Five Days
One Day More

Four, Three, Two Days

Yep. Still pregnant. TiVo has two more days to come out peacefully before we go in after him.

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(Comparison shot at 40 weeks from last time, although slightly more STRAIGHT-ON CLOSE-UP OH-THE-HORROR.)

And yes! These were taken in the same mirror as every other belly shot I've taken over the past year. The completely different furniture? Yeah. I did that. It needed to be done. The itching and the leg twitching and the terrible, terrible screaming wouldn't stop until I could say that truly, we have officially rearranged the furniture in every damn room in the house.

(Last night I had just upended both of our bedside endtables [the doors were opening the wrong way and each needed to be swapped to the other side, but of course that meant the contents needed to be swapped and while I was there I MIGHT AS WELL completely purge and reorganize them, I mean, really] when I realized that I was supposed to be meeting a bunch of bloggers who are here for the DC BlogHer mini-thing going on, which of course I didn't register for because hello! Still pregnant on October 13th? Fuck that idea and you and everything else in the entire world grrrarrr.)

(I made it to the dinner on time. I'm sure I was fucking DELIGHTFUL ray of sunshine. I ate a burrito and later woke up at 4 am timing what I hoped were contractions but were probably just gas.)

Now.

I know we've all had a lot of laughs at my expense regarding the crazy, crazy nesting thing that I do. I fully own up to the fact that I go way beyond nesting. Fuck twigs and feathers and dusting the baseboards -- I'd probably up and build a house from the ground up if you'd let me. Unhappy with your home renovation project? Don't hire just another contractor to take over -- get yourself a nine-months-pregnant lady in there. Extreme Nesting: Hardhat Oh-My-God-How-Am-I-Not-In-Labor-Already Edition.

But.

If you want to know why there is currently about five or six inches of a metal drill bit sticking out of my roof, let me assure you that I had NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

Okay, maybe a little bit, since it was my idea to turn our cluttered, unused office area into more of a dressing/walk-in closet area, and this meant we also needed to rearrange the rest of the bedroom furniture, which meant moving the TV, which meant the cable outlet was now on the wrong wall, which meant a visible curling cable wire snaking across the room, lying in wait to jump up and snag you in the ankles, POSSIBLY WHILE YOU WERE HOLDING A NEWBORN, which meant we needed to run cable into a different wall.

Jason was all over this job, because POWER TOOLS. In particular, his BIG FUCKING ASS DRILL BIT, long enough to drill through walls and God knows what else. Lesser men's egos, perhaps.

It actually seemed simple enough, what with a closet on the other side of the wall and the attic above and he started drilling through the closet ceiling and then heading up to the attic to check for the hole to drop the cable into and...hmm. No hole. Must drill more! Harder, deeper, MOAR.

This went on a few times. No hole in the attic flooring. More drilling. Then...the drill bit got lodged in something. Jason guessed a two-by-four. And he couldn't get it out. The drill's motor coughed and choked and then gave up the ghost.

"Goddamit," he said. "I think I have to go buy a more powerful drill."

Needless to say, I was annoyed, because we really don't have the money right now for a more powerful drill. In my mind, since Jason told me we didn't have the money right now for a trip to Ikea for Storage Solutions (thus necessitating the relocation of old beat-up dressers instead of the actual walk-in-closet coordinating system of my organizational wet dreams), we don't have the money right now for ANYTHING. Especially drills that I will never use and will not help me categorize my shoes by heel height.

Jason left to go the hardware store. I continued sorting my pajamas in nursing-friendly and non-nursing-friendly categories, then got to work on my annotated and footnoted list of things that need to go into the hospital bag right before we leave.

(Samples: iPOD & HEADPHONES --> buy that damn Kid Rock song off iTunes first okay shut up; PILLOW & NURSING PILLOW --> pack in shopping bag for swiping hospital supplies later.)

A few minutes later he came back inside.

"Well. Okay." he said. "I realize why I couldn't find the hole in the attic now."

