Pansy
Asterisk, Asterisk, Asterisk

Square One

Our insurance company finally reviewed our claim for Noah's proposed speech therapy plan.

Denied.

Thanks.

Assholes.

I...I just don't even have the energy to get worked up about it. We'll appeal the decision, of course, but Lord. We waited close to two months for the initial evaluation. We waited another two months for the insurance company's decision. And now. Pfft.

There's a "private" rate for the therapy, of course, but I know it's more expensive than another speech/OT program in the area, a program that I think is more comprehensive, a program that I didn't contact initially because...they don't accept our insurance. Our insurance which, on paper, offers fantastic coverage for speech therapy, so it seemed like a logical trade-off. But if we're going to be paying out of pocket ANYWAY...I should...we should...should we? And then there's another, even better program in the city, which we could afford if we downsize to a condo and reduce our mortgage and again, if we're going to be paying out of pocket ANYWAY, if Noah ends up needing private schools ANYWAY...should we? What if Ezra needs early intervention? What if Ezra doesn't?

The school district evaluation has become our own personal red wheel barrow glazed with rain water.

They graciously offered a private screening, since they typically start with big group clinics where kids play together and there's chaos and lots of transitions and redirection, with one skill set being observed and evaluated right after another. In other words: a total freaking nightmare for a sensory-senstive child, and likely to set off a number of Noah's triggers. They said they'd be happy to adjust their tactics and conduct the evaluations one at a time, in our home. I said no, thank you, I'm sure Noah will be just fine.

I know he won't be fine. I'm practically counting on us being dismissed from the clinic setting early with appointments for private screenings at home. I need them to See It. I need them to see him Fail.

***

We took Noah to Barnes & Noble the other night to pick out some new storybooks and play with the train table. I sat and watched him and paged through a towering stack of parenting books. Books about Raising Your Quirky Sensory-Sensitive Spirited Unpredictable Out-of-Sync Different Child, books that promised Practical Simple Solutions To Everyday Challenges, books that promised to Fix It.

Of course they don't. They look substantial but spend chapter after chapter rehashing the same information, the same in-depth scientific descriptions about Vestibular Systems gone awry. You find some comfort in the anecdotes -- kids who sound so creepily like your kid, parents who also admit to snapping and scolding and just being so tired -- but then the actual strategies are all the same ones you've read about before and tried already. Social stories, check. Take breaks, trust your instincts, shaving cream and bread dough and electric toothbrushes and above all, the right kind of therapy. Which: dooood. I am trying. Two paragraphs about choosing the right preschool (Trust Those Instincts! Talk To The Teacher!) are followed by sections about elementary school and junior high and high school and oh, God. It just doesn't end.

Noah came over to show me something. "A gween train, Mommy," he announced. Two feet away another little boy rolled his eyes and muttered a correction. "Not gween. Green." Noah didn't seem to hear him. He honestly didn't even seem to register that another child was there.

I ended up putting all the books back on the shelf. As I tried to remember where I'd gotten each one, I stared at the rows and rows of parenting books. Books about diet and discipline and how to get your kid to do this and that and coping with this and that. Bullies, anxiety, allergies, learning disabilities, illness, grief. It's tough for everybody, the books seemed to say. It's a terrible business, this raising human beings thing.

***

We got home and put the boys to bed and I stood outside Noah's door for a bit, listening to him talk.

"Not gween. Geen. Not geen. Guh-een. Guh-reen. Guhreen! Good talking, Noah. Not gween. Guhreen."

Comments

Missie

The Noah is The Perfect.

And that's that.

Lori

I'm a bit confused on that last paragraph, as well. Was he saying, "Good talking, Noah", in a proud way or sarcastic way? My heart says that last graph is so sad, but my brain thinks he proved he can learn - he can do it. He is obviously beyond capable and (though it's just my opinion) that he'll be okay in the end. How could he not with such a loving mother?

Heather, Queen of Shake Shake

The books? Will drive you fucking in sane. I stopped reading those kinds of books a couple of years ago and have been more calm since.

