Possibly the Most Foul-Mouthed Entry I've Ever Published & That's Fucking Saying Something
38 Weeks & Change, No Comment

Um. Never Mind.

They just called.

I'm scheduled for October 15th at 2 pm, with my regular doctor, all is set and well. They still did not apologize, but hey, I wrote a bazillion angry paragraphs about them on the Internet. So...I win. I think.


And yet the anxiety-related cookie consumption continues unabated. Hmm.



You definitely win.

And they didn't apologize? Wha?!?!?


So glad to hear it worked out. What a clusterfuck! And, of course, the very LAST thing you need to be worrying about right now.

Hang in there!

Jessica (from It's my life...)

It definitely still warrants an email to your doctor... but wait until after she cuts you open and all that. Ahem.

So glad it all got sorted out. The whole major abdominal surgery and all that is plenty stressful enough.

jive turkey

Oh. Well. I'm glad I didn't get uppity and overreact, then. Ahem.

But YAY! You got your appointment w. your doctor. That's all that matters.

little miss mel

For my second baby, I met the "other doctor in the practice" 20 minutes before I pushed out my son.

Luckily, I liked the hell out of her and she was the only girl in the practice, so it did work out.

It does suck when you go into labor the ONLY DAY your OB has off since he was on call the entire weekend waiting for you to deliver. fun, fun.

So glad all is back on track!


well thank God. freak I was pissed off for you!!!

Now breathe and relax cause holy crap 2 more weeks!


well they should have apologized. but still I am glad everything worked out


Baby needs cookies. You see, babies aren't allowed to eat cookies after they are born for a long, long time. So moms have a responsibility to provide as many cookies as possible for the baby before birth, so the baby can build up a long-lasting store of vital cookie nutrients. It's very important!


If it helps, I can eat anxiety-cookies, too


I actually stayed on the phone waiting for an apology or at least the barest acknowledgment that this was, indeed, a complete clusterfuck. Neither happened, which is why I'm still having trouble calming down from the whole "WHAT IF I HADN'T EVEN ASKED" brainteaser.

It almost makes me want to have another baby, just so I can dramatically announce that I am taking my baby-making business elsewhere.

Hey You

That would make me stabby too. I would write a strongly worded letter to be delivered AFTER your last postpartum appt. Or get an OB shaped voodoo doll, that could work too.

blissfully caffeinated



Does that mean we can put away our torches and pitchforks now?


So you don't get to eat all day long that day? EEEK!


Well, I'm certainly glad it worked out, although you had every right to vent in the previous post. Even 30 minutes of worrying over that bullshit is too much.
I have learned over the years that there seems to be a corporate rule among any medical/educational/government professionals NOT to apologize. To apologize admits wrong-doing, which includes taking the blame. In my experience, no one EVER wants to take the blame.
Also, I went into natural labor, 10 days late, with my son six hours before I was scheduled for induction. Good thing, too, since my doctor had never scheduled my induction. Of course, he railed at the labor/delivery nurses about it. They grumbled in my general direction that he had actually NEVER scheduled it. I reminded them all I was laboring on my own so "no big deal; now give me the goddamn epidural!"
Good luck in 2 weeks!


I'm going to go and have a cookie on your behalf now, because seriously, THEY DIDN'T EVEN APOLOGIZE? Unbelieveable. You totally win, though. Eat more cookies :)


So totally feel your fuckity fuckness despite the correction (yay!) and because of the missing apology (boo!)

For months my daughter was a scheduled repeat c-section for March 17 (St. Patty's--yeah!) I mean, like 4 MONTHS! Then, ten days before this SCHEDULED c-section, my doctor casually mentions that he will be going out of town for vacation and we can't do it then. WHA??!! So, either I could re-schedule early, or I could wait. Um, wait? I DON'T THINK SO! So I elected for "early" (March 13) and what did that 4 day difference get me (besides clearly a beautiful baby girl) but a totally different date (that I still sometimes have to think of) and a fucking amnio, because God, 4 days makes all the fucking difference. Bah!

Glad yours worked out well and Tivo's date will always be the same in your head.


My son and I happen to think the 15th is a great day to be born on. We will celebrate his birthday and your new baby's birthday that day!!