"And?"

"The hole is...in our roof."

So. Yes. While drilling through the closet ceiling, my husband drilled too close to the edge of the house and into a front vestibule-ish thing and THAT is why there is a drill bit sticking up out of our roof right now.

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(Alternate caption: Luuuucyyyyy!)

I think that's all I need to say about that, except that I laughed and laughed until tears poured down my face and I could only barely manage to tell Jason that while I don't think I've ever been this furious with him, the thought of him having to call a professional roofer and explain this one makes it all so completely worth it.

Comments

Rebecca

Hang in there!! So excited for stories about the new baby boy and his big bro!!

Mommy Attorney

Oh my God, I am laughing so hard!!!

I have to send this to my husband.

Kristine

Ha ha! I love it! You SO win!

Marie

Yes, you are impressively huge. This is like a good novel that is going to end all too soon. I know, I know, you are thinking: Not! Soon! Enough!

Have I said yet that I loooove your Weekly pregnancy article? I just wanted to say (before you become completely distracted by the new Bay-bee) that your weekly article is one of the best ideas I've seen. Thanks so much for that! I have been devouring all the your product/registry advice. We especially love how you have it divided into buy now and buy later.

Now. We are all waiting with baited breath... Where IS that child? :)

Kristin

OMG...too funny about the drill bit! Sorry Tivo is refusing to come out.

Maria

That is some impressive shit. All around!

Tivo looks kind of lower, maybe?

Can't wait to hear your babynews!

Brandi

That is so funny! It's so something my husband would do!

Just a few more days! If you still have nesting urges come by my house. I could use your cleaning out, reorganizing, rearranging expertise!

breeze

Come on out baby Tivo! I need lots of good things to read in my next 6, yes 6, weeks until my due date (dear God don't let it take that long!)...I don't have the nesting quite as bad-mainly b/c I'm lazy, though I did take a paint can and do some "touch-ups" to all the walls in the house that had scuffs (ie EVERY WALL as I have a dog and husband who like to play in the house and bang into things!). Oh and I really hope your dad is doing well!

Jen

Funniest thing I've read all day! And Ikea storage systems? That's my wet dream too. 2 Days!!!!

Suzanne

That totally rates a bigger push gift. Even though you won't technically be pushing. I love it!!!

jodifur

I didn't know you were going last night? How are we never at the same event with all the same people?

wordnerd

Teeeeeeeeeeeeeevooooooooooooo...come out! I need a baby fix. Mine just reminded me that next year he can go to adult jail. Yeah, he really did.

(Which Kid Rock song? I went nuts over one and bought the CD and HELL YEAH the whole thing rocks.)

Maxine Dangerous

You're gestating a moose!

A cute, cute moose. Of course. Ahem.

(I kid. Gorgeous belly. Can't wait to 'meet' Babyalah #2. :))

Starbuck

I love the Kid Rock song and also need to get it immediately before leaving town! And I am so with you on the no money thing.

The roof? That'll be a good one for the baby book. Be sure to include a photo!

morgan s

Warning - when I went to buy that Kid Rock (All Summer Long) song on I-Tunes - I didn't pay close enough attention (perhaps there had been some wine involved) and I ended up buying the faux version sung by some cheesy imitator. They didn't have the official Kid Rock version. But I burned it to a cd, which my husband promptly jacked for his car and he happily sings along to it all day long. I just chuckle to myself - he obviously cannot tell the difference between the fuax Kid Rock and the real thing. Listening to the fake version slowly drives me insane BECAUSE I KNOW IT IS NOT THE REAL KID ROCK.

Anyhoo----Good luck with the impending birth!

Maria

I would have wet myself laughing at him.

Becca

OMG, now that is some funny shit.
Tivo looks great on you. I can't wait to see him in your arms!

MommyNamedApril

Wow. Really, wow.

Issa

I don't think you're crazy, I just wish you'd come and organize my house too.

