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September 2008
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November 2008

The 1,000th Post Spectacular!

So my weblog stats inform me that this is my 1,000th post. Or more accurately, the 1,000th post as the archives stand today, not counting the many entries I've gone back and bahbleeted out of 1) shame, 2) post-chill-pill-calming-the-fuck-down, and 3) omg, I was like, sooo totally drunk. Kind of a shame that the 1,000th post now falls on Halloween, when I am obligated to post nothing more substantial than CUTE WIDDLE BAYBEES IN COSTUMES NOM NOM. Number Two on your Halloween Threatdown: PIRATE MUMMIES! Number One on the Halloween Threatdown remains, as ever, BEARS. NOT FEATURED in this year's Threatdown: mothers who only give enough of a shit to pull an orange-ish sweater from the bottom of the laundry hamper before attending their son's school party, trying to hide the fact that she outsourced her ONE JOB of providing enough paper plates and utensils for 15 three-year-olds to her... Read more →

The New Normal

First of all, my dad is home from the hospital, and also, GO PHILS! *** Thank you so much for all the "Noah = hideous, yet NORMAL" comments yesterday. If one could physically cling to hope via Internet Comments, I'd be that scrawny kid in gym class stuck halfway up the rope climb. After I posted, we left to pick Noah up from preschool. He seemed like he was in a good mood, like we still had some time before the Wall of Nap, and we were out of diapers, so we decided EVER SO UNWISELY to go stroller shopping. I hate the Big Box Baby Stores as much as anybody, but today marks the first time I ever left one sobbing. I would consider the fact that we got out alive and with two packages of newborn diapers (SIZE ONES. I BOUGHT NOTHING BUT GIGANTIC SIZE ONES.) to mean... Read more →

And Everything Else

My dad is back in the hospital. On Monday night he had a coughing fit while taking his medication (nothing super out of the ordinary -- he chokes very easily since losing his larynx to cancer) and aspirated a pill into his lung. He's now being treated for aspiration pneumonia. The good news is that he appears to be responding very well to the treatment and we're hoping he'll come home today. My parents got to "see" the baby via webcam a few hours before the accident, and I spoke with him on the phone yesterday and as always, he sounds great. *** We're all sick too, although in a much less dramatic pneumonia-ish way. Noah came down with a bad, baaaaad cold last week -- he woke up wheezing on Thursday, and because Daddy was home scored himself a trip to the DOCTOR, where Daddy was told that it... Read more →

Good Baby

Ezra is a good baby. He cries when he is hungry (a sweet, braying, lamb-ish sort of cry), when he wants to be held (which is pretty much all the time, thank God for the half a dozen or so slings I purchased in string of neurotic fits, although he'd probably be just as happy slung around my torso in a Thomas the Tank Engine bedsheet), and when he's naked on his back during diaper changes with his limbs madly flailing wot wot halp halp mayday MAYDAY! He spends more and more time each day in a state of quiet, awestruck alert, looking around with his eyes wide, the corners of his mouth just starting to dance around the idea of a smile, giving us a peek at what we think might be some dimples. He eats every two hours during the day -- a frustrating bit of math, as... Read more →


I first noticed Ezra's tongue-tie the morning after he was born. Something increasingly felt "off" in his otherwise picture-perfect, open-wide baby-bird-mouth latch, I'd yet to see his tongue protrude past his lower lip, and when it did, it looked exactly like the top of a heart. I immediately started looking for someone capable-looking to snip that sucker back, but after a few dozen more increasingly painful latches I was ready to hand my baby off to anybody with a pair of scissors. You there! Orderly! Wanna make a few bucks? Go sterilize your car keys. So by yesterday afternoon, when I FINALLY had an appointment with a pediatric surgeon, I had no patience for the millionth assurance that a frenectomy was no big deal, that it was better to get this taken care of now rather than later, that it would only hurt him for a split second or two.... Read more →

nOT yET Mastering teh 0ne-handed Typing Thing

Baby may be cross between vampire and those newly hatched velociraptors from Jurassic Park, what with the FEEDING and FEEDING and rarrrry little squawks and howls. I sometimes stick my face in front of his during the frantic rooting, because it amuses me when he attempts to latch on to my nose. *** Yeah. So I typed those two sentences awhile ago. Three days, two days, something like that. It's time to admit that entries involving "words" may still be beyond me at this point. You guys like pictures, right? (Photos ahoy after the jump, so you won't want to kill me over the slow load times.) A few more from the hospital stay: Two hours old, or so. Last night, on our first family pizza outing, which was my idea, wheeee percocet!: And today. One week old: (TURTLE!) PS Things are great. We are great. Breastfeeding (!!!) is great.... Read more →

Family 4.0

Duuuudes. WTF day is it? Childbirth brain ate words not forming so good also boobs. Booobs! Dude. Etc. Ezra Harrington Storch was discharged from the hospital Saturday morning, weighing in at a rather puny six pounds, 12 ounces. He was put on a strict regimen of Moar Boobage. Expectations were low, as the boobs in question are known for their losing record in past seasons. Young Storch is also having problems with his frenulum (AKA that stretchy bit of uselessness under the tongue), a condition his mother first started pointing out to people on Thursday morning, but oh, do you think anyone listened to her? Do you think she ever got the visit from a lactation consultant she requested over and over and OVER? Do you think it was at all helpful when the LC showed up AS WE WERE WALKING OUT THE DOOR POST-DISCHARGE to announce that hey! This... Read more →

Please give me a sec to catch my breath

Oh, this boy. So many things to write to about, but I can't keep my hands off of him long enough to type a single one. Suffice to say: we're all fine, though stuck at the hospital for a couple more days, Ezra is perfect and perfectly healthy (and surprisingly patient about his lack of a middle name), although his size (HIS SIZE!) makes him an entirely different species of newborn than what we're used to. We've probably said, "He's SO SMALL!" about four bazillion times already, and are hoarding the hospital newborn-sized diapers like nobody's business, because ha haaaa! Weren't we so smart to not buy anything newborn-sized this time? Oh, but we are such experts. Which is also why I needed to be reminded after 12 hours or so that I'm supposed to burp the baby after feeding. Right! That! So far Ezra loves 1) boobs and 2)... Read more →

One Day More

Or, I Feel the Urge To Wave a Big Flag Around a Rotating Stage In Front of a Barricade While Singing a Seven-Part Musical Montage Or Or, AAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII Today marks the second of my five or so hypothetical due dates, and the one I secretly thought was the right one. We have no mucus plug or water breakage or contractions worth even talking about. So. That's probably that. My in-laws are coming today, I will head to the hospital for pre-op bloodwork, I will play Legos with Noah, Jason and I will go out for one last dinner together and I will try very hard to not freak out about the fact that by tomorrow afternoon I will be the mother of TWO CHILDREN. TWO BOYS. A few years ago I assumed I would maybe have one child. A girl, of course, because boys are ew. Noah seems to understand... Read more →