I Know


My official list of New Year's Resolutions, all carefully thought through and not at all made up off the top of my head as I type this:

30 Day Shred, three times a day in order to achieve day 30 shreddiness in time to wear sleeveless short cocktail dress to husband's holiday party in 10 days.

Fold laundry, put laundry away.

Put laundry away.

Cross resolutions off list in order to gain satisfying feeling of accomplishment.

Accept the truth that you just can't Googlestalk people effectively anymore without a Facebook account.

Stop Googlestalking high school boyfriend just to laugh at his photo.

Grow as a person, and stuff.

Call family members on the phone instead of assuming they've read the blog.

Get over the Thing with the phone.

Read at least one book that is not about vampires.

Mail birth announcements.

Write a fucking thank-you note or 20 already, Jesus Christ, WTF, you whore.

Go an entire year without peeing on a pregnancy test or even THINKING about peeing on a pregnancy test.

Spend year whipping my shirt open whenever a certain small portly gentleman demands it instead. 

Stop pinching Ezra's cheeks so much. Pinch his butt more.

Stop worrying about Noah so much. Chill, cool out, relax, embrace the positives, like how it's really easy to make people think he's actually saying "BUCKET." In public. At the top of his lungs. Over and over.

Write fewer blog posts while in the thick of worrying about Noah, and more during the many, many moments of pride and wonder at just how awesome and amazing that kid is.




if it helps you at all, I'm probably the only person on the planet who thought the 30 day shred was really not all that. And seriously, if I was as this as you I would eat more.

And just cross me off your thank you note list. I don't need one. Your a little busy.

I used to love the phone but I hate it now too. It's just annoying. Email or text is the way to go.


I kind of want to end every list with "compost" now.


Thin, I meant thin. And how is it possible I'm your first comment. You'd think I'm a stalker or something.

Susan Wolfe

Compost. I do that. You end up with a bowl of rotting yuck on your counter that you pitch into the trash because you suddenly realize you have a bowl of rotting yuck.on.your.counter.

Good luck with that. It IS great for grass clippings & yard waste.


That shred thing looks like it might be good...because Jillian is freakin' scary!


Heh, "Bucket". I keep thinking lifting my kids has given me nice arms, but then I see pictures and realize I am woefully wrong. Let me know how The Shred goes.


I've been meaning to compost for three years and instead I just have a hulking pile of grass clippings moldering (is that a word? the right spelling? it looks weird) on the edge of my property. Classy.


30 Day Shred. Check. Thank you notes. Not check but thinking about it, which should count.


I've been doing the composting, but nothing has, composted, yet. It's just a big ole pile of yuck. Maybe I am not doing it right? Have fun that.


I'm firmly in the "30 Day Shred Is Sent From Jesus Himself" camp. You'll find yourself yelling, "Eight more? Screw you, Jillian Michaels!" quite a bit, though. I'm convinced they should use it in terrorist interrogations.

Oh? And looking for a good book to read in 2009? One that's not about vampires? Read mine!


I have been composting for years, but I have no idea what shredding means--losing weight?
Jeez, I am so dumb.
Happy New Year, Amy!


I'm so the same way with Thank You Cards and Birth Announcements so don't feel alone.
And I just want to say I love reading your blog, it cracks me right up. :)


Hey, have you read the Patricia Brigg's Mercy Thompson series? It's not about vampires - the leads are werewolves/skinwalkers. HUGE difference.


Happy New Year! Any good resolution list should include things like : wake up, wear pants...and so on that you can realistically expect to achieve. Also, I'm way more of a whore than you because I never sent a single thank you note and my kid is now 17 months old, whoops, there's a statute of limitations on these things right? All the best to you and yours in 2009!


Awesome list


I never did birth announcments. Thinking of doing a "My youngest is 5 now" - I'll probably get them out when he's 10 though.
Your list made me laugh.
If I do the 30 day shred for 2 days straight, will I be skinny? Bucket, I'm doing the 365 day shred - and enjoying my pizza on Friday nights.
Enjoy those little boys because soon they will be smart alec 7 yr olds who no longer give you funny blog fodder. Did I mention I have a smart-ass 7 yr old? He has Aspergers, which comes with it's own special brand of challenges.And Joys. Happy 2009. I lurk on your blog a lot, because I like to laugh, and you do a good job. Keep it up.


My new years resolution list looks something like this:
1) come up with resolutions list to share with people so they won't do I don't care
2) figure out how to care enough to make my kids think they should embrace goal-setting
3) not let children read over shoulder as I type this so they know my evil plan
4) let Amalah know she ROCKS!


Just don't get mixed and start peeing on Ezra in public.

Miss Grace

I'm climbing on the 30 day shred wagon this year too.


Never heard of shred (actually thought you were referring to paper at first), am so hoping you will join Facebook, am with you on the phone calling, and will skip thank you in lieu of announcement with pic of Ez!


What Maria said...I wanna end each blog post/list w/compost too.

Happy '09.


Whoa, I totally have the Thing with the phone too. I've stopped trying to fight it anymore.


I started the 30 day shred last week in an attempt to get back into pre pregnancy shape. (My holiday party is in 7 days!) It isn't a bad workout and well it is 20 minutes which is about all the time I have these days while caring for a 4 month old as I am sure you are fully aware;> Good luck on your shred adventure and Happy New year!


