Things I Would Have Twittered On Saturday If I Hadn't Left My Phone At Home
March 16, 2009
(But I did! So today you get a whole bunch of sentences I thought of at the time but had no way to immediately share them with the world, the horror. Lucky you.)
amalah is going to the aquarium today. It's like the fucking zoo, but with fish.
(That last tweet goes out to anybody who did not know what an "aquarium" is. I'm just here to help.)
Humbling Parenting Moment of the Day: just threatened to NOT go to the aquarium unless Noah took one single bite of a goddamn McNugget.
Before I had any babies I thought kids would eat sushi if you just never fed them junk like McNuggets. I was one smug-ass piece of crap.
Ezra, on the other hand, just ate an entire jar of carrots, then tried to eat the paper towel I wiped his face with.
Jason is unimpressed by my rendition of "Good Morning Baltimore." Points out that it's the afternoon, and dangerously close to naptime. Pffft.
Oh, my God. Is that the line to get in?
Oh, my God. That's just the line to get tickets. THAT'S the line to get in.
What's the deal with that members-only entrance? Overpriced season passes? Do we get jackets?
GUESS WHO JUST SIGNED UP FOR AQUARIUM MEMBERSHIPS, BITCHES.
Aaaaaaand. The camera. Is at home. Probably getting it on with my slut phone.
Just explained "hold hands or ride in the stroller" rule to Noah. Just realized you can't take strollers inside. This trip is made of fail.
(Thank God I brought the Ergo. Just saw another mother lugging huge non-walking baby in arms, cursing Stroller Check to the skies.)
Noah wants to go swimming in the sting ray tank. I told him to ask me in an hour or so.
HOLY FUCKING EEL.
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH SHARKS AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
According to Noah, every fish in here is either a Nemo or a Dorrie. Take THAT, marine biology!
Ezra likes the fish too. Likes the boobs more.
Seriously though, this place has a lot of ramps. Confusing, curly, circle-ly ramps.
OH MY GOD SHARKS AND GIANT EELS IN THE SAME TANK UNHOLY UNION OF TERROR
Just changed cloth diaper in public restroom, got compliments on Cuteness, Earth Saveitude. Am smug piece of crap once again. Aaahh.
Aaaaaand. Ramps ultimately proved irresistible to three-year-old. He's off and running.
Would it be wrong to tell him that they feed lost children to the sharks?
Re: right or wrongness of Shark Threat: TOO LATE.
Aaaaaand. 90 minutes later, we're back in the car. Took us 45 minutes to drive here. Hooray for math!
Everybody is crying. EVERYBODY.
Sooooo happy we bought those memberships and can go back as often as we want! I think we'll alternate weekends: Aquarium, Zoo, IKEA.