Lest Ye Blog Comes Back To Bite Ye In The Ass
A Million Points of Light. Or Maybe Just Eight.

Yes, the Baby HAS Mixed Up His Days & Nights Lately. Why Do You Ask?

Last night I woke up with a sore throat, a pounding headache and that crunchy fluid sound of a coming mucus blitzkrieg pulsing in my ears.

I stumbled into the bathroom to blindly snort some Zicam and got back in bed, wishing that I could just cut my head off at the shoulders, and then weirdly found some relief by visualizing this -- no head, no throat, just whack off the source of all the misery and...ahh. That's nice.

I fell asleep and dreamt that I was reviewing Mamapop posts on my laptop -- panicked because Catherine's Friday Eye Candy featured full frontal William Shatner nudity and Black Hockey Jesus' photo essay about stuffed animals had somehow attracted an army of white supremacists in the comment section. I then decided I needed to drive somewhere else to deal with it, but when I went to get the baby's carseat I found it next to a conference table where a very large business meeting was underway, and a woman seated nearby was using it to hold her wallet and car keys. She gave me a dirty look when I handed them back to her and tried to explain. "This is my carseat," I said dumbly, "For my baby." She rolled her eyes at me and sighed. "Adorable," she snapped.

I had just started to notice that the dream was actually taking place in our old condo building in the city when my eyes suddenly opened and I realized that Noah was standing next to the bed, his eyes boring into mine with one of those I Will Wake You Up With Only The Burning Force Of My Children Of The Corn Stares.

"Mama, I sick." he said.

And I looked at him and said, "I'm sorry, baby. Do you need your head cut off too?"



Good Lord! What a dream!

I think it's going to be one of those winters where everybody just constantly stays sick. Maybe not anything really bad most of the time, just a low-grade yuck going on until spring comes.

I hope you feel better soon!


Children of the Corn Stares = hilarious. Hope your House of Sickness gets well for good soon!

Plano Mom

The official term is "gonkus" and you got it bad. Here's hoping that temporary headectomies will soon be paid by health insurance.


I hope herbadmother and Black Hockey Jesus read this and make your dream (at least the MamaPop part) come true. Because, AWESOME.


Ugh, you're sick and having EDITING nightmares? I don't blame you for wanting a headectomy! :)


At least Noah will tell you when he's sick. My oldest waits until after she's puked all over her bed, the floor, the comforter, all her can-NOT-sleep-without-blankie, then she says to me... my tummy hurts.

Hello, Sunday night flashback! Sorry Amy and Noah!

Mrs. Higrens

Hmmm...which is worse, awakening to a burning children of the corn stare or awakening to the sound of a cat vomiting perilously close to your new, multi-hundred dollar duvet cover?

Sorry you are sick. Thanks for the laugh!

Alicia Millis

wow that is quite the dream! soo funny children of the corn stare! haha.

man I hope you are feeling better soon! it never stops!!!


Children of the Corn stares - OMG, I get those too! I think its a natural thing, because my mom used to talk about me doing it to her. One night my son went to the other side of the bed and did it to daddy, who was not used to it, and not only woke up with a start but actually screamed and jumped out of the bed. I don't think my son ever even woke up, he just climbed into daddy's warm spot and snuggled up to me while my husband paced around the room trying to calm down.


and...he never slept again? Lol. Geez. My sister and whole brood of infant, toddler and hubby are currently playing toss the potato with a super fun stomach fly virus. She wants to rip out everyone's intestinal tract.


Hope you all feel better soon!


Sounds like a NyQuil dream too me. I hope you all feel better soon.

Corn kids scare me. I tell mine, just say something to me. Shove me, slap me on the head, but please don't just stand there; you make mommy very nervous when you do that.


Watch out for Zicam! That stuff can do some rough stuff to you. I know a woman who has last her sense of smell (and most of her sense of taste) because of Zicam.

I hope you're all feeling better very soon!

Catherine S

The husband, babe, and I are all sick too. I gave up on the Zicam, it is just easier to let the bugs win sometimes.

Hope you and the babes are feeling better soon. And also, children of the corn...hy-larious.


What a truly bizarre but very funny dream! Hope y'all feel better.

Maria A.

I don't know which is funnier - your original reference to children-of-the-corn stares, or Jenny's story of her husband receiving one and screaming.

It may be time for antibiotics girl.


Poor Noah will probably always remember that. "Mom asked me if I wanted my head cut off." Priceless! :)

Miss Grace

Gabriel gives me that stare, but sometimes he likes to spice it up with an icy hand on my arm.


Whenever I'm feeling sorry for my poor, baby-less self, I'll just remember that no children means no disgusting, snotty germ factories. Because seriously, you guys have been sick since October!


You said "William Shatner" and "full frontal nudity" in the same sentence. I feel slightly sick now!

Jen L.

Feel better! I've had a tummy bug the past 2 days, so Dean, naturally, chose last night to wake up EVERY F'ING HOUR to eat, cry, cuddle, pee all over the bed, etc. It was awesome, let me tell you.


I've been sick for a month now and I'm REALLY SO DREADFULLY TIRED OF IT. I decided to OD on Vitamin C on Sunday and on Monday morning I awoke--feeling 100% better. The fever blister starting to cook on Sunday? Already about a week along its usual path.


In all honesty, that Black Hockey Jesus bit about the white supremacists? That could so totally happen. I think it's less a nightmare and more of a prophetic message.


I swear every single one of your posts that I have ever read (which is pretty close to all of them) has either made me laugh 'til I cried or made me just plain cry. And I'm not an emotional person.

Here's hoping you all get better without resorting to drastic measures.



Try trying to revise a book while on Day Quil. At one point I wanted to rename my main character to Miz Kitten Star. Also? Some dialogue wound up in LOLCat speak i.e. "I wurkin mahm."


Ugh, that does sound like a nyquil dream! I feel for you, we've had the crud for a few weeks, no kids at our house, and I was really feeling sorry for myself 'til I thought about two kiddos thrown into the mix.
Here's to zycam/nyquil/airborne/tylenol cocktails!


i've been lurking for some time pleased as punch to find your blog. i was due with baby #1 10/27/08 & followed your pregnancy week-by-week dealie until i was induced early due to way too many complications to bother naming them anywhere but in my birth story. anyway that is my longwinded hello.

i had to tell you i've been sick with hell for the last few weeks too after finally getting my feet back under me. so i've been doing shots of nyquil and appreciating the bizarre dreams so much--can i tell you one? you're sick right, maybe you want the distraction?

i had a dream my husband was trying to escape the house in the middle of the night without me noticing. when he finally came clean about his motives, he informed me he was 'going to get circumcised--but only on the sides,' and that 'i knew you would try to stop me if i told you...' and he ran out the door leaving me staring in astonishment after him.

oh and this is not even the first weird nyquil dream. i have a whole slew of them. drop me a line if you need any entertainment. hope you all feel fine pronto.

Sprite's Keeper

Kinda makes you wonder if the person who coined the phrase "cut it off at the head" was dealing with a cold then, huh?
Feel better, both of you!


I HATE the Children of the Corn stares!! Freaks my shit out every time.

Hope you and Noah get to feeling better ASAP. And I REALLY hope that Ezra doesn't get sick too!!


This post so has me in a fit of laughter. Good god girl, that's hilarious.


Unsolicited advice: NETI POT. You Tube it. Best. Remedy. Ever.


Your comment to Noah just almost killed me dead I giggled so hard!

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