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Your Turn

I'm kind of blue. But I'm kind of not in the mood to talk about it. Yet. (Everything's totally fine, though, promise. Just motherhood and worry and my sweet little Noah and my stupid little feeeeeeeeelings but I think it's better if I just shut up about it, for once, for now.)

But still. I'm sad, a little.

Say something funny.



I laughed so hard I cried at some of these. They're guarenteed to make you smile!



Sorry you're feeling blue.

The other day my 4-year-old daughter told me that her panties felt funny and asked me to check them. As I'm checking out her undies she grabs my hand to keep it on her fanny and lets out the nastiest fart ever! Then she giggles like a maniac and told me that she knew she was gonna have gas and that she meant to do it on my hand. Gross.


What do you call a cow with a twitch?

Beef Jerky!!

My favorite Popsicle stick joke.


I just received this link in an email. The video was filmed by the town's mayor! Noah might even enjoy this one:


Okay so what do I win for the best cheering up? YOu know I am the winner!


I don't have any jokes or anything funny to add. But I want you to know that I finally started reading your archives and I am enjoying it soooo much!!! I am now up to 2006 and dread when I am current because I will miss reading your old posts!

I hope that makes you feel better. If not, why not go back and read some yourself...you'll see how much you've changed (I mean that in a good way!) and how much you've accomplished (see Noah, MamaPop, AlphaMom, etc.)!!!

If not that, then why not eat some mac & cheese? :)


Um... What did the bra say to the hat??
...........................................................................................You go on ahead, I'll give these two a lift.

A former roommates fave joke.

I hope it gets better soon.


My husband fell out of bed one night and got stuck between the bed and the wall.


Wheeeeeee - don't tell me you didn't giggle, Ames!


Q:What did the apple peel say to the banana peel?

A:"We're both peels!"

(Courtesy of a cousin back when she was really young.)

I hope things look brighter or at least less blue soon!


This morning my husband used my laptop instead of getting his out. Our two year old son smiled at him and said "Daddy, you're pushing Mommy's buttons!"


Ok, so my three year-old received a time out at daycare this week. Her pants were sagging and when our sitter asked her to pull them up, my daughter asked, "Why, is may ass hanging out?" Yeah, that shone a very bright spotlight on our parenting skills there.

A few days later I picked her up and was informed she had a good day with no time outs. While we were driving home she very quietly piped up from the back seat, "No time outs today, mama. I didn't talk about asses. No asses."

I'm sorry, but I couldn't help but crack up. God help me.


I found this craigslist posting rather funny:



Here's one for you---a few hours ago my preschooler asked for a cup of hot chocolate with "lots and lots of WOODEN cream."

Whipped, wooden, all the same, right?

Feel better, chica. :)


So I just got done watching that beloved movie of my youth - Ice Castles....and dude, you look just like Lynn Holly-Johnson.

(And that's totally a good thing)

Big Preg

But you're contractually obligated to entertain me, not just because of the way blogging works (duh) but because I'm due in four days but this baby shows no signs of coming and I.need.distraction. Preferably in the form of entertaining little slices of your life, delivered every other day or so.


The advertisers at Denny's are smokin' crack.

Nannerpuss?? Seriously. WTF??

Check it out on youtube if you haven't seen it.


Just got off the disney cruise. When the flight landed in DC, Michael asked me when he could go back to kids club. Not sure that he gets that we are home.

What can I do to help?


Something funny: After swim class at the Y today, my son (19 months, similar to Noah in lots of ways...) discovers that he can make a delightful farting noise with his hand and mouth while I am trying to buckle him into the carseat. He laughed at himself so hard, that he got me going, and I peed a little. :P


Ooh, ooh, one more.

I was really, REALLY hammered one night after having friends over and going through the equivalent of 1 bottle of wine per person. My husband was already in bed, so I was trying to be considerate, and I turned off the light in our "water closet" before opening the door. Unfortunately, before I had a chance to open the door, I stumbled, and in the dark, I couldn't find the doorknob. I kept feeling around the walls, and kept stumbling, and I started laughing because it was so ridiculous, and eventually I fell down in the dark because I was laughing so hard and still couldn't find the doorknob. Then, since I couldn't get out, I started yelling "Help! Help! Help!" until my husband ran into the bathroom and opened the door. He was so concerned and asked what was wrong. I think he wanted to smack me when I said "I couldn't get out." and fell over laughing again.

Oh, and the water closet? is roughly 3 ft by 5 ft.


If you watch the movie 'Jaws' backwards, it's a movie about a shark that keeps throwing up people until they have to open a beach.

Also, if you watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy backwards, it's a saga about a little guy who gets a cool ring from a volcano and spends the rest of the films walking home.


www.cuteoverload.com Do it. It'll make you feel better.


got this as a fowarded email..i can totally see myt 4 yr doing this...
hope u don't feel so blue anymore!

Think Before You Speak
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
Then realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No" I kept thinking
"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


This will help get your mind off things for a moment or two: http://www.sexypeople-blog.com/

Please feel better soon!



A string walks into a bar and orders up a beer.

Bartender says: We don't serve your kind here.

So the string walks out, ties himself in a knot, ruffles up his hair and goes back in.

The string says: Bartender, give me a beer.

Bartender: I thought I told you that we don't serve your kind here.

String: What do you mean my kind?

Bartender: Aren't you a string?

String: Nope, I'm afraid not. (a frayed knot?!?)



I'm having problems with being funny on command. Damn.

We all have those days and they suck. I hope it all clears up (or at least gets better) very soon!

Reluctant Housewife

Okay... are you ready... This always makes my four year old fall over with laughter.



