Spazzbaby
Deodorant Wars IV: The New Class

I Asked a Bottle of Red Wine to be My Life Coach, and Look Where It Got Me

Conclusion to Amy Takes Her Foot-in-Mouth Show On the Road: Holy awkward SHITBALLS, people. She walked by me this morning and didn't even LOOK at me. And then picked her son up EARLY this afternoon. Probably just to avoid me, because I am sure I made that much of an impression and there couldn't possibly be any other explanation, like a doctor's appointment or a vacation or...okay, there are possibly a few other explanations. But me and my mad social skillz remain suspicious. Suspicious and lonely and very glad we were both too lazy to follow-through on the cookie idea.

Over the last few weeks I've read more than a smattering of blog entries addressing the whole "are we done having babies" question. A good number of them were written by women with babies somewhere around Ezra's age. And they of course got me thinking about writing a similar entry, because I haven't had an original thought bash around my skull since at least 2004. (Unless you include the thing with the talking deodorants. Then I am a national treasure of useless creative vision.)

A few weeks after Ezra was born, I tentatively said something to Jason about the topic. Something like, "We're done, right?" And he immediately said yes, we're done.

So I asked him when, you know, he planned on calling the doctor, as per our longstanding agreement on the division of childbearing and childpreventing duties. And then he immediately said, oh, wait, I didn't mean THAT done.

Noah was going to be our only child -- a plan that lasted about five weeks or so. The whole experience was exactly like a roller coaster -- terrifying, thrilling, hard on the eardrums -- and we were already shrieking "LET'S GO DO THAT AGAIN!" before the safety bars had even been released.

And Ezra, of course, was going to be our last child. I tried to savor my pregnancy accordingly: This is the last time I'll feel a baby kicking. The last time I'll prepare a nursery. The last time I'll have the belly and the boobs and the nausea and the fat face and the weird skin and the backaches and the puking for SIX GODFORSAKEN MONTHS.

Right. So maybe I could kind of see the positives of the "no more babies" situation. At times, anyway. Plus, it was finally dawning on me that babies are actually SMALL CHILDREN. Who become slightly bigger children. And that no matter what we do or how hard we pray it to be otherwise, I am going to have to deal with a three-year-old ALL OVER AGAIN.

We're done. Right?

***

Last week Jason and I booked the babysitter and went out for some sushi and a movie. There was a young couple next to us with their baby girl, who was about Ezra's age. I made some kind of involuntary squawk at the sight of her adorable little cotton sundress, and Jason sighed.

"You want a girl, don't you?"

Do I want a girl? Do I really want a girl knowing how hard it is to raise one in this culture of over-sexualized Princess Dora Bratz dolls and Mean Girls and eating disorders and oh God, the INTERNET? Do I really want a girl, a teenage girl, who may end up being exactly like me, or nothing like me, but either way will be all but guaranteed to hate me for at least a few solid good years? Do I really want a girl to come along and blast me out of the comfort zone I've created as being the mother of boys?

"Yes. I think I do."

Jason sighed again and admitted that if we KNEW we'd be guaranteed a girl, he'd love to have another baby. And before I could even mention the A-word (a complicated discussion we've had many times before, for the record) (edited to add: ADOPTION, holy crap, not the other A-word), he went on. "Whatever. Even if we had another boy, I'd be so happy."

He then went on to wax rhapsodic about Ezra, sweet Ezra, the baby who at one time Jason hoped would be a daughter, but who is a son and who is exactly who he is supposed to be and who our family needed, because HOLY CRAP HE IS SO AWESOME.

***

Okay, so maybe we're NOT done. At least, as Jason said, not THAT done. But I am not in a rush, far from it. We have a few more years before my (admittedly already erratic) fertility clock winds down, so perhaps it's best to simply say we're not ruling it out sometime in the future, when the boys are older and a little more mature or at least capable of wiping their own butts. Perhaps, as Noah's issues become a little more understandable and a lot less of a question mark, we could adopt, thus skipping the fairly awful process of trying month after month after month to conceive. Perhaps we will rule it out later down the road, but for now, let's not rush into anything. Let's just leave everyone's anatomy as-is and...you know...BE CAREFUL in the meantime.

Yes. Good plan!

***

So of course this means that I -- she of the 75-day cycles, the wildly erratic and oftentimes completely absent ovulation -- would suddenly start getting regular periods. Like clockwork! Like birth-control-pill regular, down to the HOUR. Down to the hour BEFORE, when I suddenly realize that I've been a raving bitch all day and developed a single angry large pimple right in the middle of my forehead. Of course.

