Monday Hodgepodge
I'd Say Something About REALLY Needing This Vacation...

23 Minutes

Dear Well-Meaning People At Our Vet's Office,

I know. I KNOW. He LOOKS CUTE. He's all blondish and be-dimpled, dressed up exactly like a real live human being with the polo and the shorts and the sandals. He'll tell you his name and his dog's name and his baby brother's name (though probably not in the same order you asked the questions). In other words, he LOOKS like the kind of kid you can win over with stickers and small plastic dog figurines...and inviting him into the back while you administer our dog's Bordetella vaccine sounds like a great idea, except for the part where you can't and it totally fucking isn't.

I don't know. I DON'T KNOW. He loves stickers! Especially circle stickers! Small plastic choking hazards are his FAVORITE! I don't know why today he's decided that stickers are the equivalent of putting dirty Band-Aids on his shirt and small plastic dog figurines are like, beneath him or something, God, and why his only true love in the world is your ceramic business card holder. Wait. That one I know. Because it is 1) Breakable, and 2) FULL OF A MILLION AND ONE FUCKING BUSINESS CARDS.

I do know a little more. See? He's three-and-a-half. Probably closer to four than I ever let myself admit, because FOUR. That's a PERSON. That's...not this kid right here, who is shrieking that I DON'T NEED TO LIKE TO READ A BOOK NO THANK YOU when I offer him something from your dog-eared collection of dog-themed children's books as an alternative to the business card holder. He is both acting his age and totally NOT acting his age, and I hope and pray this is just kind of part being this age. Dear God. He also, for the record, loves books, although today has been one of those fucking days where I would secretly like to fashion some kind of helmet that beams Yo Gabba Gabba directly into his brain if it would make him sit still and stop rolling around on the fur-covered floor like the Incredible Human Swiffer With Extra Whining Power.

(You're welcome for the clean floors, though. Don't mention it, we're just happy to help.)

I must admit to bullshitting you when I was all, "Noah, be GENTLE with Ceiba's leash, remember how I showed you? Don't pull on her, be GENTLE. You know better." Confession: I've never shown him how to walk the dog on her leash because he refuses to even acknowledge her waffle-stealing existence 99% of the time, like, I'm not even sure he's aware that we have a dog. I think he considers her more on par with an annoying battery-powered blinky-bloopy toy, and he has never ONCE been so fascinated with her leash and walking her around in circles as he is today and honestly I'm starting to wonder if maybe another mother and I got our children mixed up in the parking lot.

Please don't offer to let him go in the back with you please don't offer to let him go in the back with you please don't, oh crap. You did. Okay, watch this; it's really cool. I'll try to say "No, let's stay out here and wait together, okay?" and see how many words I can get out of my mouth before the screaming starts.

Three words! It's a personal best!

Fine. We'll go in the back -- path of least resistance and all, and a fierce desire to GET OUT OF HERE ALIVE -- and oh, look. There's dogs and cats in cages! He would like to stick his hand in those cages, and then he would like to run around and collide into pricey medical equipment. This is a TERRIFIC IDEA. You can tell that the vet thinks so too! Hi, Doctor. Yeah. It's us. There's an olde ancient Internet acronym for your facial expression. Double You Tee Eff, I believe it is called.

Okay! The vaccine took all of 30 seconds, which TOTALLY made this entire transition to the back room necessary and time to go back out front, Noah! Noah? Get...git...over here...now...hiss...gah...I will PUT YOU in the cone of shame, child, I KNOW they make them for your neck measurement I swear to...

Okay! Time to pay, make follow-up appointments at which I will feel deathly guilty over the state of my pets' dental hygeine, yep, I'd love a reminder card, something to look forward to! This! All over again! And oh God, please let the sticker thing go, I don't know WHY he's being such an ass about the sticker and I'm just all around mortified by this entire excursion and...wait...what are you asking him about?

Are we going to the bea...SHIT SHIT DON'T SAY IT DON'T SAY THAT WORD STOP.

Oh, hell. Yes, we needed the Bordetella because we're going to the b-e-a-c-h. On Friday. Which means it's totally not something we've mentioned to the c-h-i-l-d yet, because...well, never mind. I'm just going to crumble a couple of your business cards into earplugs for the ride home when he realizes we're NOT going to the beach right now and thinks that he's being punished for not being a good boy and perhaps I'll let him think that. Or not. I haven't had time to process my remaining patience level.

