I should really know by now that the best way to fuck shit up is to put said shit in the form of a declarative sentence.
Scene: Like, Yesterday
Amy: You know? I NEVER get migraine headaches anymore. I haven't had one since I was pregnant. I am cured! Hooray for having babies!
Scene: Today, Now, This Exact Moment In Time
Amy: OW. OH MY GOD. KILL ME. FOR REAL.
So. Yeah. Today is fantastic. Really, really great. I hate everyone and everything and why did I ever think a white MacBook was so cool and clean when really it's just so WHITE and BRIGHT and BLINDING and assaulting the inside of my skull with a pointy stick as we speak.
Wait. I take it back. I don't hate you. Probably. Maybe. Whatever. Mostly, I just really, really, really, really, really hate that blasted fuckerbitch of a Ball Popper.
I am alone in that hate though. At least in this house.
I likewise do not share his enthusiasm for banging balls against the Ball Popper...
Or the walls...
And come to think of it, this noisy VRROOOOM VRRRRRROOOOOM* ride-on thing doesn't exactly have my everlasting love either...
This one is also a bit on the screechy side, but otherwise acceptable...
(Yes, those are teeth marks all over the crib. Take heed, pregnant ladies. Only buy expensive nursery furniture if you plan to never, ever let your baby near it. Ezra's done most of the damage to the crib, but I had to replace all the drawer pulls on the other furniture in between children because Noah preferred to gnaw on those.)
Happy Friday. No everybody comment really, really quietly.
*Oh, but wait. Funny story! Noah is learning about the letter V this week, and came home today with one stamped on his hand. I asked him about it and was all, "And what's a word that begins with the letter V? Hmm? LET'S LEARN AND BE EDUCATIONAL!" And then I promptly blanked on every possible preschooler-appropriate V word. The only ones I could think of were "vagina" and "vampire." (And I haven't re-read the Twilight books all year, I swear!) So after a few minutes of bafflement, I offered up "v-v-v-vrooooom" as an example of a word that starts with V. Noah looked at me for a second and then helpfully suggested "vehicles" as an alternative. He's going to fucking KILL ME at Scrabble, I can tell.