November 06, 2008
Presenting the most pathetic little being on Earth:
Red, swollen, watery eyes, a runny nose and the teensiest little sneeze you've ever heard. Yep, that's a three-week-old with a cold, right there. He put up a good fight all last week, when the first wave of preschool germs took the rest of us down, but THIS COLD, THE NEW ONE, well. Even an exclusively breastfed infant* can't withstand two full weeks of his mother sneezing directly on his head without eventually succumbing to the Ick.
I really wanted to update yesterday -- what a day for radio silence, a day when I finally could write about something other than my children or my boobs or the giant chunk of wall the plumber took out in my living room**, especially with my ultra-conservative in-laws visiting and thus forcing me to scale back my gleeful victory dance back to a small silent one, using only my index fingers*** -- but found myself capable of little more than whiiiiiiiiinnnnning about how siiiiiiiiiiick I was, falling victim to the famed blogger compulsion to go on and on about the miiiiiiisery of our cold symptoms, giving the world more metaphors for post-nasal drip than the whole of Western literature, and probably giving a race of alien beings who are intercepting our Internets the perception that our planet would make for an easy invasion, because goddamn, what a bunch of pussies.
*God, I know, right? That's so obnoxious sounding, the way I just slip that in there, all FYI style, like hooray! My boobs WIN. Where's my MEDAL. Pass the damn INFANT NOSEBULB SUCKERTHING.
**A hole that was only required to repair the leak that he caused three days earlier, which we discovered via the water pouring into the basement. Dear Alien Overlords, please take out the plumbers first.
***And to think, it used to blow my mind that my boys would grow up never knowing what life was like before you could pause live television. And now this!