I Assure You My Personal Tragedy Will Not Interfere With My Ability To Overdramatize My Personal Tragedy On the Internet
On the Road Again

The Life Less Documented

Funny thing about using this old laptop: I don't like using it, therefore I turn it off and put it down a lot. I wander away from it -- and the Internet -- in favor of shit like laundry or unloading the dishwasher or those-bananas-are-ripe-I-should-make-some-banana-bread-type whims. And while I doubt anybody is coming here to read about my super-extra-hot-damn-exciting life or anything, believe me when I tell you that WOW, this week has been boring. I've been boring. I've transcended boring. I've actually died of boredom and then risen from the dead to become boring's own personal messiah.

Although last night Jason and I had a date night, and on the way home Jason was challenged to a fistfight on the Metro by a tweaked out meth head who thought it would be a good idea to start calling a fellow white dude the n-word and then scream I'M FIVE FOOT EIGHT, MOTHERFUCKER repeatedly until the next station stop, where Jason told him to get off and wait for him on the platform. "I'll be right there," he said. "And we'll go at it."

The guy did, although his hopped-up excitement quickly turned to confusion as he watched the train pull away and leave him behind. Jason merrily waved at him through the window while I finally got brave enough to pull my head out of my handbag, where I had been "busy" looking for my "phone" during the whole ridiculous encounter.


Ezra would like to report that he discovered his toes, and they are FABULOUS. He is also blowing raspberries, eating us out of house and home (I'm glad I pledged to make his baby food this time because this kid would have a serious 10-pack-a-day Gerber habit), and just being all-around fabulous in general.

Significantly less fabulous: his two (TWO!) bottom teeth making a joint appearance, green beans (whatever, dude, I'm hiding them in your yams and there's nothing you can do about it) and any moment in time where Noah is not in his line of sight because Noah is TOTALLY the coolest.


Noah would like to know why nobody ever told him about Little Einsteins. Mommy would like to know who the fuck thought up the concept of a cartoon rocket powered by preschoolers patting on their thighs and the rocket has a jet for a nemesis and they plant seeds that sprout fucking harpsichords and why is the theme song so damn catchy and seriously, if I ever meet the person responsible on the Metro I actually WILL meet them on the platform and go at it.

("We're going on a trip in our favorite rocket ship." It's DRUGS, people. DRUUUUUGS.)


And here is where I was going to include a cute little video as atonement for the silence-y week around here, but it turns out my camera hates this laptop as much as I do. I've spent 45 minutes trying to at least get the two of them to acknowledge each other to no avail, and look, there's banana bread in the kitchen and you're lucky I've managed to pay attention to this post long enough to finish this last sentenc



Sometimes boring is good!! Train encounters notwithstanding - and Jason handled it like a pro; I have actually had to do that on the T in Boston before, pull the ol' switcheroo.

Turning off the laptop - while we all love your posts - is a good thing...chores, etc...ok, boring, but necessary, and the laptop/computer/etc. should always come second to real life!


Ha! Jason is my hero. Riding the Washington Metro is always an adventure.


I know you already know this, but Jason rules. Heh.


Oh how I hate the Little Einsteins. When the little blonde girl starts massacring classical music by singing stupid songs in her horrible voice, I just want to launch something through the TV. I did get a little bit of a smile when I told my daughter's daycare teacher (whose name is Melodie) about the episode where the character of the day was some sort of purple/blue blob named Melody.


Ah, what is it about the second-born only being interested in their sibling(s)?

And Jason is kind of my favorite.

Amanda Y

A note on the crack that is Little Einsteins-do not EVER be fooled into going to see Disney Playhouse lives because your preshus baaaaby loves the Einsteins. They suck. If you go just for them, you will shoot yourself. I did and it wasn't pretty.

living with lindsay

Oh, Little Einsteins, or "Rocket" as it's called in my household. Totally obsessed. My just-turned-three-year-old Zack DEMANDS to watch Rocket every morning, so you'd think I'd have more than 2 episodes Tivoed. You'd be wrong. Luckily (or unluckily?), he wakes up every morning at 7 am, just as it's coming on the Disney channel.

