An Ezra Interlude

My Infestation, Let Me Show You It

A couple years ago, shortly before we moved from DC to the Stupid Suburbs, my recently-transplanted-from-California friend sent me a camera phone photo and a hysterical text message.


The picture was of the most hideous insect I had ever seen. Including the time I found a cockroach in my bathtub.

(Although cockroach encounters are almost like a bizarre form of street cred for City People. It reaffirms that yes, I am so hardcore in my desire to Walk To Things (translation: Starbucks) that I am perfectly okay with spending half a million dollars to live in a 800-square-foot hellhole.)

Anyway, this bug was ugly. It was obviously some kind of beetle but the kind of beetle that would eat ladybugs for lunch and then poop out some kind of flesh-eating disease. All over your face. While you slept.

I texted back.


My phone was silent for a few minutes. And then.


And a few minutes later, she called.

"Cilannnnntrooooo!" she wailed.


"Cilantro! I squashed it with Skip's shoe and now the whole room smells like rotten goddamn cilantro."

(Skip is her husband.)

We both got on our computers and started Googling "cilantro smelly rotten egg beetles" and quickly determined that it was a Brown Marmorated Stink Bug. A nuisance bug accidentally introduced to our continent from China, like a plague of mass-produced lead-painted Thomas trains. And we learned that by squishing the sucker inside her house, my friend had essentially broadcasted to every other stink bug in the area that her house was a nice warm place to infest.

"That's stupid," she said. "That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Come to this house, bugs! They have shoes! It smells like death!"

Then she fell oddly silent, and asked if she and her son could come over for awhile.

"Amy," she whispered. "There are like, five more of them on the outside of the screen door. They're just...sitting there."

"Oh my God," I whispered back, for some reason. "Grab your keys and the baby and get out of there. Don't worry about anything else. We have diapers and blankets and you can borrow clothes if you need them. Just GET OUT OF THERE."

When she arrived, I immediately told her about the time I found a cockroach in the tub. To this day I will never understand why she moved back to California.


And now we live in the suburbs. And every fall it's the same disgusting thing. Stink bugs all over the outside of the house and window screens, waiting, plotting, inevitably finding their way inside. Mosquitoes, too. They sense their imminent wintery death and go completely berserk in September, biting you through seventeen coats of DEET, making every trip outside to drop wine bottles in the recycling bin an exercise in terror. This year, we have a nest of yellow jackets in the flower bed right outside our front door and Jason found a dried-out snakeskin near our dryer vent. And then there's the fucking CRICKETS. And then! Three days ago I noticed some other giant (HUGE) mysterious beetle-bug-thing on one of our windows, and as I have considerable problem-solving skills, I simply closed the window to trap it, because it just looked entirely too substantial to crush with a tissue. As of right now, the thing is STILL NOT DEAD YET.

It's all so gross, this stupid nature.

This year seems like the worst one yet, though. Almost Hitchcockian. The stink bugs just all simultaneously APPEARED yesterday. I noticed one on the crown molding in the living room...right as I heard the telltale buzzing of another one taking flight behind me behind me don't land on me don't land on me gaaaah. I lowered the window shades and HOLY FUCK, they were everywhere, just sitting there. First-floor windows, second-floor windows. I checked all our screens for points of entry and armed myself with the Shop Vac. 

We have a service contract with a pest control company, and twice a year they come out and spray for termites and check the perimeter and windows and set out little sticky traps to see if we can figure out how the fuck all these bugs are getting in and twice a year the visit ends with a baffled shrug. 

Yesterday, I think I cracked the mystery.

(Oh hey, if you're still reading at this point but are like, itching from head to toe a little bit? You might want to finally cry uncle and bail.)

