I need ideas for things to keep a nine-month-old baby amused on an airplane that:
1) fit into a small diaper bag
2) do not make a shitload of jangly beepy noise
3) do not resemble some kind of sex toy and/or rudimentary weapon, thus arising suspicion at security, causing me to miss my flight while I explain that no, it's a spork. A SPORK!
So far I've got:
3) a sippy cup of booze.*
*I may share.
***Also, have you have seen my camera?
****Or my phone charger?
*****These footnotes do not actually footnote anything, fail to cite sources, suggest a certain amount of procrastination is going on.