However, Zack was going through the pics on my iPhone the other day (very freaky, I may add) and said, "Hey, Mom! Look! It's the Mona Lisa!" He turned the phone to me and there was the preloaded Mona Lisa wallpaper. If my 3 year old can correctly identify the Mona Lisa, I think Little Einstiens has done it's job.


I am right there with you on Little Einsteins. We are going to Disney World with my 4.5 yr old next week and something tells me we will be spending a lot of time at Epcot (where Leo, June, Quincy and Annie live). Oh the joy! I am sure I will be singing that song for the next month.


Hee, way to go Jason!!

That damn Little Einsteins song IS catchy, isn't it.


You are damn funny.


I just about lot my shit here at work when I read about Jason calmly telling the meth guy that he'll be right there and then they'll go at it - and the guy actually got off the train. Laughing!


Tell Jason he's awesome. Way to fool the meth-head!

We have had our crack-like addiction to the Little Einsteins, too. If Annie could hold a note to save her life, it would be better, but she has this nasty habit of going flat on EVERY NOTE. My son is now way into the Backyardigans, whom I've come to love almost against my will. They're cute, they can actually sing (their own words, sometimes set to showtunes!), and they inspire the imagination by turning their backyard into whatever they want. Or that's how I justify watching it, anyway.

Hell, it beats The Land Before Time, which is my son's OTHER current obsession. Hold me.


oh man, we are going to Disney Live! in a couple of weeks for that particular rocket addiction. my son likes to call everything his grab-nabber.


That Little Einsteins theme song will dig into your brain and never leave. I just have to hear or read the words Little Einsteins and "We're going on a trip in our favorite rocket ship..." immediately takes over all my previous thoughts. You will find yourself singing in the car... when you're alone. It's that infectious. You've been warned.


Kaitlyn loves Little Einsteins! When we watch it she does all the pat-pat-pat, at the correct tempo and everything. I don't pay that close attention to the "plots", but I like that there's at least art and classical music. Could be worse, he could be forcing you to watch Max & Ruby.

You city-folk with your fooling of meth heads on trains. Jason rules!


Little Einsteins - I know, right?

Jason is a clever badass. Lucky you!


Messiah of Boredom or not, this might be my favorite post ever.

Amy H

funny you should mention Little Einsteins because that damn song is stuck in my head RIGHT NOW since we watched the show this morning before work. How am I supposed to concentrate on spreadsheets and P&Ls when all I hear is "climb aboard, we're ready to explore...there's so much to find..."



When you get tired of banana bread, try this recipe for Banana Muffins with Crumb Topping: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Banana-Crumb-Muffins/Detail.aspx

They are to die for. I do small-ish muffins, and usually get about two dozen from the recipe.

Shannon Hampson

How do you make your own baby food? My son is just starting baby food and I've played around with the idea, but need guidance.


Sprite's Keeper

Best post moment: Jason tripping out a tripper.
Worst post moment: Putting that goddamn song in my head. That was just HARSH, Amy.


I love you, I love your blog, I love Ezra's toes. But why on earth did you have to bring up the Little Einstein's song? So you wouldn't have to suffer alone? Now I'm going to have to go bash my head on a wall just to try and get that damn thing out of my head. Thanks.


Want more baby crack? Pick up a copy of Baby Songs. Nary a video caused so much toddler joy and ear-bleeding.


Little Einsteins is the only show that makes all three of my kids sit still AT THE SAME TIME.

I just leave the room to escape that infuriatingly catchy jingle...


Shannon: It's SO. EASY. You need a vegetable steamer basket thing and some kind of blender or food processor. Store it in small jars or plastic containers, or freeze it in ice cube trays and then transfer cubes to a Ziploc for longer storage.

First foods are all the same: cook vegetable or fruit until soft, puree. Done.