As far as insurance goes, have you looked into a health savings account? Not sure what the rules are for speech, but if you have to pay for it, at least it could be tax deductible.

No, it never ends. I'm raising an 8 yr quirky, out of the box kid too. It never ends. Then again, it never ends with my completely typical 6 yr old either. It's the parenting game and we're all works in progress, ourselves included.

I could write a river of comments of my road from 3 yr to 8 yrs old. Just try to keep in mind 3 is such a young age (such phenomenal changes in the next 5 yrs!) and you can't get it wrong. Therapy or not, evals or not, you're doing too good of a job to get it wrong.

You're a good mom who is informed. You aren't burying your head in the sand or being hypersensitive. You're just being a good mom. All is well.

the ambitious mrs

That is the saddest and sweetest thing I've ever read.

bad penguin

oh, your sweet little boy! I wish I could give him a hug.

Also, if I've learned anything from years of battling insurance companies it is this: they want you to give up. Appeal everything they deny.

Jennifer

That last paragraph made my heart all achey. so cute... I hope everything works out the way you want it to. And always fight the insurance companies. I swear they have a "Denied" rubber stamp that they automatically use before really investigating a case. Like they say "the squeaky wheel gets the grease" (how does that saying go??). Anway, great post and keep being the great mom you are.

Amy

That last part made me cry.

I hope everything goes the way it needs to for Noah. Good luck.

Sherry

I know time is not a plentiful commodity in your world at the moment, but if you can find an hour or two (because that's a minimum amount of time you'll need to devote to it), get on the horn and call that insurance company, and tell them they need to pay.

If they say no, tell 'em they need to pay again.

Keep telling them so until someone puts you in contact with the right person who can make the decision to cover that therapy.

It worked for us.

I wish you much luck and wine. :)

lynn

that last paragraph...wow...I need to put my heart back together right here at my desk..go give hugs to him and EZ right now for me and my little boys.

Brenda

I work in the insurance industry. If I can give you one piece of advice, fight the denial. If you can get someone else to look at his claim, you may get a different result.

Eva

I would like to echo Heather just upthread - "You're a good mom who is informed. You aren't burying your head in the sand or being hypersensitive. You're just being a good mom. All is well." That was well-said.

The insurance cos. are in my opinion at their WORST right now due to the economy. It will take some hammering and documentation to get through to them. I am having to deal with similar insurance things and have noticed a change, say in the last 6 months. Avoidance, and delay in payment. Don't take that personally as much as you can because it is just bottom-line to these companies especially at this point.

courtney from fl

I'm crying! How hard it is to watch the world not take the time to know them but judge them, and it starts so early. I fret and worry everyday about how do I protect my son and what do I do when the world breaks his heart. Being a mommy is the hardest job because no matter how hard we work we can not fix everything. You are doing an amazing job. *BIG HUGS*

(oh, and can I kick Lily? Is that ok with you? Yes? Ok good, because she needs to be kicked!)

Jennifer

Oh my god! That was heart breaking! You can definitely put me in the category of people who cried during that last paragraph. It's amazing what kids can handle. Maybe I should say it's amazing what they're forced to handle.

Sarah

That last bit killed me.

My 5yo tested over a year delayed when he was 3 years 7 months, and was denied speech therapy, too. I hate the insurance industry beyond my ability to express.

At the time we were homeschooling our older children, so I rolled speech therapy into my schedule and did everything I could to figure out how to help him. We're now doing the public school thing, and just started him in the ps preschool to give him a running start at kindergarten in the fall. And he's doing well--learning the routines, singing the songs.

His preschool teacher was surprised when I told her how badly delayed he'd tested, which was reassuring. We're still getting him evaluated thru the school next week, partly for speech and partly for his quirky behaviors.

...sigh...I wrote a book, when all I meant to say was that I get it. It's hard. And I hope the very best for you and Noah both.

Aimee

I have been lurking for about 4 years now, and this post compelled me to write ... actually, it was the last line that is staying in my head, repeating over and over ... so many good thoughts and so much love heading your family's way.

Monica

Insurance blows. Last year ours (Anthem of VA) covered FOUR visits a year. Yes, four hours can magically cure a child.