So ever since the Great Fertilizer Dog Buffet Debacle and subsequent shutting down of the Canine Liver Contingent, we've been diligent composters. Yesterday, however, I left the pile's offerings (bruised section of peach, apple core, lettuce) sit out on the kitchen counter for juuuuust a bit too long, as we've yet to buy a suitable indoor container. I went to toss a banana peel on top and OH MY GOD, a fucking mushroom cloud of fruit flies sprang from its depths. I gagged and grabbed the nearest bowl (Sorry, Dora the Explorer), swept everything into it and bolted outside to deposit it in our composter.


As soon as I opened the back door, the stink bugs attacked. Five or six of them flew towards the opening at top speed. I shrieked and slammed the door shut. The motion once again disturbed the flock of fruit flies who were following me and my bowl of mush like the Pied Piper, and a stink bug ricocheted off the door frame and landed on my hand. I dropped the bowl and shrieked again, and the bug fell off my hand...and into my shoe.

(Gardening clogs, okay? That I promise I only wear for GARDENING. And picking up dog crap. And fine, maaaaaybe taking Noah out to the school bus sometimes but it's just because they are usually right there by the door and that's just really convenient.)

At this point I probably looked and sounded like I was being attacked by bees. Or sharks. Or hell demons. I kicked off my shoe and sent it sailing across the yard and stood there for another three or four minutes shaking my limbs and hair and clothing while gasping out stuff like "ew ew ew ew ew shit shit shit."

When I stopped to catch my breath and retrieve my shoe and Dora bowl (opting to allow the compost to stay where it fell, providing all kinds of essential nutrients to the wood of the back deck), I made the mistake of surveying the back of our house.

Stink bugs. Everywhere. On the brick, on the windows, on the gutters. I slooooowly reached for the screen door handle and I SWEAR, they all fired up their wings, ready to attack. 

I dashed in as fast as I could, slamming the storm door closed (AND LOCKING THE DEADBOLT, BECUZ I ARE SMARTER THAN THEM BUGS). I walked over to the sink to deposit the bowl...and felt something on my ankles.

Two mosquitoes. I smashed them, leaving smears of blood on top of the already-forming welts.  (FOUR BITES, already. FOUR.)

And that's when I noticed something in my hair. Multiple somethings.

You guys. They rode inside the house IN MY HAIR.

By my count, THREE OF THEM. I have since vacuumed up one, another is MIA (shakes hair shakes hair shakeshair), and I have cornered a third one inside the living room blinds, unable to coax it quiiiiite close enough to where my vacuum can get at it.

No, seriously:


The way we live now.

(And just for the sake of completeness, besides the two mosquitoes that used my ankle as some kind of illegal border crossing van, minutes later I found a third one, BITING MY BABY ON THE FACE. Without thinking, I smacked it off him [AND THUS, HIS FACE], which shocked him so much that he did the whole heartbreaking face-melting-sobbing-real-tears thing, and then STILL woke up this morning with EIGHT gigantic angry red bites on his face and legs. Obviously, the suburbs are dirty, disgusting and absolutely no place to raise children.)



Ok. I don't know why I read this post, because I am now going to have nightmares about bugs. And nightmares about having nightmares about bugs. In my hair. Oh I am getting the heebies just thinking about it. I want to google camel crickets but I . just. can't. look! oh there are the goosbumps again. I feel your pain. I really really do. Oh, and mosquitos love me. They love me so much that I am like a bug zapper for other people, saving all the mosquito bites for myself and keeping others remarkably bite-free. They love me so much they like to bite me on my face when I am sleeping. Right near my eye. So that I wake up with a giant red welt that looks like my husband punched me in the face. NICE. Yup, this was last week and I was getting concerned looks from strangers and since I live in a foreign country I couldn't even explain it. Mmmhmm. Also found a stinkbug in my hairclip bowl a couple days ago, freaked the F out and ran out of the bathroom screaming, apparently not caring that my baby was sleeping. I of course made my husband deal with it. And I am certain that I will never get divorced and if ever I do I will remarry quickly, because shit - I'm NOT touching a bug, ever, that's what men are for, ew ew ew. PS: also have the "husband-left-compost-on counter-overnight-wake up to kitchen filled with fruit flies-issue" and an alternative take on the orange juice-bowl idea is a narrow opening bottle (like a water or soda bottle) with a tiny bit of cider or red wine vinegar inside and some plastic wrap rubberbanded around the top with a few tiny holes punched in it will do nicely to trap those stupid f'n fruit flies. I hate them and will destroy all of them. Also - I need to buy a compost container. with a lid.

