Square One
Oh, Hi, Afternoon Nap Just Imploded

Asterisk, Asterisk, Asterisk

For the past three days I've been secretly dying -- quietly, and with dignity, and lots of moaning -- from what I was sure was cancer of the face bones. The pain started on the left side of my face, right above my teeth, coursing through my cheek and nose and temple and ear. It didn't particularly hurt when I bit down, there was no swelling or redness in my teeth, yet the pain would not go away with regular old Tylenol so therefore: CANCER.

(Was someone saying something about drama queening? What? Me?)

Okay, so I didn't actually think I was actually dying. Maybe for five or 10 minutes, tops. With two of those minutes happening sometime after 3 am, and who DOESN'T occasionally lie awake in bed in the middle of the night and diagnose themselves with cancers of various kinds, I ASK YOU. Therefore, those particular minutes do not count.

I was far more terrified of the prospect that there was something wrong with my teeth, something that would require a trip to the dentist and horrible invasive procedures involving pointy metal things. So instead of calling the dentist I simply brushed and flossed and used a lot of Listerine, hoping that whatever the problem was, it would be impressed by my Hail Mary attempt at dental hygiene and go away, content with the fact that I had clearly Learned My Lesson.

Anyway, it turns out it's actually a sinus infection. So there. Fuck you, teeth. I'm off to drink high fructose corn syrup right out of the bottle.

So sinus medications have been helping, except that they make me really, really sleepy. I fell asleep in the middle of writing yesterday's entry, for an hour. I woke up all, what the fuck was I talking about? So anytime you see me do this:

---> *** <---

In an entry, you now know the truth. I either can barely generate enough interest in my own topic to stay awake long enough to write it in a fully cohesive manner, or else I'm darting from topic to topic because of all the corn syrup.

***

(OH. HA. I'M TOTALLY THE HILARIOUS.)

***

Anyway, yesterday's post was entirely too heavy and depressing and made too many people cry. Let's bring on the ridiculous! Like this post over at Alpha Mom, which is essentially the Deodorant Wars series, only with baby bottles. That's right. I got someone to pay me to pose inanimate objects and make them talk to each other, and in this case, stick earrings in baby bottle nipples. LIFE IS GOOD.

***

Wait! Let's get depressed again, for no particular reason at all. I just very randomly came across this photo, from October 2007:

IMG_8237

I'm pretty sure that just killed me dead.

IMG_1644

Stop it, you.

Comments

Marianne

His preciousness ... It kills me.

I have a sinus/ear infection too. I'm day 7 of antibiotics and am still dizzy. I so wish I would have gone to medical school so I can self-diagnose and medicate without the $20 co-pay. That would rock.

Feel better!

angela

My son does the glasses thing too. It's too cute.
And I've been waiting for another deodorant war! I look forward to reading about baby soap.
Oh, and sinus infection, FUN! I just had sinus surgery, still recovering. Hope you feel better soon!

Shelley

As soon as I saw the words "teeth pain" I said, that's the sinuses right and it hurts! I had an infection last fall and nothing hurt except my teeth, no runny nose, no sneezing, no coughing, just horrid teeth pain that actually made me cry. So I hope yours get better soon!! Where did that boy come from and where is Baby Noah!?

Mouse

My son turns 6 in two days. 2 DAYS! He asked for a fairly non-commercial theme (yet--I just think merchandising hasn't caught up with the popularity of Phineas and Ferb yet). So I've been busying myself with making the necessary components and ignoring the fact that I can, in no way at all, continue to call him a little boy, let alone my baby.

(And he has announced to us that he will no longer like trains after April 4th. Not sure of the significance of the date, but I guess I'll be putting a butt-load of train stuff into storage very soon.)

Hey You

I loved the bottle wars. I was at Target telling uninterested strangers about Dr. Browns just yesterday. Sorry about the sinus infection, but YAY for not CANCER!

mswas

Have you tried Mucinex? It's an expectorant, but it's not just for coughs, it thins out any mucus. I know, ew - gross! But - non-drowsy!