See, here's the thing: When you don't ovulate, you don't get pregnant, even if you want to! And I've spent most of the past six or so years of my life wanting to get pregnant, TRYING to get pregnant, but only very rarely actually succeeding in getting pregnant. And even before that, I generally viewed my condition as a plus, a perk -- who cares about birth control! I've got your birth control RIGHT HERE! <points to barren, uncooperative womb area, ohhhhh yeah>

And here's another thing: As a relatively-inexperienced regular-period-type-of-girl, it turns out that I am also really terrible at math.

And...dates. And...calendars. And stuff. I pulled up my old fertility-charting/period-reminder program this morning and entered in some data and...oh. What? This weekend? When we...and we didn't use...and...oh. OH.

Cough.

No. I don't have any big announcement to make. NO! As I scan what I've written so far I realize it totally sounds like that's what I'm leading up to, but no.

I'm just a 31-year-old mother-of-two in the midst of her Very First Pregnancy Scare, on the short end of the first Two-Week Wait where she honestly has no idea what outcome she's hoping for.

On the one hand: SPECTACULARLY TERRIBLE IDEA.

On the other hand:

IMG_2780

I wouldn't kick another one out of bed for eating mini-waffles, you know?

Comments

Sharon

Awesome!

Maria

Sometimes it feels like you pulled posts rights out of my head.

Megan

Wow! And, uh, awesome! (I've got a way with words, as you can clearly see.)

Lynn @ Walking With Scissors

What I wouldn't give for a pregnancy scare...

I hope the outcome is exactly what you need it to be!! :)

LPC

As someone who didn't have the 3rd baby, let me just say this. If your husband is saying he'd love a 3rd one, and you are still cooing over random babies in movie theaters, odds are that some time in the next few years your 3rd child will arrive. Or maybe in 9 months. I'm jealous.

LPC

As someone who didn't have the 3rd baby, let me just say this. If your husband is saying he'd love a 3rd one, and you are still cooing over random babies in movie theaters, odds are that some time in the next few years your 3rd child will arrive. Or maybe in 9 months. I'm jealous.

shriek house

That is indeed a pretty cute reason to have a whole mess of 'em!

We're done. We have two, a girl and a boy (which has no bearing, really) and we're absolutely, adamantly DONE.

But early this morning I watched my neighbors hustle off to the hospital to have their baby, I felt this visceral tug, this bottomless, wrenching desire to have another.

It's kind of scary, to have what is obviously merely a biological impulse be strong enough to actually have a hand in driving our procreative bus. Because we're done! Really! I think...

liz

It's a weird wait, isn't it?

Annabelle

Aww! A medical, uh, thing backed up our baby plans, or I'd be working very hard at getting knocked up myself right about now (we had planned on trying late July before doc said not yet). I sort of hope you are, both because you are awesome and I love to watch your babies grow, and because I'd (selfishly) love to get to watch a little life take shape when I had planned on doing it myself, even if I have to wait another year or so to be medically solid enough to try.

Angella

I thought we were done after Nathan. Two kids, twenty months apart was hectic. Yo.

But when he was about a year we both thought we would have ONE MORE, regardless of the sex. Did I want a girl? Yes. Did I get a girl? Yes. Would I have loved a third boy any less than my girl?

NO.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

You guys are easy. You are going to end up having seven or eight kids. You will complain a lot and love every second of it.

(Except the first five weeks of each baby. That part always sucks.)

Whozat

There must be something about this age, because just this week even Shrike (Who's said for years "MAYBE ONE. NO MORE. ABSOLUTELY NO MORE THAN ONE. NO WAY. NO HOW.") admitted that she's kind of sad that, short of winning the lottery and then getting almost that lucky biologically, we won't be having another.

Whozat

Oops, forgot to say: Good luck, whatever that may mean.

Ariel

I spend the 24 hours right before my period starts freaking out that I'm pregnant. I just know somehow I've managed to get pregant AND OMG WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? AND HOW COULD I BE I NEVER MISSED A PILL AND OMG I HAD A GLASS OF WINE 2 WEEKS AGO AND I PICKLED MY BABY!!! You would think that by now I would know that this is just part of my PMS-ing symptoms but no, I guess I think it's more fun to panic. I'm fairly crazy when I'm pmsing. :)

Kellie

That was a terrible cruel entry!!! I thought you were pregnant again and you got my hope up! Try to get preggers, right now!!!!!!