die Frau

Check out comedian Tim Bedore's website Vague But True ( He has been talking about animal conspiracy for some time. I warn you, though, one of the first pictures was of some freaky, hairless creature, the caption of which reads "Did Alien Visitors Bring their Pets".

Ew, bugs, gross, EW. I take mosquitoes as a personal affront to nature. They love me. LOVE ME. It is a completely unrequited love, as I viciously kill any that I can. No pacifism here.


OMG, I had never heard of these bugs until I read this. Then, I just went to the work bathroom and there is one of those FN STINK BUGS on the wall above the toilet! I think it came through your computer to mine! AGH! And now I feel all creepy crawly and keep waiting for stink bugs to start swarming!


I HATE those stupid stink bugs. I live in NC, and we have them everywhere. Stink bugs and those little orange ladybugs that invade the house and multiply in your walls, then come out on warms days in the spring and fall. Fuckers.

And I totally understand about your reaction to seeing a mosquito on your son's face. I smacked my 4-year-old upside the head the other night to get one. He didn't cry but did give me a good "WTF?!" look for it.


It's good to know that we're not the only family with these bugs hiding in the window treatments.

Actually they don't bother me that much. I scoop them up and put them back outside. I've never smelled them -- probably because I don't squish bugs (except for mosquitos).


i grew up in the philly suburbs, never saw a stink bug until moving in with my hubby 2-1/2 years ago and moving to another county. last fall we bought a house in a more rural area of the same county and our house is covered in stink bugs. one of my dogs and our cat love to chase, hunt and maim the stink bugs both have learned the hard way not to kill them.
best advice i can give you is bang on the door or screen before exiting. the bugs get all confused and fly around. this will give you time to get out the door before they can get in and hopefully keep them from landing in your hair. ooohhh yucky


Dinner is served.


DUDE! I live in coastal NC and I thought the "waterbugs" or roaches were a pain once in a while but it is ONCE IN A WHILE! We don't really even have mosquitoes yet everyone says the south is bad! Yikes!


Just vacuum the bugs up with the hose attachment. Seriously. Flies, fruit flies, beetles - even the ones on the back of you house. Vacuum them all up. It'll kill the less-robust ones, and trap the rest. Empty the canister into a trash bag, close it up, and dump it into your trash cart or whatever. Let them die and make their come-get-some-stink outside.

Cheryl S.

Holy mother of GOD! I live in S. Florida and we get Palmetto bugs (HUGE roaches that FLY), but you usually only see one or two. If those bugs were infesting the back of my house, I'd never leave. And if 3 of them got in my hair, I'm fairly certain I'd have to kill myself!!!!!!!!!


We have these nasty HUGE millipedes that run like hell when you try to kill them. No matter how many times his bug-phobic wife screams to "justkillthemwithashoenotamagazineomfg!", my husband manages to let one escape every now and then shoe. I'm also really glad we walk our dog late at night, when no one can see my arm flailing, high-stepping, shrieking freak out because a small spider dared to cross the sidewalk a foot in front of me.

I quite possibly need to buy stock in Raid.

Dina Andreasen

I get a Scripto lighter while those Motherf*#@^ng stink bugs are on the screen and light their little feet on fire, hoping they will drag themselves back to their minions spreading the word NOT to mess with the crazy flame throwing bitch who dwells within yonder home.

7aki Fadi

I am sorry to do this but HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This was the funniest shit EVER.

I am still laughing.


