Pimp My Track
December 22, 2009
BACK THE FUCK UP. IS THAT THE ISLE OF SODOR ALL OF A SUDDEN?
IS THAT A RAMP? AM I TOTALLY MESSING WITH YOU RIGHT NOW?
FUCK, IT'S A RAMP, MOTHERFUCKERS. WITH DUPLO BLOCK COLUMNS.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THESE DUPLO BLOCK COLUMNS? IS THAT GENUINE FAUX COBBLESTONE DETAILING ON THOSE DUPLO BLOCK COLUMNS?
SERIOUSLY. LOOK AT THOSE FUCKING TRUCKS. THEY'RE ALL, WHO LIVES HERE? THE POPE?
WE'VE GOT COWS.
WE'VE GOT MILK THAT IS DISPROPORTIONATELY LARGER THAN OUR COWS.
ALL THIS, AND WE'RE ON A BOAT, MOTHERFUCKERS.
HOLY SHIT, IT'S A BRIDGE.
AND LIKE THREE OR FOUR OTHER BRIDGES AT LEAST AND THE TRACK GOES AROUND IN LIKE A LOOP OR SOMETHING CRAZY LIKE THAT, OH MY GOD BECKY.
HOLY SHIT, IT'S A WINDMILL.
AND A CASTLE. I KNOW YOU CANNOT EVEN FUCKING BELIEVE YOUR EYEBALLS RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THE GENUINE FAUX COBBLESTONE ON THAT CASTLE TOTALLY MATCHES THE DUPLO BLOCK COLUMNS.
EVEN THOMAS IS ALL, CONGA LINE, THEN WE GO FIND SOME BITCHES.
SNOW DAYS BE BALLIN'.
(They canceled school tomorrow, too. Then it's winter break until January. I'm kind of afraid. There's still a lot of extra track down here.)
Ezra, do you have lunch plans? I'd like to eat you. Sincerely, Belle
Hah...hysterical. Thanks for the laugh :)
AWESOME. Looks like a track setup that could rival one my DH can set up, which he does a few times a week in the middle of the living room when I'm traipsing through with, oh, HOUSEHOLD WORK LIKE LAUNDRY?????? And of course I have to dismantle everything at the end of the night because when we moved to Florida we had to give up the basement we had in Arlington. CRAP.
No, I am not bitter.
It's just awesome and DH is going to be pissed he didn't think of it first.
I read this out loud to my husband and his response was "Fuck, her mouth is even worse than yours." My favorite part was the motherfuckin boat. I'M ON A BOAT.
Yo, don't be mean muggin' my faux cobblestone. My boyz T-Dog, Hiro and James up on the Isle trying to make a dolla outta 15 cents. Cause that's all that Sir Topham Hatt gives us. Sodor4LYFE!
I love that there is a bridge right before the giant death ramp down to the floor. Is it a ramp down a waterfall? Because that would be extra cool.
Okay...so who built the ramp? Was it Noah? Or you? We are so onto you...
This makes me so excited because RIGHT NOW I have a train table burning a hole in Santa's sleigh, (aka the closet under the stairs). My son is going to go nuts with it And when I say "son" I mean my husband and I. We are so excited.
CONGA LINE! FTW!
This makes me so excited because RIGHT NOW I have a train table burning a hole in Santa's sleigh, (aka the closet under the stairs). My son is going to go nuts with it And when I say "son" I mean my husband and I. We are so excited.
CONGA LINE! FTW!
I just lmao'd at my desk. Seriously. My ass? Gone.
And Ezra is nom'able.
MOOOOOOO. MOOOOOOO. MEEHooooh. God I hate that mutherfucking cow car. More than I hate the mutherfucking fucking chicken car. And the fucking chicken car is broken, and makes this horrible unending half-cluck half-squeal -- but nope, still hate the mooing car more.
They see me rollin'...they hatin'...
Did Noah build that Ramp O' Death?!? That's just so awesome.
LOOP! WHEEEEEE!
Am not embarassed to admit that I got misty eyed about the damn loop you built into this train track.