We have better insurance now but I can't find any therapists near us that take insurance period. I feel like I spend half my life filling out reimbursement paperwork. The other half is spent holding my breath that they won't suddenly change their minds.

You have my sympathies!

joan

love to you, i know it's hard, that's all.

Rachel

Like so many others, I'm delurking to tell you that your last paragraph just gave me a huge lump in my strep throat and brought tears to my eyes. Noah is going to thrive because you love him to pieces and support him unconditionally. I have a two year old and I think most of parenting is trial and error, one step forward and one step back. You are doing a great job.

Pocklock

Amy, my heart goes out to you and Noah. I was all teary reading his words to himself, but how wonderful that he processed it and worked it out on his own.

Simply: Lily's an ass.

There's nothing a mother won't do for her children. There's nothing I wouldn't do for mine and if that makes me a "drama queen" or something else, I'll proudly wear that badge.

((Hugs))

julie

As a Mom I feel your pain. We try so hard to make things right but it can hurt in the process. Especially when you keep running into obstacles.

Hang in there. You are doing the best you can. Keep doing that and while it sounds easy ,try to take it one day at a time. You have a lot of pressure right now and it must be overwhelming.

Thoughts and prayer to you all.

Lori

Dear Noah,

You rock, and your mom is pretty cool, too. I'm old, and I still sometimes say my 'r' with a 'w' sound. ("It's the wed car.") Keep up the good talking, and go knock 'em dead!

Love,

Lori

Redd

I totally bawled. My son is almost 3 and can't say green, he says geen.

Kids can be so mean! Hopefully Noah doesn't remember, is just happy enough to say guhreen.

Joanna

I got my master's and headed up a special needs high school classroom before becoming a SAH, and for the record: sensory issues are at the root of most "other" struggles my kids had to face. They are real, and they are biological. When children with sensory "disorders" have nurturing, involved and careful parents like you, their "disabilities" end up driving their most wonderful character traits--sensitivity to others, precocious ability to self-assess, an acute sense of logic, to name a few. I've seen this correlation (loving parents PLUS sensory delays EQUALS well-adjusted child) hold up time and time again. Sorry for the profusion of quotation marks, but the broad-strokes labels really get me down.

Also, it just seems like you are an incredibly impressive mom. That's all. :)

bouncy

I need to be a better person for my baby. Nothing escapes them.

Go Noah!

yet another from the legions of Amys

I cried over the last paragraph too. We like to think these little vulnerable people don't take in the details we don't want them to take in, but they totally do. Raising human beings is extremely difficult.

Aparently

Delurking for the first time. I've been reading for about two years now and I love you. That last paragraph also made me cry. You're son is such a sweet, sweet boy and that really broke my heart. You are a great mom. I may not have children of my own, but I wish I had had a mom as caring as you.

and I'm sorry but FUCK you lily. You're an ass.

I don't mean to be so crass, but I would've given anything to have a mother as invested in my well being as Amy clearly is with Noah.

Jana (formery known as Jezer)

Oh, sweetie. I know it's hard. I mean, I don't *know*, but yeah. I'm thinking of you and saying some prayers.

Julie

Oh Amy! Hang in there with all of this. Noah is lucky to have you.

erin

i am not a crier. i never ever cry. ever. i am bawling my eyes out. home school him forever.

Cassidy

This post made me cry. It is amazing what children notice, especially when they cannot tell you what they are thinking. Your heart must have broken when he was role playing what happened. I am so sorry that the insurance company denied your claim for services. I do not understand why the system works like this. Maybe if more insurance companies would approve services for young children, it would save them a lot more money in the future. I hope that you can find the best possible services for Noah. He deserves it, and so do you. Maybe seeing him have a difficult time in the group evaluation will help them realize that Noah really needs their help. Good luck. I will be thinking of you and Noah.

Liz

I just have to say that this broke my heart. I don't have any wonderful words to help, just warm thoughts from a stranger to you and your family and your darling little boy.