Get a grip, it is just a bug & a non-biting bug to boot!


I think it's hysterical that a post about bugs has over 200 comments! Oh and this is our first fall in our suburban VA home and the stink bugs are crazy--all buzzing in my hair and clinging to the door and what-not. Glad we're not alone in our infestation though. Thanks!


Oh my lord. I am laughing and cringing at the same time. Too funny!
And, I have an excellent (and working) solution for the fruit flies. A bowl set out on the counter with apple cider vinegar, water, and a little dishsoap. Seriously, it will trap them all. As for the stink bugs...possibly an exorcism?


Amy, I am from Florida which is bug heaven, and now I live in Georgia which is only slightly better. But the worst thing yet was the moment 2 weeks ago when I realized my 3-year-old-with-hair-to-her-waist angel had LICE!!! OMGOMGOMG. I'm still itchy all over.


This weblog is being featured on Five Star Friday -


Laugh. Gag. How did you know I was itching?


Hey Amy,
Here's a post from a nerdy Mom who studied entomology. In future, just send me the bug picture and I'll identify it for you and give any tips you might need. In my experience, I've never heard of a stink bug biting, but anything's possible I guess. In my house, we gently remove any insects and place them outside, any stink bugs I've held did emit a smell but were harmless. Hope this helps!


that's horrible but your commentary is hilarious! i was laughing out loud...


OMG, that is truly Horrifying. I live in the suburbs (in Texas)and my greatest fear are roaches...gah...


I feel like bathing in boiling hydrochloric acid now...

That is the most horrific thing I have ever heard.

I hate bugs more than anything (roaches being the most heinous) and those stink bugs sound just as disgusting!

I feel for you, Amalah, I really do.... <=)


I haven't read your stuff before, so I'm glad someone shared this in Google Reader, because it's all kinds of funny. Just so well done.

My wife is terrified of the next time (15 more years to go) the 17-year cicadas will emerge out here in Illinois. She just missed them when we moved back out here, and I swear she must have nightmares about it now and then.

If those guys also stunk? And bit? We'd be moving to Antarctica. Because obviously we can't move to anywhere else in the country.


You've made me do that silent laugh thing because I'm at work...

I totally do the same thing though with bugs.


Ewwwww. Time to get out the lysol spray and a cigarette lighter and go ninja on their asses! (If you have fire insurance.)


So after I read this, I was up in the newborn baby's room getting a diaper and went to shut the window and saw one of these bugs, right on the curtain! And instead of squashing it, I trapped it with toilet paper and flushed it whole. So, now your blog is not just entertaining but also, useful! Like the nature channel! (and I was very grossed out).


Ok. I was ok reading the story until I got to the "it's in my hair" part. That seriously creeped me out, big time. I feel bad for you. I hate all things with legs and wings. Except ladybugs, but even then, they need to be outside. I hope you get rid of them fast. Poor Ezra. Skeeties are so annoying. But I am laughing with you, in a "thank God she's there and I'm not" kind of way.


You know, I was being very stoic and feeling your pain and shuddering in sympathy with you, until I got to the point where you slapped that mosquito on the baby's face and made him cry. And then I was LOL'ing. I know, I know that probably makes me a bad person, but I COULD SEE IT. IN MY MIND'S EYE. You know, that eye you can't see with but ... oh whatever. I hate bugs. Except spiders. I like spiders.



We just came back from a 2 week trip to Uganda and Kenya - two beautiful countries that are, unfortunately, teeming with malaria-ridden mosquitoes - and suffered not a bite of any kind from any bug.

We used Insect Shield (, a company out of North Carolina, that will treat your clothes with their repellent techno stuff. You can also just buy their clothes, but we preferred our own.

You can check with them about whether it's safe for babies (I'm almost sure it is b/c they mostly just use that lice treatment stuff), but in any case, you might want to buy a mosquito net for the younger child and/or have his sheets treated.


Suzy Q

You had me at the hair. This gave me the shivers, BIG TIME.