In summary, Well-Meaning People At Our Vet's Office, please accept my official and heartfelt apology for bringing an unhinged class five tornado onto your premises. Especially without a leash. He's really not usually like this, except for whenever it matters. THEN HE IS PRECISELY LIKE THIS. Thank you for maintaining that you found him utterly adorable, right up until the moment we left. Though I also wouldn't blame you if you're totally blogging about us right now.

Sincerely,
Amy

PS. I am also sorry that my dog has such a weird, unpronouncable name. Before her next visit I'll train her to respond to Sheba or Sayiba or something like that.

PPS. He really did cry the whole way home about the beach. It was kind of sad, since I do still like him a whole lot, in spite of everything. I wasn't mean about it and tried to explain that we're still going, just not today, but it didn't really do any good. Turns out he mostly just needed a nap. This has since been rectified. Within 30 seconds of getting back home. With extreme prejudice. And door locks.

PPPS. The little one sure was cute, right? HE liked your stickers.

PPPPS. Though for future reference, eight-month-old babies should not be given stickers. Particularly eight-month-old babies who belong to harebrained, distracted mothers who are trying to wrangle a sobbing preschooler and a freaked-out hamsterdog who just wanted to wind her leash around everybody's fucking legs, because she might not notice until much later that the sticker has mysteriously vanished. He's going to poop it out momentarily, I just know it. I wonder if we'll still be able tell what brand of heartworm pills provided the stickers! Oooh, suspense!

Comments

mel

What is with the vet's office and their commitment to pet dental hygeine? After spending $600 on my cat the other day they tried to make me feel guilty for not spending another $300 on his teeth. I did not have the heart to tell them that if the damn cat peed on the floor one more time I beleive my husband might put him out of his misery.

Caroline

You deserve a martini after that one, lady.

Cate Ross

It is after a day like this one, when you have wrung every last atom of patience and cunning out of every last cell in your body, and you are secretly hoping someone will break your legs so you can have a day or two in a hospital for the QUIET for gods' sake, that someone will say to you:

"Oh, you are at home full time? What do you DO all day?"

And murder doesn't seem like a terrible option at that moment, because at least you'd get a quiet cell with only one cellmate--with the option to upgrade to solitary!

Janna

As a former babysitter/nanny/camp counselor/kindergarten teacher, but not yet a mom:

this entry made me want to take a nap. SHEW!

Danielle

ha.hahah. hahahahaha. LURVE.

Jessica V.

These are the types of situations where, inevitably, my 4 year old somehow manages to vanish from my sight in the blink of an eye - usually right about the time I've reached the end of the stress rope - causing me to shriek "Jack!" in the ear of the person "helping" me, only to find that he is standing right behind me and is Not currently getting run over in the parking lot or otherwise getting into trouble. That always leaves 'em with a good impression of how well I have things under control.

Missie

You poor thing.

And I mean that seriously...you.poor.thing!

I have had days similar and it makes one question the whole procreation idea.

Jessi

Oh, sweetie. Soooo been there. Been there in spades. Been there, only when the dog got a shot, she screamed like it had been her because "Mean Doctor HURT my DOG!" Alcohol and nap. ASAP

Kim Brown

You've made my own special crappy day a little better by knowing that someone else is having an equally crappy day. Does that make me a bad person?

Jean

so had bad days too...have a large beverage (you know, the adult kind) and then hand everything and everyone over to Jason when he gets home :)

Whozat

I expect a full report on the sticker when it reappears.

My nephew once ate some of the newspaper, and my sister could still read the comic strips when he pooped it out.

Hillary

Oh dear. At least you all made it out alive and in one piece.

Brooks

"Mama said there'd be days like this, there'd be days like this my Mama said..." Sorry, it seemed mildly appropriate. Meltdown, WTF moment, whatever you call it, it sure as shit is not easy to abide, or ignore, hence the lack of hair on my head, and grey in my beard! I feel for you, and just reading that has prompted a detour in my ride home to the local purveyor of distilled spirits. I'll be pouring a stiff one in your honor, and the second will be strictly for sympathy! Hang in there, and oil the door locks!!