Brie

Oh Noah, I think I just might be in love with you, you sweet sweet thing. Good talking!
Good parenting, Amy! You're doing your best and you don't need us to tell you that- but we'll do it anyway. :)

Lindsey

That last line broke my heart....I'm a speech-pathologist and worked at a private practice in DC (well, Rockville - a non-insurance taking practice) for 5 years. I've seen kids just like him, who pass every standardized test, but still can't function in every setting. If you ever need the scoop on any practices/schools in the area, please let me know.

Amanda

My heart aches for that chubber cheeked little man, practicing his gweens.

Genie

Oh Noah - hang in there. You too Amy.

Deb

As I read this, I'm listening to my 15yo Aspie daughter do her "shows" -- she talks to herself in whispers as she does her homework, her hair, her chores. I remember reading all the books that all said the same thing and, ultimately, it comes down to doing the best you can with a huge dose of love. You hang in there, and rejoice in Noah as I know he rejoices in you. Bless his heart, and yours.

Heather S

What a sweetie Noah is. I'm sending him and you good vibes that you get a good school situation for him for next year.
The fact that he does seem to be processing new information and continuing to grow seems like such a good sign to me. I hope you can find a way to feel optimistic-- I'm optimistic for you!

Emma

I read your last part and it just broke my heart. Noah sounds like such a gift. You guys are all trying so hard and loving each other so much... I just know it will turn out okay. I just know it.

shina

The last paragraph proves that you and Jason are amazing, patient parents who have modeled positive (self) talk to Noah. He's not punishing himself for not doing it right. He's pushing himself to do a little better. And that is why he will succeed. Don't listen to the Lilys of the world. It sucks that other kids (and apparently adults) have to be so cruel.

anne nahm

I think it is very smart to have him tested under conditions that will not mask any behaviors. Also, that last bit broke my heart a little. Take care.

Jen L.

Last paragraph made me burst into tears. He is such a precious boy, Amy, and I pray you guys will get the help you need soon.

stacy

oy. Noah. You're killing me. Hang in there Mama.

paranoid

Wow, I think that you melted the entire internet with that last bit. As so many others have noted, Noah's a wonderful little guy, and you're a hell of a mother. I'm sorry this year has been so hard on you so far. I hope things get better soon.

Jen L.

Also, Lily is the type of person whose fault it is when people from "more laid back places" are regarded as redneck, hick idiots.

Lisa

Sweet Noah. Good talking, little boy. God bless him AND you.

Ginny

Oh, sweet, lovely Noah. I just want to swoop him up and hug and kiss him.

What three year old doesn't have issues saying words? I know, I know, his issues go further than that (and I hate the word "issues" but can't think of a better one). My 3-year-old certainly doesn't have all of his pronunciations down and I'm not saying this to negate the issues I know Noah has. I'm just sayin'. Some of this IS "normal."

I think you're doing a terrific job with him, and I'm sorry this is so damn frustrating and hard for all of you. You can do this, I know you can. And he is a great kid.

Kate

Is it terrible I want to punch the little kid who rolled his eyes at Noah's pronunciation? I'll take Noah over him any day. And you know what, who are we to say green is green, and not all the marvelous ways Noah is working it out at the end? Chin up, young person.

Pam

Oh Amy, that last paragraph broke my heart :(. While I think it is totally normal for him to say "gween" instead of "green" at his age, to think that incident had any effect on his self esteem is absolutely heartbreaking :(. You love him and because of how much, he's going to be ok. Just keep plugging along...fighting....

Nancy

You are such a good writer, and I learn so much from you.

Kate

r.e. my earlier comment about wanting to punch the kid in the store, (AND YES I AM KIDDING) now that I have read Lily's comment, perhaps that is her son as she sounds equally insensitive without the excuse of being a child.

madge

That last bit? AWESOME NEWS!

My kid (PDD-NOS) would have probably ignored the correction and never looked back. That he registered the interaction, if a little bit later, is amazing. And a little heartbreaking.

GOOD TALKING, NOAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jen

That Lily person needs to suck it.

