowing back just a little throw up. But he'll be ok cause he has his finger up the blond guys hoo-hoo)
The two women are excited because they have just finally gotten those promotions - no new money tho. But hey, its a challenge and recognition of a job well done!
Anyway, best wishes and thoughts about the new one (isn't it just wild how you go into a room with a certain number of people, and then you leave with a extra person?
And look at it this way, the economy will probably be about back on track right around the time when Noah is taking his SATs.
Wow that advertisment is special! Love you captured their emotions here though, well done!
Looking good pregnant one!
I always have the hardest time imagining you writing about financial boring blah-biddity-blah.
As a couple of readers mentioned, the photo of you with "totally screwed" under it seemed fairly apropos.
As for the economy, I figure that if worse comes to worse we will all be living like the Russians during the Cold War Era, in shacks drinking vodka! I know that thought makes ME feel better...
P.S. I mailed a package to you yesterday so keep your eyes peeled!
lulz: "Get the best team behind you"
They should add, "then bend over your financial butt pummeling."
Jeez. " for your financial butt pummeling."
Ummm, I'm pretty sure you must still be writing, because I would swear I heard that same crap, um story, this morning, "AN UNPRECEDENTED AND HISTORIC BUYING OPPORTUNITY".
I'm very jealous of you. I hope everything goes wonderfully. I miss babies.
I think banks should just call a spade a spade: "Banks: marginally more secure than keeping your money in your mattress." It's a little wordy, though. Maybe you could help them slim it down.
Well, yes, but your bangs look awesome!
Is it just me, or does that sign say "Chevy Chase Bank?" I'm up here in Canada, so I don't know if you have those on every corner, but even so: who equates National Lampoons with fiscal security? And why don't we have those up here?
Hehehe. You know pregnant Amy really is very funny. In fact it was the company cookbook when you were just about to have Noah that first led me to your blog. Love it xx
Heeeeeeee. Great post. Love the picture!!
Hee. I love this post a lot.
People are such idiots. Seriously, I know we're all low on cash, but you can get new photo stock on iPhoto for about $10.
It would be a wise investment, methinks.
I need you to capitualate damn it!!!
I'm a little disturbed by the "meet hot cowgirls (free)" ad at the end of your post. I guess it was prompted by the word "screwed." On the other hand, the offer is "free," so maybe it was prompted by the distress at financial instability...?
Either way, pregnant belly (yay!) followed by hot cowgirls = ultimate non sequitur.
FINANCIAL RUIN! YAAAAAAAAY!
Five days, can you believe it?! That's awesome!!
I love that picture of you....you look totally stoked to be super pregnant, but you look great!! :)
So what are those swirly thingys on your wall? They look fun....
Not pregnant, and I would hate these people too :)
How can someone be that happy?
Can't wait to find out the name of the new baby!
Best of luck.
I totally dig your sarcasm ... it fits me like a glove. I don't comment much well because you already say things I cannot and there is usually very little to add. BUT I agree ... we are screwed, so hard and quick - it hurts!
So glass half full! Thanks for the smile and the belly pix!
That last bit reminds me of the movie "10 Things I Hate About You" when Cameron says "we are so screwed" and his friend basically says "you should have an upbeat attitude!" so Cameron affects a big smile, pitches his voice higher as if he's excited, and says, "We are SCREWED!."
But yeah- you're SO right about that advertising. I mean, seriously!
I am so totally jealous of Nette and her hot cowgirls.
I got LDS dating.
Which, appearing on your sight, I find quite hilarious.
Site! Site! It appeared on your site! not sight.
Doh.
ROFL...yup, we are totally screwed. I think you should photoshop your pic into that ad.
You are particularly upbeat for somebody so pregnant. I am only 14 weeks and I've been on a crying jag all day. I needed the laugh though so thank you bunches and bunches.
Good luck with the baby birthing process...hope its easy and painless and ends with a completely healthy baby who sleeps all night...
I keep wondering if the news just stopped talking about the stock market for maybe, I dunno, 48 hours, if maybe it would start behaving itself?