I didn't get the nesting thing this time around. With both my girls, I so did. But not with the boy. I came home to a complete mess. Then again, there are no drill bits sticking out of my house.

Wishing you fast labor...and lets say today too.

Theresa

To save you a bit of time on the to do list - good luck on that kid rock thing. he doesn't sell his songs to itunes. I saw an interview with him and he felt "it is un=American or something."

Jessie

My dad once drilled 7 holes in various wrong places to run some wire down to a light switch, before realizing that there was already a hole right where he needed one. We still laugh until there are tears in our eyes about that one.

Heidi

During my last pregnancy I got rid of all of our upholstered living room furniture because I could not stand the sound of our cats claws ripping it apart after a big stretch/scratching session. I insisted we move our old college futon into the living room (which needed to be moved out of the baby's room anyway, and this was waaay easier than putting it in the attic) and then bought a couple of Poang chairs from Ikea, except that I live 8 hours from the nearest Ikea. BUT IT HAD TO BE THE ONES FROM IKEA, ya know?

Emily

I love that story. Even though I know nothing about power tools/housing projects in general, and don't ever intend to learn, I can't help but feel a little bit like "how did you mess that up??" when these things happen. Though Lord knows, I'd probably have done the same thing or worse had I attempted.

Anyway, the Kid Rock song is not on iTunes but is on Limewire :)

bessie.viola

OMG I am hysterically laughing over here!! This so brings back memories of my own nesting/drill related issues...

Picture me, in a closet, installing shelves. With a power drill. At 4am. Before I left for work.

Oh Amy, I love your nesting stories. Here's to getting drill bits out of the roof and the baby out of your bellah!!

b

Come to my house. Please. Because instead of nesting this time I'm all, "Wah! I'm pregnant, I can't possibly be expected to tie my own shoes or take my kids to the potty at Chick-fil-A!" I nested the last three times and it was so much more productive.

snarkypants

Heh. You know that this post is going to get mega-bazillions of hits: the words "big," "a**", "f***ing" and "drill" together? Internet GOLD!

Hope TiVo comes out soon; I remember being that miserable, and don't envy you a bit!

La Petite Chic

Ohhh, I thought for sure TiVo would come this weekend. Hang in there!!

nonsoccermom

WOW. That is AWESOME. I would use that as ammo against my husband FOREVER.

Come on, baby Tivo!! We are ready to meet you, and I know your mama is too!!

Jessica K

LOL. That is one hilarious story. Unfortunately, the details of your nesting are just making MY nesting urges get even stronger. Luckily I have 4+ weeks to go instead of just two days. Still....I better get on it!

ellbee

Oh, that's a slippery slope for sure. First Jason needs a new drill, then something else and pretty soon you'll find yourself looking at a garage full of random power tools. (I'm looking at YOU, belt sander. And YOU, router table.) You'll find yourself wondering, "where the hell did that come from, and why do I not own more things from Ikea?" Not that I've gone through this before, or anything.

Jerri Ann

Funny, like me, I'd have to leave the comments open on one that would at least give you some good laughing matter for later. My husband would never do something like that, because he is perfect, *cough* but he says I would do it and blame it on him with the roofer and the entire internet.

Yea, I laughed pretty hard myself!

Dana

Oh Jason...you and my husband need to get together and grunt and manly manly all over the place and then break something.

I can do one better on the nesting...I decided (two weeks before my due date) that we MUST HAVE A NEW HOUSE! And then proceeded to drag my pregnant self all over the town touring houses that were only half built...because only a *new* house would do for my preshus baby. We ended up finding and buying a mostly built townhouse and did the closing about 12 hours before I went into labor. What a stress nightmare that was...then moving into a new house with a three month old...and having to nest all over again in the new house that *might* have construction cooties.

Tracy

Can I have your nestingness after the baby's born? I've got 23 weeks to go, not enough energy, and a house that needs a hell of a lot of work. SO, really, I wouldn't ask if I didn't NEED it. ;-)

And whoa. Your really prove that old thing about carrying boys out front, huh?

