Life at the Overlook Hotel
December 21, 2009
Obligatory Kids Out Cavorting In The STORM OF THE CENTURY Photos
When you're only three feet tall, two feet of snow is downright magical. Once you're over five feet tall, it's mostly a pain in your chapped-up ass.
Especially if you are like me, and thus woefully unprepared for this sort of nonsense. This was my plan to protect my Ugg boots. I think the bags may actually be an improvement, aesthetically speaking.
We mashed Ezra into a size 6-12 month hand-me-down snowsuit and dropped him into the nearest snowbank...
...failing to notice that he managed to lose his mittens within the two freaking feet between our front door and this very spot.
I would like to point out that those mittens are hand-me-downs from an entirely different child and source. And yet they match! This is so very deeply satisfying for reasons I cannot fully articulate.
Noah's mittens totally match his coat too, but you can't tell. SO WHATEVER. The Hanna Andersson catalog is a load of photographic LIES.
Daddy = jerk
Ezra = highly amused
Then = vaguely disgusted
Noah would've stayed outside until he was a preschooler popsicle.
Ezra was mostly all, EFF THAT, IMMA STAYING INSIDE. He gets it from his mother.
Outerwear was actually just one example of our general unpreparedness for the blizzard -- we live in an area that loves to panic over snow predictions that never actually materialize, so I have become a total asshole about it, almost willfully ignoring the warnings and assuming that 20 inches of predicted snow will probably be about 1/4 inch in reality. And I steadfastly refuse to be one of Those People at the grocery store, frantically buying milk and eggs and stepping on toddlers in preparation for the End Times.
You know what Those People had this weekend? That we did not? 1) Milk, 2) Eggs, 3) Any food whatsoever that was not in frozen nugget form.
(I did, at least, have more than enough pregnancy tests to last me for the duration.)
So that was fun, especially since I was planning to do all my holiday baking* on Saturday and worked myself into a state about how far behind I was on my holiday baking** and finally went through every goddamn cookie recipe I could find in search of something I could make without milk or eggs. I made these Chocolate Earl Grey Shortbread Coins, which are not really my kind of cookie but Jason swears they are awesome and is voting for another batch. And before you boggle at the idea that I had high-quality loose-leaf Early Grey tea despite having no milk...ha HA. I ripped open some fancy-looking tea bags.
AND ALSO, our TiVo remote decided to up and vanish into thin air, as we haven't seen it since Friday. Last seen: on the couch. Currently: not on the couch. Or under the couch, or inside the couch. Or...anywhere, because believe me, we had a LOT of time on our hands this weekend too look for it, including 1) the clothes dryer, 2) the vegetable crisper and 3) toilet tanks. one. Jason finally found an old one in the basement that works, thus narrowly avoiding a total Shining-type meltdown for at least three people in this household.
AND HOLY CRAP, you would not believe what just happened, as I was trying to think of a conclusion to that story, which of course seemed like a bigger deal all weekend than it does in the retelling: WE COULDN'TNA WATCH TEH TEEVEE. Our babysitter (last seen: on the couch, on Friday) just texted to inform us that she just found our remote in her purse.
Thanks for the great weekend, Noah, you sneak.
*I hereby nominate "my holiday baking" as one of those phrases that you simply CANNOT SAY without sounding at least a little like a douchebag.
**SEE?
Question from someone who is clearly doing this for the first time around:
What the hell size mittens does one buy for a kid Ezra's age? (also my kid's age)
We can't find any that don't go to her elbows!
I wish I had (a friend or sibling's) small children to play with in the snow. I made a snow angel on the way back from the AFI last night, but somehow it wasn't quite the same as giggling and "ohmigodsnow!!!" as when you're around little kids.
Even if unintentional, that would get my babysitter a long, hateful glare. Although my babysitter is my mom, so I'd be the asshole glaring at my mother who generally watches my kid for free anytime I ask her to.
Once, when I was eighteen, we couldn't find our remote ANYWHERE. My entire family had a collective meltdown. A few weeks later, I went to Woodstock with this boy I'd met at a Starbucks who told me he could get me a job there selling ice creams (you know, as you do), and as I was snuggling into my sleeping bag that night in this tiny two-person tent with this guy I didn't really know (don't worry, it was platonic, he had weird teeth), my foot hit something hard. Further investigation revealed THE LOST REMOTE CONTROL at the bottom of my sleeping bag! I'd taken it all the way from suburban Connecticut to a dubious music festival in upstate New York! Of course, my parents had to wait three days while I rocked out to 90s staples like, uh, Limp Bizkit and the Dave Matthews Band before I drove home and returned it to them.
aaaaaaahhhhhhh! I can't wait for the snow for my little guy! (we live in Canada...many americans assume we are covered in it by now..but NOTHING!!!). What an awesome forced way to relax on the weekend. I think I'm in love with Ez...he gets it!
