Select Book Reviews From the Storch Family Library
July 17, 2009
FULL DISCLOSURE: I was not paid to do any of these reviews and I paid for all of these books with my own cash money, except for maybe one or two that I received as political campaign hush incentives
Christmas presents from my mom. Also, these are not actually reviews at all, because whatever, like I care about giving you people useful content. I mean, really.
Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?
Noah (at age 3 months to like, two years): Awesome! Eric Carle's finest work. A tour de force of meter and rhyme and bright colors and OMFG PURPLE CAT AAAHAAAA HAA HAAAAA.
Ezra (like, always, and still): I hate this book. Stop reading me this book.
Polar Bear, Polar Bear, What Do You Hear?
Noah: *learns a very important lessons about the inevitable disappointment of sequels*
Panda Bear, Panda Bear, What Do You See?
Amy: "And that's how George Lucas and the Wachowski brothers ruined their franchises. The end. Goodnight, sweetie."
Peek-a-Boo Baby Faces!
Noah: Are you kidding me with this nonsense? Photos of stupid babies with one word of text per page? Honestly, Mother, I'm not sure what's worse: that you paid money for this crap, or that you didn't think of it yourself, thus making a fortune and then using that money to buy me MORE INTERESTING BOOKS.
Ezra: Babies! Hi babies! Yay babies! A tour de force of absolutely nothing happening! Two slobbery thumbs up!
Almost Practically Every Book Sandra Boynton Has Ever Written, And Holy Shit, That's a Lot
Noah: Yeah, I'm a little old for these, but MAN, that Blue Hat, Green Hat one gets me EVERY. TIME.
Amy: *is probably a little overly fond of What's Wrong Little Pookie? than she should be*
Guess How Much I Love You
Noah: Ugh.
Ezra: Whatever.
Amy: SOB
The Giving Tree
Noah: What happened to the tree? Where'd the tree go? Mommy, WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT TREE?
Ezra: *poops*
Amy: SOB SOB SOB SOB SOB SOB
Love You Forever
Noah: BOOOORING.
Ezra: I concur.
Amy: You know, this book is kinda creepy, what kind of mother spies on her grown son and...oh...Oh. OH. SOB SOB SOB SOB SOB SOB SOB SOB (breathes) SOB SOB SOB SOB
T-Rex & Friends, aka Some Hand-Me-Down Cloth Busy Book Thing
Noah: It CRINKLES. It MAKES NOISE. It FEELS WEIRD. I HATE IT.
Ezra: *nom nom nom nom delicious busy book nom*
You Can Go To The Potty!
Noah: I liked the part where the boy went to the potty.
Amy: I dunno, but the exclamation point in the title had me thinking this book would be a bit more exciting.
Hands Are Not For Hitting
Amy: Damn skippy.
Make Way For Ducklings
Noah: My favorite book in the entire world, the only one that is remotely acceptable to read before bed, and OMFG DUCKS! LOOK! LOOK! I SEE DUCKS IN A BOOK ABOUT DUCKS WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
Amy: Please let me read you something else Please let me read you something else Please let me read you something else
Jason: *quietly retells the story of a shrewish Mrs. Mallard and her deadbeat husband who abandons the eight ducklings to run off with a slutty swan*
Noah: *totally doesn't notice because OMFG DUCKS DUCKS DUCKS*
The Monster at the End of This Book
Noah: Yay!
Amy: Yay! Something from my childhood that is actually as good as I remember! Take that, stupid ducks.
The Snowy Day, by EZRA Jack Keats, Bitches
Noah: Also yay, although mostly for the page that says: PLOP. Because "PLOP" is apparently the funniest word in the English language.
Amy: This book should be required reading for everybody on earth, just so they'll stop thinking that we 1) made Ezra's name up, 2) gave him a girl's name, or 3) named him after a band that I didn't even think was around anymore, because I guess I suck at fact-checking.
Green Eggs & Ham
Noah: I love this book, I adore this book, I refuse to notice any sort of applicable life lesson from this book.
Amy: Holy crap, does this book ever end? Was this book always this long? My God, it's like if J.K. Rowling wrote The Half-Blood Prince using just 50 words for 800 pages. More, more, Dumbledore said with a roar, just before slamming Snape's hand in the door.
