Writing Checks Your DVD Collection Can't Cash
Let's Go To The Zoo, Part Three

I Didn't Make My Bed Today But I Sure As Hell Will Lie In It

So we bought a new bed. This is easily the most exciting news to hit our little household, at least since the last time I created an entirely new family member in my uterus. Our little double bed has always been one of those things we preferred complaining about to actually, you know, sacking up and solving the problem, but now with a dog and a cat and a baby and a really very pointy three-year-old, plus two adults with at least seven old injuries from times we got drunk and fell down sports, and...let's see, carry the one and multiply by my need for extra pillows...HOLY SHIT, did we ever need a bigger bed.

We sold some stuff on Craigslist to raise money for the purchase (we follow this guy's plan for household budgeting and wow, it really works!), including our elliptical trainer that has sat unused since it failed to bring on real, actual labor like I wanted it to. Goddamn useless piece of junk. There's something kind of embarassing about a young, super-in-shape guy arriving at your house with a fat envelope of cash for your exercise equipment -- he hauled that thing down a hallway and up a flight of stairs without breaking a sweat -- and then looking at that fat envelope of cash and being all, "I'm gonna use this for a BED, where my FAT ASS will make a nice groove in the mattress in no time. SCORE."

We bought the mattress Wednesday night, even though we fully intended to shop around and hem and haw and waffle on the whole thing to a ridiculous level, but the salesman was so desperate to make a sale, any sale, that he gave us the one we wanted at cost. And I felt GUILTY about that, what with this fucking economy and all, and how the guy had to turn lights on when we came in because he was trying to save money, because who the fuck goes and buys mattresses on a Wednesday night, and then when he started trying to sell us a probably-overpriced mattress protecter I elbowed Jason in the ribs and was all, dude, just buy it before I start crying.

(Noah, by the way, spent the shopping trip running around the empty, depressing store shrieking with joy because we were in a PALACE! Like CORDUROY! Rows and rows of beds! We have to find his button! CORDUROY!)

Anyway, we have a king-sized bed now, or at least a king-sized mattress and boxspring sitting on the floor of our bedroom, super-extra classy style, especially with our full-sized comforter just sort of floating on the middle of it, because I think I need to sell a stroller or a bookcase or a kidney before we'll actually be able to buy a bed and bedding. I didn't update yesterday because I lay down to nurse the baby one last time before writing and BAM, fell asleep for three straight hours. It's a damn fine mattress.

Of course, Ezra slept for seven and a half hours in his crib last night, and Noah was so jazzed about getting our old bed that he stayed put too.

The cat, however, still thought my legs were the best spot on the whole wide bed.

Hmm. This is a mighty boring entry, and I have no plans for a big finish. So here, I'm sitting on my new bed staring at this shadow on the wall right now, and I think it looks like Jar Jar Binks, and it's wigging me out a little bit.


I know. And I can't even blame sleep deprivation this time. I'm just really and truly this weird.

Quick! Look! It's a baby! Pretend this all I posted today, okay?




I have DREAMS about the day when I'm able to post this entry. Lovely, king-size dreams!


Girl I just found your blog today and you are cracking me up! I bet people walking by my office and wondering what is so damn funny (or thinking that I have lost my mind!). Congrats on the new bed! May you have many wonderful nights in it! Great post!


best thing we ever did was buy our king sized mattress, with all the special foaming technology so I can't feel him move, he can't feel me move. that equals a lot of awesomeness in my opinon!


We got a new bed this year after going into department stores and lying on the wonderful mattresses for like 3 years. We only got a queen because our bedroom is tiny but it is just so wonderful.


I've had a California King size bed since I was {{cough, cough}} much younger and single; now I'm divorced and I still have it even though it's just me and the cat in it - and I STILL LOVE it! I have one word (well, actually, 3) words of advice for you when it comes to buying bedding - Bed, Bath and Beyond. Otherwise, you'll need a second mortgage to be able to afford bedding. So, you know those new Pottery Barn sheets that you saw online that you're drooling over?? Just back away from the computer, dude.......


