Input Time, Expanded & Annotated

Never let it be said that the Internet doesn't take a request for advice seriously. Serious Internet iz serious! Serious Internet iz in ur kitchen, comparing ur paint chipz!

In fact, since you guys took the assignment so seriously, I must apologize for setting y'all up for COLOR FAIL with just that little picture of a little corner. I think the lack of full room perspective is why red ended up being such a popular suggestion.

Let's...back up from that angle a little bit.

See, I just can't get behind the idea of painting THAT MUCH wall red. Or any of it red, honestly, what with that wide expanse of reddish floor. As someone mentioned yesterday, I think it might feel like we "slaughtered a steer in a bordello."

We actually painted part of our bedroom dark red in our old DC condo -- way back in 2001, like a couple of paint-trend VISIONARIES -- and at first we loved it. How bold! How deep and lovely and different! And then six months later...hmm. Yeah. It looks kinda like a whorehouse up in here. Also, small. Very, very small.

We moved our bedroom to the (yellow!) upstairs loft and eventually had to paint over the red to create Noah's nursery. And people? I wanted to fucking. Kill. My. Self. And I was the pregnant one who was only BARELY KIND OF HELPING. Jason and his dad did most of the priming and the priming and the painting and oh, dammit, more priming and painting, and I think its pretty safe to say that Jason will never, ever let me paint anything red ever again.

(Next up on the recession-makeover-by-paint-alone list: the adjacent dining room, which is halfway red. Deep, dark red up to a white chair rail, another freaking shade of goddamn beige up to the ceiling. This WOULD work, except that the room has 1) no windows and 2) an unusually low ceiling. Thus, the red gives you the sensation that bottom half of the room is slowly closing in on you and about to eat your legs off.)

(After that, it's time for our bedroom. Holy paint nuggets, but you people are in for some hella boring entries.)

So...I'm sorry. I am. But no red. NO RED. Let's take a look at another angle.

These people LOVED their recessed blackhead-zit-lighting, obviously.

We've been wanting to paint the house ever since we moved in, really, but just...haven't. Our condo buyers* demanded an incredibly tight closing date (which they would subsequently forget to ask for the day off from work for, which was awesome of them) so we only barely got our crap from one place into the other in time. So there was no time to paint while the place was nice and empty, though you can see from the shoe rack that's leaning in a corner instead of being attached to the wall that we TOTALLY INTENDED TO PAINT. I mean, don't MOUNT the shoe rack; we'll just have to take it down when we paint! Which we're totally going to do soon! Along with window coverings! And stuff on the wall! AS SOON AS WE PAINT.

That shoe rack has been sitting there for...what? Two-and-a-half years now? Thank God we didn't waste any energy on THAT, then.

*We also had to accept a below-list offer because they wanted to paint over all the bold, gorgeous colors (terra cotta and yellow and green and faux-crumbling-brick murals climbing up the loft) we'd chosen. We've since seen through the windows that they painted the entire place...white.

That table is going to be replaced, as we NEVER USE IT (obviously, if you can see that we use it for sprouting seedlings for the vegetable garden), with one of those counter-height workstation things, with storage and stools and maybe some butcher block. This kitchen, blah as it might be aesthetically, at least DOES get put to good, extensive use. And since I'm prone to taking up all the counter space while cooking seventeen different batches of baby food and preschooler snacks with a side of Mama Brownies, I've been eyeballing that useless half of the room for awhile now. Usually while drooling. And eating.

Yes, the dishwasher is actually stainless. Or...you know, the fake stainless. The horrible GE dishwasher that was here when we moved in was recalled, and we used the provided rebate to replace it with a possibly MORE horrible GE dishwasher. Scratch that. This is definitely a more horrible dishwasher. Terrible. (It's basically the cheapest GE Profile model you can buy. WE RUE THE DAY.) Its days are numbered and I believe we're going to go back to white, since if we DO fall ass-backwards into some free money, it'll go towards the horrible counter and cabinets. The range and microwave are perfectly fine, and we were able to get the not-great-but-serviceable refrigerator repaired and save ourselves a couple grand. That we've already spent on Noah's OT summer camp. GOD.

Hmm. I am looking at that grey bin/basket we use for paper recyling there and thinking. THINKING OF THINGS. PAINT IDEA THINGS.

That bit up by the WTF is not a trick of the camera -- the wall is weirdly uneven there, thus complicating any ideas of using different colors on the two halves of the room. I think that one wall by the little table would make a nice accent -- I bought rows of little photo/artwork display things at Ikea awhile ago with this wall in mind, but of course never hung them up because WE ARE GOING TO PAINT.

(We did not have Guns n' Roses over. We did not actually have any guests over.)

So...we've been basically going back and forth about this room for ages. We absolutely cannot afford to *do* anything major to it right now. But I'm sick to death of not doing *anything.* I think that's why I finally seized upon the FUCK IT, WE'RE PAINTING IT WHITE AND THAT'S THE END OF IT thing.

(Well, that, and AB Chao's kitchen. I know y'all came down HARD on the all-white kitchen, but dude. Duuuuude. Hers is insanely gorgeous, though clearly not something we could replicate in a boring 70s suburban townhouse kitchen. But still. Waaaaannnnnt, duuuuuuuuuuuude.) Etc.

(Oh! And for the tough-to-clean paint complaints, I cannot believe that I, knower of exactly nothing, know a possible solution to that. My mother-in-law was a professional decorative painter [she did our old condo, but I have been unable to spark her interest in doing ANYTHING at the new house except for the boys' rooms] and after she would do any type of faux finish or mural, she'd slap a thin coat of polyurethane over it. Seals and protects completely so you can wipe ANYTHING off with a wet rag. HIGHLY recommended for any special painted details you might put around your baby boy's changing table. Just saying. From experience.)

Now that you have some added perspective on the space, what do you think? Warm grey? Avocado or olive or grass green? (Not big on sage, since our one bathroom is sage and our LAST bathroom was sage, so basically: sage makes me think I have to pee.) Tiffany or robin's egg blue? Canteloupe? Yellow but like, a different yellow? WHITE? Pink with little red hearts stenciled all over the place? Hunter green plaid and a ton of duck decoys?

(Oh, and the boring door pulls are as good as gone. As soon as I find something that I like. And, you know, ASSOONASWEPAINT.)