Amy: *totally has a brilliant, not-at-all-copyright-violating idea*
Goodnight, Moon
Noah: Pure board book magic.
Ezra: The greatest book I have read in my entire life, and I'm pretty sure I've read AT LEAST four.
Amy: Why is no one concerned about the fucking mouse? Why don't the kittens kill the mouse? And just who is that quiet old lady? Shouldn't somebody put that leftover mush in some Tupperware? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS.
Next time people accuse you of making up the name Ezra, just go all smarty pants on them and ask in horror, "You've never heard of EZRA POUND?"
I grew up with waaaay too many Sandra Boyton books around our house. She and my mom were friends in high school. She's as sweet as her books would make you think she is.
People think you made Ezra's name up? Or that it's a GIRL's name? Oh my holy heck, forget Ezra Jack Keats, have they never read, oh, I don't know, how about the OLD TESTAMENT (aka the Hebrew Bible), people? Gah.
Also, I own most of those books, and I don't read them to my kid nearly enough. Thanks, I feel like crap now.
So I totally hide books that I'm sick of reading. Right now I've hidden "Jake's Big Adventure," b/c it's a little too self-help, and I keep trying to hide Eric Carle's "Will You Be My Friend." I HATE that book, so naturally my kidlet loves it. He keeps closing the "Going to Bed Book" as well as "Goodnight Moon," I think he's on to me.
We own a way old cassette book on tape of Make Way for Ducklings. Wish I could go old skool and dub you a copy--to save from at least a few readings and re-readings of it. This is hilarious.
Pookie also learned the terrible lesson about sequels. Let's Dance, Little Pookie is a major disappointment.
Whatever you do, don't get My World. It's the 'companion' book to goodnight moon and drives me straight up the wall with all it leaves to be questioned. Also the rhyming scheme sucks.
Awesome. Being a lurker, I don't tell you enough that you rock but you do.
Bloglines and Ask.com teamed up to add this to the feed of this blog post:
Related Searches on Ask.com: SOB SOB SOB , OMFG DUCKS DUCKS , Panda Bear , Polar Bear , Eric Carle
I'm just wondering what would happen if I really searched Ask.com for "OMFG DUCKS DUCKS"...I think I'm off to do that now.
Whenever I read Green Eggs and Ham to my campers I go "LOOK. HE IS USING HIS WORDS HE IS NOT HITTING SAM I AM! PLEASE STOP HITTING" and my kids go "whatever crazy lady"
Your Ezra is one of three that I know of . . . this name is making a comeback - I'm calling it right now.
May I suggest, for variety's sake:
Chicka-chicka-boom-boom (the alphabet is in peril! Will there be enough room? ) and Good Dog, Carl--which has absolutely no words exceot "Good Dog, Carl" and was an awesome bedtime book for that reason.
So glad you wrote this. Reminds me of some books I should go out and get. Also, didn't know if you knew of this blog: http://thediamondinthewindow.typepad.com/ She reviews the books her kids are writing (not as amusing are you do it though) but you can write to her and she'll recommend books (with her daughters' input) that your child might like to also read. Can you tell I'm a book person?
hahahhaha. The Giving Tree is probably the saddest book EVER though
hahahhaha. The Giving Tree is probably the saddest book EVER though
Oh LORD a BIG ditto on the green eggs and ham. Every time my son brings that book to me to read I groan, and not silently. It. doesn't. end.
You really need to avoid reading The Frog Ballet then. *Still sobbing*
Great post. We agree with most of what you said, aside from the duck part. My 3 year old associates ducks (and all fowl, really) with bad dreams (wtf?). We think it has something to do with a commercial for a sleeping pill involving a rooster in a woman's bedroom. Terrifying!! if you are three.
You are hilarious.
The Monster at The End of This Book is MY favorite of Sprite's since:
1. There's no Princesses
2. There's no Princesses
3. Grover can totally kick any Princess's ass
4. There's no Princesses
I have the board book that she was allowed to destroy and gum when she was younger and an actual copy that I keep on a high shelf, because it's MINE.