Kathy

I can think of plenty of other things I'd like to do for two weeks besides waiting. Eeek!

Jaime

My mom was irregular until after her third child. Our bodies are so weird!

I'm at the tail end of a 2 week wait myself, after my 2nd (successful, 4th overall) cycle of Clomid. I'm forcing myself to wait until Friday to test. I HATE the 2 week wait!

Heather

I kind of squee'd a little at the idea of you being pregnant again haha.
Good luck with the whole waiting thing. Sounds like the pits :P

Rebekah

I have to admit, I'm totally jealous but excited for you, too. My husband and I are trying for our first and I completely relate to the ridiculous cycle length/random cycle thing. We've been trying for 7+ months (which I know is not long compared to some) but still very frustrating when you're a month away from 30 and want 2 kids. My biological clock has been on overdrive since we got married 3 years ago.

And, BTW - I'm SO glad that the "A-word" turned out to be "adoption" and not the other "A-word" that I thought you might be implying. I was horrified for a moment, and then felt REALLY stupid when I hadn't thought that's what you meant at first. I know, I'm a dork. :)

Sonja

Oh, I remember the ambiguity of The Waiting.

Kathy

My darling 2YO daughter took one look at Ezra and said "Cute baby!"

I totally agree with her. Cute baby!

Diane

Ha! How funny would it be after all the years of trying and charting and trying to go and get knocked up the old fashioned way BY ACCIDENT.

I totally could have written this. I have 2 girls. Which thrills me, I love having girls. But I see boys. Want boys. I keep thinking of how wonderful it would be to have 2 boys after my 2 girls. Ah, life.

Kim

Oh yeah, the uncooperative womb thing. I gots your uncooperative-for-seven-years, neded ART for the 1st-one, 43 yo womb RIGHT HERE, complete with a 10 week old embryo/almost fetus. (and I know how absolutely amazing it is, how many women will never ever be able to be this lucky. And still. We've been unemployed for 7 months, and the fact that I'm pregnant NOW is still a cosmic mind****. But I'll take it.)

Jamie

Here's hoping you get what you want, whatever that might be :)

Nicole

Um, good luck? Either way? :)

And how did you take that post out of my head, btw? That is a superpower I'd like to have. :)

Julie

So...when I got the idea of where this post might be headed, I got so excited and couldn't help but scroll down to the bottom to see what it said. LOL! It was like reading a book and flipping to the last page to see if your favorite character is still alive. Does anyone else do that??
Anywho...can't wait to hear your update - whichever way it goes!

Chris

This sounds so much like the scenario where a couple finally adopts because every specialist east AND west of the Mississippi has told them that there is no way they can get pregnant. Ever.

And they 6 months after adoption, they are pregnant.

Is it just me?

Emily

When did Ezra get so old looking?! He is ridiculously cute though.

Goddess in Progress

I am definitely one of those people having that debate right now. My twins are almost two. On the one hand, this twin thing was awesome, because I NEVER HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN! On the other hand... I never get to do it again. Hrmph.

My self-imposed window for more kids is about to open (thinking of an age gap around 3-4 years). The decision has not yet been made. We shall see.

Brenda

I am in the same boat (2 boys, youngest 8 months) and got an IUD inserted at the FIRST POSSIBLE MOMENT. And still took a pregnancy test when I felt a bit nauseated.

Not because I wouldn't like a third kid, but because I'm still half-convinced that if I get accidentally pregnant I'd get in trouble, somehow. (Which totally isn't true.)

parenting BY dummies

Hey! I was the same way when I was in the baby making market. Now, that the factory has been officially burned down, things seem to be right on schedule. Could probably get myself pregnant without any help from a third party, I'm so fertile these days. I say you better start dragging out the baby stuff, 'cause deep down your body already knows and is sending your brain the signals to worry. Hope you get a girl even though I didn't, I'm not really bitter about it. Okay, maybe a little, but not enough to secretly wish everyone the same fate as me:)

Michelle Madayag

Confession: I am TOTALLY hoping to read an "OOPS! THIRD BABY. WE HAS ONE COMING." post very soon!

You make some beyootiful kiddos and I just think that if you are open to it this would be a lovely way for it to happen. Y'know...without all the infertility BS.