Someone gave us this cookbook and while it's probably unnecessary for making simple purees, I like it because it makes reasonable sized batches of food and the fancier recipes for later on are really awesome (Noah likes the carrot pancakes, for example): http://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/sku5344569/index.cfm


Oh, and I should add: I've tried every variation on baby cereal with less success -- Ez hates brown rice, homemade oatmeal gets gummy and doesn't store well, barley and millet were also kind of meh. And when a box of organic baby oatmeal is like, $1.30, I just went with that so I could skip the grinding and whisking and whatever. Ez is pretty *over* cereal now that he's tasted the deliciousness of yams and squash and zucchini and pears and apples and prunes and yum!, so the cereal only gets used to thicken the food a bit.

(Seriously, the kid is an INSANE eater. The other night he grabbed a string of spaghetti off my plate and shoved it right into his mouth. WTF? You're not even six months old, dude! You don't even have TEETH! Slow down!)


Oh just wait. You have apparently not made it to the end of the Little Einsteins. THAT SONG, will make even the biggest haters sing along. NOW, pat-clap, pat-clap, lets give a big cheer for the art of the day....OH HOW I FEEL YOUR PAIN!


Oh, Quincy used to love Little Einsteins, but he has given it up in favor of Scooby Doo, Wubbzy, and Little Bill.
My parents got him a Little Einsteins dvd for Christmas with 12 episodes. It has gone to visit their house with him several times!

samantha jo campen

Okay see? That meth fight story was NOT boring at all. Just keep riding the train at night and you'll have TONS of stuff to write about :-)

(Not that I think you're boring btw. Just wanted to clarify.)


I love you, Amalah. I'd say not in a creepy way, of course. But it's probably creepy. Sorry!

Oh and I have a small crush on your husband now. Don't tell my husband. K bye!


you'll never be boring as long as you can make your day to day life that interesting and funny in story form. and personal messiah of boring? hahaha! love it!


"I've actually died of boredom and then risen from the dead to become boring's own personal messiah." Yeah, I've felt like that just about every day since becoming a stay at home mom. Five years ago. I think it's called Being Grown Up and Broke.

My first baby's teeth all came in by 2s. It's actually nicer because it gets the stupid teething business out of the way.

Also... OMFG? Jason almost threw down on the subway?!?

Grace Guinevere

Busted laptops SUCK. Mine is being repaired in Thailand. THAILAND! Apparently it has special parts that can only Asia has. So it's in THAILAND!


(also, hillarious story about Jason and the cracked out dude!)


Between Little Einsteins, Dora, & Care Bears I suspect I will get to watch the television again sometime in 2011. At least Einsteins is mildly entertaining.

Go Jason!


I love that everytime I start worrying a bit about whether Peeper should be doing something that she's not yet

(Why can't she figure out how to get her thumb in her mouth? What's so hard about that? And toes? This list says she should play with her toes by now!)

I come here and read that Ezra just started doing it, so I figure Peeper's got another two to six weeks before she's supposed to do it, regardless of what the baby websites say.



Boring is good. You probably deserve some boring after all the "excitement" lately.
As for catchy baby songs, my brain has been playing the "Thomas the train" song now for weeks, and it's ringing in my ears as we speak (and I am at work)so I know what you mean. We've been using the videos as an incentive for potty training our son (we put the portable DVD player on the bathroom counter while he sits on the potty) and it's been working well, but oh, god, the repetition...

Parsing Nonsense

I'm pretty sure most children's shows are drug-induced. I suppose with two boys you've never watched Strawberry Shortcake, but MAN that is some messed up stuff. It makes Lewis Carroll look like a teetotaller.

So glad Ezra likes his toes and his brother, and that life is boring for you. Boring is infinitely preferable to drama/stress.


Glad you had a relatively boring stretch. and Jason is brilliant; I probably just would have cried (I'm not great in any situation that requires me to think fast).

My husband and I got into a surprisingly heated conversation about Little Einsteins once. I was making the case that it had some redeeming quality because it teaches about art and music (though it is spectacularly annoying!). He said that he doesn't care what it's trying to teach, you're confusing the hell out of kids with a show with a music-powered rocket and animals that communicate via classical music.

I then had to bring up "Diego," which is a perfectly fine show in many ways, but seriously, the animals? At least Dora's animal friends are completely made up. On Diego, they all but announce "Llamas are good climbers with long necks. And they speak Spanish!" The bilingual animals freak me out.