OMG I'm so ridiculously jealous of your new bed. I *have* a king sized bed, but it is a waterbed (don't remember whose idea that was, seven years ago. oy).. and I would just kill for a mattress. And we, too, have been talking about it forever and ever and ever.


Luxuriate in the joy of your huge bed ... your babies will be back (at least for morning snuggles) in no time.


When we bought our house, we had a double bed and then we got a dog, so two people and a giant dog in a double was crowded. My husband is a floppy sleeper and one night, I woke up in time to see an elbow headed for my eye socket. We went out and bought a queen bed the next day.

But a couple of years ago, we went on vacation with a group of friends. Our room had a king-sized bed and now all I want in the world is a king-sized bed. WANT.


So when we first got our king sized bed I laid in the middle of it and thought it felt like an island. Does yours feel that way?

No? Just me? Okay then...

Fair warning though... once you are used to the deliciousness of the king sized bed, the first time you have to sleep in anything smaller you will get all eye-roll-y and elbow-jabby because you just need to sprawl and you can't.


Congratulations. We are in a queen size right now and are wondering if it's going to be enough room once the baby arrives.

FYI, if you want your bed off the floor, those basic, adjustable metal frames are only about $20. We got one thrown in when we bought the mattress and boxspring.


That shadow does look like Jar Jar Binks. Now I am creeped out. What IS it??


"layed?" Aren't you supposed to be a writer or something?

Fixed. Thanks for the proofing help. Certainly can't have any typos on my webbityblog thing. - Amy


I am so jealous. There is so much talk of the king size bed. sigh. someday. Probably when the two cosleepers are out of our Queen and we don't "need" it anymore.


Man...that shadow really does look like JarJar Binks...weird!

My king size bed ROCKS! G;ad you are enjoying yours.

Absolutely precious baby :)


and the baby is SMILING!!





I didn't even wait for the baby but bought the king sized bed when I was only slightly pregnant. But I don't regret it one bit. and it's great for crawling and rolling after a bath if you are less than one year old:)


There's not much that tops a new mattress. Something about that virgin plushiness... This is going nowhere good so I should stop right there. *ahem*

Once you go King, you can never go back. I've had a Cal King for a long time, and I find myself wishing that they made one even bigger.

Sprite's Keeper

I'm digging the crocheted blanket underneath Ezra! I can't tell you how many of those my grandmother made for me in my early days, which I completely took for granted. Now, I only have my baby blanket left and wish for those crazy bi-polar color patterns again.
..So, what was this post about?


I think it looks like a basset hound sporting a vaudeville show villain mustache.


That is indeed one creepy shadow, but what the hell is that MACHINE next to it?

Ashley Fitting

Don't mention a bed... my preggo self just wants to go to sleep right now on the nasty floor of my office... uuuugh. So tired.

And DAMN woman, you have cute kids :-)


Oh, the king size bed. It was my husband's super-comfy birthday present to me this year. Now when the crabby baby ends up in our bed in the middle of the night (even though she's almost a year old and probably COULD sleep through the night, but I can't sleep through fussy baby in our room), and she drives my husband to the couch with her kicking and squirming... there's lots of room for the pillows that I have to surround myself with since three pregnancies ruined my back!

Congratulations on the terrific bed!


I love you and your financial advice. lmao.

Also, I have serious bed envy.


I lasted about .4 seconds into my pregnancy with my now 2yo before I dragged Hubs out to get a King size. Blessed be the king sized bed.

And I like your financial planning methods. We've recently returned to that method after a short (but damaging) hiatus.


You will love your new king sized bed! Plenty of room for you, your husband, kids and even a little bit in the middle I like to call "No man's land." Now, about buying bedding for your new bed, you will learn to stalk Tuesday Morning. They always have lots of king sized bedding and Tuesday Morning carries some premium brands (Sferra Brothers, Peacock Alley for example) that us common folk would never think of buying in a boutique, but there SCORE! You will save 50-80% off retail. Happy hunting.