Cautionary Girl

OMG All I want to do is fast-forward time to when I can find out if you're pregnant. I'm living vicariously, okay? Dooce's Marlo gave me the baby bug. Bigtime.

Which is to say, I want a baby girl tooooooo.

Lori Hammond

Have you noticed that your devoted readers are very careful with their comments, since you read us the riot act?!
Hope things turn out the way you want 'em, too!

Parsing Nonsense

Huh, despite your Twitter warning I fail to see the TMTMI here...

Regardless of what ends up going on in your uterus, it will all work out. Just think of how much fun it would be to revise zero-to-forty again!

Desi

Mother Nature is a bitch!

(smiling inside all for you!)

anne nahm

I have my fingers crossed for you, but I guess only the fingers know what they are hoping for.

As a slight aside, my good friend has two children. I asked her if she would have a third.

She said, "God no - you can never get a babysitter with three."

Which at the time, seemed kind of shallow. But now, as I sit here with three kids of my own? Stone cold WISDOM.

JZMom

When you're done, you know you're done. When I was in that hideous two-week-wait with #2, I said, "I'm so glad I'll never have to do this again." That sentence was repeated many times over the next 30 months - though I relished every minute of my second pregnancy, and the first 1.5 years of his life, what really got me through the chaos was knowing that I wouldn't have to do it EVER again.

I say that if you don't have that feeling, then get ready for #3.

MommyNamedApril

babies are spectacular and awesome (and a little bit awful too) and i don't know if i'll ever be able to say i've had enough. *sigh*

Susan

Not that I have any of my own, but the guaranteed way to get one is to say you are done and give away your maternity clothes. Worked for my sister (who is currently pregnant with #5)

Cheri

I totally get the we're done, right? right? Yet I have had dreams where I had a 3rd baby, too. So I am sending you some girl baby germs, let's see if it works! Seriously I hope you get the results you want, but if I'm not the one who has to be nauseated, yay , pregnancy.

The Tutugirl

As someone who's childless and soon to be a student again, that third child possibility is leaving me slightly bug eyed. BUT y'all make the most beautiful children, so more adorable pictures for us!

Good luck staying sane while waiting- at least it sounds like you'd be ok with either outcome.

MommiePie

Well you know, "In Vino Veritas" ( In wine there is truth. ) Maybe the wine made you accidentally on purpose forget to, um, you know...protect. Don't you love it when life changing decisions are sort of made for you, so you don't actually ever have to, you know, actually make a decision?! I let wine make all my decisions for me. Well, the really hard ones anyway. Plus, you know, you could come out with a second edition of Zero to Forty!

Marieke

I HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend getting a copy of 'Taking Charge of your Fertility'. The FAM method outlined in the book (taking temps, checking position and fluids) is a nearly fool-proof way of detecting ovulation AND pregnancy (even before at home tests can be taken). Even if you go back to being irregular, it will help you understand what your body is up to at the moment. PLUS, FAM is way more accurate than calculating your Ovulation based on your cycle length and its way cheaper than Ovulation detectors and pregnancy tests.

Mrs. CPA

If I hadn't just started a new job, I bet we'd be having another baby soon. Even though I have a 10 month old and a three year old. Man, I love babies. And you're right, dressing a girl is REALLY fun.

Whozat

@Susan - Lol, I just gave all my maternity clothes to a friend who is now pregnant w/her third - after having just given away all HER maternity clothes.

And I've also recently given away a bunch of Peeper's tiny clothes (to three OTHER babies).

AND I'm looking for takers for swings, bouncy-seats other such things in which an 8-month-old big girl has no interest.

I'd better go buy a lottery ticket....

Bitts

You do such a great job with the two you have ... the world will NOT be a worse place with more Little Storches running around.

And if not this month ... maybe another month.

Enjoy the bliss of 'maybe' for these next two weeks!!

Missie

For serious, you guys' DNA combo turns out the cutest boyz. If you had a girl, it would probably cause a rift in the space/time continuum. Or something.

I will tell you one thing about having a girl that is dangerous, nay FATAL, to your checking account...little girls' dresses and hair accessories. Yesterday while I was in Kohl's shopping for ME who NEEDS clothing, I bought two Awesomely Cute and Wonderful dresses for Alison--granted, they were only 8.80 a piece, but dang. Like the chick needs MORE clothes that she will outgrow in three months. And then I had to buy matching barrettes, but enough about me!

You need to have a baby girl. As a service to mankind. And teh interwebs.