It's amazing how inferior technology makes us realize that, huzzah! There is life outside of these pretty little screens.

Kudos to Jason - I once had a guy ask me if he could look at my iPod, because, you know, he was in the music business and wanted to get a "feel for the public." He looked so downcast when I pointed out that if he wanted to go to Metro Center, his train was about to leave... ahh, nothing liked meth-ed out metro patrons.


Mmm, banana bread...


We're Little Einsteins junkies here. And? I actually like it. It's waaaaay less annoying than the following:

Dora the Frakkin' Explorer. Hate.

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. OMFG.

The Imagination Movers (or as we call them, "The Imagination LOSERS" because they all look and act like college dropouts who still live in their parents' basements)

The Backyardigans. I find them incredibly annoying.

At least with Little Einsteins, my kids are now recognizing snippets of classical music, and artwork. Really, that is big in my book. And all I had to do to get my four year old interested in learning his letters was buy a pack of Little Einsteins flash cards.

Rocket, I am your whore.


I was excited when the Little Einsteins included the clap (zooming thru the sky clap clap Little Einsteins) and now do it along with them. Every.Time.I.Hear.The.Song.

How sad is that?


Michele, thanks for the muffin idea. I printed it out and I'm totally using it this afternoon.

As for the baby food, my 5 month old is still refusing anything... he was going OK with the cereal for a few weeks (I didn't want to start him on it, but after my DR told me to, we hoped it would help him sleep better at night. It hasn't). He did, however, cut his first tooth this week. Could that be why? I'm worried b/c he is starting to associate the highchair/velcro bumkins bib with "Scary spoon and stuff in my mouth".

He will laugh hysterically at his three year old brother and that's when I try to get it in his mouth.

And in our house (I refuse to pay for the big cable package) it is all PBS--- Super Why is the BEST! And Curious George is better on TV than in the books (less mischievous, more math and science).

Jen L.

Go, Jason!

UGH, Little Einsteins. I want to slap the little sister. (Annie?) It annoys me when she sings.
We are more of an Imagination Movers family. I'm pretty sure my husband listens to the CD when he's in the car alone.


My three year old son is currently OBSESSED with Harold and the Purple Crayon on Hbo family. Which I wouldn't really mind except that it's narrated by fucking Sharon Stone who I can't stand. The show itself is cute but everytime she's talking all I hear is her character from Basic Instinct. And the opening credits are an earwork just like Little Einsteins. I long for the days when Blue's Clues was the only show he liked.


Climb aboard, get ready to explore...zooming through the sky....

parenting BY dummies

Seriously, you are one of the funniest people on the planet and I get the strange feeling that you're not even trying. Luckily, I have avoid that Little Einsteins crap. However, the Imagination Movers are totally rockin' my world right now. I go to sleep with that "jump around" shit in my head. For some reason they suck way more than the Wiggles b/c they can't blame their annoying songs and ugly as shit jumpsuits on the fact that they're foreign. Why can't he like cool shows like Scooby Doo or the Smurfs?


My one year old is a fan of all things Disney Playhouse. My husband and I despise Annie of Little Einsteins. Who gave that child a MICROPHONE?! She's what I imagine Celine Dion would have been like at that age. Annoying. "My Friends Tigger and Pooh" is by far the least annoying and least formulaic of the morning programming on Disney.


Oh yeah, and we fully ordered like a million seasons of classic loony tunes and woody the woodpecker and droopy dog in an attempt to void the predictable LAMENESS of children's programming (in favor of overt violence and 2D animation). So far, NOTHING. I'm hoping my kid gets cooler as he gets older.


Oh, Little Einsteins. I have pondered the stupidity of that show so often---the rocket vs. jet thing is a killer for me, too. I am a musician, a children's music teacher (part time)and because of this, all my relatives that know of the show think that I must LOVE it because that irritating rocket goes from Adagio to Presto (instead of slow to fast) and they are constantly flying over trumpets, cellos, and drums playing in the ocean. I have to keep saying, over and over, "being a musician makes me hate it MORE."