I don't know what to say, other than GIANT HUG TO ALL OF YOU. Noah is such a sweet boy, I just know you guys will get things figured out. It may be a long road, but most importantly, he has a mommy and daddy (and a brother!) who love him. You guys are doing just fine.

cryitout

fantastic post but that end broke my heart in three

Laurie

:hugs:

Jess

Bawling.
We're in Nova, and have Child Find, which means that my son has the speech intervention he needs without hassle. He goes twice a week, in desperate hope. That someone can understand him.
And I hear him talking to himself all the time: My name is G-g-g-abe. Not Dabe. G-g-g.

Stephanie

That last sentence made me tear up. I just want to give you both huge hugs.

Aliesha

The last line with Noah talking to himself totally made me lose it because I've heard my 6 year old do the very same thing. Hang in there.

D

Amy, I am not sure if this helps much but my 5 yo son just started speech therapy in January for difficulty making the -sh and -ch sound. At the time he also substituted the "w" sound for "r". "Really" would sound like "whirly". Anyway - our speech therapist said that the "w" for "r"substitution is one that corrects at a later age. So, Noah should not be expected to make that sound correctly at his age.

Hang in there. You are really doing a great job advocating for Noah.

brittany

That last line. It's a punch to the gut. I remember seeing someone mock my child and his chidlish words, and it cut right through me. How dare they pick on my little piece of wondeful? BUt to hear his private response sucked all the air out of me.

Jenny

Oh my goodness, Children really really suck in more than you realize.

As a parent to adopted twins, 1 with sensory issues who is currently in OT, I hate those books, books make me want to scream and so do insurance companies and evaluators.

I wish you luck...

Amy H

Damn. You got me with the last paragraph. Tears. rolling. down. my. cheeks.

I love that kid. I have never met him but I have been reading about him since before he was born and I just hurt for him that things aren't coming easy for him. He is so preshus.

My 2 cents: Montessori school. No reason behind it. No experience with them, except that I have a friend with an exceptionally gifted child with lagging social skills that was bullied in kindergarten so she put him in Montessori and he is THRIVING there.

hang in there.

Diane

I was already weepy tonight and Noah brought it back on - but I'll tell you, he is SO going to triumph.

I hope Lily clicked on 'Remember me because I'm special'. Because, yeah. Special alright. Begone foul beast - go back from whence thou came!

Scary Mommy

The sound of his little voice saying that must have been a knife in your heart. This parenting shit is tough, man. Worth it, but so tough. :(

Jeanne

Noah got me with that last line too.

But you and Jason, you are exactly what he needs. And whatever you decide to do (or not do) will be fine... because you can always change the plan as needed. Always.

Danielle

Wow. He knows. He gets it. He's trying.

Wow. crying. what an awesome little dude!

die Frau

Ah, so much does depend on things that seem inconsequential like that red wheelbarrow...yet they are so very important in their own ways. [gusty sigh]

I hope everything works out. I hope the appeals work. Your sweet little man will be ok, even if the insurance companies are acting like f'ing idiots.

Good luck with it all.

Marnie

So, I seem to be odd man out, but while that last paragraph really tugged at my heart strings, it made me smile. He DID notice that other little boy. He DID hear what he said. And he DOES hear a difference between what he said and what the little boy said. And he practiced. And he gave himself positive feedback! Just like his mommy would!!

I know that doesn't mean that he's OK and I, like everyone else, really hope that everything goes exactly the way it needs to so that he can get help. But I love that that little brain of his is whirling away. He's such a sweetheart!

Joie at Canned Laughter

I was once where you are now. Needless to say, I was profoundly moved by this post.

Katie

i love noah! and you too.

Sam

wow, those last lines brought me to tears. you are enough, amy. noah is enough.

Lora

De-lurking to say that I am cheering for dear,sweet Noah and I adore you Amy. You're a fabulous mother and I so appreciate your honesty about the more heartbreaking aspects of parenting. After a long day of parenting my own two, and gestating another, reading your blog makes me laugh, makes me cry, makes me think and just plain makes me feel less alone in the endless cycle of parental deliberation and second guessing.
I hope that Noah's school evaluation goes exactly the way you need it to for him to get the help he so richly deserves.