I live in Miami and so am used to bugs, even flying icky ones (IN MY SHOWER!), but EW. EW EW EW!

Also, I JUST NOW almost tripped over an iguana so big that it could eat a small child. Am hiding in my apartment until The Apocalypse is over.

Seacrest out!


Okay, you know what? Whatever. Because today? I found BEDBUGS! As in, don't let them bite you but they've been biting me for a month and I thought I was getting hives from our new detergent bedbugs. GAH!!!


Don't ever come to Texas. We have stink bugs the size of your thumb. And the mosquitoes. My God, the mosquitoes.


Jesus Christ that was horrifying and hilarious all in one. I am so sorry for you having to go through that - I have killer mosquitoes and massive thick spiders here but have never seen a stink bug, let alone had them in my hair! Dear God, woman, I'm surprised you were out of the shower long enough to post this, I would have still been in there washing my hair, I think :).
I don't like the cold weather but look forward to the bugs going away...die, bugs, die!
I suggest you stay inside, oh, until December.
~ Michele in Staten Island, NY


And I thought my flea problem was bad! My husband carried 7 or 8 of them up from the basement and I've been cleaning like a madwoman ever since. And I totally tried to slap one that was on baby girl while changing her diaper. Gooood mom.

Your problem is WAAAY worse than my problem. Hm, I'm not very helpful here. Sorry about the bugs.


We have those stink bugs EVERYWHERE. And it's like... one minute they're not there... and then the next they're right in the middle of the wall. How did it get there???? Nick read somewhere that they are attracted to flowers and plant life... so I have no clue why they would come inside my house. We started capturing them and flushing them... because I swear if you just toss them outside they come right back in. Bleck!


Now that you have me itching all over and shaking my hair out, I have two words: Nature sucks.


i live in louisiana and just recently went to bed with a roach.who decided to take the moment i laid down, to walk across my i freaked out b/c, um, urban legend about the cockroaches laying eggs inside your ear. (although how could you miss that happening?) it was NASTY. i feel for you.


OMG!!! Our baby girl has been getting eaten alive the last few days. She got two mosquito bites on her eyelid the other day and her eye swelled up over night


At least you don't have camel crickets, aka sprickets. Trust me. Sprickets are far FAR worse.

Envision this: Part spider. Part cricket.

We had them in our basement in Maryland. I still have nightmares.


This was halarious! I've never heard of a stinkbug before. I'm sure you hate me. I've never even seen a real cockroach except a dead one in Mexico once. Where do I live? West coast of Canada. Come on up! There's plenty of room and only mosquitos and bees to worry about.

Michelle M.

Y'know, I always laugh when you post stuff like this... UNTIL I GOOGLE THE PICS. Cannot. Stop. Twitching. I second the Xanax. I think it would take eight. GAH :)


EW EWEWEWEWEWEWEW!!!!!!!! Sorry!!!
Reminds me of the great cricket plague of 2003, in my otherwise nice apt. in TX. There were millions. I had 2 dogs who ate them constantly and still, millions, the crickets got in the AC ducts and would drop on my head out of the vents.


I am so itchy right now. That is disgusting. I've lived in the burbs or in the country my entire life and never had a problem like this. When we lived in the country we had a daddy long legs infestation but apparently they aren't spiders and are totally harmless even though they're still gross.


Bugs totally suck. We live in northern FL and between the mosquitoes and the TICKS that attack us it's just stay inside 9 months of the year.

We are currently fighting asian cockroaches, so I feel your pain. These are attracted to light and they fly. We had a service, guaranteed for a year, so all I have seen now are a few dead ones, but they looked like German cockroaches and my son has asthma, so we couldn't afford an infestation.

Bugs just suck your blood and your money!!


WTOP radio had a special about stinkbugs yesterday, so you evidently have lots of company. Advised sealing all holes on the south side of the house, and vacuuming up any you find. Cautioned against crushing any. And I assume, you want the vacuum with the disposable paper bag inside.
Mosquitos, well, another story. Pray for frost.