And Boo!! to the obgyn staff!!!

Mrs. CPA

I would pay good money for a recorded transcript of the phone call you made to Jason after leaving the doctor's office.


When I read your previous post, I couldn't help but be reminded of the Seinfeld episode with the rental car. They could TAKE the reservation, but they could not HOLD the reservation. Just as in your case, writing down your wishes for a scheduled C does not make it so.

Who are they to eff with the seriously pregnant lady?!? Sure, sure, pregnancy comes around all day, every day for the folks in these poor OB offices, but seriously, for the actual pregnant person, they've got to know they inflict serious panic by pulling these stunts.

Geez, glad problem averted, though. WHEW!


What a fiasco!! At least you have a room, right? Like they aren't putting you in a gurney in the hallway or anything, are they?

Queen of Shake Shake

Well, when you can use wine to relieve anxiety, I think cookies are the next best thing.

Whew! What a ride! I'm glad it all worked out, but I still can't believe they didn't apologize.


You know, I'm told at the end of all the crap, they actually let you take a baby home. So, just keep that part in mind.


2 pm. That means FASTING until 2 pm. All the fuckity fuck was validated. If they'd called on time, you could be having that baby at 8 am.
So there.


It never, ever, ever ceases to amaze me how people in the medical profession honestly, seriously, completely Do Not Get how things they think are routine and whatever are not and will never be routine and whatever to the actual patient. Ever. In any other situation, you would fire this person or shop elsewhere but with medical stuff, you're often stuck. And they know this. So it's like a vicious cycle of suck.


Anyway, glad it's working out and they had the decency to at least call you back!



SO glad to hear it's all in order now.



Just read both posts at once and am so happy it worked out. Seems dotors should really have their shit together a little bit more than that but at least they were able to stil do it the same day. Now it's like it never really happened right? Except for the residual stabbiness?


hahahahaha.. sorry.. really shouldn't be laughing.. but from my perspective.. totally funny! Plus.. you live like at least 900 miles away from me and can't punch me! :) so HA!

And.. chocolate chip cookies.. fresh bake chocolate chip cookies are all I can think about now.. SOOO not nice to do to a fellow pregnant whale..

and umm.. I was just catching up on your Twitter (could you make it easier for lazy people like me and display your twitters some where on you page.... ummm..thanks!)
And I was reading the one about you wanting to Google the babies name.. I TOTALLY do that.. How weird is that? I dont know what I'm looking for.. I guess I want to see what other people with his name look like! weird weird weird...
so..um.. yea...

congrats on getting your date and time...


Hey I would have been pissed too! How the hell do you forget to schedule someone's C-section?! I would talk to the office manager about this and all the other disorganized crap over the years. That is too much.

Glad they called you though and it's worked out.

But, damn. That is fucking rediculous.


Wow, even a half-assed 'I'm Saying Sorry Even Though I Could Give A Fuck Less' apology is better than NOTHING.

anne nahm

I just read this post and the last one (damn you Bloglines being down) and I was gonna say Hole. E. Shit. about the whole situation. You know, going with the cursing last post.

But then I was gonna make up something less 'hole' oriented since its a c-section post.

But I'm kind of stumped. Slice. E.Shit? Whoo-hoo-I'll-still- have- snap-to-my- trap-after this. E. Shit?

Anyway, glad it got resolved. Does this mean the post it in your file was just wrong, or did they squeeze you in because they fear your wrath?

Nothing But Bonfires

Hurrah! Thank goodness for that! I shall be thinking about you on October 15th at 2pm. In fact, I shall be thinking about you from ROME, which means I'll eat an extra bite of tiramisu (hell, maybe just a WHOLE extra tiramisu) in celebration. It shall be me mentally (and vicariously) urging you to keep your strength up. And then when Tivo is actually BORN, I think I shall have to consume a whole wheel of parmesan in joy.


Just look at it this way...at least all this was discovered and taken care of BEFORE Oct 15th, when you could have shown up to the hospital and they would have been like..."Storch? Amy? Hmm..I don't see anything..are you sure it was today?"
I could totally see this happening at my doctors office..one time I was sitting and waiting for my appt FOREVER..it turns out they forgot about me. Lovely.
Good Luck!


