Life at the Overlook Hotel
December 21, 2009
Obligatory Kids Out Cavorting In The STORM OF THE CENTURY Photos
When you're only three feet tall, two feet of snow is downright magical. Once you're over five feet tall, it's mostly a pain in your chapped-up ass.
Especially if you are like me, and thus woefully unprepared for this sort of nonsense. This was my plan to protect my Ugg boots. I think the bags may actually be an improvement, aesthetically speaking.
We mashed Ezra into a size 6-12 month hand-me-down snowsuit and dropped him into the nearest snowbank...
...failing to notice that he managed to lose his mittens within the two freaking feet between our front door and this very spot.
I would like to point out that those mittens are hand-me-downs from an entirely different child and source. And yet they match! This is so very deeply satisfying for reasons I cannot fully articulate.
Noah's mittens totally match his coat too, but you can't tell. SO WHATEVER. The Hanna Andersson catalog is a load of photographic LIES.
Daddy = jerk
Ezra = highly amused
Then = vaguely disgusted
Outerwear was actually just one example of our general unpreparedness for the blizzard -- we live in an area that loves to panic over snow predictions that never actually materialize, so I have become a total asshole about it, almost willfully ignoring the warnings and assuming that 20 inches of predicted snow will probably be about 1/4 inch in reality. And I steadfastly refuse to be one of Those People at the grocery store, frantically buying milk and eggs and stepping on toddlers in preparation for the End Times.
You know what Those People had this weekend? That we did not? 1) Milk, 2) Eggs, 3) Any food whatsoever that was not in frozen nugget form.
(I did, at least, have more than enough pregnancy tests to last me for the duration.)
So that was fun, especially since I was planning to do all my holiday baking* on Saturday and worked myself into a state about how far behind I was on my holiday baking** and finally went through every goddamn cookie recipe I could find in search of something I could make without milk or eggs. I made these Chocolate Earl Grey Shortbread Coins, which are not really my kind of cookie but Jason swears they are awesome and is voting for another batch. And before you boggle at the idea that I had high-quality loose-leaf Early Grey tea despite having no milk...ha HA. I ripped open some fancy-looking tea bags.
AND ALSO, our TiVo remote decided to up and vanish into thin air, as we haven't seen it since Friday. Last seen: on the couch. Currently: not on the couch. Or under the couch, or inside the couch. Or...anywhere, because believe me, we had a LOT of time on our hands this weekend too look for it, including 1) the clothes dryer, 2) the vegetable crisper and 3) toilet tanks. one. Jason finally found an old one in the basement that works, thus narrowly avoiding a total Shining-type meltdown for at least three people in this household.
AND HOLY CRAP, you would not believe what just happened, as I was trying to think of a conclusion to that story, which of course seemed like a bigger deal all weekend than it does in the retelling: WE COULDN'TNA WATCH TEH TEEVEE. Our babysitter (last seen: on the couch, on Friday) just texted to inform us that she just found our remote in her purse.
Thanks for the great weekend, Noah, you sneak.
*I hereby nominate "my holiday baking" as one of those phrases that you simply CANNOT SAY without sounding at least a little like a douchebag.