Am slightly embarassed to admit that now I have the T-Pain boat song stuck in my head. Because I would neeevvvvverrrr watch a video enough to get stuck in my head a song that I might accidentally be tempted to sing out loud in front of the toddler. Or my about-to-be-visiting tween stepdaughters. Or my superconservative mom. I'm not that dumb.
Or am I?
Man, that windmill is DOPE. And I'm Dutch; we know windmills. It's nice to know that snow days have made you crazy productive, rather than just plain crazy :)
I'm on a boat, with my flippy floppies!!
You crack my shit up, yo.
totally stealing the idea of the ramp with the duplos!
Woo! The Isle of Sodor's back! Snow day, FTW!
Please tell me that you play "The Lonely Island" in the background while constructing. Because I personally think "Dick in a box" is the perfect soundtrack to a day of train-imagination.
I heart Noah's jammies.
Hahahaha. Oh man, Tomas conga line then bitches. I'm dying over here.
(JASON ACTUALLY BUILT THE RAMP LAST NIGHT. BUT I HAVE SPENT ALL MOTHERFUCKING DAY REPAIRING SAID RAMP APPROXIMATELY 23803410239 TIMES SO I THINK I SHOULD AT LEAST GET PARTIAL CREDIT.)
Holy shit, hook me up with some serious engineering skills. Mamma's slackin in the isle of sodor company - location #544 in texas. We aint got no snow days down here. Damn.
Um, best thing ever.
Can I come to your house for my next vacation?
is ezra ridin' durty?
That ramp has intensity written all over it!
CAPS LOCK IS ON, BITCHES!
I've always wanted to write that..
If we were to have a snow day, I'm sure our dogs would have been appropriately dressed and assigned princess titles. Thank God I live in Florida or the dogs would revolt.
That ramp totally fucking ROCKS! It must be a day for train tracks because we made one too.
lol, you're either cranky spastic mommy-mad with frustration of cabin fever, or have already been in da wine this morning!
Can I has some wine?
Okay ... for seriously, how do you have that bad of a potty mouth, yet still appear cute, hilarious, and mostly cute? HOW? I just appear all sailor-ish-on-shore leave when I swear like that.
Yaaay! I love the train entries! :D
I hate when the husbands make the track. They play with the track. They they leave. Then! Mommy has to FIX the track! Mommy has to repair the track! AND Mommy has to be the SUPER MEAN MOMMY that says we have to clean up this F***in track before someone breaks a neck!
Sigh.
Awesome track by the way.
Wow. It's probably quite telling that my first thought reading this post was "Holy hell, after two snow days, how is her floor clear enough for train tracks?" Ten minutes of two kids in the playroom in our house, and it takes two days just to be able to catch a glimpse of carpet.
Hilarious. Add a cool hook to that and some auto-tune and maybe get Lil Wayne to make a cameo and you've got yourself a hit.
BTW - I love Ezra's expression in that last photo. He's all "'Sup, muthafukahs."
Every time I see on Twitter that you have a new post, I'm all Yay!! :P Does that mean I have a sad life? Oh well...thanks for the laughs. :)
Now I don't want to just go and cast aspersions, but I'm reasonably sure Thomas isn't looking for bitches. I'd wager he's on the down-low. Have you seen the way he looks at Percy when they're down by the docks?
That track is super pimpin'! Can't wait to see what your basement looks like on Monday...
HOLY SHIT, I'MA LAFFIN MAH ASS OFF, BITCHES.
Seriously.
So not breathtaking dumbness!
Thanks for the laugh!
Ezra's all 'yup, it's my crib'. MTV is on the other line, you'd better pick up.
DUDE, is that a wiggly, rope-bridge flexible stylee bit at the bottom of the ramp there?!
HARDCORE! You guys should design scary rollercoaster rides. I bags first seat!
How do you keep Ezra from messing up Noah's structures? I'm looking for advice here. My poor, depressed older daughter might hurt someone one of these days.
I never thought 72 pictures of train tracks could be that funny.
Love it! Your sodor adventures are out of control and make for great reading!