Starbuck

Yesterday was heavy, but that's okay. Today is hilarious and okay, too. Cancer of the face bones? Excellent! (My mom once was certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that the "potential skin cancer" (wasn't) had bored through her skull and caused a brain tumor. (didn't))

I have yet to read the bottle wars, but am headed there post-haste.

Jen

Yeah, ever since the Official First Day of Spring (last Friday), I've had a persistent sinus ouchiness that goes from my left temple all the way to my teeth. I sometimes convince myself it's a brain tumor, and then I take an excedrin sinus and I'm fine. loopy. but fine.

Lisa

My boyfriend has lots of sinus problems and recently disovered that mucinex works wonders. It's sold as a cough medicine, but it thins nasal mucus, too, so it can drain and make your face feel less cancer-ridden. As always, your mileage may vary.

Missie

Wait until you realize you don't have to incline your head to look your son in the eyes. And you don't have to stoop to give him a hug. And his feet are bigger than yours. And he can lift as much as you and out-eat your husband.

(going to go find a bridge to jump off of now. Debbie Downer Out!)

vanessa

From one drama queen to another, too funny! I called my my BFF this morning to tell her I thought I was having a stroke and just needed to talk to check my speech. She laughed and asked me WTF I was talking about. So maybe it was just a migraine, but she'll be sorry for laughing at me if I really do have a stroke.

Elizabeth_K

In a more depressing comment (I'm sorry!), I thought of you so much yesterday. My pediatrician is quitting to stay home with her special needs son (she's also 22 weeks pregnant). He had seizures at 6 months, then all kinds of delays, but no tests have found anything concrete. She cried just talking about it, and said that she is a huge, HUGE proponent of therapy -- that it is the only thing that has made any difference. Anyway ... thinking of you and Noah and other mothers and sons/daughters out there. Thanks for always writing and for sharing your journey with us. And can I go back and kick the NOT gween, GREEN, kid? Please?

Parsing Nonsense

Ugh, sinus pain is insidious and treacherous! You begin to realize that your sinuses are like the Illuminati: They're vaguely evil, prone to violence, and every-freaking-where.

parenting BY dummies

Ah. The dreaded sinus infection. The first time I had one I almost left Hubby b/c I was certain that he beat me in my face during the night. I was on my way to report him when the Sudafed kicked in.

Kristin

Sinus infections can make you feel like you are dying. They are miserable. Feel better soon.

Sprite's Keeper

I was late, you know, LATE and kept taking expensive EPT after EPT which kept telling me, No, you money wasting hussy, you're NOT pregnant, and got to be five days late and thought to myself, this is it. I have cancer. Ovarian, Uterin, Anyotherorgandownthere-ian cancer, and I can't have any more kids, I'm going to die because it's clearly in Stage 4 ALREADY, I need to turn my blog into a vlog so my baby remembers what I look like!, and then Aunt Flo came into town quietly today and I'm fine now. A little pissed off that my dramatics didn't lead to a big pay off other than a small happy dance in the ladies', but fine.

bad penguin

They say Sudafed doesn't make you sleepy, but they lie. I know this because I can barely stay awake right now. Sleepy, but less miserable. It's a trade off I can live with.

I hope you get better soon.

Eva

"And can I go back and kick the NOT gween, GREEN, kid? Please"(Elizabeth_K)

That child was rude but we don't know if it was intentional or if he meant it to be a putdown. The "rolling of eyes" suggests so, but we don't know. And, we don't know his age.

If my preschool age child made that comment and I heard him say it, he'd next be listening to me pulling him aside and telling him we don't correct others in public, whether they are right or wrong.

Kailee

Um, that hair? Those are the highlights and glossiness of dreams, I tell ya. I pay upwards of $150 at my salon for my highlights. And they look piss poor compared to Noah's!

Vanessa

So does that mean that "***" is the new "gahgaghgahgahgahgahgahgah" border? I kinda miss the gahgahgah.

Jo

Hahaaaaa he's wearing Mr. Potatohead's glasses. He cracks me up.

class factotum

When I think I might have cancer, I think I better have the kind where the chemo makes you thin because if I get the kind where the chemo makes you fat and bloated, I am going to be very, very mad.

