The Everything Is Okay Alarm
Year of the Promise

Ephemera Thursday

Today! I accomplished nothing! Except the continued life-sustaining of two small reckless humans, the consumption of an entire package of American cheese slices, and a small handful of additions to the When You Marry gallery, covering chapters six and seven: Will Yours Be A Happy Marriage? and Wedding Plans. The former is mostly obsessed with warning the Youth Of America about the dangers of marrying someone who know...different than you. different. Or...well, okay, we're just going to use the word "culturally" a lot and hope that you GET OUR DRIFT, OKAY?

The wedding chapter is actually rather boring, as very little has changed in the spectacularly dull world of wedding etiquette. Except for the price tag -- couples who got carried away with their wedding plans could ultimately spend close to $4,000. Take heed, Youth Of America! One day you will instill similar values in your bratty-ass kids and spend 10 times that on a sweet 16 birthday party while MTV tapes your daughter dirty dancing with someone very, VERY different than she is, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Unfortunately Brenda does not add any commentary to these chapters, so I'm afraid we'll never know if she hoped for a Small wedding in church, home or club or an Informal chapel wedding with her beloved Zion. (Yes, yes, YES, all right, you guys are right, it's very likely Zion and not 2wn, although in my head [and my heart!] I will continue to pronounce Zion as "Two-on," because that's just how I picture him now, okay?) (Sob!)

Main gallery link here, newest pages start here.

Love and Sheared Beavers,




You accomplished SO MUCH MORE THAN ME! I just sat at my desk, on the bus, and at home and pouted. You are a raging success.


You accomplished much more than me, too. I've only had to manage the alive-keeping of one small human. And not much else.


Oh no! They have found my Swedish ass out! Can you imagine the DESTRUCTION my 'gine would wreak upon the world if I was black too? Avert your husbands eyes!


I think "Love and Sheared Beavers" must be the title of a faaaar more liberal book on relationships than this one. And if it isn't? It should be.


My husband is Swedish. Will you still be my friend? I was a bit baffled that happy marriages were not a consideration in Negro couples. And I especially enjoyed you take on how to handle the electric toaster situation. Nice work!


You know Aunt Mary faked the toaster gifting because Jane married a Swede. So much sobbing; so much plain bread.

(AWESOME--so enjoying this!)


Will Yours Be A Happy Marriage? Hmm...

I was raised Episcopalian in The South. I married a Pakistani Muslim. That's churchy-cultural different AND cultural-cultural different. I'm guessing I already know what the authors of When You Marry would think about my marriage's future prospects.

Incidentally, when I was growing up in The South, my grandmother made it known she wouldn't approve of any "mixed marriage." She meant that we shouldn't marrying a Yankee Northerner. Wonder how she feels about my half-Pakistani life?

(I kid, I kid. She likes my husband a lot, thank god!)


Hubs--what did you do today?
Me--kids alive, not bleeding, just another day in paradise. Please open the wine.


Quin! I'm pretty sure it's "Quin", and not "Zion". That's my vote

Steph the WonderWorrier

Ohh, I think Catherine is right... I'd say it's Quin.

Who the hell would be named Zion in the 1940s - 1960s? That's MUCH MORE LIKELY to be a celeb baby name from our lovely New Millenium.

Thanks for uploading more pages of this textbook, it's really bringing the lulz!


This is just to point out that I have been without a computer for a day and cannot comment on my iPhone so I SAVED YOUR POST to read when I got home and could comment. I don't have anything to say. I just like you. Better than other people to whom you might possibly be compared and whom I will not mention because who cares. I think you are great and I love your blog and I am a HUGE snob. And have grown children. So there you go.

College At Thirty

Oh my word. Oh. My. Word. Okay, the sheared beaver was funny ha ha. this is funny sad.


I'm actually surprised at the book's rather progressive approach to interfaith marriage. From what I'd read leading up to that section, I never would have thought that they would actually suggest dual cereonies.

Sprite's Keeper

I read the entire thing and all I can think is I want toast.. At least I have a toaster! But I'm out of butter...NOOOOO!!!!!



Wait, wait, wait! Wait! That's not Zion! I bet it says "Quin"! That "2" shape...isn't that the real way to make a capital cursive "Q"? I mean, I have not used a proper capital cursive Q in probably 20 years, but it seems to be sparking some kind of handwriting memory.


Amy - I am so sharing this with a friend of mine who was married in a Swedish woman who dumped him 20 years later. Oh, it could have save him so much pain! LOL!


Psh, there's no hope for my husband and I, for the book says so! I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago; with separated parents (they were NEVER.EVEN.MARRIED! For shame); with no religious upbringing whatsoever; and I have two bachelor degrees and a master's.

My husband grew up in rural, central Illinois; with parents that have been married for more than 30 years, although they DID have to "move up their wedding date" *wink*); was raised predominantly Methodist and attended missionary trips; and has an associate's degree.

Dude, having to tell my husband that our marriage is DOOMED is really going to screw up his weekend. Ah, well, best to follow the book's advice and get out now. Thanks for pointing that out, Amy, and shall I send my divorce fees to you, or to the book's publisher? ;)


A happy marriage definitely does depend on the general "orgasmability" of the wife. OK, they didn't actually use the word orgasmability but that was what they meant.

Also, what's with the Swedish and the Negroes that they are both the exception to the pre-marital sex rules? How do I become Swedish and/or a "negro" please?


I'm pretty sure it's Dion.

Katie Kat

Okay yeah - what if you're a NEGRO SWEDISH person? HUH? What then oh book of completely nonsensical assvice?

I rest my case. (Did I have a case?)

Kate the Great

What is a "Pyschopath," pray tell?

I wish I had an aura of holiness.


In all seriousness, when did we decide it was ZION? Please tell me you're kidding. I thought Quin(n) was the obvious contender.

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