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September 2009
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November 2009

America's Next Top Influential Opinion Maker

I hit a terrible wall this past week. A metaphorical brick wall of...of MORE metaphors, like paralysis and drowning and suck and ass. SOLID BRICK ASS. Yeah, that pretty much sums everything up perfectly. I missed a deadline, due to a simple flipping around of dates in my head. And missing this deadline sent me hurtling down the road (OF ASS) into the wall (OF ASS), because I got flustered and frustrated with myself. I beat myself up over my inability to stay organized and on top of things, and yet instead of... I don't know, sitting the fuck down... Read more →


First Draft Jumble

Or, Stuff That Would Have Gone On Twitter If I Didn't Lose Interest After Reaching 141 Characters Or, Stuff That's Been Sitting In My Drafts Folder Waiting For Me To Remember What The Hell I Was Talking About Or, I Made You A Blog Entry, But It Sucks *** We have three separate garbage/recycling pick-ups on Wednesday morning, which means by 7 am I have had three separate panic attacks over THE BUS THE BUS OH SHIT WE'VE MISSED THE BUS. It's gotten so bad that I can actually be looking out the window, starting directly AT a garbage/recycling truck... Read more →


When You Viral

Wow. Okay. So. The When You Marry book thing (album? commentary? no, I think "thing" was just about right.) took quite a tour around Teh Interweb last week -- first on Sociological Images, which Kelly tells me means that I am Officially Important to Sociology and Stuff, then to Jezebel (thanks for the link back to the original site OH WAIT NEVER MIND), and then a bunch of other blogs, culminating over the weekend with a front-page mention on Fark, the web's premiere depository of stupid, pointless, too-much-time-on-our-hands bullshit. This mostly means that I am 1) kicking myself for the... Read more →


The Bacon Poler Express

So I figured something out, something that should really help my time-crunched, messed-up schedule quite a bit. I just need to multitask. Everything I do must serve a dual purpose. Like, I can put Swiffer cloths on the baby's knees, color my roots while I drive, teach my preschooler how to use his pragmatic language skills to argue with our health insurance. And lunch! Oh, what a pointless uni-task waste of time that is! Until now! Yep. Time for another adventure in microwavery. On today's menu: BACON POLES! So I actually felt a little sad about how terrible that poor... Read more →


How's Noah?

Phone calls, voice mails, emails. Messages on Facebook and Twitter and blog comments. How's Noah? How's Noah doing? You haven't written much about Noah this month, about the schools, about how he's doing. So how's Noah doing? When I was busy assembling his birthday video, I admit my jaw dropped a little when I came across the stuff from this time last year. This time last year, may I remind you, was months after he'd graduated out of early intervention and speech therapy, yet still a couple months before his preschool decided to stop being polite and start getting real,... Read more →


Look Who's Walking

One tentative first step yesterday, one that I only barely happened to notice, right after I turned to look at him for no particular reason. One second his hand clung to our bedframe as usual as he made his way across the room in search of mischief or perhaps an errant steak knife, and then he let go and continued to shuffle and wobble forward. Two seconds, tops, and then he dropped back onto his diapered butt and looked up at me in surprise. I shouted downstairs to Jason: Ezra took a step! He just took a step! And then... Read more →


The Obligatory

Ezra, being his typical charming self, voicing his displeasure over being deposited in his high chair when he was right in the middle of disconnecting the refrigerator's water hook-up, and also over his hand-me-down 1st Birthday Boy bib, like SORRY, Novelty Bib Establishment, I also reused a Baby's First Christmas bib and there's nothing you can do about it. But wait! What's this? I am...curious. Strangely...drawn to it. Though also a little baffled by it. Aha! Food! I like food. Yep. I do like... OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. Whoa. WHOA. Wut? Dude. You have no idea. It's... Read more →


One Year, Take Two

It's not fair, this past year. It whizzed by in crazy-fast-forward mode. Blink, three months. Blink, six months. Blink blink, 10 months. And now here we are. 12 months. One year. On the cusp of toddlerhood, with his true babyhood vanishing into the few fat rolls he still has on his legs. His delicious, crazy little legs -- he's so ready to walk but can't quite get that last bit of balance going, though he's down to needing a single solitary finger against the wall or furniture or hooked around mine. He can suddenly do so many things, and I... Read more →


Microwavery in Action

Oh, come on. You knew I was gonna do it. So last night I made the infamous spinach-cheese souffle. In the microwave. MICROWAVED SOUFFLE. BECAUSE WHY NOT. Would you like to see how it turned out? In painstakingly over-documented, un-retouched, high-res detail? Yes? Then keep on clicking, baby. The first thing to do, in the interest of historical accuracy, was to remove our fancy rotating turntable. I wanted the full, real experience of two-minute cooking intervals and constant 1/4-turning. This is like the culinary equivalent of visiting Historical Williamsburg. The recipe explicitly calls for chopped frozen spinach, just so the... Read more →


Ezra 3:16

Lo, if it is hard and unyielding, I shall whallop my noble crown against it. If it is soft and upholstered, I shall climb atop and hurl my body headfirst from its highest peak. If it is a place in which I may get stuck, I will get stuck. If it is not bolted to the wall...look, you see where this is going, okay? If it is food, I shall eat it. If it fits in my mouth, then it is food, and verily, I shall eat it. If it does not fit in my mouth, it is still probably... Read more →