Wow, what a mess. I'm glad it all worked out, and I think you definitely win. :)


Glad it all worked out, and you definitely win if you had cookies AND angry ranting posts on your side!

Vaguely Urban

I would have been just as pissed. Glad it all worked out!


I'm constantly amazed how disorganized drs offices are. I got prescribed the wrong medication and they made like it was my fault. i screamed and yelled until someone called in the right damn prescription. ARGH!

Sorry for the vent. Glad it all worked out, but you know you totally dropping noah off here at midnight next week. B/c that is the way things happen.


You definitely win. I'll send the award later.

Occidental Girl

Hallelujah! I'm glad all is well with that.

In a weird turn of events, I dreamed that, for some reason, you and Noah were visiting me and you had his hair in a pony tail on top of his head. I thought it was stupid, so I cut it off. Then I felt really bad because that made it look worse and then there's the whole part about cutting another person's kid's hair without permission....

Anyway, it's not unusual for me to have out-of-the-blue dreams, but that was one of the weirder ones. Noah's hair is all good, right?


Mrs. CPA - remember that scene in Ratatouille where Linguini opens his shirt and starts screaming incomprehensibly at the sight of all the little rat scratches and bites on his torso?

Yeah, that's pretty much how THAT phone call went.


You'll never get that baby up to 10 pounds if you don't keep up the cookie consumption. And let's face it, your alternative (bourbon) would prolly be frowned upon. ;)

In all seriousness, you deserve a cookie. Or eleventeen.


They should have documented your pregnancy for a reality show. Would have been hilarious.

Patti B.

Good great news!! Baby Brother - here we come! (STILL HOW ABOUT A FREAKING APOLOGY ARE YOU KIDDING ME??)


"2 pm. That means FASTING until 2 pm. All the fuckity fuck was validated. If they'd called on time, you could be having that baby at 8 am. " Plus, not to add to your fuckityness, but...When I showed up to have my oldest (I was IN LABOR) they told me I had to go home because they were FULL (they thought I was a scheduled induction)!! I guess the look I gave them cleared things right up but I'll be crossing my fingers for you on the 15th. And, I'd still send the e-mail to your Dr. just to have your displeasure on record.


Wow. You do live on the edge, don't you? Things have got to settle down NOW, right? Best of luck!


Um, if that's your last name in an earlier comment please remove it right away. It makes me nervous. They have freaks out there that have killed women for their babies. Please be careful not to post anything that could lead someone to you.

They definetely should have apologized. I'm glad for you that everything worked out. I'm looking forward to the wee babie picks in a couple of weeks.


Hopefully you will go into labor tonight and you won't even have to worry about it!


Um, whew?

jen bolger

would you mind if i shared your link on Portland's new moms web site, www.MomsLikeMe.com? You are so fun to read!


Er, at least you found out today, not on the 15th? That doesn't help? How 'bout some cookies?

I just have to jump in and say that my doc is in a practice, and the doc I saw regularly during my pregnancy was not on call when I was induced. I am counting my lucky stars that I liked the doc who delivered - she was awesome - and I met her while I was pushing. But yes, I totally agree with wanting your regular doctor when you deliver!

mrs. q.

AIIIIIIIEEEE! Yes, let's leave the details of double checking surgery details to a pregnant woman and not the office manager. The person who is supposed to do this. Because it's their job.

So glad it worked out.

I la la LOVE my OBGYN, but his office staff drove me bonkers in much the same way. I told him that when he retires, I'm leaving because I simply cannot deal with them. I had a c-section scheduled for my second because she was breech. They drove me nuts because my OBGYN was going to be out at his daughter's wedding the week I was due. So he booked me himself. (Then my daughter decided to come a day early. In the ER. Feet first.) So much for planning!


Er, at least you found out today, not on the 15th? That doesn't help? How 'bout some cookies?

I just have to jump in and say that my doc is in a practice, and the doc I saw regularly during my pregnancy was not on call when I was induced. I am counting my lucky stars that I liked the doc who delivered - she was awesome - and I met her while I was pushing. But yes, I totally agree with wanting your regular doctor when you deliver!