I love Jason. Tell him I'm giving him a high five. You know, at the next station.


So awesome. So funny. I have nothing more to say. But you rock. The end.


Trust me, if that guy had looked even slightly intimidating, I would've tried to ignore him too. But he was so small and, well...5' 8", I just had to mess with him.


Augh, solids. I'm looking forward to making the food. (I found it an oddly zen experience.) But not the pain in the ass actually feeding the food to the baby part.

MJ also thinks his big brother is the shit. He spends like 70% of the day staring at him and goobering.

Mary @ Holy Mackerel

You just made my day with this post, in-between my constant hacking, projectile vomiting and explosive diarrhea. So thank you!


Should I not tell you about "Imagination Movers" - also on Disney? It is quite addictive, but not stupid.


Thanks to my Alison, I constantly have the theme song to "Leeddle Heinkeins" stuck in my head.

I am not sure which is worse...that or the Nei How Kai-Lan (however it's spelled) from Nick Jr.


Jason had a great idea to get that guy away from you two. Brilliant!

Metro always has interesting people on it. That's for certain.


the great thing about you is that you can turn a boring week into a pretty damn funny post!


Ugh, I hate the subway. One time we were in a PACKED car but me and my fiance happened to be standing next to the crazy man saying he was going to kill everyone. I was honestly totally sure I would get shanked before our stop.


Fellow DC Metro rider here: You probably already know this, but my "I must fix everything" husband wanted me to comment that there are intercoms at the ends of each Metro car (near the doors between the cars) so you can report crazy meth-hed harassment and supposedly police will come and visit your car at the next stop.

But I liked the way Jason handled it better... way more entertaining.

mama bell

you're funny


Hey! I'm Five Foot Eight, too, Mofo!


It never ends...wait until you can sing along to all the High School Musical songs!


You wanna talk about drugs? Have you ever seen Yo Gabba Gabba? The name alone proves the writers were and are on drugs. There is absolutely no other explanation for a show like that - none. However, it is the only TV show my 2 year old will watch voluntarily, and so I'm like, "Bring on the drugs, baby!"


This post is so much funnier the second time you read it. And the third. And the fourth.


The little einstiens scare me still just because of that whole harvard study. i guess i have a knee-jerk reaction to that logo now.


Little Einsteins have been around for awhile now in our house. There are parts of it that can really grate, like the blonde girl singing and it can be so repetitive with the patting and the raising of the arms.

What does Noah think of Maggie & the Ferocious Beast? That is the most requested show in our house, has been for over a year now (I have twin boys who are 3 1/2). I think it is one of the best pre-schooler aimed shows on TV, hands down. One of the least annoying too. The lessons it teaches are great and the stories are so creative. We have 35 of them saved on the DVR currently so it helps keep things from getting boring.


Thanks for the info on the baby food. I'm going to give it a try. My son weighs about 15 pounds at 5 months and my daughter weighed 16 pounds at 1 year, I'm not use to this much eating this young, lol.

Mrs. Flinger

Owen just found Little Einsteins and it's serious crack. He's shoving an Einsteins book in my face right now. "READ! ROCKET! READ!"

Thank God for them. It's how I blog at all nowadays.


Is it an older IBM? You probably have to boot up the laptop with the camera already plugged in because it won't read the peripherals on the side after starting up.

SD's Husband

I. Cannot. Believe it! You are correct about the production 4:20 meetings for that show. Heck, try this: Rocket = Mystery Machine! discuss...

What I love about cartoons is that if you really sit back and look at ALL of them, its pretty obvious a cover for a secret society on illicit contraband. The finest ones are when a smoker meets a sniffer and they go to lunch with manic to discuss a new production idea, you get "Drawn Together" on Comedy Central.

Luckily, we dropped Noggin a few months back so I'm not stuck watching reruns. That is the worst part about kid cartoons IMOH.

FYI - I'M FIVE FOOT EIGHT, MOTHERFUCKER! Seriously, says it on my drivers license! (I think I'm actually going to use that line.)

Great post. Love the blog.

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