Magic Bus
Ephemera Not-Thursday

The Whole Point


Ezra points at things now. He points at his reflection in the mirror, at me, at the bowl of chopped-up meatballs that I am not doling out fast enough, dammit. Jason walks into the room and point! Pointpointpoint! Today I asked him if he wanted a nap or to go downstairs and play, pointing at each option (perhaps pointing EXTRA JAZZHANDS EMPHATICALLY at his crib), and after pondering his choices he pointed at option C, a teetering pile of empty diaper boxes.

Noah...didn't point at things. He didn't use many gestures at all, for a long time, and when the words never came and our doctor recommended sign language to get us over the communication hurdle, I was doubtful. When he picked up dozens of signs practically overnight, I was shocked. And mortified, because my preconceived ideas about baby sign language (i.e., only for the crazy overachieving competimommies, probably bullshit, why would he talk if he can just siiiiign, etc.) had denied him something important. It was a tremendously humbling moment, the first of many.

I hate that I do this, by the way, the framing everything Ezra does in the context of Noah. It's so mercilessly unfair to them both, comparing and contrasting everything from eating habits (point goes to Ez) to attention span (point goes to Noah). Noah danced earlier, cuddled more, was more intensely focused on figuring out how things worked rather than just what sounds things make when you bang them together. Ezra is more adventurous, so very independent, will absolutely not sit still and play with toys...but hmmm, I don't remember Noah ever enjoying those touch-and-feel texture books so much. Ezra has a soft cuddly lovey that was love at first sight; Noah's affections for toys border on obsession but burn fast and bright and end abruptly and Pinky becomes the Piston Cup and then a toy school bus and then a plastic suitcase and currently it's a silver sleigh bell that looks like the one from The Polar Express.

(I got it for him at a craft store, and agonized for far too long over just the right shade of brown leather to use for the tie, wishing I'd brought the book with me. We wrote our first letter to Santa asking for a bell from his sleigh, and magically it arrived the very next day, even though it wasn't Christmas, can you freaking believe it.)

(The bell was actually a replacement for one of my more boneheaded fuck-ups, when I remembered we had a silver sleigh bell tree ornament and dug it out of storage and gave it to Noah without noticing that 1) it didn't actually ring [thus leading him to stand in the kitchen and say "I believe. I believe!" over and over again before shaking it again] and 2) it didn't ring because it was made of PORCELAIN, not silver, and shattered into a million pieces the next day, taking his poor little heart with it.)

(Noah occasionally hands me the new and improved bell with great ceremony. "And remember," he says, "the true spirit of Christmas is in your heart.")


This entry started out as one thing and has ended up as another. I've lost my original point. Or at least figured out that it wasn't a point worth making.

(Top suggestions for saving a blog post gone awry from Twitter: ninjas and kitchen fire cliffhangers.)

They are different. Duh. Ridiculous amounts of duh with a side of no shit and a dollop of why are you still talking?

I don't know why. I will never stop worrying about either of them. I will never stop being their biggest cheerleader, either.

*types and deletes about four hundred different sentences in search of a point or closure or something that doesn't make me want to mompunch my momself in my momface.*

*gives up*

God, I love these kids.







Your solution --- the gorgeous pictures of your gorgeous family! --- was perfect. Just what the audience was demanding. And I'm 34 weeks pregnant with my second one, so I fear/acknowledge the inevitability of the endless comparisons ...


I LOVE. Your boys remind me so much of my own. They are beautiful beautiful beautiful. (I totally just reminded myself of that Goose from Charlotte's Web...)

By the way OMFG AWESOME SOCK KITTEH! Where did you get it??


Your boys are beautiful perfect snowflakes, and I love twitter's suggestions for ending the post (but I'm glad you chose adorable pictures over cliffhangers that would have gotten the collective panties of your collective readership in a collective wad)


I think your post is lovely and it is written exactly how my brain is working today.


I got your point, mama! And, way to end with your loveys. Your family is so stinkin' cute!


The love you have for those guys comes through in every post. It's fantastic to read. Thanks. :)


I'm sorry, but when did Noah turn twelve? That first picture is chilling. I remember when that kid was born and now he looks ready for college. STOP.


Wait, did Noah just get absolutely gigantic in the last week or so? He looks so BIG.


Seriously. Am going to echo everyone else and ask when Noah became such a big boy.

I guess the school bus really is magical.

Sprite's Keeper

Maybe it's a good thing to have two completely different kids. It
s like a story with two plots. Each is exciting. :-)


My two kids are going to be nearly a lifetime apart (ok, 7 years), but I'm worried about all the comparing. It's inevitable, though. I did it when we visited my 3-year-old niece and I marveled at the way my sister had actual CONVERSATIONS with her, something my son still doesn't do too well (he has something to say, doesn't so much care about your perspective, thanks).