I have read you for years and have only commented once or twice, but


Ever since you mentioned that as a possible date a few weeks agao, I have been secretly super excited. (I'ts only a secret becuase...well...how lame can I be?) And good on you for getting this all figured out with time to spare. And for using every possible strain of 'fuck' in one post.

Anonymous New York

Phew! Well if you send a thank you gift (do you send thank you gifts to OB's offices?) you can send a huge calendar and pens that say "Thanks for remembering to deliver me. Love, Baby X"


You rock! Glad it's sorted out, but omg you are going to be starving by the time he arrives.


Yay...I still say they owe you an apology and you owe them a few fuckity fuck fucks.



Don'tcha hate that whole "I had to bring it up and yet they don't acknowlege their screw up?"

We had our wedding planned with our parish priest for 2:00 on May 31 (5 years ago). Never heard boo back from the Parish office, so the DAY I was confirming our invites, my spidey-senses were tingling so I called..and sure 'nuff, they didn't have US on their calendar for 2:00. They had SOMEONE ELSE. (gar bash bang stomp stomp stomp) So WE had to reschedule OUR wedding for 11:00.

Which, in hindsight was just dandy..gave us more time to party!!

But if I hadn't called....it'd been mighty damn crowded around the alter!

Good luck!! LESS that two weeks!!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEE


You so win. I hate it when they act like it's all no big deal.

Glad you have a date. Now maybe he'll decide to come early.


glad it worked out. but seriously you need to talk to the doctor about it. sometimes they never know about the fuck ups in the office unless the pacients tell them.


Glad to hear it worked out. I was pretty upset that my doctor was out of town when I went into labor as I ended up having one doctor I didn't know break my water and another one I didn't know deliver my baby and well to be honest she wasn't the nicest person I had ever met before. I kinda wanted to hit her when it was over. But then again I had my beautiful baby girl so I couldn't really be bothered by her;>

Good luck! And I am so sad I missed the signing. I wanted to come and say hi, but alas with a two week old we just couldn't get out of the house in a quick manner;>

Amy in StL

Wow, you do win! I can't believe they told a woman in her ninth month those things and didn't back off bowing, scraping and apologetically offering a plate of hostess cakes. I get the whole not apologizing in our sue happy country, but that's pretty uncool.


I'm so glad to hear that you have your scheduled c-section. That there was no apology or the screw-up and the ensuing stress is appalling, but at least they fixed the issue.


Umm... I would've had a complete hissy fit! And, at the very least, they bloody well owe you an apology.

But was very, VERY pleased that they scheduled everything they way it should've been done (ages ago).

Jen L.

DUDE. Please promise us all that you are writing and sending a strongly worded email to your doctor. (too bad it won't have cookie crumbs on it) They should do some type of sensitivity training at OB offices so that poor pregnant ladies don't get so pissed off because of the inadequacies of the office staff!

Glad it all worked out. Sorry it's not til 2pm, though. Mine was at 2:40pm and if I'd had to eat another damn ice chip, someone might have lost their head.


Well fuck fuck fuckity fuck, these douchebags should have not only apologized but thrown you a baby shower for their negligence.

And those cookies? Eat some for me, too, please ...

me in va

Oh my goodness gracious. I'm glad that you posted this tale, because now I know to ask more questions of my doctors for my upcoming scheduled c-section. Can't wait to hear about the birth of the li'l one. Whichever way it ends up happening, I hope that the both of you come out of it healthy and happy. I'm wishing you all the good wishes that I can wish!!


Lol, you're cute :)


You should definitely still send an e-mail to your doctor. This oversight was unexcusable. What if you had waited until next week to inquire? Total bullshit on their part.

When I was 28 weeks with Baby2, I starting discussing an induction date with my OB. No, not kidding. Then, the week before my scheduled induction, her staff tells me she is not in the office that whole week. I freak the shit out, send the scheduler back to confer with her nurse, they tell me to wait, blah blah yada yada, she says she will come in for me special. Two days later, my water breaks (one day before she is the on-call doc) and I deliver with a different OB.

So yes, the babies, they like to fuck with you. But it's always nice to have a plan in place, even if the plan doesn't happen.