We did the same thing when we moved to the new house (bought the king matress before the king bed) and we slept on it for almost a year before we got the bed!!!!! In my defence it was super comfy even without the bed. I am just warning you here. Order the bed ASAP.

Morgan S.

The mattress protector pad is GOLDEN. Best "add-on sales pressure item" I have EVER been swindled into. Now when I am too tired to change the baby in the middle of the night or don't want to *horrors* WAKE the baby up to change her, I just the let the overflow happen and wash the sheets and pad in the morning, sleeping peacefully knowing the mattress is still spotless under the pad, just like the day I bought it!


Congrats on the new bed, but my way favorite part of this post is Noah as Corderoy. I can just see it. You call this post boring? It's about Literature Come Alive!


Yay! A new bed! I don't have any bedmates, but I will celebrate away when my stupid little twin is replaced with a full.


linens n things on line. Really really cheap.

And target has inexpensive bed in bags.


Did you write a post? All I saw was huge baby smiles.


Ohh, we love our king sized bed, and ours has been on the floor for two years. Our son actually thinks raised beds are strange..


So jelus. Really. My whole body hurts every day from my old mattress. Enjoy the new haven.

Also, JC Penney in-store has crazy clearance bedding an usually pretty beat up boxes, but, a deal is a deal.

Parsing Nonsense

Oh my gosh, Ezra gets cuter every single day. Congrats on the sleepapalooza and enjoy having all that room!


Yay for the new bed! I don't know how you got along without it for so long!

And, as a former English teacher, I used to correct the grammar of others all the time. Then I realized it was obnoxios and annoying. So I stopped. Funny, but I now find that habit really annoying in others as well!


I was reading this and my husband could see the screen from the couch and he excitedly asked "Is that a propeller?"

He was of course talking about Jar Jar Binks.

He is an engineer. Propellers excite him.

Congrats on the king sized bed. And on getting rid of a bulky elliptical machine!


Is that the Dresser of Doom in the background?

Lady in a Smalltown

We had a similar experience getting our king this winter, only I think we went on a Thursday. We are expecting our first in May and I just couldn't stand the 12 year old double any longer.


I think your cat and mine would be BFFs. I slept through my alarm the other morning because I couldn't hear it - the stupid cat was sleeping on my head! Enjoy the new bed and all that glorious space.


We just got a new king size bed also and got our bedding at Overstock.com - a 5 piece set for $70.


Congrats on the new bed. You will not regret it. And Target, Amazon and Overstock usually have good deals on high thread count bedding. So good in fact, that I have much more bedding than I need.

Corduroy makes your son happy? My son loved to watch that over and over again and CRY. I had to hide it from him because it was just too depressing.


Your whole family sleeping all night long in their OWN beds = Me....JEALOUS!!!!

I think that little fact alone is worthy of a post all by itself!


I second the linens n things recommendation. I've been ignoring the desperate "please help us get rid of our inventory!" emails from lnt.com ever since I realized all of the bedding that is left at those super awesome 70-90% off prices are either xl twin, or king and california king size. Seriously, there are some good deals on there.


It TOTALLY looks like Jar Jar Binks!!
And that baby Ezra makes me smile every time I see his nom-able cheeks!! Dude- he just keeps getting cuter!


First thought: Is that Jesus on her wall?

Second thought: What the hell is that beside the shadow???


My waterbed has sprung its last leak after 23 years. I have to shop for a new bed, a real bed.

I have been sleeping on the couch for three weeks, putting this off.

Please tell me the experience isn't as dreadful as I've heard.


This is an astonishing number of comments for a mattress-on-the-floor blog entry!! How fun! I love these silly internets! You rock.

Humor Girl

Amy, you're frickin' brilliant.


Thank goodness Noah hasn't seen Mr. Magorium's Wonder Imporium else he'd have thought he was in a giant trampoline store and bed jumping never ends well.

And I couldn't see the video - apparently it can only be viewed by U.S. computers. Aren't we Canadians punished enough with our snow and tube socks?