That's a lot of snow!
Glad the remote was found...
i made very similar and equally stylin' plastic boots for my husband this weekend as we too are jaded when to comes to storm warnings and snow panic here in new england. i thought they were genius, the hubs swore he heard our neighbors laughing at him.
http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs060.snc3/14736_545162388569_52800593_32137937_5216143_n.jpg
Oh, you're scaring me, Amalah! I'm flying from mildly-climated California to the east coast for Christmas (tomorrow! OMG! I'm not prepared), and all that...white cold stuff...seems to be making this idea difficult.
I want Global Warming back.
Earl Grey cookies? I'm so there!
I for the record did the same thing. I listened to the weather men and didn't believe them and well yeah, we were lacking in food and snow pants and boots for baby, but alas she was horribly sick anyway so no matter. At least the plows came by today!
daddy=jerk
I may have to explain myself to my boss over the obnoxious laughter that caption pulled out of me...
Classic!
Genius!
Phrase accepted. Additionally, I nominate the phrase, "I'm summering in...(fill in the blank/Hamptons, Martha's Vineyard)"
Awesome! Cant' wait for my own preschooler popsicle...
My (bitter) theory: The mittens match because you can't buy anything in "snow coat" for a boy under two that doesn't look like that. My husband is disturbed by the lack of truly waterproof baby coats in my house, but I just can't shell out $20 for the standard red and blue...
On the other hand, I'll repeat the previous question - where /what size does one get worthwhile mittens.. because I will have to do it at some point...
Growing up in the Philly area, I get the panic over magic snow that never materializes.
Question though: How DID you survive without Milk, Bread, or Eggs???
Oh, yes. The storm left us woefully unprepared as well. We TRIED to go to the grocery store, but lines were like all the way DOWN THE AISLES.
However, we had just restocked the wine cabinet and had a hunk of pork that was crying out to be stuck in the crockpot while we played in the snow.
Unfortunately, our snow was not nearly as cute as yours! Baby in snowsuit = precious, gah!!!
That second photo of Ezra SLAYS me.
Nice boots, by the way :)
My previous experience with buying mittens: buy lots. In sizes ranging from "they look too small" to "clearly too big." Hope that you end the season with at least one for each hand. Buy the next size up each year. They'll mysteriously disappear for a while, but others will magically reappear.
How in the hell did you successfully get the mittens on your little one ONCE, let alone TWICE? I about have a nervous breakdown every time I attempt to put mittens on my 18-month-old. I might give up and go with socks on his hands from now on.
I wish I could offer sage words of wisdom re: baby mittens, but I have no idea. I should ask the people who actually bought the mittens and then gave them to us. Although I'm guessing they bought the wrong size for whatever age they were aiming for, because all our hand-me-down mittens look like they've never been worn.
I think Mouse has the right idea.
(BTW you can't really tell from the photos of Ez but I swear the snowsuit legs only came to his knees, so we had like, four pairs of baby legwarmers layered on underneath, and we shoved a couple wadded-up pairs of newborn socks in the toes of his hand-me-down too-big snow boots. Poor second baby!)
I really have to stop reading your blog while at work.
Personally, I like that you and Beth Fish (@sothefishsaid) title your entries nearly the same! Then again, I imagine it was the same blizzard!
Oh, Amy. You make me giggle. Thanks for that!
My almost 13 month old son also hated "playing" in the snow, but he mostly hated the snowsuit. He was all "And this is fun, how? I can't move, I'm cold, and all you do is take my picture? NOT IMPRESSED."
Dude, I love to bake, but this year? "My holiday baking" is a phrase that I've employed only when mooching off of friends' baked goods. So, I guess it really means "my holiday eating". You WISH you thought of it first.
awesome photos, you always make me laugh! love ezra's expression sitting in the snow. i vote for staying inside too!
Love the pictures & the captions. Especially daddy = jerk. (That probably says something about me right there.)
Not that you asked, but this is one of my all-time favorite recipes in part because it doesn't have any eggs. So it's guilt-free for eating the dough during pregnancy, which I might have done occasionally.*
Dorie Greenspan's World Peace Cookies. http://www.doriegreenspan.com/2009/02/tuesdays-with-dorie-world-peace-cookies.html.
