May 14, 2009
So I didn't update yesterday because I couldn't think of anything to write about. Some half-formed possibilities included:
Wow, Gee Whiz, But Lots Of People Have Similar Problems With Their GPS Unit, Howza About That
Pooping On The Potty as a Diabolical Stalling Tactic
Didya Ever Go Too Long Without Logging Into Facebook and Then You Log In and It's All Like, Whoa, And Stuff?
This Coffee Tastes Like Shit
I came very close to settling on possibility number five, which was: Here, Have Some Baby Pictures. But for some reason Jason took our camera to work on Monday and I have not seen it since, and honestly Ezra has been so PARTICULARLY CANTANKEROUS since getting his vaccinations on Tuesday that I don't feel too badly for letting this week go by un-photographed. He pretty much looks like this:
Only, you know, louder and more 95th percentilish.
Then I was going to write something about my boobs, because they have been up to no damn good lately, as in my once abundant reserves of milk appear to be d-r-y-i-n-g u-p no matter what I do, no matter how much I nurse or funky tea I drink or Fenugreek I choke down, plus the baby WILL NOT STOP BITING, and then my period started and I got all weepy, but I was afraid if I wrote that entry I would: 1) jinx things even more, 2) get tons of assvice, 3) accidentally talk about my period.
Then I tried to do a little interview with Noah like this one Linda* conducted with Riley, but..um...yeah, it came out a little more like an interview with some kind of keyword-powered googlefail bot than I thought it would. Perhaps we'll try it again next year.
What is something I always say to you?
I don't wanna play the question game. I wanna play the monkey game.
What makes me happy?
What makes me sad?
<pulls skin on face down to create dramatic frowny face and reveal interior of eye sockets>
How do I make you laugh?
(Mother slowly getting the sense he doesn't quite have the who/what/how concepts down yet.)
What do you think I was like as a little girl?
A beautiful girl. A hot girl.
(That is correct, sir! Finally.)
How old am I?
How tall am I?
No. You cannot be tall. I say no.
What is my favorite thing to do?
Lie on my couch.
What do I do when you're not around?
<turns around in circles>
If I become famous, what would it be for?
(The rest of the questions were pretty much more of the same, with just a few variations on "No" and "NOOOO" and <silence> and inquiries about the whereabouts of his tractor, his toothbrush and his butt.)
*I'm meeting her tonight! In person! For the first time, despite owning a ton of her maternity clothing. Huh. We're attending a FANCY RED-CARPET MOVIE PREMIERE together. For a kids' movie, but we're not taking our kids, and now that I've at least posted SOMETHING to my stupid blog, you must excuse me, because I have figure out what to wear and also hopefully lose 10 pounds.