Dante's Eardrum
May I Have Your Attention. Because I Am Fresh Out.

It Is All Downhill From Here. And We're Probably About Halfway Down the Hill Already.

THE UPDATE YOU PROBABLY WEREN'T WAITING FOR: Noah's ear infection magically stopped bothering him as soon as the sun came up. Like a vampire. A vampire who craves xylitol gum instead of blood. That simile worked better in my head. Moving on. The doctor confirmed the infection but didn't think it warranted antibiotics, and sent us on our way with merely a prescription for some ear drops. The line at the pharmacy was too long and Noah was! too! hopped! up! onlifetheuniverseeverything! so I grabbed the over-the-counter version instead, which we haven't had to use ANYWAY, and probably won't have to until two months after they expire. Yesterday, Ezra got sick, really sick, all pathetic and snotty and puffy, with liquids oozing out of his eyes and nose. I had the distinct honor of wiping all those fluids off his face, overandoverandover, and my reward for this TOTALLY AWESOME TASK THAT I WAS ALREADY SO EXCITED ABOUT was for him to fight me tooth and nail every time. Sometimes he would sneeze on me.

IN OTHER NEWS: I've been nominated for a Bloggie. For the first time ever! This is the start of something big! Except...it's for the Lifetime Achievement one. The one that I am pretty sure is the Bloggie equivalent of a gentle little head pat and a "That'll do, blogger. That'll do. You've had a good run, now let everybody else take it from here." But I suppose if I win, officially achieving my entire life's work by age 32 could really take the pressure off the next few decades.

I doubt I will win, though, as the category is basically like, POSTSECRET vs. A BUNCH OF SITES WHO ARE NOT POSTSECRET. Still, though, my friend TJ sent me a cautionary email this morning with the subject line: NOW THAT YOU ARE WASHED UP, YOU MUST PROTECT YOURSELF. Apparently, because I am up for this Major Award, I should get my Twitter account verified:

Mark my words - mommy bloggers are the next Nigerian Uncle with millions of dollars.

Now that you've achieved an entire lifetime's worth of work before the age of 40, you are the perfect target for these shysters. Before you know it, someone will have created @amaiah and be soliciting @ replies that are totally MEANT FOR YOU.

Laugh at me if you want. If you must. But when @amaiah comes along and takes tens of people on an emotional rollercoaster of internet betrayal that stays with them all the way through their 30 minute lunch break, don't say I didn't warn you.

I'm glad I have younger friends who understand Twitter, although TJ has been blogging for just as long as I have. In fact, her old blog was one of the very first I ever left a comment on, and it was a comment about DEODORANT. TRUE STORY. I miss 2003 sometimes. It was a simple time, back then. But not as simple as 2002, when my blog was just a Word document on my Desktop. It was a really good blog. All the post titles were in Comic Sans and sometimes I would include Webdings, just for the hell of it.

Anyway. If you wanna vote for me, that would be kind of nice. If you don't wanna vote for me, that's fine too. And perhaps starting this entry with a graphic description of my baby's snot was not the best choice to sway the undecideds. And my last entry talked about poop! Oh, Christ, I really AM a washed-up mommyblog cliche. You should vote for the postcards. Sometimes they have naked people on them.



Megan@Blueberry Scones

I've been reading your blog since....2005, maybe? It was in the few months before you had Noah (sidenote: WOAH, dude, where did that time go?). Anyway, congrats on the nom - it's well deserved - and I'll definitely vote for you.

Parsing Nonsense

Congrats! Now you can relax, slip your shoes off, and coast into your golden years wearing questionable shirts and complaining about the maids' sticky fingers...


SPARKLY deodorant.

Also? Bad news. Some ESP-having mothereffer totally already registered @amaiah. I checked because I was concerned, not because I was going to take advantage and solicit sponsored tweeting opportunities about Uggs.

Lacey (Laptops to Lullabies)

Just voted for you! You're awesome and hilarious and totally deserve to win. Good luck!


I dun voted 4 U already! Because I loves me sum Amalah! You are my inspiration for starting my own blog. (That last sentence is intended in a drunken "I love you man!" fashion. Not creepy stalkerly as it comes across.)

If you win, promise you won't retire or something awful like that!


You will never be dead to me, no matter how short your internet time. Plus, I love snot stories! kthxbi


Hilarious cautionary email. I believe I will have to read TJ now.


Hurray for the Queen of Everything! I too voted for you already, and gave a *squee* of delight when I saw your nom...

Your blog thus far is truly deserving of a Lifetime Achievement Award, but please don't start wearing muumuus because of it.


Congrats on the nomination! And thanks for letting me know, so I COULD go vote for you! Glad Noah's feeling better...sorry about Ez. :)


Is that Dogshow! with two hand claps? I sure hope so.

Springsteen fan

I soooo voted for you!!! I only read a few blogs daily, and you are one of them, Amy. Your writing, your hilarious, real, and often poignant, and always amazing writing, awes me.

For realz.


Post Secret might have the occasional naked lady, but sometimes you say "motherfucker" and that's GOT to count for something.

Bachelor Girl

Congrats, Amy! I only hope to find myself in your esteemed Bloggie company one day.

But not in the same category, because I would lose.


I read your blog all of the time but have never commented before... I will definitely be voting for you. I find your blog to be a breath of fresh air. I am the mommy of two and was a teacher (before I had the second baby and decided to stay at home and do real estate, blah blah blah). Long story short, my vote is cast. Congrats on the nomination!

Kate @ And Then I Was a Mom

Oh, puh-lease. Lindsay Lohan was given some kind of lifetime achievement award in Italy like TWO YEARS AGO. You, my dear, are obviously taking the "lifetime" part too seriously. (And in Lindsay's case, someone was also a little heavy-handed with the whole "achievement" factor.)