But that you love them both is abundantly clear and, I think, the point.


Oh I LOVE those stuffed animals!!!! My nephews have a monkey and an owl one. I already pore over the website trying to decide what to get my future unborn kids LOL!

Here is the site for the other person who was asking:


I have always wondered how that works...have 2 kids of the same sex, pretty close in age. My sister and I are only 17 months apart. I have often wondered how my parents didn't drive themselves crazy comparing us. They did such a good job, just like you are. Its ok to compare...just as long as it isn't to prove that one is better. Which you clearly aren't doing.

Mama Bub

I have one child, yet I constantly compare. Talks more than that one. Wilder than her. More focused than him. Not as interested in coloring as he is. Loves books more, likes vegetables less, etc.

But, what I've realized is that it's not a quantatative kind of comparison. I don't place a value on coloring vs. playing with trains, it's just the way I'm cataloging it.

Oh, also? Cutest family ever, yours.


He's wearing the backpack!


I think it's fine and normal to compare and contrast, so long as you don't unwittingly stick them in their own slots, ie- the smart one, the mean one, the good one.

My parents did a lot of the "I wish you could be more like your sister" to BOTH OF US? How does that work?

I guess *my point* is that they need you to honor their differences, so no guilt there. ;)


It's. Not. Fair. Your kids are the cutest things in the world.
The last picture of Ezra makes me want to find my Boogie Bear from when I was little and cuddle him up really close...


I have twin girls (5 months --I have the same parentheses problem you have) and I find myself constantly comparing them. I worry, but neither will ever be better, just different.


I constantly compare my two boys. Kelton(3 yrs) walked at 9 months, Dillon(10 months) is WAY more interested in crawling faster than the speed of light.

It's normal. Probably healthy too. You can tell by your writing and pictures that those boys are healthy and cute as buttons, and (most important)lovelovelove loved! :)


What is that cat that Noah is holding? If it's a commercially available thing I *must* have it for Little Miss Kickboxer. Any chance you could post the brand?

Also: Noah? Adorable! Ezra? Nom!


Ez looks like a flippin 2 year old in the second to last pic. I don't know if it's the way he was sitting or your camera angle or the moon in the seventh house or what, but quit. Just quit with the getting so big so fast, Ezman! Your internet aunties can't handle it!

And also, Noah? You are not ready for college, no matter how hugely grown up you look. But way to rock the backpack!


We always compare our kids. Mostly to revel in their differentness, because that is cool. Nothing wrong with that.


BABY BELLIES! OMG, I *loves* me some baby bellies! NOM NOM NOM NOM.... oh... is that weird, doing that on the computer? I'll stop now.


I think you covered the point perfectly.


And then my partner pointed out that Noah's wearing the same T-shirt our son wore yesterday. Currently he's on a rotation of Star Wars, Ironman, and Transformers. (Thank you, Target and Old Navy!)


The second to last picture (of Ez) is hysterical if you don't readily perceive the stair he is sitting on.

It took me almost three glances at it to see the stair. Before that, he was doing some quirky Michael Jackson dance move.


I hope to have two kids to compare soon. Done with love, it seems harmless to me (an only child - so what do I know?). Loved the Polar Express interlude. We are booked for our second ride on the polar express this December(Grand Canyon Railway). My son, close to Noah's age, is all meh about the bell santa gave him last time we rode. We are such posers. You all should be the ones riding the PE what with all the believin' Noah has going on over there.


Oh my crap, look at that picture of Noah. He looks about 13. Is he driving yet? Does he have a favorite liquor? Jesus.


That picture of Noah and the backpack? He's like, what, 8? No really, I'm sure I went to high school with a face like that.


Holy cow!! I haven't been to your site since you first found out you were preg with Ezra....and OH MAN I can't believe how big they are! I didn't think it'd been that long. Congrats to you, lady! Beautiful kids!! :)

(And oh my lord, does Ezra look like Noah! And Noah looks like...a little man!! Eep!)


I have to think that any mom of more than one child compares them, thinks of who did what sooner/better/whatever-er.

We have twins and do it, but at the end of the day we love them both to absolute pieces, and it doesn't matter who did what, when and how.

Ez and Noah are so beautiful -- I love reading about them and seeing pictures that so perfectly portray their spirits that you describe in words!


I'm sorry, I can't hear you over my eating

"nom nom nom on de baby cheeks"


where did you get that toy? i love it.