Lori

You are so brave. Loved the post, praying HARD for you and trying not to laugh because DAMN you are funny.

Melissa

I hear you on the stickers and eating of same. We had the screaming in the middle of the night and coughing it out follow-up, however.

Sprite's Keeper

I wish Sprite would ignore our dogs once in a while. The beagle may be closer to a breakdown than I thought.
And I agree with Mel. What's with the dental upcharge? As much as I love my two dogs, they're DOGS. They eat shit on a regular basis. And lick themselves and others. Tartar on their teeth? Next thing you know, the vets will be telling us to floss as well.

Susan

Well, the worst situations make the best blog posts. (Sorry for the evil/schadenfreude from me). My day wasn't as bad, although it was started with cat puke.

Hope tomorrow is better for you. Or that you can laugh harder at today, at least.

nonsoccermom

Oh, Amy. It's funny, but only because it wasn't me. Wow. Glad you all made it through!! Have an extra glass of wine tonight.

kim at allconsuming

DUDE - I've just been blogging a SERIES of what it is to be 3.5. Here, come sit down, there's plenty of room of this misery-loves-company bench.

Plano Mom

My prayers for you are twofold: that you recover from this challenging experience and prayers of joy that you will one day be on the backside of this phase.

lolismum

You have a husband, no? Why is he not taking the animals to the vet after he comes back from work? I have had 4-5 vets over the years, they all have evening/weekend hours. A baby, a hypersensitive dog and a hypersensitive kid who does not care for the dog all together at the vet? Oh boy, reading all that made me break out in cold sweat.

Candy

I really admire you, because I'd want to beat the everloving shit out of my kid when we got back to the car. Delicate sensitivities notwithstanding.

Ina

Or maybe hire responsible teen to take the dog to the vet? I don't see how you can do all this yourself, even though you obviously are. But I think a neighborhood helper would make life a lot easier.

Susan

I just took our two 15 lb cats to the vet for shots - and lo and behold my husband had failed to take the stroller out of his car and put it in my car, so I had to balance 30 lbs of cats on one side and 19 pounds of 6 month old on the other (we grow 'em big at my house) and the chipper 12 year old vet tech didn't even make a move to help me get through the door. $92 EACH for the privilege - no extra charge for the dental upsell guilt... You betcha I wuz drinking after that!

lonek8

I make it a point never to take my kids to the vet with me - but I was always considering that it seemed needlessly cruel to the cat to bring them along (they love the "pet" ie smack, the cat, chase the cat, shriek in joy in the cat's ear -and I fgured a trip to the vet was stressful enough to the poor animal). I never once really considered my stress level in the whole situation, but man, my decision to always get a babysitter when the cat needs a checkup is looking better than ever now. I'm sending you a big mental martini!

Aunt Becky

I was walking through Target with The Daver on Sunday and mentioned that it was 'hahaha, so FUNNY, hahaha' that we burn up our babysitting time doing chores.

Then I cried. Because yeah. Obviously.

Kendra

...and perhaps I'll let think him that. Or not. I haven't had time to process my remaining patience level.

And that's why I read your blog--as much for the humor as for moments like these, that let me know I'm not the only one who has thoughts like that. More than once, I've realized that I'd just used up the last of my patience--and I wasn't even at the vet.

I hope everyone has calmed down and that there are no more vet visits in your near future.

Eva

Amy, I get that you are angry at the situation for transpiring this way, and you have my sympathy that it went down like this.

I think you took a little too much on - a preschooler with special needs and a baby and a dog to the vet for a shot is a lot to handle.

You're doing an admirable job. Let your husband take the dog to the vet or watch the kids while you do.

Joanne

I took my four year old for his checkup today at the ped and he was SO good. He has autism but sees a regular ped and sometimes the nurses don't seem to know what's up with him. So they treat him like a typical kid, tell him the bp wrap is "hugging" his arm, etc. Today it all went GREAT. He even said "doctor" to the doctor! Then we came home and he proceeded to lose his freaking MIND for hours and hours. Kicking, screaming, screaming, braying, screaming, etc. etc. on and on until - well, actually he's still pretty noisy but my husband has him in the bath. My point is, I sort of wish he would have been crazy at the ped for 20 minutes, rather than for four hours at home. You never know, right? Let's have wine tonight, a ton!