Stacy

Well, I must say this: A child who is loved as much as Noah clearly is has a powerful set of advocates in his corner. And that counts for a lot.

I'm pulling for y'all.

Maria

Oh lady. This broke my heart.

marty

I hardly ever click out of my reader. A voice in the millions, you know? I've read your blog for a few years now. Commented rarely; just spoken anonymously to you at BlogHer. Just hanging back.

But dammit. Good talking, Noah. I don't just want to come out of my reader, I want to come out of my computer altogether and let him know that I think he's doing some good talking too.

Keep on keepin' on, Mama. You are doing a great job.

Coco

I wanted to de-lurk and write a little hopeful note. Maybe it won't make you feel better or stop worrying, but maybe it will.

When I was younger I couldn't pronounce the "k" or hard "c" sounds. Don't ask me why, I was never tested, and it's a fairly simple sound that most children learn early. My dad, in his hilarious fashion, would ask me to say "crap" and I'd replay with "poop!" Clearly I was a GENIUS when it came to synonyms. My mom says that she spent one whole day vocalizing "kkkkk" to me in hopes I'd learn, but no such luck. Then, at night, in very Noah-like fashion, she heard me making the sound "kkkkk" as I slept.

I'm pretty sure if I had been born 3 years ago I would have been diagnosed with something. I had some speech impediments and was socially withdrawn, always the child who preferred not to join the group, and I'd scream bloody murder if anyone tried to force me to socialize. Socializing was the synonym for "torture" in my mind.

I'm 20-something now, a graduate student, fairly intelligent (In My Humble Opinion, of course). I'm not going to lie and say I'm a social butterfly now, as I still prefer to stick to small groups and need my alone time in order to recharge. But it's who I am and it's what makes me happy, believe it or not.

Best of wishes to you and to Noah.

Jae

Love and kind thoughts to you and your family. What a sweet little one you have. :)

I, along with the rest of the internet, think you're doing wonderfully by that little boy. You're the kind of mom I hope I can be to my 12 week old as he grows up.

Oh, and I, too, sat and bawled after I read the last part.

slick

Amy, when you mentioned how you were putting all the books back where they belonged, I thought to myself "Amy, just put every one of those parenting books down. You don't need them. You are the most-loving, caring wonderful mom that any child could have."

Noah and Ez are both blessed to have you and Jason!!

Noah - you can say green any way you want - you are three for God's sake.

And I too hope that Noah fails the testing - so he can get the help he needs and deserves. He is such an awesome boy!!

Lily - you've read the other comments - enough said. Now leave.

Sabi

Oh. My. God. I'm not even a mom- and I just wanna hug Noah. Like. I'm teary eyed and everything. You sound like an awesome mom. Good luck.

Leeann

Oh Noah, what else can be said that hasn't been said already?

I just love you. You make me smile and cry all at once.

Karen

And so now I'm crying but at the same time, how awesome is Noah because not only did he figure "guhreen" out, but he praised himself for doing it. In my mind, Noah is a rock star (and you are doing a great job).

Best of luck with the insurance situation. We're in the midst of jumping through stupid hoops trying to get approval for speech therapy for our daughter. I'm starting to hate our insurance company and they haven't even given us an official "no" yet.

Lauren

Noah is so very sweet and melted the hearts of your readers today.

lisa

Wow. I don't want to come across as crazy stalker person (assuming you keep track of these things) because this is like the 10th time I've said "my kid too" but seriously, YES. This parenting thing IS so hard when your kid doesn't fit the mold. And I'm so tired of the fact that at 3 I still have no idea just what the severity of my daughter's differences truly mean. Once again, just a lot of empathy and commiseration going out to you. Noah just sounds too smart to truly think there could be anything wrong. But then people tell me that about my own kid all the time and I just can't believe it in my heart of hearts so I know how it is.

Snarky Mommy

Oh sweet Noah. My heart is breaking. And let me tell you, this is EXACTLY why I am trying to raise an empathetic kid. I never want another child to feel bad because of something he has said. Notice I didn't say something he DID because my kid likes to hit and push, but we're working on it.