I haven't taken my kids outside in over a week because here in Indiana we have an infestation of soybean aphids. Apparently the beans developed too early or too late or something, so all of these aphids couldn't get in and do what they normally do, so we have millions and millions of homeless soy aphids flying around in swarms.

They're only about the size of a gnat, and they don't bite, but there are thick clouds of them everywhere we go from about 2 pm until dark, and I just can't stand them getting in my hair and on my skin. If you smear them it's a sick greenish yellowish brown, and it makes every OCD bone in my body shake with anxiety.

So we're locked in the house until the first frost. I feel your pain.


It's a bad year for bugs in suburban Baton Rouge, too. It was supposed to be a really good year because we had a hard frost last winter and it even SNOWED for goodness' sakes, and blah blah blah and yet. Bugs. Everywhere. My baby (2 mos. younger than Ezra) is COVERED in angry mosquito bites and when we get lots of bugs in Louisiana? We get palmetto bugs. That's FLYING ROACHES, y'all. As a New York transplant, I am simply not okay with flying roaches.

Amber H.

LOL! So funny! I'm a country girl, so I can definately relate. And I agree with the other posters, bugs have been crazy bad around her lately. We used to have horrible lady bug infestations in our house. Sound cute? Um, no. They bite! And they fly around everywhere. And they usually end up flying into the lights over and over, driving you to insanity. Thank God that abomination is over!


Amy- I live in PA and the stink bugs are swarming here too. It's insane. Here is what my neighbors and I do: When they are outside crawling up the screen, open the window and spray them with Windex - right on their "bellies/face." The ammonia kills them. I then like to flick them off when they are almost dead (and too weak to fly) so they crash to the ground...serves them right for crawling on my house! It's pure entertainment. Great fun!


I feel for you. Sometimes I wonder at my stupidity for composting, as it promises me weekly cycles of fruit flies. But then, there was light! No more fruit flies for composters:

So totally worth it.


I am so sorry - the HORROR. I will put out there a way to get rid of lingering fruit flies (I compost too): get a little dish, or a tuna can or whatnot. Put a little apple cider vinegar in it. Cover it with plastic wrap (secure it with a rubber band around the dish/can) and poke some holes in the top - not too big, not too small, a fork or pencil end or screw works. The fruit flies crawl in and drown. It totally works. (I think I got it from Chris of NotesFromTheTrenches, but I usually fail to give credit.)


They ain't just in the burbs. I don't have any at my house -in the burbs - but they get in and fly around my office daily and freak me the hell out.

Best solution for fruit flies is a few inches of red wine left in an open wine bottle on the counter - they fly in get drunk and drown. Just make sure your mom dosn't come along and use the wine in a stew - like mine did. Ewww!


This year in PA they actually weren't that bad, but I am so tweaked out by bugs by this time of year, I am so over them, stinkbugs, bees, and centipedes, OH MY!!!


OMFG! I remember when I was living in Minnesota as a kid, the front of our house would be completely covered in some sort of black and red bug. The bus would drop me off and I would wait on the curb for my Mom to open the front door so I could run as fast as I could to get inside. ARGHH I hate bugs. I am so happy to be in California now where I can have windows with no screens!


So if you're still reading... I just came to visit my mom in Roanoke, and she's got quite the stinkbug infestation too. However! She has a new solution that I've tested myself and works like a charm. Get yourself a wide-necked plastic bottle, then hold it up just below the stinkbug. You don't even really have to touch them - they just kind of drop into the bottom of the bottle. They die slowly (muwhahaha!), but don't stink since you don't crush them, and they don't try to fly out when you open the bottle to whack the next one. Seemed a bit less cumbersome than the vacuum cleaner...

supa (Mary Beth)

When we moved houses we left behind the camel crickets and discovered stink bugs. They have this like antifreeze in their blood, so not even freezing Pittsburgh temps will kill them.