Just wanted to second (until I read your comments and saw I am one of many fans) your comments about Boynton. My little ones love "Snuggle Puppy". If you asked I could tell you every part, sing the singing parts, on command.
Oh, and if you haven't read it... I LOVE "I love you the purplest". Its about two sons who are competing for Mommy's love.
Best review ever!
I used to dread reading long Dr. Seuss's too, but not as much as those long Disney movies made into books.
Boynton books are a favorite around here. My kids are 9 and 10 and would probably STILL enjoy them.
I Love You Forever is totally creepy. And *SOB*. I was excited when I got it because of Joey's reading on Friends, and then I read the whole thing and was like, WTF? although, I may totally turn into a moom who is sneaking through her grown children's windows at night to snuggle them. Cause I'm creepy too. At our house, all book reviews sound like this:
I love this book!! I'm going to refuse to let you read it to me, beg to take it to bed with me, and then while you are sleeping rip critical pages out and tear them into tiny pieces. You may think I cannot do this with board books, but I can. Only then will I allow you to read it to me, and possibly cry when you tell me that it can't be fixed. Also, mom, the parts you make up to replace the missing pages? Lame.
You should buy the book, "Philadelphia Chickens" it is Sandra Boynton's books, poems, etc. put to music, and sung by a bunch of different singers. My personal favorite is about the guy who has a bunch of animals all named Bob, "I've got my bunny Bob, his Bunny wife, Bob, and their kids Bob, Bob and Bob..." HI-LARIOUS! Whenever we read it, Zachary cracks up! Good car music.
Wait.. people think that Ezra is a made-up/girl's name?
Lord.
I do not get the hysteria over "Goodnight Moon."
Amalah, I afraid I'm going to have to sue you for not putting the warning; Pee Before Reading in your header.
Try "Chicken Soup With Rice" by Maurice Sendak -- one of my eternal favorites.
My kids are 11.5 and 10 and we STILL quote Boynton books regularly. She rocks. Hilarious post. Hilarious comments, too. :D
I'm a children's librarian and have a small child so most of my life revolves around children's books. And this made me laugh! There was a whole discussion this week on one of my listservs about the relative creepiness of "Love you forever" "The Runaway Bunny" and "the giving tree".
MONSTER AT THE END OF THE BOOK!!! Was my favorite! I read it to my Kindergarten classes, complete with Muppet Voices. To this day, I still say "Oh, I am so embarrassed." like Grover.
I am a new momma (18 day old boy!) and received a few of these books as gifts at my shower and i have to say...
"goodnight moon"= just the best little book ever. loved it since i was a tot and can't wait to read it to my little one every night too. (we read it while he was cooking quite a few times)and i agree with the above poster that "goodnight nobody/goodnight mush" is simply epic.
BUT
"guess how much i love you" = long term therapy/inferiority complex.
AND not only is "I'll love you forever" one of the creepiest books ever BUT there is also a kid playing in the toilet on the cover which is just made of fail!
Not only are you hysterical, several of your commenting audience are too! GNMoon sux, and Guess How Much I love you inspired my kid to try to do all of the things the bunnies do.. yeah, um, there were almost stitches involved....
Um, this was so freaking funny I posted it on my facebook page. I hope that doesn't make me your facebook stalker or anything, but I hope more people read your site because of it, because you are HI-larious!
I don't comment often as I hate being 1 comment out of 80 some or more, but I had to comment on this post. I LOVE this one. Amy, you crack me up every time I read you. (Unless you're being sad and reflective and then I feel all sad and reflective, too...)
William Steig. My fav is Gorky Rises. I love him bc he uses words like humdinger and persnickity.
Love Ezra Keats. Love Goodnight Moon. We like to track the mouse in each page. (I mean "liked". That was a few years ago.
I like to pass on childrens books we don't use anymore but not these classics.
"love You Forever" is THE most horrifying book in the history of language. No joke.
I read it in one "standing" at our local bookstore, while my husband was entertaining my 3 year old son with those Sandra Boynton books. When they found me twenty minutes later, I was a quivering mass of sobs, barely held together by Therapy-Sessions-Yet-To-Be.
