Public Service Announcement
Microwavery

Staycation

Jason and I spent our anniversary weekend in a hotel. A hotel 20 minutes away from our house. A hotel 20 minutes away from our children.

(The first time you read "20 minutes" you were probably all, "awww," and smiled ruefully about This Fucking Economy. Then you read the second "20 minutes" and were all, "boom chicka wah wah.")

(Go on! Admit it! You smiled ruefully! You also read this website while wearing a floor-length silk dressing gown and ermine-trimmed bedroom slippers. DO NOT DESTROY MY ILLUSIONS, IMAGINARY AUDIENCE.)

(NOTE: I had to Google "ermine" to make sure that I was not making words up again. I do that sometimes. Amazingly, "ermine" is an animal that is indeed used to trim faaaahncy bedroom slippers. Even more amazingly, this is one of the first image results:

Ermine 

THAT's how I'm going to picture you in my head from now on. Unibrow and all.)

Anyway.

What was I talking about?

Oh! Our hotel room had a gigantic jacuzzi tub. Boom chicka wah wah, the end, except for the part where weoverslept and almost missed our dinner reservation. At 9 o'clock at night. That's what happens when you fall asleep at 6 o'clock. You cannot take us anywhere. We are so lame, and our pet ermine isn't even paper-trained.

(Pretty much the greatest thing ever coming tomorrow, thanks to a $2 sidewalk sale at a bookstore around the corner from our hotel. And by "greatest thing ever" you know I totally mean "the 1970s were fucked up, you guys.")

Comments

Stephanie

I admit it -- I have the unibrow.

Megan@Blueberry Scones

Aw, I wish you wouldn't post *that* picture of me - I'm totally showing off my bad side!

Baileyswedishfish

I wonder if the pet's name is Herman. Herman the Ermine.

I love how her hair is sculpted to her head and around under her chin. Ear-flaps, anyone?

eva

If you're talking about the original "Curious George" book ... may be pre-70s. Totally inappropriate and outdated though: "so the man with the yellow hat went to africa to get a monkey."

If you're talking about the hairiness of the original Joy of Sex...can't wait!

Caroline

Huh. An old boyfriend of mine used to travel a lot for work. He was in Texas in a motel and found (under the bureau, if I remember correctly) a Penthouse from 1979 with Donna Summer on the cover. Speaking of hairiness... All the women had winter bush! (Actually what I call all-year-round bush, if I'm bein honest with myself.)

Sprite's Keeper

Not only does she have the unibrow, but it looks like her head has been bisected before. After dealing with Suda-Head all day, I can sympathize on both accounts.

Steph the WonderWorrier

No lie, I was just in Poland with my boyfriend and I saw the ACTUAL Leonardo Da Vinci "This Is The Real Shit" version of that painting in a small museum in Krakow.

We snapped a photograph of it, but honestly... I just felt like that was incredibly stupid. My boyfriend disagreed and continued to snap three more. So now I have four photographs of a famous piece of art --- isn't that a thrill? (Again, camera-happy boyfriend thinks Yes).

Erin

I thought it was less boom chicka wah wah and more bow chikca bow wow...hmmmm....now I'm going to have to Google this.

merry jennifer

Happy anniversary! Where did you have reservations for dinner?

megs

While you're imagining me, with my ermine slippers and cunning unibrow, I'm imagining you riding unicorns across rainbows drinking from glistening rivers of adult beverages, in your blissful childless state. I am currently on "vacation" with my 5 month old. Visiting my family. Couldn't afford to bring my partner with me. There are plenty of aunties and grandparents to play with the baby, but all the not sleeping and diaper changing and such are left to me alone, and therefore this is the shittiest "vacation" EVER.

On that note, Happy Anniversary!

MommiePie

Really? An Ermine? I would think it more realistic to imagine us all rockin' our uni-brows while holding glasses of wine or margaritas.

The Girl

Dude, that's just a fuckin' ferret. Ferrit? Feh! WEASLE. It's a WEASLE. And you know they stink, right? They do. Also, they relieve themselves in inappropriate places. For shiz. My sister had a ferret once and it used to crap behind the couch. Like, it would sit on top of the couch and get really still, all sneaky-like, and that's when you knew it was unloading a big 'ol duce off the back of the sofa.

Its name was Stinky Fat. THAT'S HOW BAD THEY SMELL, that you name them after their funky stench.

Yeah, so I don't know why she had that thing. I just wanted to share.

Susan (Trout Towers)

We raise our glasses of absynth to you.

Monkey

A joke for you:

Q: What are the two most perverted animals on the farm?

A: Brown chicken, brown cow

Also, I am so lame that the thought of actually leaving my house after 8pm, let alone eating at 9pm makes me exhausted just thinking about it.

Amanda

That "unibrow" is the decorated edge of her sheer veil :)

Congrats on the kid-free time!

RJStewart

Now I know what to do with my ermine-trimmed satin boudoir outfits. Don them and read your blog! You are a lifesaver once again - the marabou was getting dusty.

Kristin

Oh please, surely you know I had that unibrow corrected ages ago.

Happy Anniversary and it sounds like a great place to have a staycation.

Wendy

No lie, that picture looks exactly like early pictures of my grandmother. Except she didn't have a unibrow. Weird.

Melissa

Does my hair tie underneath my chin???
WOW. That is not the best pic of me. I'm kicking my mom's ass for sending that to you.

Ingrid

This is a great painting--and a great story.