I read that you should fill an old milk jug with water and dish soap and put the bugs in there (this is what boy children are for) and then cap it and shake it. It's my current plan, anyway, nasty things. Ick.

At least we have a long time until the next cicada invasion.


Your post reminded me of the UNNECESSARY CARNAGE heading on this insect identification blog. I have used this blog to identify bugs that are strangers to me because I grew up abroad (in South AFrica where bugs are big and varied).

Of course, your carnage sounds justified BUT... for the alternative view:


I was in TEARS.

I grew up in the Shenandoah Valley and I SO know what you're going through. They are evil, those things. I have a vision of them cross breeding with earwigs and silverfish and the thought makes me want to move to the north pole in a igloo whose windows are covered with duct tape and plastic sheeting.


they totally had a story about the stinkbugs on the news the other night. they only came to this country from somewhere in Asia in the 90's. they have no natural predators. and exterminators can't do anything about them. you nailed it, it's truly hitchcockian.


OMG, I know your pain. Our infestation arrived 2 weeks ago and everywhere I look I see the Stink Bugs. Although, I have made a fun game with my daughter. My four year old and I see how many in a day we can flick off the window screens. Since you can't kill them flicking them is tons of fun.


I grew up with those darned stinkbugs, yuck! Sometimes if you even just brush them they'll 'stink'. I always thought that the fake raspberry flavour is similar, yuck! I now live where it is too cold, too thin of air... hopefully. I was back at my parents last weekend, and what do you know starts heading my way whilst on the throne? You think the worst is them in your hair, until you find one in your pocket... eek!


You do realize that once you turn off the vacuum cleaner they can crawl right back out,don't you?


I've dealt with everything from cockroaches to cicadas to yellowjackets and crickets. But this year has been the kicker. I live in Northern CA. Our mosquitoes have been miserable this year and every day I wake up with 4 new bites.

And then...this year... there were...




I feel your pain - it really has been a summer of infestation! I'm in East Tx & right about the time I broke my arm patting myself on the back for ridding the yard of fire ants, we've been treated to wasps (by the back door, casually landing on your foot & stinging the piss out of you); teensie gnats that are small enough to squeeze between the molecules of the walls, large enough to annoy the ever loving heck out of you & too small too squash; black widow spiders have colonized beneath our trailer (why yes, we are rednecking it up); and my sweet dogs keep bringing home ticks, one of which went up my pants & I found it crawling below my navel, heading towards my hoohah. Oh yeah, and since it rained for a week straight, guess who made a return appearance? Oh yeah, the fire ants. Am putting out poison tonight. This is why people in the deep south do not leave their air conditioned houses from June til Sept. Bugs are the reason I'm overweight! ;)


Sorry to continue the super long comment (what can I say, you inspired me) but I just recalled my OMG-totally overracting moment of the summer. I'm in the trailer, with the dogs; husband is out by the shop working. I begin hearing what should like hail hitting the side of the trailer & look out my window to see that something has totally stirred the wasps up, and that something are lg round insects swarming around the side of the house. I crack the back door & it looks like more are arriving - what can it be but KILLER BEES! So I won't let the dogs out lest they be stung to death, who cares about piddle on the floor next to Killer Bees! I frantically try to call my husband, who left his cell inside, so I crack open the back door & yell for him not to come near the back porch. What does he do? He strolls up within 20ft & watches the bugs swarming for a minute, then determines they're just some kind of beetle when one lands near him. To his credit, he didn't laugh & kinda took my warning seriously. Because, when you get right down to it, this is Texas - land of nest of rattlesnakes, swarms of bees & mosquitos the size of your fist. Ya'll come back now, you hear?


if it matters, only female mosquitos bite. They need the blood for their babies.

Beyond Alice

EW EW EW EW EW!!!!!!!!!! I am SOOOO glad I live in California.

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