Rebekah

This post is hilariously funny - not the experience so much as it sounds like that was more than a little trying, but your recounting of it...and hey, you're laughing, right? Isn't that better than the alternative?

Eliza

Teenagers are soooo much easier than this! I hope to gah that Noah turns out to be an easy teen for you.

Valerie

Oh, sweet Amy. With no kids, I can't begin to imagine the hilarity that must ensue. But I can tell you this: kids Noah's age have no sense of time. Thomas the Tank engine coming today or Next Never brings the same angst and anticipation.

Noah is lovely, Ezra is adorable and you are drunk. By now. I'm guessing. Good girl. Tomorrow is another day.

Habbala

This post CRACKED me up. (wiping tears from my cheeks)

Erin

Good GOD I am glad I am not the only one who goes through this shit!! I feel for you, Amy. I do. Great post!!!

Kathy

Taking children to appointment-y type things is SO not my idea of a good time. And then to bring the dog (obviously), too?! You are a brave, brave woman. *tips hat to you*

ladybughugs

I thought you were going to say Noah freaked out when he saw the needle for Ceiba.

I've been there, done that with a toddler that was just not in the mood to cooperate, no. matter. what. And the rolling on the floor, swifferizing? oh. my. goodness! that's my life!

all that to say. I feel your pain! I can't speak for all moms, but I've been there. You really do express it soooo much better than I!

die Frau

Just don't forget if the sticker ends up on little Ezra's boyparts that it IS A STICKER. I seem to remember an entry where Jason freaked out because you thought Noah had some crazy extra skin that came off his willie...and it was a sticker.

God, after that vet visit, did you Irish up your coffee/iced tea/water/drink of choice?

die Frau

Just don't forget if the sticker ends up on little Ezra's boyparts that it IS A STICKER. I seem to remember an entry where Jason freaked out because you thought Noah had some crazy extra skin that came off his willie...and it was a sticker.

God, after that vet visit, did you Irish up your coffee/iced tea/water/drink of choice?

die Frau

Just don't forget if the sticker ends up on little Ezra's boyparts that it IS A STICKER. I seem to remember an entry where Jason freaked out because you thought Noah had some crazy extra skin that came off his willie...and it was a sticker.

God, after that vet visit, did you Irish up your coffee/iced tea/water/drink of choice?

die Frau

Just don't forget if the sticker ends up on little Ezra's boyparts that it IS A STICKER. I seem to remember an entry where Jason freaked out because you thought Noah had some crazy extra skin that came off his willie...and it was a sticker.

God, after that vet visit, did you Irish up your coffee/iced tea/water/drink of choice?

booshwash

I had no choice but to take my 16 pound cat with a torn nail to the vets with my 2 1/2 year old extra-active daughter and my 6 month old son on my own just a few weeks ago. To the other posters asking about why she didn't have help - sometimes it's just not possible. Anyways, my trip was EXHAUSTING, especially since I have to walk to my vets and I only had room in my stroller for the cat. With the baby in a carrier and the toddler who doesn't know how to walk in a straight line... And then there's the water cooler in the waiting room.... Let's say the mop was involved more than once. I feel for you, Amy! :)

Kristin

I'll trade you one vet's visit for a kicking,screaming, crying 3 1/2 yr old who is pissed because I won't let him sleep with his big brother because I have some insane parental notion of them actually being well rested. Argh.

randi

I love reading your posts because they sound like my life a few years ago. Wait till Ezra can tell people to stop asking his brother questions because he does not like to answer them.

ladykay

Somehow I am reminded about the day I was in the grocery store parking lot a couple of years ago and saw a mom with a pre-schooler unloading groceries in her car. As she put them in the backseat her child scrambled out of the cart and started crawling across the trunk of her car. As she reached for him he scampered out of her reach - repeatedly - as she tried to corner him.

As I watched this did I feel compassion for her, did I rush over and offer to help - maybe distract Jr. so she could catch him? Nope, I'm evil. I just thought to myself, "Hah! I don't ever have to do that again!"

Oh yes, been THERE, done THAT, so love that mine have grown up! Bwahahaha!!!