Your babies are so beautiful and I love to see them and hear about your family life. But,. . . I am put off by the vulgarity of posts like the one today. I know I am old and hopelessly uncool, but is this what cool and hip and funny is today? You are a very talented and obviously intelligent writer. I assume, therefore, that the use of off-color language was to satisfy a segment of your blog audience which appreciates this approach. Normally, I would just scroll through looking for the pictures, but today I decided to let you know that I found it offensive. I hope this message will be judged to be "generally nice enough" to escape deletion. I do enjoy your blog on most days. All the best to you and your family.
Just be yourself, Amy.
Side Q: Also, how in the eff did you keep Ez's mitts off this magical construct??? My son, born one week after Ez, destroys everything of his sister's and of mine that is in reach. I swear he can even destroy things on the other side of the baby gate with his very evil glare.
Grr. Anger. Whatnot. Every time I look at our Thomas track and it's pile o'mess, it pisses me off! It is reason number 5000 that my master's degree is useless! I CANNOT BUILD A WORTHWHILE TRACK! Can I pay your airfare to come build one like that at my house??
Thanks for returning to Sodor. I missed it so.
Hi: Have to agree with Granny ....would you want to explain to your beautiful innocent boys what MF really means? You are so talented and such a good mom...that is apparent....words carry so much impact....couldn't look at the beautiful pictures because I was trying so hard to avoid the ugly language.
Keep up the "mother fucks"...I look forwards to them as much as I look forward to Thomas posts.
Sorry, even before I read the last few comments, all I could think was how much the juxtaposition of Sodor and the f-bomb made me giggle (particularly after having been subjected to my share of Sodor). I'm guessing Noah's not reading this soon. But it made this mom's day!
Oooh, that track and train table rocks. We got my son that for his birthday/Christmas this year (he was born on Christmas day). :) It looks so cool! So cool that even I MYSELF can't wait to play with it.
I LOVE THIS MOTHERFUCKING POST! hahaha.... seriously, tears. rolling. down. mah cheeks.
Thomas + pottymouth = funny. get over it. lordy with uptightness.
Now remember Amy, all train tracks and no wine makes Mommy a dull girl... hope they plow the road and you can at least take your crazy train out in public!
xo
It's we GOTS cows and we GOTS milk. I mean fo'shizzle
damn. and to think, i came *this* close to selling our train table.
Dude. It's your blog, you can use whatever language you want.
As for me, as a parent of a young child I live in a swear-free environment and am happy to have the big bad internet to talk to grown-ups. And use inappropriate words.
Ha! That is such an elaborate set-up, I kinda want to play with it now. Those bridges really are captivating.
The question I have is, how do you keep your kids from destroying them?
I love the potty mouth! People, get over it. If you have read this site at all, you should know Amy uses grown up words. If you don't like, don't look. Stop trying to make her like everyone else.
I'm on a boat, with my floppy floppies!
Those trains are cool as fuck.
Where are the pictures of Ezra destroying the Island of Sodor?? My one year old would have had his brother's paradise ruined in seconds!!!
God, how I look forward to these Island of Sodor posts.
That is one rad track system you got there.
ACK - I need help! Can anyone help me pick out a book for a 7-year-old boy about whom I know nothing, except that he's cute?
My respect for your collection of Thomas stuff has just grown - wacky track, windmills, enough of the curvy ones to even make a ramp.. woe is my husband's wallet, b/c now I must head back to AC Moore... :-) (And, we hate the lion train, which goes RaR..didn't dare buy the moo ones..)
Love this.
There are so many blogs out there, and there is something for everyone. This is the one for me. It might not be for everyone, and that's cool. That's why they make chocolate and vanilla. Thanks for being the blog that you are. Rock on.
Dying laughing. You can bomb that eff like nobody's business! (Being a fellow sailor-mom, I am just so pleased.) Merry Christmas!
I'm sitting in a room full of dramatic people having a dramatic, serious conversation and trying so, so hard not to laugh out loud. I keep giggling and snorting and trying to stop drawing attention to myself. Bless you for being freaking hilarious all the damn time.
I'm sitting in a room full of dramatic people having a dramatic, serious conversation and trying so, so hard not to laugh out loud (lol, if you will). I keep giggling and snorting and drawing attention to myself. Bless you for being freaking hilarious all the damn time.
If SNL can do it, so can you. I'm still laughing and still think you should be yourself.