To Do: Drive to Doctor's Office, Walk in Door, Fail Spectacularly
May 12, 2009
Here, I drew you a picture of our trip a new pediatrician this morning:
(Click to embiggen and like, really DRINK IN the artistry of those brushstrokes)
After regarding the mailbox for awhile and determining that it was, in fact, a standard blue United States Postal Service mailbox and NOT a pediatric practice with a bitchin' infant drop-off system, I figured we should head towards the nearest actual office building. Which as you can clearly see, is Not The Doctor. Not Our Doctor, anyway. There were many doctors in it, and I'm sure they are lovely doctors, even if the design of their building leaves something to be desired, as...I don't know, I figured DOORS are usually somewhat adjacent to PARKING LOTS and basically ended up circling the entire building -- like some kind of suburban obstacle course designed by MC Escher -- before finding the door. Which was Not The Door To The Doctor Anyway.
The Doctor was at 101313 Major Big Ass Road. Not The Doctor was 101310 Major Big Ass Road, although the building number was -- YOU GUESSED IT -- not anywhere near the goddamn door, but sort of diagonally facing the road, and blocked by some trees.
And that's how I ended up wandering down a major big ass road with Ezra strapped to my chest and Noah's hand in mine while I barked threats of NEVER WATCHING TELEVISION EVER AGAIN AND THAT INCLUDES THE LITTLE MERMAID SO HELP ME GOD if he dared pull his hand away. It was either that or the swamp, or scaling a fence.
(Or getting back in the car and strapping everybody back in and like, driving to the correct building. But I think it's pretty clear that course-correction out in the field is generally not one of my strengths.)
We made it to The Doctor.
I did not like This Doctor as much as Our Old Doctor (who is now out-of-network; I may never really stop crying), but Noah thought the office had much cooler toys (meaning germy-looking busted-ass plastic baby toys instead of lovely hand-painted wooden bead mazes).
Ezra weighs 17.6 pounds and is in the 25th percentile for weight and height.
His enormous head is enormous. 95th percentile enormous.
I gave my GPS a good stern talking-to, it responded by moving my home address 100 yards north into a drainage ditch.