(BTW, I am the aforementioned sister whose baby ate the Sunday funnies and you could still read them when he pooped them out. Said baby turns 25 next month. :D)

ladykay

Somehow I am reminded about the day I was in the grocery store parking lot a couple of years ago and saw a mom with a pre-schooler unloading groceries in her car. As she put them in the backseat her child scrambled out of the cart and started crawling across the trunk of her car. As she reached for him he scampered out of her reach - repeatedly - as she tried to corner him.

As I watched this did I feel compassion for her, did I rush over and offer to help - maybe distract Jr. so she could catch him? Nope, I'm evil. I just thought to myself, "Hah! I don't ever have to do that again!"

Oh yes, been THERE, done THAT, so love that mine have grown up! Bwahahaha!!!

(BTW, I am the aforementioned sister whose baby ate the Sunday funnies and you could still read them when he pooped them out. Said baby turns 25 next month. :D)

SUPAHMAMA!

poopwatch2009.

keep us posted on the contents of your doggy poo. i will be on the edge of my seat until i know for sure which medicine it is.

SUPAHMAMA!

poopwatch2009.

keep us posted on the contents of your doggy poo. i will be on the edge of my seat until i know for sure which medicine it is.

Demi

I teach a year 1 class over in australia and i kid you not they love your 8 month old son ezra. they are totaly over the whole praise thing and as a reward i now crank out the laptop and show them photos from your blog. if i had a dollar for the amount of times a day i get a cute face looking up at me saying baby photos? i would be rich, im prety sure they are using it as black mail now. im most likely the worst teacher when it comes to appropiate rewards and blah blah blah but c'mon if cute baby photos stop a bunch of 6 year olds from screaming then ill take it!

by the way how do you prenounce your dogs name??

Jennifer @ Here-I-Stand

I'm with you on the "please don't mention the beach" thing. When my older daughter was 3 we went to Disney with my sister-in-law and brother-in-law and their 2 kids, one a year older and one a year younger than mine. My SIL thought nothing of talking about plans that may or may NOT happen in earshot of the children. HER kids regularly tuned out what adults were saying and had no idea. MY kid turned around (in stroller) and started... "fireworks? we're going to see fireworks? when? when are the fireworks?" at 3 in the afternoon. I wanted to strangle my otherwise-very-lovely SIL more than once on that trip, just for normal conversation. It was the first time I realized that not all parents talked in whispers and code around their children.

Patti B.

OMG. Sorry for that part of your day :/

Kyla

Oh hell.

This is why we don't run errands with the little people in tow. Exactly why.

Jess

Ezra and the sticker reminds me of when my son had a small cut on the tip of his finger when he was 9 months old. We put a band aid on it, because we're IDIOTS.

Having lunch an hour later, I notice the band aid is gone. From the finger of the child who eats with his hands. What do I do? I PUT ANOTHER FREAKING BAND AID ON. I'm smart like that. I blame the sleep deprivation.

For the record, yes, the second band aid also disappeared and I finally realized where they were going. But I never did see either of them come out the other end.

Amalah

To everybody mentioning help/husband: usually we try. We do. Yesterday was a unique situation because our beach trip was planned at the last minute (Jason's relatives live there, we go whenever they have open beds and Jason can get a day or two off). Suddenly it was SHIT, Ceiba needs that booster shot or we can't board her anywhere, quick call the vet and get an appointment ASAP. It'll be quick! In and out in 20 minutes, tops!

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa. Sob.

Katie Kat

OMG! That was so great - made my day (and I needed it). I swear you live in a sit-com... or you should write for one! I'd have paid good money to be a fly on the wall for this one (of course I'd probably be an annoying fly and you'd swat me down mid flight like a ninja).

Anyway, if I HAD been there I'd have done my best to help... and stifle my laughing! I'm sure the vet folks understood --they have to deal with crazy animals all the time! :)

Wacky Mommy

Don't some days just make you so tired? Sorry about that, doesn't sound like any fun at all. We had a little meltdown yesterday at the Italian bakery. No, there weren't extra samples, some days there just aren't, no need for a fit. OK, we were over it. (A first. At ages 7 & 9.)

Then here comes the sweet, adorable bakery guy to give my son a cooky, sure, thank you, now he knows that whining = cooky. People really do mean well it's just... can't they read body language? Or at least try?