1. Putting away laundry is highly overrated. We much prefer to pilfer through piles of clean and wrinkled clothes in desperate hopes of finding two socks that somewhat match.

2. The shredding sounds painful. I'd go for 5 times put makeup on your arms.

You're a great mom. Happy New Year.


Wow! I didn't realize so many people had a Thing with the phone. It makes me feel like I'm not alone. :)

Happy 2009.

So you know, composting goes much quicker if you turn the pile (or buy one of the nifty composter things that you just have to turn over or roll in order to mix.


Wow! I didn't realize so many people had a Thing with the phone. It makes me feel like I'm not alone. :)

Happy 2009.

So you know, composting goes much quicker if you turn the pile (or buy one of the nifty composter things that you just have to turn over or roll in order to mix).


My your list is ambitious.


I came to your site through Cats at zipbag of bones. Funny stuff! I'll be back :)

Sprite's Keeper

If you were to shred 10 times a day, you'd need a new smaller dress.


bucket all. your kids are great :-)


Giving a whole new meaning to the term "bucket list"


hey honey, if the book is not about vampires, it's not worth reading....................and I too hate the phone. Sending all the luck of the irish your way for 2009 x


Oh, oh, oh, oh, can I get on the 30-day Shred train with you? I am tired of being the shape I am, and I have that lovely exercise dvd -- only I hear it works better if you unwrap the box. I'll try to get around to that this week if you'll do it with me!


Wait - no. The Thing with the phone is normal, right? Society as a whole is evolving away from phones, RIGHT??? At least, the kind where I have to call people.




I am assuming you are reading Twilight and such. I read the first two of those, then got really wrapped up in the Sookie Stackhouse Southern Vampire series--the ones True Blood on HBO is based one. Charlaine Harris is the author. They are totally easy reads, but so fun. :)


Our phone has this horrible static that makes conversations almost impossible. I suppose I could have an 09 goal of fixing it, but then I wouldn't have an excuse for not talking on the phone.


I want to know how the 30 Day Shred works out. I've heard of it, but I'm skeptical.

Happy New Year, Amy!

Rae Ann

Can I steal some of your resolutions? Especially the ones about assuming family reads the blog and calling more often. Also the one about reading books that aren't vampire books. I haven't even read the Twilight series and I have still managed to be all vampire all the time since summer!


What is it with the 30-Day Shred thing? I hadn't heard of it until 2 days ago and now no less than 3 blogs I read have mentioned it.

It does look scary-effective though.


Teresa Wu

1) You are hilarious.
2) I find that the easiest way to get myself to write thank you cards is to buy fabulously cute, overpriced thank-you cards that I MUST send out immediately to showcase my brilliant taste.

Maybe that's just me though.


"Call family members on the phone instead of assuming they've read the blog."

So true...


Wondering if not cleaning the highchair funk might kind of qualify as composting...


I love your list(and you just reminded me I better write mine sometime in the first half of 09!). Ever thought of a worm farm as a solution to composting? Let the little guys do all the hard work by eating your scraps, and pooping out lovely clean dirt!



I think of you as a friend (you know, a friend who doesn't know me and I've never met, because there's so much less pressure that way). So when I went to hit "share" in Google reader of today's blog, it was because my "friend" said some funny shit.

And then I realized that my "in real life" friends didn't have context and wouldn't be as amused by this particular entry, which does require some history to understand.

And then I realized I likely need therapy for thinking so much about a stranger's blog. (I have an almost three year old and a September '08 baby, too, and that's my excuse!)

Brianna Storch (no relation)

This is, by far, the most hilarious list I've seen all year. Of course, there have only been two ...*checks calendar*... three days of 2009, but still, yours takes #1! Go team you!

You have inspired me to write down my own list. No, not actually write it, because it's been formulating in my head for the last month, but now I have the inspiration to focus on it instead of throwing it in the dumpster like the many other blog posts I started in 2008 but are still in "Draft Only" mode.


I hope you have a wonderful new year! I'm with you on the year of no babies!


Did I just read correctly, 30 Day Shred 3X A DAY?!? You're crazy! One time a week kicks my ass. If you can pull that off, you're a god.


Spend year whipping my shirt open whenever a certain small portly gentleman demands it instead.

I can tell you from experience that demanding such things doesn't work nearly as well for us tall and stubbly gents.


Good luck with the list. I have a phone thing too but now I just mock the phone whenever it rings since it happens to be a talking phone. I think Maury called today. Hmm does he still do that talk show?


I think 30 Day Shred is a good tool to alternate with other exercise, and definitely if it's all you have time for then it's a packed 20 mins. Jillian is a taskmaster.

I don't think it's necessary to read books that aren't about vampires. I hope you've resorted to the FAQ and outtakes on the author's web site, as I guiltily did this weekend.

Wacky Mommy

Sounds good.

I hate the phone.

Mrs. Flinger

I think I've had that "Do not pee on a stick" resolution for five years now.

I fail, by January 10th, every fucking year. Here's to 2009!

(Wait, shit, am I late? When was my period? Oh, hell, hand over the damn stick...)

Alicia Millis

wow a whole year without thinking about a postive pregnancy test, that would be, crazy! have fun with that! those are some good thoughts for the new year though :)

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