*using my own alternate definition for "occasionally" here
I am married to a compulsive remote stuffer - he CANNOT leave it anywhere visible. Or even easily findable. I can't tell you how many times he has stuffed it into the couch or somewhere equally random and then left the house, leaving me to fume and run around dismantling things until I find it. Divorce is seriously imminent if he does not learn to at least shove it in the SAME hidden cove each time. For four years I have been complaining that remotes need a page feature like cordless phones have - you push a button on the DVR, the remote beeps until you track it down. Admittedly, this probably would not have worked in your case, unless your babysitter lives within range (ie, the closet or something), but isn't that a good idea? It would save marriages I tell you!
I love my uggs. Really. They're so much nicer than the sheepskin lined merrell boots I had last year. I even bought the ultras so the soles would be more supportive.
I start with that because it really torques me that they aren't vaguely snowproof. Who in the world designs warm toasty boots that you can't wear in the snow, or even in a cold rain without fear of ruining them? Is there really no way they could waterproof them?
Yes, I know they have non suede ones that are more weatherproof; but they're even more ugly than the ones I own.
Sorry, needed to get that off my chest.
Wow, that looks AWESOME!!! And yes, I am authorized to call lots and lots of feet of snow AWESOME, because I live in Houston and will likely NEVER see that much snow EVER. I must get out more, especially to cities that get lots and lots of snow in the winter. Or, maybe, just to a city that has a real winter. Have a great holiday!
I went through a period of time where I was teaching Ry about the consequences of his behavior by taking away his toys for a while.
One day i couldn't find my laptop bag (with laptop inside). I searched for 30 minutes + when finally it was found in his bathtub.
Ry was pissed i was taking away his things, so he went ahead and started taking away mine. I guess I was the one schooled here.
Glad to hear you had enough pregnancy tests to make it through the blizzard.
About the mittens... does it work to sew a sting between the mittens and semi-permanently thread them through the sleeves so they can't get lost... or will that just annoy the kid when they don't want their mittens on?
1) Mittens can be found for newborns to big kids and grown-ups at REI (U.S.) or MEC (Canada). They have the bset stuff for actually keeping hands warm and dry. We've taken our daughter into ridiculously cold conditions since she was 6 weeks old and she still has full use of all her fingers!
2) LOVE the part about having pregnancy tests to last the duration. If you need any though let me know!
Snow is one of those things (like baking?) that sounds so special to share with your children; then it ends up being near-frostbitten hands, potty accidents in snowsuits, 2 years to tug snowgear on and off and red noses like frozen beets.
Thanks for your funny post!
bAHAHAHAHHA. your photos have made my day. Poor Ezra losing his gloves, bad mommy for not noticing!
and at least you found the remote? I hope you did it old school up until that point and had Noahalah or Za change all the channels for you. BY HAND. the horror.
I agree that 'my holiday baking' = douchbaggery. That will be my excuse for not doing any this year. And also because I have so much of my holiday crocheting to do.
Wait, that sounds douchie too. Damn.
I LOVE your plastic bags on the boots photo. I just wrote a post about my childhood snow memories, and my mom always covered our shoes with plastic bags before shoving them into our boots. To keep them -- and our socks -- warmer and dry.
Your kids are too cute, too.
Holiday baking does sound like something I'll never mature into.
Ok, Ezra crying next to that spikey plant that looks like it could reach out and poke Ezra? That is funny. I'm sorry. I feel bad. I'm laughing while your baby is crying. But it's really that plant I'm laughing at. Am I the only one?
I am with Jason, those are good cookies (just made some) :-)
Have had the "lost" remote issue a couple of times too. Once it had been put in an empty (old) VCR box. The other time it had been put 'to bed' in amongst layers of tissues in a tissue box. (Cheap one that didn't get used much...)
Did the plastic bags work?!
hilarious noah..sneaking the remote into the sitter's purse!
I too would be VERY excited about hand me down mittens that match because, well, I'm cheap. Or is it more fashinable to say frugal? I got Obermeyer snowpants and a jacket for my daughter for about $90, and found mittens and boots at Lands' End that match them perfectly - not hand me downs, but all ON SALE. AND the snowpants and jacket have secret seams you can cut to lengthen sleeves and legs by 2 inches! GENIUS! (but still not worth full price)
I have the same issue with kids... oldest would stay outside for days if we let him. Youngest lasts 5 minutes and then is cold and over it. So, I sat in the front room watching my 4 year old attempt to shovel our long driveway on Saturday. Yeah... I am that mom. At least the neighbor entertained him. LOL
Phhhhtt... I've been doing **My Holiday Baking** and posting pictures of each batch as it is finished to my Facebook page. Talk about assery!
for Kathleen-
LL Bean and Land's End have good mittens and gloves for teeny tiny hands. They should be on sale right about now, too.