All kidding aside, it is the most powerful, mindblowing and CLEAR explanation of the love a parent and child share. Which means it is completely inappropriate for children.
"The Monster at the End Of This Book" is a huge hit around here - always. (And there's "Another Monster at the end of this book", with Elmo pestering Grover that the kids also love.) It's awesome when a book you loved as a kid manages to hold its appeal. (Other books in this category, for us, include Where the Wild Things Are and the Little Mr/Miss books.)
OMG. One of my favorite posts ever.
Go Dog Go...LOL. We like to quote this book at bunco when we are all losing and switching tables and saying "Hello Again!" "Hello!" "Do you like my hat?"
What about the annoying Elmo books when he refers to himself in third person?
I love Blueberries for Sal and any Leo Leonni book (Alexander and the Wind-Up Mouse).
I never really got Goodnight Moon, but I wasn't read it as a child either.
Avery's never learned squat from Green Eggs and Ham either. Not even when I used green food dye! And I thought I was so clever.
p.s. Saying Good Night to NOBODY? THAT is creepy. Hate that book.
This was awesome! Thanks for a good laugh, as usual!
Hasn't the name Ezra been around ever since the dawn of recorded history? I love the name Ezra, but then again, I named my son Walter.
My kids (3 & 17 months) would totally second the Jane Yolen recommendation (How Do Dinosaurs Say Goodnight?). I, on the other hand, have read it so many times I wake up at 2am reciting the damn thing. It's insane how much little kids love repetition.
Thank you Amalah for a much needed laugh tonight. (well, you almost always make me either laugh or cry, but this one was up there with the best of the funny ones!) I wish everyone read your blog... well at least the people I work with, so I could talk about this with them like they like to talk about their TV shows all the time!
I bet you will like Goodnight, Gorilla. It's got gorgeous pictures and no words at all, so you can make up whatever you want. Perfect. Also, every child I've ever met loves it.
Apparently I am the only person intensely creeped out by the "Goodnight nobody" line? OK then.
I knew the author of the Brown Bear and Polar Bear books (not Eric Carle, the guy he collaborated with, Bill Martin, Jr.) and spent one of the greatest weeks of my life with my family at his apartment in New York.
He, at a time in our lives when we were very short on money, paid for us to fly to New York, bought is dinners, cooked us breakfast and sent us to 2 broadway shows simply because he thought we should experience New York. He died a few years ago, but I will never be able to hear those book titles without feeling a sense of gratitude to Bill.
Not that it has anything to do with what you wrote, but it's been so long since I've thought about him, I just wanted to share.
(The end)
I love to read guess how much I love you to my twin boys, 3 1/2. Thankfully, they like it too. I am right there with you on the sobbing part.
If you want a great duck book to change up but still have DUCKS! Try Little Quack, not very long and such a cute story. 5 little ducks learning to go from nest to water, but they're scared, mama duck encourages calmly, one by one they all make the plunge. Noah might be getting a little old for it, but Ezra would love it I bet.
I love you. Seriously -- love. I have gone through this same *crap* (ha, that means "excellent book adventure in kid-speak) and hallalujah, I am mostly out the other side. Now my kids are old enough to read Nancy Drew and Harry Potter, etc., and I just occasionally read Love you Forever to them just because I need a good cry. :)
I love post. What an awesome idea. Re: The Giving Tree... MY GOD. I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I picked it up at the bookstore (seven years ago, a few weeks away from giving birth to my oldest child) ---SOB---WHEEZE---SOB!!!
(But this is also coming from the same woman who broke down in tears telling her husband about how in the very last Peanuts comic strip Charlie Brown actually kicked the football... in the middle of Target. Yes, I'm a schmuck.)
Have to say, at least two of those are house favorites, and they were both inherited from me--The Monster at the End of This Book and Good Night Moon.
Another home favorite is "A Dark Dark Tale" by Ruth Brown. So many fond memories of my father reading that to me, and it gives me a little twinge of nostalgia now to hear him read it to my daughter.
I have to chime in on this one with my sister--a personal favorite when I was a kid was Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, by Judith Viorst.
I was a kid with a lot of sensory issues and integration issues, and that book made me feel a lot better on bad days.