Jennifer

My lord, woman, you can use the f word is amazing ways.

As someone who just today thought "Crap. I can never have another kid because THIS ONE SUCKS TOO MUCH" about my 3.5 year old, I am now thankful that we have no pets.

Hope the beach is worth the torment.

Hanna

I've seen the pictures of those dimples - I'd probably do all kinds of crazy and less than helpful things to try to get a smile out of that child if he walked into my office as well! Then again, I'm a psychologist so here's hoping he never does - most kids are not there for reasons of, you know, too much happiness! And smiling! You've met enough of us to know. Hope your day ended in a relaxing way, possibly with a nice glass of someting tasty!

Jacquie

How do you pronounce that hamsterdog's name? Glad you all made it out alive My dog weighs 85 pounds, and recently embarassed the hell out of me at the vet's office when she tried to rough house with someone's clearly dying pet. The kids were not even there to blame!

Cat

Jesus.

Totally rethinking my desire to procreate at this moment.

Jan

Whew! I need a drink after just reading it! Hopefully the rest of the day was better after the nap!

Mo

You are so effing hilarious.

Stefanie

I also have a dog with an unpronounceable name of Spanish origin--Dulce. I get dull-chay, dullcie, and, my favorite, dooshie. Mine is a bit of a whore for attention and will respond to anything, though. Especially if he thinks the speaker might want to pat him or allow him to eat their trash.

charlotte

"the Incredible Human Swiffer With Extra Whining Power"

YOU are a gooddess with extra nerve strength. Congratulations to making it home alive. I know I wouldn't have.

Gina

Who are you and why are you writing about my son??

Seriously, he does this a lot.

Nickie

I think our kids are accidental twins.

My Little Man is soooo like that, so so so like that. I feel your pain, and exhaustion, and frustration, and need for a nice stiff drink. Go ahead, have one...it helps, some!

D.E.

Ok I've never commented on your blog before, but I had to today because I'm a vet and I also have a 3.5 yr old. My kid comes to visit me at work occasionally and it's always a bad idea. Always. I can't pry him away from the cages, or he hurts himself on the equipment, or he scares some poor dying on-life-support animal. He's not allowed "in the back" anymore.

And I can't tell you how many times I've tweeted or updated or blogged about obnoxious kids after horrifying visits where they ran around or kicked me or tore posters off the wall or choked the crap out of their dying dog while their parents sat there and talked on their cell phones...Trust me, yours sounds angelic compared to some that come through here LOL.

Meredith

Sorry about your day. I hope you got some "me" time (as I call it) after your husband came home. After reading this, I did ask my 20 mo.old daugther: Now you will listen to mommy when we go to the store, right? and she kind of laughed then grabbed a crayon to go write on our newly painted walls. Kids.

The Other Laura

Although my boy is now 8, I have a few episodes just like this one permanently seared into my brain. It is hard and it sucks and you should get a big glass of wine and a nap for getting everyone back home alive.

Emily

Wow. That was all too familliar. Thanks for sharing. It helps to make me feel not so alone. Mine is five and still does not understand the concept of time. Had he heard beach, he too would have thought we were going right then and there. Hang in there. You are doing a great job!!!

Amalah

Jacquie: Ceiba is pronounced SAY-bah. She was named after the restaurant where I got my husband drunk enough to agree to let me get a dog.

bethany actually

Aw, Amy. This makes me want to give you a hug. And as well-meaning as I know all those people are who suggest a babysitter/husband doing the vet run/mother's helper...I am still glaring at the screen because I know how it feels when people assume they know what it's like to be you when they DO NOT KNOW.

On the upside, boy do you have a wicked way with words, lady. This was so funny I read it out loud to my husband and mom (both in the same room) and we were all cracking up.

Abra Leah

Wow. I hope everyone took a really nice long nap and decides to go to bed early.

Imagine what it's like when I take 5 of my students into the community for community based instruction! :)

April

Well I give you credit. Because I have given up the vet. Irresponsible? Yes. Guilt-inducing? Yes. Especially when they keep sending me those damn reminder cards. I haven't forgotten. We're just not going any more. The reason? Insane fears over most everything you mention here. And the possibility of a vicious dog in the teensy tiny waiting room ripping one of my babies' faces off. That's why.

michele

I completely share Noah's sentiments about the beach - "You say we are going to the BEACH?" "OK! yes, Yes, YES!!! I WANT TO GO NOW, RIGHT NOOOOWWWW PUUHHLEEAZZE??!!" I wnat it and I want it now - positively a Veruca Salt / Willie Wonka moment for me too!

