August 11, 2009
So...I'm always like, "Damn, Lileks, why don't you update the Gallery of Regrettable Food anymore?" And then I pick up some stupid old book at a used bookstore for a couple dollars and I'm like, "I should scan some of these pages and recipes and put them on the Internet! With hilarious commentary! Yes, that is exactly what I should do!"
And then FOUR HUNDRED MILLION HOURS LATER I realize exactly why Lileks doesn't update the Gallery of Regrettable Food anymore. This shit is a pain in the ass. Also, the Gallery of Regrettable Food will always, always be funnier.
Anyway, I picked up this stupid old book this weekend and scanned some of the pages. At first glance, it's your typical Old Dated Cookbook, where the presence of tomatoes instantly means the recipe is called "Colorful Something-Something," where the inclusion of three atoms' worth of chili powder means it's "Mexican Something-Something," and "Oriental Something-Something" is code for soy sauce. But the gimmick -- and you gotta have a gimmick -- is that absolutely everything, from the Bacon Poles to the Maxi-Burgers to the Wiener Bean Pot, has been made in the microwave. Also known as the Greatest Innovation In Modern Cooking Known To Man.
So kick your stove to the curb and flush your pots and pans down the toilet and get ready from some super-groovy MICROWAVERY.