Missie

and also? Ezra looks exactly like Noah in that pic. And they are both beautiful and you can send me either one for Christmas. KTHXBAI.

BiologistMomofThree

Ah, the yearning for a third even when you thought you were done...that's how I ended up Biologist Mom of Three instead of BMof Two!!

I had one boy and one girl, so the desire for another was there even without the excuse of needing one of the opposite sex. My second was only 6 months old when I became pregnant so #3 was truly a surprise, but a happy one (and she IS the happiest child I've ever known and worth every minute of the barfing and worrying about her). I know now that I would have always wanted a third and would now be going for it (too close to 40)if it hadn't happened so I'm glad the decision was basically made for me.

I'm hoping for two little pink lines for you this month Amalah! :)

Jen L.

That's fantastic! I'm one of those who recently blogged about not having more babies (can't do it for medical reasons--cryyyyyy), so I'm thrilled for you.

Also, Ezra: Nom, nom!

Laura in Michigan

I always thought my girls were easier to raise than my son. Just saying. And I was done a long time ago, so I am excited "we" might be having another baby. No puking for me, but cute baby pictures.

Liz

Girls are awesome. Don't be scared of the teenage girl. It's not true. Young girls get such a bad rap. I have two girls and they've both been absolute joys. They talk to me and tell me everything. Although I will say, the middle school years are probably the most angst filled ones for girls.

lisa

i will be away from my computer for the holiday PLEASE TWEET WHEN YOU TAKE THE TEST AND IT COMES BACK POSITIVE!!!!

lisa

i will be away from my computer for the holiday PLEASE TWEET WHEN YOU TAKE THE TEST AND IT COMES BACK POSITIVE!!!!

Rhonda

After two boys, I tried for the girl and used that book ‘Chose the Sex of Your Baby’ or something like that, and it totally worked and now I have 2 boys and a girl.

Girlfriend of mine had three boys, tried for the girl, had the hub’s spunk spun in a lab and did the whole turkey baster thing all for pink results. She had twin boys and it made me laugh for a long, long time because I’m kind of a bitch and I think God was laughing with me because really that’s just funny.

And you make beautiful babies and the world should be full of them. Go forth and multiply.

Alias Mother

So this is probably not a good time to mention that I am pregnant right now with my own very first unplanned pregnancy at the age of 34? A baby conceived approximately five minutes after we said, "Yeah, let's wait until things are more stable for a second child"? A kid so determined to enter this world that its egg managed to get fertilized even though it was the one time of the month when that's not supposed to happen?

It's probably not the best time to mention that, right?

Heather B.

Whoa! I couldn't tell who that was in that photo. It actually looks like a photo I have of Noah. I'll have to send it to you but it that is just super crazy.

They're like brothers or something.

lonek8

My last pregnancy was supposed to be my LAST pregnancy - I gave away all of my maternity clothes the day after I came home frome the hospital because I was done, three was it, done. And our plan was also for my husband to have the plumbing detached and whatnot. But he never seemed to schedule it. I kept telling him (he's living in another state for work right now) that he better do it before we get there because there's no way to keep the kids off him and that can't feel too good during the healing process. But no, somehow, amongst always teeling me how bored he was and how he never had anything to do he never managed to make a doctor appt. And then my crazy hormones kicked in and I decided I want another baby. Two babies - more more more babies aaagh I can't stop, and his reaction was NO. flat out "we are done." but still, the procedure remained undone. And slowly, ever so slowly, he started thinking having more kids was maybe a good idea. Ha ha. I think they'll agree to anything to avoid a vasectomy. Good luck for whatever outcome is best in your two week wait (I also cannot count and actually take birth control so I know when I'm supposed to have my period. even though I have gotten pregnant while ON IT). And best of luck for a little girl if you do decide to go for it!

FishyGirl

My third child is the result of the only 28 day cycle I've had in my life. I had been highly irregular before kids, we were done after 2, gave away all my baby stuff, was in tears when I told my husband because I feared his reaction. He was thrilled. Good luck in getting whatever it is you want.

Linda

I must admit that I'm kinda hoping you're pregnant too. I'm pregnant right now and feel like the only one in the whole world.

And let's face it, having babies is so last year among my favorite bloggers.

It would be nice to have a friendly person to follow along with and nod my head and say yes, yes, I'm doing/done that.