I love my second the most because she verified that all the quirks that my first had were not the doing of my half-ass newbie parenting. Though the third did the same re: the second so I love him the most for that. This post wasn't so off the rails trainwrecky as you made it out to be. And where are the damn ninjas?



That said, I don't think you should beat yourself up because you compare your children. It's your frame of reference! it's just if you pit your children against each other that the comparisons get ugly. And you don't. And won't. Because you're a great mom.

The other thing that, at least from this post and others like it, I feel like you don't so much say "Ez does this, Noah doesn't"... you point out differences in their personalities, talents, and skills. And that's OK! They're two different kids! And they will always have unique talents, skills, and emotions to celebrate.


I keep saying that our daughter - almost 5 and son -21 months are from different planets. It's so cool how different they are, and how each has some characteristics of each parent, mix in a little grandparent here and there. It's not bad to compare and contrast them. ( that sounds like A.P. English doesn't it?)


LOVE = that photo of Noah with the backpack on.

He is so handsome!

You just go on writing any kind of post. I am just happy when your name pops up on my Reader!

(oh, and PS- my kids are 14, 10 and 7 and I worry about them ALL THE DAMN TIME.
I never realized I was obsessive until I had children.)


My two kids are 8 1/2 years apart - a boy and a girl - yet we still compare and contrast. They are currently 22 and 13 and they do it, too! It's rather fascinating to think that these children came from the same set of parents, yet they are so very different. However, what warms my heart the most, is that they absolutely revel in any similarities. :)


Beautiful boys. Beautiful sentiments about them both.


Beautiful boys. Beautiful sentiments about them both.

Jessica (@It's my life...)

I'm pretty sure the comparisons are inevitable. I mean, my parents kept it up well until we were in our 20s. In fact, it's not impossible that my dad also compared us to the dogs. Or maybe he just confused our names... We were never sure.
But the great part of having two boys who are so different means that the comparisons aren't as easy. My two girls are very similar which makes it hard to stop comparing.


I'm sure you're aware, but Noah looks like SUCH a little boy instead of a baby/toddler/child that does not look like they can sit at the bar and order their own glass of milk.


Nice to see Jason in the picture, he's damn cute too!

Noah looks so old in that picture with his backpack. Ez does too, hell woman - will you stop them from going up!


Love all the pics, but how exciting that you got a picture of Noah wearing his backpack! Your kids are just too cute for words!


Noah is adorable but so old looking! I love the picture of Noah, Ezra and Jason too. Partly because of how it looks like they are meant to be in matching shirts and also Ezra's completely disinterested look.


ummm yeah i need more photographic evidence because um when did ezra grow up? And when did noah become a teenager?
Why are you children not modeling clothes and toys, i would buy and i dont have children!!


Your boys are adorable. Lovely family picture.

Katie Kat


That is all.


Check out Noah with the backpack!! Way to go Noah.

And when did Ezra get all that hair?

Our baby does the finger point thing. My husband believes she does it because "daddy's #1." Daddy's smokin' the crack rock.


Noah has on his backpack! Yeah you for getting him to put it on for a picture! Your boys are adorable.


They are absolutely beautiful kids, of course you love them.

I have a boy and a girl and compare personalitites and traits in my head and with my husband all the time. Because it amazes me that these two kids can be so freaky different.


I have to say, I usually don't care that much for the pictures-of-the-kids fillers. But your kids? Make my ovaries hurt! So adorable!


FYI: Hallmark has an awesome Polar Express Bell ornament if you're interested! :)


I love it when kids hold stuffed animals that are as big as a kid!


Don't beat yourself up over comparing your children. You're not saying one is better than the other. You're just observing. It's like saying, "My friend Sally is really good at baking those brownies and Suzzy is really good at fixing the oven." Every one has special things that make them THEM. I can't help comparing my two kids, one girl and one boy, because they are so alike and yet so very different. At the end of the day, you yourself said it best: God, we love these kids.


I can't believe how big-boy looking Noah is now!

(Also good to know I'm not the only one who bought a big sleigh bell from Michael's for their kid)

Parsing Nonsense

How does a mompunch differ from other punches, I wonder?


How could you NOT? They're PERFECT.

Thrift Store Mama

Love this quote - "It was a tremendously humbling moment, the first of many." Motherhood has also been very humbling for me, in particular, being a full-time SAHM for 20 months also taught me a lot of humility. Best thing ever, to learn some humility.


"EXTRA JAZZHANDS EMPHATICALLY" just made me laugh out loud. really loud. I love, love, love your blog and writing voice. Keep it coming!!

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