Glad they got you scheduled. My third was a scheduled induction, thank god. Had I gone into labor on my own that day there wouldn't have been a bed for me. The doctor on call (whom I'd met just once before) seemed to disapprove of the reasons for my induction and was rude about it. Karma's a bitch, though. She'll find out. Don't EVER fuck with an extremely pregnant woman. Heh.


I'm glad it all worked out. With my second, I was scheduled for an induction, went into the hospital, filled out all the admitting forms, had my blood taken, and hooked up to the saline i.v. but...before they started the bag of fluid for the induction, the nurse came in and said my doctor was overbooked and I had to go home. No kidding. I went into labor the next day.
More than likely from freaking loosing my mind in the hospital the day before.
Hope things go smoothly for you.

Thrift Store Mama

2pm is a great time. You won't have to rush Noah's morning schedule and he'll be able to have his regular morning routine AND you'll be able to eat again by the next morning.


AT this point I wouldn't do anything. I would have my c-section and go to my post op appointment and then LEAVE this practice. I know you like your doctor, but there are bound to be other good doctors with better staff. And I would tell the doctor I was leaving and why and I would NEVER recommend this doctor or his/her office to anyone. There are too many good doctors with incompetent staff and they need to understand that their medical skills don't guarantee they will keep patients. Everyone screws up once in a while, but the fact that they didn't apologize PROFUSELY and prostrate themselves in front of you for THEIR mistake tells me they could care less about you as a patient and a person. Get thee to a new physician!!!!!


Maybe you should wait to tear the doctor a new one until he's sewn the one he's torn to get Baby Tivo out.
Just looking out for you, girl. Oh, and make the office staff some cookies. With prunes. It sounds like they need to "relax" a bit.


Apologies are an admission of guilt, and no one ever admits anything anymore. I'm glad it worked out, I would have freaked out as well. Although my first born was delivered by a doctor that my ob/gyn practice had hired the day before and I had NEVER MET HIM. As it turned out, I liked him better than the other old men, and he's been mine for the last 19 years, so I win.


I got married on that date and that time. Good things happen on that date and time.


I used to be the office manager of a primary care phys office. He delivered babies all the time, and it was MY RESPONSIBILITY to get things scheduled. I would always tell the moms early on, "if you don't hear from me by...call me" because I knew things could get hectic, and that a preggo mom would not let me forget or delay anything. The reason I said that is this...You are TOTALLY OWED an apology. They should be groveling before your slightly swollen feet. They should be "I'm sorry-ing" until the cows come home.

The fact that they are not speaks volumes about how that practice is run.


Oo, I'll bet there was some cursing and scrambling going on over there. As well there should be, 'cause do NOT mess with the pregnant lady! The lack of apology makes it even more galling, but at least they fixed it. Mmm, cookie nutrients! You need them to keep up your strength and tolerance.


When I gave birth to my first-born, my midwife wasn't there when it came time to push. I recall thinking that I didn't care if it was a yeti doing the catching at that point! (My midwife, however, made a dramatic entry moments after the nurse announced she was going to get the doctor. Good theater.)


Whew! And, whew!


You are just flat-out TOO funny, girl!! I'm glad you're happy with the outcome....and, thanks for the laughs; have a cookie for me!!


Doctors do not say Sorry, it's in the small print of the hypocratic oath.

Glad you have your date. I was freaking about going into labor early and apparently it rarely happens. I met my date, and now have The Girl. Waiting impatiently for you thoug :)


I had my IUD put in last year and when I showed up there was a scheduling mix-up and a Dr. who isn't my normal OB was set to do the procedure. I freaked the fuck out and demanded an apology (while I had the different doctor do it). You deserve more than that for this situation...even if it did turn out okay.


Argh! Jerks. I'm glad it worked out though!


"They still did not apologize, but hey, I wrote a bazillion angry paragraphs about them on the Internet. So...I win. I think."

This is what the noble art of blogging is all about, and it's wonderful. Encountering an injustice, narrowing your eyes at the perpetrator and thinking "I am going to blog the shit out of you when I get home." It somehow works.

Glad it worked out for you, though.


Oh whew! I'm glad it got worked out.
And you had EVERY RIGHT to be mad and expect and apology.

If I had been working there and somehow that had still happened, I would have been HORRIFIED and apologized multiple times.
That's called treating the patient right! Sheesh.