Snarky Mommy

I was always of the mind I wanted a third and my husband was really on the fence about it. But not so on the fence that he felt the need to use birth control. And besides, I had random 56-day cycles!

Of the last four years, I have been pregnant/breastfeeding for

Snarky Mommy

I always knew I wanted a third baby. Almost sure, but definitely thought so. Husband, well he was definitely on the fence. But not so much on the fence that he felt the need for us to use birth control.

Besides, I have random 56-day (or longer) cycles. Of the last four years, I have spent three of them pregnant and/or breastfeeding. And when I BF both my kids, I didn't get a period until I weaned them at a year. So in total, I ovulated a grand total of four times in four years. Two of those times, I got pregnant.

So I weaned my second in February and got my period at the end of the month. Figured I was safe for at least five weeks. Except -- oh hahahahaha -- suddenly got all 28-day cycle with ovulation right on schedule and guess who found out she was six weeks pregnant by jokingly peeing on a stick?

So while Baby3 is very welcome, there was also a solid week of very real freaking out by both husband AND me.

april

wishing you luck!

you know, in getting knocked up.

or, totally, in staying skinny and baby free.

whichever would be best.

Lady in a Smalltown

Best wishes either way.

I have a medical thing and a very irregular period. 2 periods in 2008 and 3 times having s@x (TMTMI) I got pregnant. So apparently, even if you aren't having your period you can still ovulate.

My little guy is only 6 1/2 weeks but I am already trying to figure out how and when we can conceive our daughter.

Sprite's Keeper

I'm potentially excited and/or relieved for you. And if you are? VERY jealous. I've got the Gerber Gimmies right now..

rkmama

Data point on girls: Pre-kids I wanted boys. I went so far as to hang a BOY'S ONLY, GIRLS KEEP OUT sign outside my uterus. My daughter, being my daughter, completely ignored this and firmly implanted herself inside. I was devastated when the ultrasound tech gave us the news and when I asked if he was sure he told us if the baby came out with a penis he, personally, would reimburse us for any girl baby cloths that were purchased. I fretted the entire pregnancy- would she turn out like me? What if she was too different from me? What if she was LIKE MY MOTHER? NOT ACCEPTABLE! ETC! ETC! All this to say that raising my daughter has been the biggest gift of my life (and the clothes! So many clothes!)she has surprised me with so much joy at every turn. So much that I decided I wanted only girls- ONLY GIRL SPERM HUSBAND, DO YOU HEAR ME?! So of course we had a son. A son that has turned out to be exactly what we wanted.
So yeah, it just really doesn't matter. Even though it does. Except it doesn't.
Happy waiting.

Starbuck

I am so not getting my hopes up. But I'm marking the days on my calendar.

Kathi

Great post. I am over 40 and now widowed, and raising my two (a boy and a girl) alone, and I STILL feel the tug when I see a baby. I do love me some babies. But . . .you're right, they do grow up, and I will have TWO teenagers to raise on my own (I'm scaring my own self to death here). So I'm definitely done, even though my daughter has asked me to get her "a little sister from China." But you make GORGEOUS babies, so I am hoping you are NOT done . . .and eventually there's another little boy or girl in your family.

P.S. What is the A-word??

Niki

Ugh. I want a baby so bad right now it's stupid. I am 36, newly married and the mother of 2 boys, 14 and 12. I also have a 13 yr old stepdaughter. My life is complete right?? Why and I blatting over your ovaries?? Hubby had a vas 2 yrs ago when we were dating and my period was late. Dude said no. I don't like him for that. Issues.
Good for you and Jason! I hope you get 2 pink lines!!

blooot

I'm a week late. A week late, with no period in sight and many negative tests. So yeah. I totally know how that feels. Except, I'd kind of be happy. Right now though, just very very pissy because I have no idea if I'm even ovulating because I've got nothing. No cycle, no positive test.

Jamie

Man, look at that face. If my kid comes out half as cute as yours have I'm totally screwed. No wonder #3 is so appealing...!

Danielle

Aww - my heart is *squeezing* - maybe we need another one...

Karen

We were done after the first one (thank you, scary botched delivery that turned into a nightmare cascade of failure thing). He got to be about four, and all of sudden I wanted BABY. NOW. So we had number two, and he was and is awesome. I distinctly remember my husband and I watching #2 toddle around, at about 13 months, and saying to each other, "Aw, we definitely are having a third. But, you know, we'll wait until this one is two before we start trying."

Ahem. #2 and #3 are less than two years apart. I'm just saying.