It's Leonardo da Vinci's portrait of Cecelia Gallerani. The ermine is there because it's a play on her name (Galee is Greek for ermine) and also because she was the mistress of the powerful duke of Milan, Ludovico Sforza--who was a member of the prestigious Order of the Ermine.

So...not just a ferret!

sweetsalty kate

Oh you totally earned that sleep.

mallory

I have seen that painting! It's hanging in a gallery in Krakow, Poland. It is unbelievably mesmerizing in real life. I couldn't take my eyes off it, and I'm not all that into art. DaVinci really knew what he was doing.

MommyNamedApril

we're going on our staycation next week... we're going a WHOLE HOUR away. but we're bringing the kids. woot. :-/

Elizabeth

OMG, i totally do that all the time! (the part where you write something and then decide that you probably made up a word and/or are using it completely incorrectly. i actually convinced myself a week ago that i made up the word 'bleary'. my husband backed me up. my nine year old was like, um, mom, that's really a word.)

Lindsay

Yes! I also ask google if I am making up words. They just come to me and I am like where did that come from? because I have no recollection of ever seeing or using the word before. Current confirmed by google word: conjure.

Happy Anniversary!

MariaV

I don't have a unibrow, but I do braid my eyebrows. Does that count?

Katie

You are a nutcase! And on a different note - see where Paris and Nicole get their fashion inspirations from? And here I was totally not getting the headband - wearing trend... And well done on the Krakow info people! A magnificent place to visit BTW! Signed - Polish follower of Amalah the Great.

stacy

man, that rat on her arm looks downright evil! agh!

I prefer a papillon, in fact, here is a good photo of me. and yes my last name is dangleterre, okay?! http://i28.tinypic.com/wgx3kw.jpg

Lea White

There is something special for you over at my blog: http://whitesinnz.blogspot.com/2009/08/nomination.html

JChevais

Ermine is also a first name in France. I've only met one woman with the name and she was insufferably bourgeoise.

Kathy

I used to have the unibrow, but I own tweezers, now, so...

Question. Are ermines a sort of ferret or something? Because they totally look like it, but, uh, bigger.

Susan

Okay, okay, I smiled. But not ruefully.

Nel

Ha! Unibrow and all.

Fore the record, I look nothing like that. I have your blog read to me by servants wearing banana hammocks. The fan me with giant leaves while I sip pina coladas. Also, I am pool side.

That is how you should imagine your readers.

Mert

I was just wondering if the anniversary get-away was a jump start (hehe) on number three? (ducks and runs away)

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings

I never read this website while wearing a floor-length silk dressing gown and ermine-trimmed bedroom slippers. Well, OK, not most of the time, because my wife hates that. Happy anniversary!

Jenna

Hotel anniversary parties are always the best with your significant other. We take advantage of walking around naked for 48 hours.

Deanna

That actually looks a lot like me, except the ermine would be a spoiled cat.

Liz

I comment on your posts because every time I do, the little checkmark tells me I'm special. Despite my unibrow and uncannily (google that) long fingers, at least this here blog recognizes my spectacularness (and that). Oh, and ferrets do stink. Perhaps her hair is tied under her chin so that she can pull it up over her nose and use it as a gas mask.

kim

You know what's the WORST thing ever? A fucked up 1970's book about childbirth, complete with pictures. Someone actually gave me this when I got pregnant. So not helpful.

Andrew

Delurking for the second time in howevermany years to leave the 7243th comment because it is SO WEIRD you mentioned ERMINES. I witnessed a small weaselly animal run across the road yesterday, and thus ended up on Wikipedia musing over ermines not five minutes ago.

Weird, man.

I shave my unibrow.

Melanie

Where did you get this picture of me? Were you snapping photos from my window again???

die Frau

Staycations are totally underrated. Time away is still time away, right, especially with a jacuzzi tub! We did the same thing for my birthday--20 minutes away, jacuzzi tub! It's also good living so near wine country.

You watch--that will be the next "new" fashion: "This year it's all ermines and hair tied under the chin. THAT'S HOT!"

Yikes.

die Frau

Staycations are totally underrated. Time away is still time away, right, especially with a jacuzzi tub! We did the same thing for my birthday--20 minutes away, jacuzzi tub! It's also good living so near wine country.

You watch--that will be the next "new" fashion: "This year it's all ermines and hair tied under the chin. THAT'S HOT!"

Yikes.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

Okay, but the real question is where did you eat?

Kendra

Sadly, I am ermine-less. Either as pets or as slippers. But I do like to lounge around in a state of (my favorite word) deshabille--silk dressing gown, hair carelessly tossed about.

I absolutely never read your blog while I yell at my 3- and 6-year-old to decide already who's going to have first bath, while my 17-month-old tries to drink dog water (when did I last change that, by the way? Can't be good for either of them), and I try to pretend that I really am the lady in that painting, with just a stinky little rat-thing for company.

Congratulations on the anniversary!

Della

You are wrong! I did not say "boom chicka wow wow" until I read the "fell asleep at 6pm" part.

Because if it was Just A Nap, you would have fallen asleep at 3pm. The 6pm nap means.... post-coital cuddle, baybee!!

At least according to the Way Things Go at our house. So, you go girl!

(and happy anniversary)

MButterfly

How did you know I was wearing a floor-length silk dressing gown? Fuck. That's it: next time I read your blog, I'm wearing a tinfoil hat.

Jem

Lady with an Ermine! I totally studied that painting in Art History when I was 17.

The comments to this entry are closed.