And then I wonder who will come to my funeral and boy, won't THEY be sorry that I'm dead and what will they serve at the lunch and shouldn't I get up and eat a brownie right now because I'm going to be dead soon anyhow and then I'll regret not having eaten dessert and cancer makes you lose your appetite which is such a pisher because if you're dying anyhow you might as well eat all you want.

Kevin

It's the dreaded 24 hour cancer bug. I hear that's going around! Hope you feel better soon!

charlotte

OMG, Amy, I'm sending you and little Noah (and Ez) so much love, you guys should be able to swim in it. Fuck that school of hard knocks!

aphrodite

Hey, I've got a sinus infection right now too! Um, score! Or something...

Anyhow, I've been trying the neti pot thing. If you haven't tried it yet, google it and buy it. It seems to work great. Although it takes a couple tries to get the hang of it. Even if it doesn't work for you, I can guarantee that it'll make for some amusing posts. :)

tutugirl1345

I agree with the neti pot suggestions. I'm sure this probably isn't kosher with breastfeeding, and generally needing to be awake for the kids, but if you knock yourself out with a combo of bourbon, lemon juice, honey and hot water and sleep for like 10 hours, you will feel so much better.

(Should I be concerned that this was how to deal with a sinus infection when I was like 7? Oh well, probably just shows a little bit through the boob probably wouldn't hurt Ezra either.)

EdenSky

ok, perhaps off the track here but...Did you really cut off those gorgeous blond curls? How could you? lol.

Jennifer

I thought about responding to that person's comment about you being a drama queen too, but I'll comment today instead. I don't know you, but I also keep a blog. I find that in writing the blog, I am more honest than I usually am in a regular daily conversation. In being so, I'm sure it comes across as being overly dramatic. The thing is that those are thoughts EVERYONE has. Writing them down is being honest, even if you might approach the topic with a little less drama if you were to talk about it in real life. Ok. I'm done rambling now.

Amalah

EdenSky: The loss of the curls is documented...somewhere around here. Bad rogue kiddie cut hairstylist ignored my requests for a "slight trim" last summer and hacked every lovely curl off before I could even blink, and although MANY PEOPLE AROUND HERE consoled me with assurances that they'd grow back, they never did.

Therefore, Ezra is not getting a haircut until he is nine. If he's lucky.

Amy

Like Vanessa when I saw the *** I thought Oh! there is a new gahgahgahgahgahgah!

***
I am brunette and have never wanted to be blonde. Until seeing that picture of Noah's GORGEOUS hair!

justJENN

Hey...I had that same exact cancer face too. Maybe it was a sinus infection!? Thanks!

PattM

I do the same thing! Random pains mean certain death--especially at 3am! I'm nursing a sinus headache right now, too. Happily, a pic of a very cute blonde helps! Dang, your kids are cute!

Kimm

Sinus infections can make your teeth feel like they are coming out through your face, that's how I felt the last time I had one. About the speech therapy--my nephew couldn't say R, K, ch, and lots of other sounds-it was frustrating for him to not be understood-his therapy helped so so much. Maybe downsizing homes would be worth it to pay for it.

Hez

Self diagnosis is the way to go! If you don't self-diagnose, you have not been brought up in a properly neurotic household.

Binkytowne

I didn't say anything at the time but the last post totally made me cry. Depressing isn't the right word, yeah, it was not easy to read but it was really powerful.

Alicia

brutal sinus infections! hate them! hope it passes soon. adorable pic, love the mr potato head glasses he is trying to squeeze on his face! hee hee

Moogie

Oh lord...sinus infections. They are the devil incarnate. I am always afraid to move because I am sure that my teeth will fall out. I hope you feel better soon.

I have to laugh (not at you..actually cry with you), my girls are 10 (11 on Tuesday) and 14. I just wrote something about learning to let go (14 year old). Gah...looking through the pictures of when they are young is so hard isn't it? Yet, this is our job. I just wish they wouldn't grow up so fast.

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