Jessi

1. I love Ez's facial expressions. Seriously, a cuter, more expressive baby may never have crawled this Earth. Except for mine, of course, which are perfect.

2. Squee. You need a girl. Seriously, I've got two. Don't you need one of mine. :)

ladybughugs

While the 3-yo stage can be a challenge, it's the high school and college years that scare the crap out of me.

Girls are certainly different! Mine has outgrown her Dora stage and is now fully into the princess stage and it's adorable when I'm not wanting to string her up by her tiara.

OK, so this might be a radical idea... instead of trying to micro-manage your fertility and family planning, why don't you just let go? You have a proven track record of having trouble getting pregnant. What if you just stop thinking about it. Don't think about getting pregnant and don't think about preventing it. If/when it's supposed to happen it will. As long as you're open to the possibility of having another baby then leave it up to the power of the universe to make it happen when it should.

Oh my goodness. I'd love to sit down to mini-waffles with that in the morning! I'd have a tough time deciding between the waffles and those cheeks. Sooo cute!

Leah

Should there, for better or worse, turn out not to be an adorable bun in the oven at this time, I would second the advice re: getting Taking Charge of Your Fertility. (OK, I haven't actually read it, but there are literally about 2000 positive comments on Amazon saying it helped the commenter get pregnant/avoid getting pregnant/achieve whatever fertility outcome they desired.)

Kris

My husband was the one that tricked me into having another baby...our fourth...our last. I say tricked only because he whined like a little baby himself saying things like "wouldn't it be nice...oh such a cute little baby...blah blah blah." It took me 9 years to have 3 babies (otherwise I would've had them boom boom boom you know?) and when I wasn't really into the deal of the fourth baby, how quickly did I get pregnant? Quicker than I could pee on the stick. I love my FOUR BOYS. Boys do indeed rock.

K.

Judy

Oooooh, don't keep us waiting! The anticipation is such a killer!

Theresa

Kathi- A word = adoption

Though I freaked out for a minute, cause I thought the same thing at first, and for some stupid reason I kept thinking abortion. And I was all, "No way, Amalah wouldn't abort just because it wasn't a girl???!?! No. Or would...no!"

Then it occured to me...adoption.

I am really tired tonight. Night All!

bri

These sorts of posts always make me glad that I don't have pregnancy scares. But heavens, that is ONE CUTE BABY you have there.

Sarah

"I wouldn't kick another one out of bed for eating mini-waffles."

Snort.

With a face like that, he could have syrup, too!

I don't even know you or your kids, but everytime you post a picture of your kids, I still really just want to squeeze them. Gently, of course.

Mary

IF this turns out to be a scare, and IF you decide to start trying, and IF you want to try for a girl, I recommend this book. http://www.amazon.com/How-Choose-Sex-Your-Baby/dp/0767926102/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1246504709&sr=8-1 I know others swear by other books that recommend the exact opposite method. For me, reading it made me realize that our timing had been exactly the same for both our boys, so we changed the timing and got a girl. Who just turned 12, and I could not adore her more. Every mom should get a girl.

Jackie

I hope the outcome is exactly how you want it to be.
I just had a scare of my own...also my first. I had the symptoms which followed the heat of the moment miscalculation and I was convinced that I was pregnant. I took two pregnancy tests which were negative and still swore that they were wrong because where the hell was my period? I've never wished for my period before. And then it arrived. It ends up that even with four or five months of regular periods, if you are still breastfeeding you can have a random non-regular period and it just happened to occur right after our momentary lack of judgment. After all of that anticipation and freaking out, I was sad.

erin

hee! awesome, that first pregnancy scare (or usually, not.) I hope you make or procure a beautiful baby girl, if not now, whenever the time is right. your family is one of the most adorable ones out there, and none of use would complain about one more to adore!

Amalah

Oh, God, y'all. Yes, the "A-word" is adoption, not...the other a-word. Never even occurred to me that people might think otherwise. We could ADOPT a girl. If we weren't broke, and stuff, and didn't have one special-needs kid already, and I hadn't taken antidepressants once and weren't super-worried about unethical adoptions and...wait, what? Anyway, that's a complicated question and HI, WE AREN'T REALLY TRYING OR ANYTHING.

But still. A-word = ADOPTION.