I hope it all goes beautifully for you in 2 weeks! :)


Whenever I have a sucky experience with maternity and labor floors, I try to remember what happened to my mom when she showed up to the Navy Hospital in full labor with my brother: "No, go home and come back in a couple hours. We're not ready for you yet." So she and my dad go out and sit in the car for a couple hours, and she goes back in and they say, "Well, we have a bed for you, but you can't have that baby yet," and pump her full of anti-labor drugs for 24 hours.



I'd push for the apology. I mean, I was pissed when my doctor's receptionist forgot to schedule my first ultrasound at 9 weeks (she didn't apologize either). This is an apology-worthy screw-up even in an industry that's paranoid to death that apology=malpractice suit.


How could they not fucking appologize?? Christ in the manger! This isn't some whoopsidoodle-tiny-over-sight- thing. As you said this is major fricken surgery. Y'know, there was a time when people feared the wrath of pregnant women and went out of their way not to piss them off. What happened to those days?


The doctor's office staff needs to apologize to you but you need to let the doctor know what happened and how upset you were. In all likelihood the doctor is not aware of the snafu and for sure the staff won't tell--self preservation, doncha know! Just email or call and speak directly to the doctor. Most doctors do care and want to know when patients are unhappy, upset, angry etc--but if they are not made aware of a situation nothing will happen to change it.

Channah @ Get a Grip, Mom!

Glad they got it all straightened out, even if they didn't apologize.

Peanut Butter

They want you to eat more cookies to make it harder for you to lose the extra few pounds.

Are you sure there are not two in that dome?

Peanut Butter

Saltine crackers and soy ice cream are my prime choices.

If your doctor is the one that has been there the longest then the newer doctors probably consider them to be a major influence so your doc may deem their work to be just as good so the staff may not have been that concerned about it. Otherwise to them a doctor is a doctor and they all do the same thing. They don't really see it the way you do. Also hospitals are cold in that aspect too because they are all educated to perform and it is a building of different jobs. I see where you are coming from though but I still don't agree with C-sections in general.


I just realized how awesome it will be to be pregnant because I can eat more food that tastes awesome but I won't be the only one digesting the calories. Technically. Maybe.


You overreacted. I would hate to see how you handle major problems. something that is two weeks away is not a major catastrophe and can always be remedied. calm down.


I can't say whether you overreacted or not. Reading how someone else acts versus what you do when you actually are in the situation are two entirely different things!
I could easily say, "Look, just wait until they call before freaking out. Give them a day or two, and then if they really did mess up, THEN explode at them."
But honestly, if it were me in your situation, I would have been sweating amniotic fluid! I can't exactly explain why as I don't think it has much to do with pregnancy (because I'm still the same way).

All I know is that I cut you some slack because I would have probably reacted with angry paragraphs too.


Glad you finally have a date. My scheduled Csection is Oct 14th for my second child also! I love reading your stuff. Its so great and funny.


This happened with my second Csection too! My doctor had gone out with a back injury so I'd been seeing the NP. I felt comfortable with her and things were good...until my due date started getting close and she realized, d'oh! Forgot to make that appt and they needed at least a 4 week lead time. So, her plan was that we wait 'til I go into labor and then they HAVE to do the section, cuz you know...I'm there. I was so frustrated and really didn't want to wait, so two days after my due date (I went 8 days late with my first) I (ahem) "thought" I was having contractions and my water broke...shhhhh. I went in and they did the section.

Jenny H.

Sorry, I am so behind. But here is my comment!

What. The. Fuck? How in the hell can you "OVERBOOK" a c-section? Are these people doubling as booking agents for an airline? It's a SURGERY for theloveofgod, not a FLIGHT.

I would be foaming at the mouth I'd be so pissed. I am glad it worked out, but do not appreciate how awful they were to you. They DEFINITELY owe you an apology. And maybe some chocolates. Good ones...


Seeing as how the consequences of NOT getting scheduled could be potentially pretty grave (going into labor, having a crash C-section) I'm not thinking you overreacted.

I do wish that you didn't have to be stressed right
now however...


Oh Amy, I had the exact same thing happen for my induction date.
but you know what? I forgot all about it until just now. I think that bodes well for what this means in the long run.

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