Go get 'em.

Mrs Soup

Congratulations on the nod!


I voted for you. I think you are hilarious and charming and adorable and a fantastic storyteller - the kind of person I would want to have as a friend because your stories are so dear and funny and real.


My old blog was up against Post Secret and Cute Overload for Best New Blog (2005). So, obviously, SXSW came along and I was all, "WHAT? I DIDN'T WIN!?!"

I'll vote for you anyway. It'll be like sticking it to The Man.


Hi- been lurking for a really, REALLY long time, since you announced you were pregnant with Ezra. I love your blog, and of course will vote for you. Good luck!

mrs. q.

OK. I'll vote for you, because you used "Comic Sans" and "Webdings" in the same sentence. Spectacular.


Congrats! Def will vote for you as you have made my day innumerable times. In honor of your nomination, I confess I caved and checked out Mamapop....ok now I have a new addiction. You define awesomeness.


yea for you!

(dude. this is years overdue!)

Kristen McD

I voted for you. Which I ever actually do for anything. So hey. Win!


Just voted for you! You've already won in my book:)


I love Comic Sans.


... aaand the ballot has been cast. You totally deserve it!!!

i know it sounds bitchy but

come on sweetie, you can't possibly think that you have a chance against postsecret. not only does it have millions and millions more readers than you, it is just plain better than your blog. i'm reader, i think what you do is cute (besides the deodorant wars and when you get too up your own ass about what a blogger you are and how famous you are and i have to check the url and make sure i haven't stumbled onto some low budget version of dooce by mistake) but, don't set yourself up for disappointment. when you talk about your babies, especially noah and all of his trials, you are fierce, funny, mommyblogging at its best. DONT LOSE THAT CAUSE YOUR HEAD IS SWELLING.


I voted for you - PS is great and all, but it has not given me the cathartic guffaws and squeals of delight on a regular basis like you have! Seriously, your blogs brighten my day like no other. Keeping my fingers, eyes and legs crossed for you!


I never think of PostSecret as a blog, for some reason. In my mind, blogs are Amalah and Sundry and Her Bad Mother and all the chatty personal writings that I read every day. PostSecret is a PRODUCTION.


i voted for you before i even READ this !


I voted. Of course I did. Reading your blog is up there with the great joys - 3 musketeers bars, coffee served to me by someone else, and 6 hours of sleep IN A ROW.

Big Gay Sam

You and Joe.My.God. are two of my favorite bloggers. I voted for you without even thinking twice about it.

Sorry Joe. :(


been reading you for a few years and coming out of lurkdom to say i voted for you. :)


Congrats on the nom and totally just voted for you. I love your writing; its fresh, funny and real. I check every day for updates so you have a fan for life.

And yeah, stay away from the muumuus - I've seen waaaay too many at work in the garden.


Oh, and to 'i don't mean to be bitchy...' yes, yes you do. Perhaps you and Kanye should get together sometime...

Go Amalah!

That is all.


i normally don't comment but just wanted to say congrats on getting nominated!! i've just put in my vote for you, really hope you win. you're one of the dozen (i know, i know, i gotta expand my blog reading list...) that i visit everyday without fail, and it's not just 'cause you have the cutest boys ever =)


It is equally sad and rewarding to be voting for you as the author of the only well written blog in this madley of misfits. Yes, this judgement is harsh; it also happens to be just. Would you like to know why? It's as simple as obeying the rules of the non-native speaker of the monstrous English language. These rule, trust me!

Rule 1. You, the Holly-than-hollier-Blogger Shall distinguish between it's and its. Should you choose to ignorethebasicgrammaticalrules - YOU would be punished. We shall vote for AMY!

Rule 2. We were going to vote for Amy, anyway. We were simply and cruelly toying with you.

Rule 3. Amy can use our Manhattan appartment (aka doll's house by most suburban standards) as a cave, closet, ped-a-pie--r, anytime she fancies. Take that average nominee!

Rule 4. How much my whole family relishes your writing? Let me count the ways.



Sheeeewwwwt, you don't gotta ask fer votes, you got it!

I'm just mad they didn't nominate you for humor. I even tweeted it.


Two words: Boogie Wipes. I resisted for the longest time because I thought it was just another thing designed to part moms from their money, but then I got one as a free sample and Snackbox actually let me WIPE HIS NOSE - without the dramz.

{of course I'll be voting for you, and not only because I've never even heard of Post Secret.}


I know I shouldn't feed the trolls. But, seriously. To she up above who warns of the danger of swollen heads: I, a meek, insignificant, and most un-famous blogger, have in fact met The Amalah in person, and her head is a totally normal size. And I fully expect it to remain that way, whether or not she wins.

Aishah Moen

You got my vote all the way from MALAYSIA! I've been reading your blog since 2004. You may not know, but you're even my friend on FB! Woohoo!

Hope you win!



Voting DONE. :)

Shauna (Fido & Wino)

Becks comment up near the top there is making me laugh :)

Congrats to you!


I voted for you. I mean, I loves me some Sunday Secrets, but you're more fun. It was tough though, because they don't put your blog name, and I didn't know who Amy Corbett Storch was (blush).

As for washed up...meh. I just found your blog about 3 months ago, so it's all new to me :)

Good luck!


Re: the ear infection- an ER dr clued me in that lying down puts additional pressure on the ear, so often when they are trying to sleep, that is when it hurts the most. And then when they are up and around, it doesn't hurt so much. I learned to use lots of pillows, or let LK sleep in my lap sitting up when dealing with that awful pain and screaming during the night. Hope they are both on the mend soon.

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