Hang in there, rumor has it that you actually are going to the beach very soon - ahhh!

erin

you are so darn funny. i love you.

Cyn

Amy...you poor thing. While you made this post funny as always, your anger and general frustration come through loud and clear. I have to say though, you have reserves of strength most of us can't even dream of. You rock, girl, and you're doing it all exactly right.

And I'm with the others who say, let Jason take Ceiba to the vet. Or...let him take Ceiba to the vet WITH Noah and Ezra. Just, you know, so he can see what it's actually like.

Keep up the great work. We're all behind you.

Mrs. Q.

Utterly hilarious and terrible, all at the same time. This is the kind of day that men must experience. Regularly. Then maybe they would get why we look, sound and smell they way we do at the end of the day. Maybe then we wouldn't get that oh-cereal-for-dinner? look. And wonder why we're too tired for sex.

Shelly

I love your writing, you quack me up! But feel bad at laughing at your expense.

Pam

This totally reminded me (again) of why I hate going to the vet with my kids. Heck, I hate dropping my dog off to get groomed with my kids. LOVE your blog. Thanks for writing...

meg...ct

I hate days like that...hope you are enjoying a drink now!

Marci

Taking my two young daughters and my two cats to the vet used to be one of THE WORST chores I ever had to do. Luckily it gets easier once they get older and are in school. Your post was hilarious and heartbreaking; you are truly gifted with your words.

The worst memory was when I took the girls (who were 3 and 4 years old) to see our sick cat at the vet, only to be told that he died earlier that day. Doh! There was no sugar coating that event, AT ALL. Bleh.

Danell

I'm also a vet with a 3.5 year old and a 3 month old...and I always feel SO BAD for moms bringing in TWO KIDS. I try to be as accommodating as possible!
Unless, of course, like the other vet mentioned, it's a mom yacking away on a cell phone while her kids are climbing the blinds and no one is listening to me talk about the pet...
Seriously, for me, as long as mom is at least TRYING to maintain some control, I don't really care if Fluffy is hissing and clawing at me and the kids are busy emptying out all the drawers in the exam room. Because I know, at some point, that may be me. And I'll be doing the same thing: hissing and half-begging my kids to please get OUT of there, etc...to no avail.

Heather Ann

I know this wasn't really a vet post - more of a Noah post - but I think I can contribute. I am a vet and I have been in the same practice for 13 years. I have watched lots of children grow up and can't believe that they can now drive the car and bring the dog in themselves. So, when you've been at a practice for a long time you know the family and the pet as well. And you know how to deal with particular children in the exam room - especially if the parents helps you and tells you what to say or do. Pick a vet in this practice that seems to get you and your family. See the same one every time. Ask to be put in a room to wait instead of the waiting room - ask ahead of time if that will make it easier. Tell this veterinarian what Noah's issues are (abbreviated, obviously!) and how he or she can help during the visit. I've had parents keep up a running commentary of what I will be doing and/or allowing the child to do and this helps me alot when I am learning about the child or when I need backup to refuse a visit to the back or to tell the child that the dog has to stay on the table for the moment. I'm in Ottawa, so I can't help, but if you were here I would so take care of you and your pets and you could relax in my exam room. Big hugs from Ottawa.

analan

WHY AREN'T YOU ON MOMVERSATION?

Jenn

Been there. Done that. My son has Aspergers, I totally know what you mean. At least yours likes going to the beach, it could be the opposite and then the rest of you may never get to go (it's been my life, sometimes I feel bad that my normal girls miss out). Don't worry, though, they do get older and better about some things...also it helps that mine is 13 now and I can leave him home alone!

Kristine (Mommy Needs Therapy)

If knowing you aren't alone helps, well, YOU AREN'T ALONE!

Sounds like a fairly typical outing with my son. Some days he can be charming, some days I want to seriously shoot myself. Never quite know what is going to dictate his mood though.

Wish I could write about it as well as you do!

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