Amy-
The photo of Jason shufflng snow onto Noah with the caption "Daddy=jerk" made me howl with laughter!
I was going to ask if you'd checked in the Little People farm silo, or wedged in between the dress up box and the Thomas box at the back of the bookcase. Because that's where ours tends to hide, and then the parents take turns pouting (depending on who had the remote last.) Because live tv? with commercials that can't be fast forwarded? The horror!
Do you need an extra Tivo remote? We have a spare one and don't need it anymore because we now have AT&T Uverse.
Love the pics, love the captions! Noah looks like he is having soooooo much fun!
one of my babysitters as a kid totally stole our remote one evening. never to be seen again. at least yours was honest.
Your babysitter ganked your remote before a blizzard?! That is rough. At least you know you are not insane!
It really wasn't the mystical stuff stealing leaprachauns of dryer land...(they mostly favor single socks).
When my son was a few months older than Ezra our remote mysteriously vanished. Not too hard to figure where it went, though. He was in the middle of his "lets throw everything in the trashcan" phase. Never saw it again.
I've always been stymied by the rush for eggs and bread before a storm (except in your case, what with the Holiday Baking* and all). Can snowed-in persons only eat omelettes? Is it like a OHGODSNOW. NO WAY CAN I EAT MEAT OR VEGETABLES OF ANY SORT-type situation? This may be a question for the ages.
Uggs? Srsly?
What you guys do to prep for a snowstorm is eerily like what we do down here in the South to prep for a hurricane. I guess we ARE all the same under the skin!
Once I lost my keys. Found them inside my shoe in the closet.
Hey...quit hoggin' all the snow! I'm currently in eastern WA with no freakin' snow! This will be the first green Christmas I've seen since we left CA ten long years ago...
Your boys are adorable as always. :)
I love happy-kids-in-snow pictures! Since moving from the area, we don't get to enjoy that anymore. Thanks for letting me live vicariously. And now I am craving some baby Ezra to nibble. He looks so delish!
That snow looks nice. Of course it's easy for me to say from Arizona where it's 70 degrees. Stay warm!
You know how they have phone locators for cordless phones? You press a button and it beeps. Why the hell doesn't someone create a TV with a remote locator button so it will beep til you find it? We have spent hours looking for the sucker!!!
The best trick for keeping mittens on a baby: put the mittens on first, then the coat and make sure the top of the mittens is inside of the arm of the coat so the elastic of the wrist of the coat keeps them in place (and keeps the snow out).
Now if I could only figure out how to keep my kid from taking his boots off like a damn fool when he is playing in the snow.
Our snowstorm predictions are a lot like that too, and everyone always freaks the heck out. Unfortunately, these warnings always seem to come right when I need to go grocery shopping, all but guaranteeing that I'll have to shank someone to get the last can of kidney beans.
While I firmly agree that "my holiday baking" reeks of douchebaguettes, I am equally convinced that the most douchebaggey word in the English language is...wait for it...attache. Pardon me, I have misplaced my attache. Where the hell is my attache? It never stops. It just keeps getting worse. Let me put away your holiday baking recipes in my attache.
Ok, that one was a little scary.
Love the photos! Love the "daddy=jerk" caption the best.
I think the plastic bags over your Uggs only worked because the bags matched...otherwise, it would have been a Glamour Don't.
An hour w/o Tivo remote would be cause for Shining-type situation in our house, with or without the Storm of the Century.
Mine are 8 and 9. They STILL lose mittens in the snow; there is still 20 minutes of getting them ready and 5 minutes outside, our remote is STILL MIA half the time (remember this for later years: Look In The Legos Container) and I have told my Christmas Baking to Fuck Off and Die. We eat what other people bring us and give them small body butters in return.
Noah looks so happy!! So sweet!! But I'm with Ezra, a couple minutes in the cold is enough for me. ;)
Hey!! Congrats on making the list of the Top 50 Mommy Bloggers at babble.com.
Hehe, I impressed my mom with the amount of holiday baking I did. I consider this one of my greatest accomplishments. It's like when I beat her at scrabble for the first time.
That recipe came just in time. I was introduced to the magical combination of Earl Grey and chocolate via truffles in San Francisco this year and those sound like a perfect alternative to the normally boring cookies I prepare.
Love this: "This is so very deeply satisfying for reasons I cannot fully articulate." Agree!
And I totally stuffed my kid into a too-small snow-suit last year since we didn't buy one because they get such infrequent use. I plan to stay on the every-other-year plan.