Also, was thinking of a surefire way to help encourage your little one out of your belly, and thought how cool if you stopped by BlogHer-DC on Monday (you know, if you're not already attending). I was at Oasis Winery on my due date with Gavin...a good 60-min drive away from my OB and hospital in Manassas. Didn't help me, but hey, each baby's different, right? :)
I'm with Cat C - I'm Canadian and need to know if you have a Chevy Chase Bank. Please. Someone. Anyone. Explain. And PLEASE tell me that they involve some kind of Wally World Marty Moose ATMs? Please?
Jason has a "foodie" profile.
Ha Ha I know this is a cliche but wow you are so totally glowing. And you made me laugh out loud at work!!
This is very funny, thank you for the laugh.
you are pretty cynical but i like that!
caitlin
check out CostumeStudio.com this halloween! buy a costume! save a life! :)
we may all be totally screwed but at least you will have a cute little bebe to cuddle while the rest of us freak the eff out sans bebe
Yes, there really is a Chrvy Chase Bank in the US. But I think there is a Chevy Chase, MD also. Maybe the bank is headquartered there? Amalah would know the answer...
Awwwwwwwww, belly belly.
i'm glad to see that you can still have fun and smile while the whole ship sinks into the abyss.
team america! :)
You are really, really funny when you are not pregnant. When you are pregnant, you are F*ING hilarious, so keep it up, mmmkaayy?
P.S. Good luck :-)
Don't worry, those people look punch worthy to me too!
Although I found it unbelievably HILARIOUS that you took a picture and further dissect for our enjoyment!
My first thought when I saw your couch:
I wanted to spread butter on it and eat it with a cup of cocoa...weird huh?
Great!!!
Congratulations!!!
Nice weekend.
They do not really have Chevy Chase banks back east do they?? Is that a joke ad? Who would really put money in a Chevy Chase bank? Really? Chevy Chase? It's killing me...
Hiliarous posts both of these, the idiotic bank poster and the judgmental chiwauwau....your cynicism is my sunshine today.
That ad is horrendous. It would be horrible and over the top even if there weren't any financial crisis!
I hope the baby comes soon. :)
I sure hope that having that sweet baby doesn't make you all gushy inside and you lose that lovely bite of snark. Although, really? Can you think of a better reason to gush?
Ay, yes, there is a Chevy Chase Bank, but it's named after the town in Maryland. Not the comedian. Although whenever I'm in Maryland and I see one, I yell, "NOONAN!"
The Wall Street crash has been unfairly blamed on the Brainless.
Even the Brainless have more sense than that.
But here we have the first step in the meltdown that ends where Zombie-topia begins.
Well unless you were too busy spending money you never had to begin with then this is not the end of the world. You just have to learn to live without what you do not need and be comfortable with what you have.
I went to Target today to score some Clif Bars. I was enticed by a window in a package with something chewy, crunchy, and mocha baked. I almost got it except I noticed the pink stuff and the title, "Bellybar." So check it out, it's like a health/energy craving bar for preggies. It looked really good like a cross between a brownie and a granola bar. I didn't get it but I know it's better than a Clif Bar because those bars made for ladies taste better. Luna Bars are tasty except they kind of make me feel funny sometimes.
erm...financial screwing and medicated brokers aside, is it weird that I remember Noah being 'new' and u munching on his toes? Seems like maybe it was just a couple months ago!! Time moves at an unbelievable speed!
Good luck with baby 2.0!
So was the comedian named after the town? or vise versa? Personally I wouldn't expect a bank that shares it's name with a well known comedian to have frowny serious adds, no matter what the financial situation might be.
You so must be in the hospital having baby TIVO, right??? You haven't updated up for day four, day three....WHERE R U...we so need an update!
you crack me up.
I am with Hope. We need an update. Who do you think you are, going all AWOL on us so close to the due date? Sheesh, like it's your life and your baby or something. Whatever.
yep every friggin day i turn on the Tv I am reminded how screwed i am....dayummmm when i got my tubes tied i thought it would be FUN gettin screwed...i want my money back ;-)
too funny. You always crack me up (or make me cry; you know, depending on what you're going for...)
your bank is named after an actor from SNL?
It's two days till baby! And three days since your last post! Are you okay? Is the baby here?
It's been two days since your last post! Are you off having a baby without telling us? Because I don't care if you're in labor or not you should SO be blogging this!
Just kidding.
Mostly ;D
I hope all is well!