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June 2009
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August 2009

Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?

(Spoiler Alert: No, There Isn't.) (Also Known As: Inexplicable Photo Essay Number 7,895: In Which My Children Have Disastrously Short Careers As Male Models) (Also Also Known As: Wow, Amy, You've Already Used An Ungodly Number Of Colons) WHERE IS MY VITAMIN WATER? SERIOUSLY, IF MY ASSISTANT IS NOT BACK HERE IN FIVE MINUTES WITH VITAMIN WATER, I WILL PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE NECK. I'm sorry I was wack. Now I shall pose. But have you noticed how insanely long my legs are all of a sudden? You do not want to get into a walk-off with me. And I'm... Read more →


Blogher, Part Three

DAY THREE, SATURDAY Part One: They Vacuum Carpets, Don't They? The baby's breakfast consisted of a couple handfuls of swag bag fruit puffs tossed on the floor of the hotel room. Part Two: It Takes A Village I once again attempted to attend an actual panel at the actual conference that I had paid actual money for -- this time with the Vaginally Challenged Men of Blogher. When I walked in, Ezra was asleep, but oh, no, that did not last very long at all. Luckily, there were plenty of women around us willing to offer us various forms of... Read more →


Blogher, Part Two

DAY TWO, FRIDAY Part One: I've Made A Huge Mistake Of Bluthian Proportions The next morning Jodi texted me and offered to sneak the baby and I into the Club Level for the free breakfast. I wrote back that I wasn't showered yet, but then decided that I didn't really care, and went up anyway, only to immediately bump into a crew of immaculately coiffed and professionally dressed women from MomCentral. Stacy DeBroff fed Ezra a banana while I blearily caffeinated myself and by my third sip my brain suddenly turned on and I realized that I was out in... Read more →


Blogher, Part One

(Wow. So I originally planned to write about the entire conference in one post. HOURS AGO, I planned that. HOURS, I have been writing this and it really gets away from me at the end and I think I use the word "community" in a totally unironic sense and basically I'm going to publish this and write more tomorrow, because now I have to go punch myself in the neck.) DAY ONE, THURSDAY Part One: Not Off To A Real Brain-Trust-Like Start I woke up at...oh, 4 A.M. in a dread pirate panic over things I had forgotten to pack.... Read more →


Quick. And Hurry.

I need ideas for things to keep a nine-month-old baby amused on an airplane that: 1) fit into a small diaper bag 2) do not make a shitload of jangly beepy noise 3) do not resemble some kind of sex toy and/or rudimentary weapon, thus arising suspicion at security, causing me to miss my flight while I explain that no, it's a spork. A SPORK! So far I've got: 1) food 2) toothbrushes 3) a sippy cup of booze.* *I may share. **Probably won't. ***Also, have you have seen my camera? ****Or my phone charger? *****These footnotes do not actually... Read more →


Obligatory Pre-Blogher Freak-Out Post

How is it July? Like, the end-ish of July? What happened to June? And May? And that little squishy baby I had? Did this giant one here eat him, just like he ate the dog kibble last night? Repeatedly? Because my babyproofing knowledge is limited to saying "NO!" and then moving him across the room? Which is surprisingly ineffective? Anyway, I'm bringing this baby to Blogher. No need to vacuum, Sheraton, he'll take care of it. Yes, you can hold him. My arms and neck and back would very much like you to hold him. I will NOT, however, be... Read more →


Select Book Reviews From the Storch Family Library

FULL DISCLOSURE: I was not paid to do any of these reviews and I paid for all of these books with my own cash money, except for maybe one or two that I received as political campaign hush incentives Christmas presents from my mom. Also, these are not actually reviews at all, because whatever, like I care about giving you people useful content. I mean, really. Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? Noah (at age 3 months to like, two years): Awesome! Eric Carle's finest work. A tour de force of meter and rhyme and bright colors and... Read more →


Nine Months In, Nine Months Out

Ezra had his nine-month well-baby appointment today, where it was brought to my attention that my baby is NINE FUCKING MONTHS OLD. I've now officially had him in my arms for as long as I had him in my womb. And during those first nine months, Jason would often rub my belly and talk to it, and mention his growing impatience with the whole gestating process (GET IN LINE, BUDDY), and his eagerness to meet "this little guy." Who was he, this new hypothetical boy? What would he be like, once he was here? We know those answers now, of... Read more →


Philosophipool

I still remember my little backyard kiddie pool. I'm guessing I had more than one, as this photo shows a square Raggedy Ann pool but I seem to remember a round one with a generic fish pattern on it -- though the designs always faded to nothing by midsummer -- but I remember dragging the hard plastic shells from their spot propped up against the side of our house to the flattest section of our yard. I remember they used to leave wet spots against the brown paint until we had aluminum siding installed. I remember how cold the hose... Read more →


No. NO!

About two weeks-ish ago, Kristen H commented that there's nothing like a pregnancy scare to REALLY help you figure out how you feel about having another baby. When I missed my period this weekend, my feelings were something like: oh hell oh shit oh fuck oh minivan. When I stopped at a drugstore near by parents' house in Pennsylvania for a pregnancy test, the girl ringing me up gave me a knowing sort of stinkeye, and I stared at my feet and felt awkward and...you know, SHAMEFUL. I shoved the bright pink package into my diaper bag and ignored it... Read more →