As for Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I've read it. I'm...infertile. (Usually!) I just *don't* ovulate. I get (got) two or three periods a year, have charted my ass off, can detail cervical mucus with the best of 'em, graduated to fertility monitors and special diets and did Clomid and all kinds of very literal craziness.

My problems are solidly "unexplained" but hey, I still have no idea how we manage to end up with Ez, since he was conceived during a month where all the indicators told me I DIDN'T ovulate and I was testing negative well past the point of a reasonable luteal phase. And yet? Super-cute baby. Whatever, I'll take it.

Anyway, thank you for the recommendations, but alas, I'm more of a hardened infertility vet than I let on. Or than this month of "OOPS. CRAP. WHAT?" suggests.

(Whatever. I'm SO not pregnant. Just...no. Whatever. Come on, self. Like it would EVER be that easy.)

erin

say what you want about waiting, but when you think about it, there are so few things in life that offer so much expectation, hope and joy.

you only get these moments now!

MuseOddity

Ok, so de-lurking to say I love reading your blog and I too am glad the "A" word was adoption because oh my goodness I kind of freaked for a second.

Jessica (@It's my life...)

So many things to say! So, ah, uh, eh...
Oh what the heck, all I really want to say is
OMG he is so NOMMABLE! (And I don't care if that isn't a word yet. It is now, so there.)

Dancinfairy

Oh that picture is the cutest. Ever. He is so photogenic.

Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that whatever the outcome, it turns out that it's exactly what you were hoping for =)

Hilary

How exciting! And terrifying! Crossing my fingers that... That... That the two-week wait goes fast! :)

megs

I've been happily ridding my house of baby crap as Hank outgrows it (your days are numbered papasan swing!), and shuffling it over to a friend who is knocked up. At one point I found myself asking her to hold on to something rather than passing it on herself, in case I have another baby. I never intended to have THIS baby, or any babies. And now...well, we'll see.

But raising a girl? In this society? *shudders*

Kristin H

A pregnancy scare is a really good way to clarify whether you really want another one or not, no?

Kyla

AGH!

You do make ridiculously cute kids, another one wouldn't be a bad thing.

But still, AGH!

Kendra

How exciting! And I completely agree with the "toss out your maternity clothes" method of getting pregnant. Apparently I get extremely fertile about 18 months after I give birth, because that's when I got pregnant after our first son was born, lost that pregnancy very early, then immediately got pregnant again with our second boy. We were completely done, and people used to ask sometimes whether I was diappointed not to have a girl. Which seemed kind of silly, because which of my kids would I trade for a girl? Of course I love them; they're perfect!

But then when he was 18 months old (and the swing and the maternity clothes and the nursing pads and the pump were all given away), we got pregnant with our little surprise--our girl. She's an absolute delight (other than the biting, but that's another issue), and I'm so thrilled to have this little surprise as part of our lives.

Here's to not having to make the decision. Good luck waiting, and hoping you get the answer you want!

Gaby

Uh, I too thought the "A word" was in reference to, ahem, *selecting* a girl, and I kind of puked in my mouth a bit, because that is 100000% NOT how I pictured your thought process to be. But then I read on. So, yeah.

Also, that picture with your caption about not kicking another one out of bed for eating a waffle? Adorable and made me laugh. Hang in there these next two weeks.

dksramsey

We were you about 4 weeks ago, than I peed on the stick... and we got two .. yep two pink lines.. so we are now offically on the third child, with two boys and praying it is a girl! Hope you have the same news, because our boys are the same age (ish) and I love ready your stuff when I am prego and "sharing" the joy.

Katie Kat

God, I swear every time I hear you talk about Ezra I want another baby SO BAD! The problem is... I want EZRA! Okay, not actually him, but one just like him. I want to feel that amazing feeling that I missed out on the first time because of my emergency c-section and 18 months of post partum depression mixed with the most colicky baby on the planet.

I ADORE my little girl, but I'm overwrought with worry about ALL the things you mentioned. We said "one and we're done," but there are times... sigh... a little boy who looks just like my hubby? Oh my...

Katie Kat

God, I swear every time I hear you talk about Ezra I want another baby SO BAD! The problem is... I want EZRA! Okay, not actually him, but one just like him. I want to feel that amazing feeling that I missed out on the first time because of my emergency c-section and 18 months of post partum depression mixed with the most colicky baby on the planet.

I ADORE my little girl, but I'm overwrought with worry about ALL the things you mentioned. We said "one and we're done," but there are times... sigh... a little boy who looks just like my hubby? Oh my...

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