And you know what, my 3-year-old says gween. He would be happy to play with Noah if you ever come to Chicago!

me

OK so I was just going to say fuck you Lily but all the others did such a fine job. Some of them cracked me UP!

I wish Noah the best. Parenting is tough.

wealhtheow

Sweet Noah!

Kristin

Your last paragraph killed me.

Your little boy is very smart and very sweet. He like every little kid knows more than he lets on. Give him hugs and kisses and remember that he FEELS what you think. Good luck I wish you and Noah the very best. You are a great Mom and Noah is a great little person.

Nikki

What everyone else said (except Lily). Gotta go blow my nose now.

Kendra

Noah is so, so awesome.

Jessica

Oh sweets. This is the first time I have read your blog. I just found you off of a RT from Anissa. I know that it doesn't help to hear other people say "I have been there", because I used to hear that all the time and think- "ya right. No you haven't. Mine is worse, my situation is different and you don't have a clue. You don't know what you're talking about". I remember feeling this way when my oldest was a toddler, thinking that there was definitely something different about him but not knowing what it was. And spending years and years listening to people that thought they knew what it was, only to find out that they didn't, and still dont. Years of therapy and Behavior therapy and play therapy and psychologists, and psychiatrists, and everything under the son. And of course the insurance doesn't cover it. They never do, and they probably never will.

I am so sorry, and I know that it sucks to hear it, but I know how that feels. I still sometimes just cry over it, mostly because I don't what else to do.

Jess

Oh, Amy.. like every else, Noah's self-talk made me cry. You are such a good mama.

rebecca

i think lilly has a point.

living with lindsay

Another cryer here. I want to hug him and kiss him.

Lindz31

that really
sucks, you are trying so hard to get Noah, help and you just keeping getting held back, by people who just don't understand.

that is just extremely sad.

I'm sure you've come across this already, but maybe you haven't either.
http://www.autismspeaks.org/community/fsdb/category.php?seid=10&hcid=53
there has to be someone/someway to get Noah the help he needs with out having to pay through the nose.

Angie

No words of widsom here. This entry just broke my heart. Raising kids is the toughest job I'll ever love, but moments like you had listening at that door are the ones that I hope are few & far between for all of us. Keeping my fingers crossed for you guys and the help he needs asap.

Robbie

Maybe I'm in the minority here, but I think that last paragraph is a good thing. My almost three "practices" speeach in her bed at night too, and the next morning trots out the correct pronounciation (heard her saying "it's not Winnie with the Pooh, it's Winnie THE pooh" over and over and the next day she said it correctly). Seems like that is a normal kid thing and it's encouraging that he's getting it and able to correct himself. Good Talking Noah indeed!

Gry

He is already such a heart breaker, sniff! Good talking indeed!

Jo

This post struck a cord with me. I was just musing about my brother(19) and son(8) because both have ADHD (my son also has SPD) and sadly, they have become totally aware that they're different.

Since they were practically babies, they notice that they have to get evaluated and go to special schools and see us stressing out about getting them *help*.

I really feel strongly that it is so important to somehow shield them from feeling like they're "stupid" or "weird". The toll it has taken on my bro's self-esteem is HUGE. I hope I can prevent that with my beautiful boy as I wish you can with yours too.

Traci

Love your blog, never commented before, but today I felt like I needed to. I got teary reading the last paragraph. No, parenting is NOT easy, not for any of us. It's sooo hard to see our children, that we would part the seas for, struggle so much. But you are a good mommy, and you have beautiful, thoughtful, healthy, and sweet children. I hope Noah gets everything he needs. And I hope you do too.

Traci

Oh, and BTW, Lily, I live in a "laid back" part of the country, and BELIEVE ME, these sorts of things are noticed. In a BIG WAY. The issues that Noah is experiencing are not the ones that you brush under the rug. I applaud the efforts of any parent to get to the bottom of their child's problem and get help. Too many don't.

Amanda

Ow! Sweet, sweet boy. Jesus, lady, if I thought you could feel a hug through the computer, I'd shatter my monitor trying. And him, too!

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