When i was pregnant (and massive, I tell you, MASSIVE) with our second kid, my husband decided we had to upgrade to a king because, well, I was inching over into his territory.

I swear those extra inches of bed space saved our marriage. And made me feel comparatively dainty, at least for a while.


Oh, and all the beds in our house are right on the floor. Because Mama has issues about the space under furniture. And hands coming out to grab ankles in the night. Also, spiders. So our home decor is based on my neuroses, basically. We haven't had a bed frame for any beds for about six years now. And nightstands must have no spaces betwixt bottom and floor.

Why, yes, I DO have issues, why do you ask?


OK, I get the bed. We have had a king for 15 years and with two kids and one dog...it can seem small. Of course, I banished all for the last month of my second pregnancy and slept diagonally in an attempt to find comfort, alas...another story.

Real question! HOW is Ezra sleeping 7+ hours??? My Nate, who is one week older, has never slept more than three hours (like four hours total from nursing to nursing). HALP!


To Kristen above re: cost - do what I did....keep your waterbed frame and buy just the mattress. You won't need a boxspring because of the waterbed platform. Cal King mattress cost me under $700 for a medium pillow top at Sleep County USA - don't know if they have those where you are, but they're a mattress store....


Congrats on your new bed. I too have a superclassy on the floor bed, but with no boxspring (we had a waterbed frame that we jettisoned when we moved). I feel extra high class that way.


I have to say I bought the overpriced mattress cover when I got my new bed and (I'm hoping) if it's the waterproof kind, it is TOTALLY worth it when you shit the bed (GI sickness, not drunk, not that that helps). It paid for itself a thousand times with that single incident.


I'm with Lori and Mirinda! Maybe a ...laundry...thing? But it looks like a Cylon and it is FREAKING ME OUT.

Luckily Heather

When we first started dating and I would occasionally spend nights at my husbands apartment, we always used two twin comforters because he's a silly boy and never bought anything for his queen bed except one set of sheets that were king size. Don't do this because it makes sharing the covers SSOOOOO very unpleasant when you finally have to do it again.


I can't wait to move in with Josh, because then we get his parents' old king size memory foam bed. I AM EXCITED.


Yay for mattress'!

We currently have our mattress sitting on the floor, as well... My boyfriends mother assured us that we had a queen size frame. So we bought a queen size mattress that's practically new from this guy at work for like... 75$. We brought it into our house, set up the frame, and BAM. It's a full size frame. /sigh. So mattress floor people, unite!!


We SO need a new bed as well.
Ours is so bad, we placed a cover under the mattress to keep the middle from sinking in.
I am now shopping on a Wed night...


Our elliptical machine serves the fine purpose of a drying rack for my bras. Yet every time I attempt to get rid of it, my husband shrieks, "I NEED it! I promise I'll start working out again!" much in the same manner that a crazy cat woman insists that she needs like 500 cats.


We bought our king-sized mattress (and, thankfully, at least a bed frame to put it on--no headboard/footboard as yet, for the same reason as you) last year. And OMG, was it ever worth it. Not only was it a huge, giant-step-on-the-moon up from our old bed (that my husband had had for, ahem, 20 years), but now, I even miss it when I'm sleeping in those fancy-schmancy HOTEL beds. Dude, y'all got NUTHIN' on my mattress at home.

If only we'd had this sucker while I was giantly pregnant, and my hips hurt so bad that I had to flip over like every other minute or so.



Seriously... Bed Bath and Beyond! My fiance and I got a Room-in-a-bag for about $160 after one of those 20% coupons that come in the mail every week. It's gorgeous and looks very expensive... it came with a comforter, two sets of crappy sheets that we got rid of as soon as we saved up for high threadcount ones, 2 king shams, 2 euro shams, 3 decorative pillows, a decorative throw and a window valance.


awww cute baby. (he's getting so big!)
we purchased some bedding at macy's a few weeks ago. everything we got was 75% off. nice high thread count cotton bed linen set. lovely stuff.

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