I have hilarious children and a million stories about the funny things they say and do and at the moment I can think of NOTHING except what happened at breakfast which involved a mouthful of grapes, my face, and an indignant 22-month-old. And it's not funny at all.

I do have this though. My cousin's youngest son didn't speak more than 3 words when he was 3. He wasn't potty-trained until he was over 4. He was the world's pickiest eater (even rivalling his older sisters, one of which would not eat macaroni and cheese if it touched a piece of broccoli).

I had the opportunity to visit with the family a couple of years ago when he was 9 years old. He spoke non-stop, was jumping around in the pool outside, riding a skateboard, whooping it up with his friends, doing chores. You would never know by being around him that at a much younger age, he was on his own unique developmental timeline.

Hope you start to feeling better soon! Your blogs always make my day!

Kimberly C

I am late, but better late than never.

Two days ago, my outside cat brought me a "gift" of a dead mouse. With this particular cat, I think that the "gifts" are more of a threat, but whatever, let me tell you my story.

My 2 year old daughter saw the "gift" before I got it picked up. I told her it was a mouse that Kitty had killed. She is still walking around telling everyone she sees that "kitty killed Mickey Mouse" or that "Kitty killed the BAD Mickey Mouse"

Awesome. Sorry you're so blah today (or friday or whatever)


I can't think of anything funny to say except that I'm going to IKEA on a weekend, in New Jersey.
Hang in there, you are an awesome mom and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!!


My friend's sweet baby boy--eight months old--can growl like a zombie. The cutest damn zombie EVER. Nothing funnier than a little blue eyed boy smiling angelically and then going "RAWR" and gumming your shoulder! ;)


I wrote more about PORN today, procrastinating with porn is my specialty. Give it a try, it will TOTALLY cheer you up.

Or make you want to stab yourself in the eye with a philips screwdriver - whatever.


We all feel like that sometimes :(

I would highly recommend this book: http://www.amazon.com/Free-Range-Chickens-Simon-Rich/dp/1400065895
It was absolutely hilarious!.


the big joke at my house lately is:

"why did the poopy cross the poop?"

"to get to the other poop!"

i know. an absolute riot. feel better.


I have a "Noah" in my life...but his name is David. He will soon be 18 years old.

I was stressed the other day about something that concerned him. I really don't remember what it was, and he wasn't the least bit stressed. I asked him why he wasn't worried about this situation like I was.

He told me that nothing ever bothers him...he has the heart of a seven year old!

Hope that makes you feel better!


Someone named April posted http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/
when you first put this entry up. I spent an hour laughing my ass off at some of the horrible cake pictures over there. Thanks April! It was, like most things on the internet, a waste of time, but a damn amusing one!

little ditch girl

Joke told by a kid at a toddler improv theater:

"What happens when you cross a brown chicken and a brown cow:

brown-chicken brown-cow"

(to the tune of "boum chicka boum boum")


Sorry if someone else has posted this; I don't have time to run through the comments -- but type "kittens inspired by kittens" into YouTube and watch the weird six year old make up narration for a book of kittens. HY-larious.

Oh, also, watch the "charlie bit my finger" video -- little kids with British accents are very cute and cheery.


If Jemaine in that beard didn't cheer you up then I don't think anything can. LMAO!


you need to watch some Ugly Betty!
that will get you smiling



Just an observation after breaking up the first of many physical altercations between my 3 yr old and my 9 month old.

The baby won. Largely because babies fight like tiny little sociopaths, without conscience or remorse... tell Noah to watch his back!

emma d.

Hi Amalah!
I've never commented before and read for years, but here's something not-funny-but-cheery - tried Ceiba for restaurant week last night purely on your multiple recommendations, and had an absolutely fantastic time. Thank you so much!


I don't have anything funny to say (I don't think) but wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you!


I somehow forgot to put on my bra this morning, so I'm spending a lot of time today strategically holding things in front of my chest while I talk to people.

Lisa M

True story: my dad buys his wine at a dollar store. But he's scared that he'll overpay (!) for something he won't like, so he buys 1 bottle, take it to the parking lot where he opens and samples it (yes they keep spare bottle openers in the car). If he likes it, he goes and buys a case of $1 wine.
If that doesn't make you laugh, then I can't help you.


Two fish in a tank, and one turns to the other and says: "how the hell do you drive this thing?"

Hmm. I have loads more, but best not to inflict them all on you at once.

However, for some excellent British humour, go and watch QI (presented by Stephen Fry) on


It always cheers me up.


Last night we went out for sushi. The place we like has this crazy-loud Happy Birthday song they play over the loudspeakers, super-cheesy. And so last night it starts and I start cracking up because I love it...and, um, HELLO, they come to ME. My birthday is in October-huh? But I have had a hard week and it made me laugh...so they bring me this ball of fried ice cream which is just nasty--it looks like it's wrapped in chicken skin and besides, like half of the Jewish world I am lactose-intolerant. We eat a few bites and then we are looking at this thing like, crap, we can't be rude, they were so nice to bring it to us. So my boyfriend literally picks it up and carries it in his hand to the men's room, thinking he'll flush it, right? Well, oops, best-laid plans--the toilet OVERFLOWS. So he has to fix it. By digging the ice cream ball out of the toilet with his bare hands. Which was just, to me, the funniest thing ever. He must have washed his hands two dozen times last night...what we are willing to do in the name of nice!!

Mrs. Q.

Sorry. Watch this. Made my kids smile. the FIFTEEN times they made me play it:



It's impossible for me to stay blue when watching this, give it a try

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