Monday Hodgepodge

Picture of the day:

I would have cut the crust off your sandwich for you, kid. All you had to do was ask.

Secondary picture of the day:

<insert BANG BANG THUMP THUMP WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA before viewing>

Story of the day, in which my husband goes to extraordinary lengths to conceal the fact that we'd forgotten that the refrigerator repairman was coming to the house and were not home at the agreed-upon appointment time:

We were at a park with the boys when Jason's phone rang. He recognized the number and was all, OH SHIT OH RIGHT THAT, but instead of answering like a grown-up and admitting that hey, we're not home right now, something came up, give us 20 minutes before you send the guy over (as they were only calling to confirm our at-home-ness before dispatching the repairman), he inexplicably launched us all into a confusing campaign of intrigue and subterfuge, opting to call them back once we were on our way home to claim that oh yes, my wife is at home, I don't know why she's not picking up the phone there, maybe she's outside! Let me try to reach her.

Then he hung up, waited five minutes and called them back to say that yes, my wife is at home, send the repairman over. And he drove on, confident in his strategy of deception because the office was XX minutes away and we were only X minutes away, and when I pointed out that they probably just dispatched the guy from wherever his last job was, which could have been around the damn corner from our damn house for all we damn knew, Jason looked a little concerned, but still maintained that his plan was masterful and brilliant, if possibly a tad pointless, because I didn't quite get WHY we were going through all this, since I was pretty sure this was why the company had the call-before-dispatching-even-if-you-have-an-appointment policy to begin with, BUT ANYWAY, there was no reasoning with him, he was either posessed or mad with power or both, plus it was kind of amusing, especially when I turned around to remind Noah about the importance of always telling the truth, except for when you forget to update your Google calendar. The Baby Jesus says it's okay then, and that's the real reason why Easter is always a different date every year.

But then! Just when we thought we were going to get away with our evil scheme! We pull onto our street and realize that the REPAIRMAN WAS ALREADY THERE. OUR WEB OF LIES WAS UNRAVELING BEFORE OUR VERY EYES. So Jason drives by really fast and goes around a little loopy cul-de-sac thing, stops the car and orders me and Noah out of the car and instructs us to walk the rest of the way home and claim that we were playing outside around the corner, and then Jason drove back to the house and pretended like he had no idea where we were and let the guy in. The guy who:

1) I'm pretty sure saw our car sort-of pull up and then speed off to hide around the corner, and
2) Probably passed the very area where I claimed Noah and I had been playing, and
3) Was very grumpy, and probably more than a little pleased to report that our refrigerator is actually quite fucked and must be replaced after all, you lying sacks of shit.

THE END.