Candice

Oh my god. I'm laughing so hard I'm crying right now.

And seriously, men and power tools? I don't get it.at.all.
My fiance and I are buying our first house and he's all..
Leaf BLOWERS!
INSULATION BLOWERS!!
BIG FUCKING DRILLS!

really? that's what you want for your birthday? At least he no longer wants a kegerator... but I still do!

Lauren

Are you talking about that "All Summer Long" song by Kid Rock? Yeah, he sucks b/c he did not list his songs with Itunes as he feels "If someone wants to buy All Summer Long, they'll be willing to buy the whole album."

Freakin love that song but will not buy album on principle.

Missie

So, have you started calling Jason "Drill Bit Taylor" yet?

I would never never let my husband live that one down. ;)

Michelle

I love it when men try to be all manly and act like they know what they're doing.

A reader who's hurting vicariously through you...

Dude, how have you not burst already? I'm only seeing the pictures and yet I'm in pain for you! I hope you don't take offense when I say that despite the cuteness of your offspring, these pregnant pics are the best form of birth control EVER.

Anissa@Hope4peyton

I'm sure you were the picture of angelic wonder at dinner, all madonna and child and glowy happiness.

Dani

That is hysterical about your roof and sounds like something that would happen at our house.

Hoping the baby comes soon, for your sanity!

Elizabeth

I'm surprised you didn't laugh yourself right into labor with that one. It totally sounds like something my husband would do!

christina

This story makes me happy that my husband is not at all handy and actually knows his limitations on that front so therefore would never even attempt such a thing. He actually told me he would call a handyman to fix the jiggly doorknob I'd been bitching about. Needless to say I got a damn screwdriver and tightened it myself *sigh*. I cannot wait to see baby Tivo! How is Noah feeling about the big countdown or is he still oblivious to it? Sorry for the novel here. Yikes!

Brianna

I swear that baby is going to come right out of your belly button!

Although as a side note, I had to laugh at your "hole in roof" story because it reminds me of the story in our apartment a couple months back. My boyfriend, Rick, was attempting to switch an electrical socket faceplate in our bed room because it broke (how he managed that, I don't know...) but whenever we would unplug anything in that particular socket, the TV in the living room would turn off. So WITHOUT switching off the breaker, he plays with it a little bit (how he managed that, I STILL don't know...) and suddenly all of our power goes out. He nonchalantly goes to flip the breaker, but of course, that doesn't work.

Here comes the part where I curse at him and grovel over the phone to the landlords in order not to get a big fat charge for destroying the apartments electrical system. Luckily, the maintnence guy discovered it was a bad break anyway when originally installed (can you say 20+ years old apartments with appliances and the like of the same age?), so we weren't at fault fo it. I sure did have a fund time explaining it to them though. And yes, I (*bold, caps, AND, italic on that "I") was the one who had to call and explain. In the end, I just had to laugh though!

BOSSY

"Luuuuuuuuucyyyyyyy" -- just *stop* making Bossy drop to the floor in convulsions.

Good luck, you!

MamaCass

that is completely hysterical, and told so well! my husband is laughing right here with me!

Jen L.

HILARIOUS! This is why my husband is not allowed to play with power tools!

Poor thing...tell Tivo a whole bunch of people on the internet are waiting for his debut and to get on outta there! Good luck in the next couple of days. CANNOT WAIT for the updates! Yay, baby boys!!!

Michelle

I laugh but with empathy. My exhusband dropped a tree on the roof of our house less than a month after we bought it. The tree was apparently interfering with satellite reception so he decided to cut it down. It fell right on the dish. I laughed and then bitched for months. I swear it isn't why he is the ex husband.

Stefanie

I had a dream this morning that you had little tivo today! here's hoping

ali

I keep checking back here to see if Tivo has decided to begin his moving-out process before you evict him.

We want Tivo! We want Tivo!

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